The Oracle
[ho^3]' = 3*ho^2
The Oracle, Brad Lohr - December '99- 13:00 PST

Heh.. it's the day before Christmas. And here we are.. the video gamers. Anticipating tomorrow.. what games will you get.. which ones will you get the money to buy... or will you get a Dreamcast? Ooh! Santa's a comin', kiddo's, and he's bringing the goods tomorrow.

So like, be good.

So anyway, over the last week, I've received a rather mixed response to my blatant nepotism regarding l'un que j'adore, Heather. Some of you think it's a great thing for me to score her some cool stuff and help her out in her contest.. and then there were some HORRIBLE EVIL people who said that I was just being a bad person by using this medium to further myself. Well, I just gotta tell you EVIL HORRIBLE people one thing, yo.

What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't want to help her to win some cool stuff, eh? That's right.. I'd be bad. And you just gotta remember, nepotism is a grand force in the real world. It's not what you know, when it comes right down to it. It's who you know.

Anyway, to prove how unselfish I am, I am opening the annels of the RPGamer Q&A column to let you show off your girlfriends. Send a picture in, and describe why she's so cool. I'll show a couple of the cooelst entries off. Fakes/Nudes won't be printed, due to the family nature of the column. If you're looking for a cool way to say "I love you", then write up a paragraph or two about why your woman happens to be the female incarnation of perfection on this planet. I'm not going to print the 'hottest' chicks, per se, but more like the best writeupss of why they're cool.

And if you're 'dating' Britney Spears or Natalie Portman, well, include a phone number, so I can talk to her and verify this.. because, well, you know.. I'm sure someone is dating them, but well, since they're already avid readers of the column, somehow I doubt their boyfriends are.

Anyhow, here comes your column!

Got Questions? Problems?

Ask The Oracle
Mail me. Show me how hot your girlfriend is.

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The Old stuff
The Archives
Brad Now Playing:
Vandal Hearts 2
Yes, still.. I'll get to play it some more soon.. much free time.. yessss...
In Brad's Head
So I saw this monkey, and I said, "hey".. and he just said, "eek eek."
I hate retard monkeys.
He tried to shave my back for a nickel, though.
FF8 PC Demo bad news.. :(
Hey Brad,

Welcome back!

A couple of days ago I downloaded the first of the FFVIII demos for PC. I must say that I am both impressed, and depressed at the same time. I thought that FFVIII for the PSX was a really good game. I love to play it (insert: I haven't beaten it yet). It made leaps and bounds over previous FF's in the visual department, and really matured the look of FF. One complaint I had with the PSX ver though, was the polygons. Sometimes the polygons looked a little shoddy on the beautiful backgrounds. So when I heard that FFVIII was going to be on PC in all it's 3dfx glory, I jumped for joy. When I finally got the chance to play the demo, I was quite impressed by the polygons... super clean and super crisp!!! What disappointed me was the backgrounds... no longer beautifully pre-rendered, but horribly blurry! Not only that... but what in the world did Square do to the music? I thought Square's days of Midi music died with FFVII PC (I was really disappointed with no vocals for "One Winged Angel"). I mean come on... what does the PSX do, that the PC cannot? Do you happen to know if this is just a problem in the demo (to keep the size down), or is this the case with the final version?

--Leiji Matsumoto--

I'd be afeared to say that the music is probably in its last state. I don't know why they keep MIDIing the music for the FFPC games, but it seems to be their thing. I suppose with a really good MIDI setup it might sound fairly good, but I'd rather they just did the music right. As for the backgrounds.. well, you've got to remember that the PSX is designed for doing these things specifically, so they're quicker at it, and programming for the playstation is a bit easier, because you don't have to worry about all the extra stuff the PC has. :) I'd just suggest going and buying yerself a PSX. :D

Christmas List (maybe a bit too late?)
Aight, i have a few questions regarding Suikoden and the such. You all know that christmas is a week away, and i still gotta tell my parents what i want

Now, I've never played the first Suikoden, but i've heard such great things about Suikoden 2, and now i want it! so...

  1. Should i get Suikoden 1 for christmas too?
  2. Is it true you can use your save from Suikoden 1 in Suikoden 2?
  3. Besides Grandia, Lunar, FFA, the Suikodens, and FF8; Is there an rpg or 2 i missed that i should get?
Thanks a million! :D The Bastion

Suikoden 1 rocks too. I love it. And yes, it is true that you can use save data from S1 in S2, but only one of them, and it doesn't have huge effects, besides unlocking a couple cool things in S2, and well, you have to have an S1 save at the VERY last save point in order for it to work... as for the last question.. you missed Vandal Hearts 2, and Thousand Arms. I'm playing VH2 and having some fun, also, Grandia is good, clean fun. Thousand Arms I haven't tried yet, even though I own it.. and well, FFA is cool, just because well, it is. :)

FFT Rumor.. disspelled..
Yo Brad, I heard that in FFT, there's a way to make Ramza into a Dark Knight, like Gafgarion on Chapter 2. Is this true and if so, do you know how, or a way I can find out? Thanks, you're the greatest. Oh yeah, more TMNT pics!

