Jonathan was not expecting a conspiracy theory cast. Chris was not expecting horses to have careers. Kelley was not expecting to get to live out her fantasy of shooting bad guys in the crotch. This really is an expensive hobby.
Today’s RPG Cast is brought to you by Chris’s new game, which he made as a solo dev…with his eight friends. Kelley wants to punch Grimace. Meanwhile, Ryan tries to leave town but can’t due to tank controls. Enjoy this state of the art podcast, developed for systems that don’t exist, delivered in a garbage bag. Don’t mind the receipt stapled to the screen, the pigs will eat it after they finish this apple.
Chris tells us how Level 5 hurt him. Josh puts children in the Bitcoin mines. Kelley is ready for FUGA: Age of Apocalypse. Ryan ponders if Owlcat Games is just a AA version of Bethesda.
Andi insists everything, including the moon, is BS. Kelley insists Adol will win because he has a boat. Chris insists going to the gym is the bad ending. Everyone hates the dart game! This can only end in tragedy.
Chris left Kelley at Diablo school and forgot to pick her up. Robert wants to hook us up with his stash of “boosters.” Ryan thinks Expedition 33’s opening is more depressing than an old man with a bunch of balloons. And Kelley is busy 100 percenting an art installation.
Chris insists we don’t yet have enough rogue-like deck builders yet. Andi is playing as a little girl – in a video game, that is. Kelley’s new personal deity is Gomez. Josh isn’t here because he’s busy petting actual Shetland ponies.
Ryan discovers if vinyl tastes like Skittles. Kelley teaches us that dogs are tubes and cats are liquid. Chris apologizes for forcing Kelley to buy a cat for $25.
Chris is pushing his luck with Spider Mommy Oblivion mods. Kelley just really wanted to get out of GameStop. Josh extols the magic of folding shirts. And Andi desperately tries to remember that one off-brand Persona.
Matt asks, “Does this remake make my sprites look fat?” Josh runs into an invisible bus full of Trails tropes. Kelley wonders if Wheels is secretly the Vampire Survivors guy. Chris is not into Obscur jokes, but is Musou-so-so on Zelda.
Kelley orders an omellette du Farmagia. Chris fights a dragon with a lightning railgun on its head. Josh is disappointed that no arms were removed in the recording of this podcast. Now excuse me while I go lay down in the Warm Cult’s blankets.
Robert is all up on the Super Robot Wars scene. Chris is all up on that burning finger. Pascal is all up on priests with attitude. And somehow, we landed on insertion.
The gang pours one out for Skype while drifting in their pirate ships. Chris falls down the Samurai Pizza Cat hole. Andi spreadsheets the game. Kelley hoards a house full of Meowths. Josh considers his mecha tier list. Wait, are we back in the 90s?
Chris is joined by many honorary Ryans to decide what the best games were last year. What will be released to die? What games did they forget existed? What jokes will be stolen? Find out in the official Borderlands 4 mod for The Elder Scrolls VI.
Matt brought all his hoes. Josh is either being stalked by the most terrifying alien in the universe or a cat. Kelley debates the merits and responsibilities of a breeding table. Meanwhile, Andi observes everyone is on a Pirate Yakuza deadline. Chris has been sent to a twelve step program upstate for PoE.
Andi invents cozy horror core. Kelley shows us her scary but regal llama cat. Chris has Initial D on the mind. Josh attacks the cybertruck monster. Now go forth and make babies!
Johnathan gets Chris to recommit to not play Suikoden. Chris almost bricks himself immediately. Ryan wins the award for best Atlus expansion. Now everyone, roll for resting.
Kelley discusses how she got away with premeditated cannon. Josh wonders why there isn’t a chocobo wrap at Dunkin. Ryan tries to take down the evil Paws empire. Chris backseat podcasts. Also, don’t follow what Andi is reading.
Kelley tries to catch Worf in Pokémon: The Next Generation. Josh got a case of the stink-Ys. And Chris gets an official ruling on the definition of “Isekai.”
Chris returns from Canada with a poutine tier list. Kelley is awed by the spreadwall. And Robert needs the voice acting strike to end now.
Kelley is charging her laser. Robert is refilling the blinker fluid on his Nikkes. And Chris dumps Siri into a bathtub. Happy third Jorts anniversary to those who celebrate it. See you in 2025!
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