-Dish...I may be a lowly archer, but....well, ok I suck.

I've never heard of a way to do this. But why would you? You can have Orlandu (if you cheat use him, do all those attacks, plus those of a holy knight. I'm pretty sure this isn't true, as FFT was a pretty big deal back in its day, and we pretty much heard about everything. If I'm wrong, I'm sure we'll hear about it by tomorrow. As for the TMNT pics, well, thank Cows Factory. Dude keeps hooking me up. Haven't seen one in a while though... maybe we've been forsaken. Oh the horror!

If I were Santa.. everyone would get Suikoden 2 for christmas..
'sup Bradarino!

Your girlfriend is really hot, you are extremely lucky to have her. I voted for her on that thing, and I have to say she really didn't have much competition, most of the girls in the contest were dogs. Anyway, I just got a PSX like yesterday, along with Thousand Arms and Grandia. I've got Xenogears oredered, along with Gran Tourismo 2. I also pre-ordered Lunar 2. I'm gonna have some Christmas money, and I was wondering what other games you'd reccomend. I hate the PSX Final Fantasies, so don't reccomend those. Also, I'd like to point out to all the idiots who want "mature" games and say Nintendo is too kiddy. Grandia is rated EVERYONE, yet it is one of the best RPGs of the year, if not the best RPG of the year! Later, and you should marry your GF!

Okay, a couple of my favorite PSX RPGs from the past year and beyond...

  1. Star Ocean 2:
    This game rocks.. it's tons of fun. I spent months of time playing this thing, and I've still not done everything.
  2. Final Fantasy Tactics / Tactics Ogre:
    A lot of people didn't like TO, I liked it. FFT is great too, for the good tactical stuff.
  3. Vandal Hearts:
    This game was a ton of tactical fun as well. Different than TO or FFT, but still good fun.
  4. Suikoden 1 and 2:
    Konami did a great job with these games, in my opinion. Go get 'em. You can pick up S1 for like $20.
And well, Heather and I may be going to Vegas early on next month, but uh, the wedding is still a LONG ways off... I mean.. she's got cooties

Bust open the Swatch, FF2 needs battery life, badly!
Hi, I'm having a problem, and I was wondering if you could help. I've been playing FF2 recently and when I turned my snes on to play ( I was damn near the end of the game too) I see that all of my games had been erased. How nice. Is there any way that I can get the save battery in my cartridged replaced, I hate the thought of never being able to finish that game Please Help !!


I believe the actual batteries on those games, (back from the NES days to the SNES ones) were actually a type of battery that you could replace.. try talking to a place that sells watch batteries. They may have had this question before, just be careful when opening those SNES carts.. they'll be worth hundreds someday. I heard someone sold their Chrono Trigger cart for $500 unopened.. that's crazy. I mean, I've got the SNES cart for Chrono Trigger...

MUDs, Zelda, and my big toe!
Know what I want for Xmas?

.. yes I know what you want, and no, I am not sending you an arctic monkey FedEx. :P

Oooo... cool... you do...

Oh... yeah... real questions...

Do you play MUDs? Their like RPG's only their online with a bunch of other people... and most are text based.

Eh.. I'm seriously anti-MUD.. I've seen too many people get wayyyy too involved in them and lose jobs/significant others, etc. I stay away from them.

Ever played Dragon Warrior 3? I got too this point where you have to find the Mirror of Ra and show it to a monster whose disguised as a king to blow his cover so the real king can come back and rule in his rightful place. I can't remember the name of the kingdom where this takes place so I can't be too specific. Anyway, I looked and I looked and I still couldn't find the Mirror. I had to use a game genie to get a Mirror of Ra to get past that point (only time I cheated in the game, btw) but I still couldn't find the Mirror... Do you know where it is?

I've playd DW3, but not all the way through. I love DW4, however. Cool game.

Dragon Warrior 4 rocked! Why didn't Enix make anymore?

They did. Just not in the US. Look for Dragon Warrior 7 to come to the US sometime this next year, hopefully. :)

I've played Zelda on the NES and I just don't get why people like it. I read in a past column that you like it. Why do you like it?

Well, back in the day, I got Zelda for christmas. When it was first out. Yikes. :) I got up at like 6am every day for the rest of my christmas vacation in order to play that game. Now I get up at 6am just to get to work on time. ...ahh.. the good days. I can't really explain why that game is such a classic. But I'll tell you what. The game NEVER once left the top three in Nintendo Power's "Top 100" games list.. and if there's that many people that agree with me, you know they're right. I mean, the game's got some great fun. It's just infathomable that you don't understand.

Aren't (historicly) Oracles supposed to be female?

Yeah, well, it's illegal to discriminate in regards to gender in this country, bucko.

Have fun!

Comment Title
Greetings lifeform!

Ok, I have a major FF8 question here. Seeing as how a previous game's storyline was completely demolished by me reading a faq on a game, I have been traumatized away from faq's for the rest of my life. So, I come to columns for help!

I ask of you a question about SeeD levels and salaries. Several times during the game, when I would receive Squall's salary, the familiar level indication and money amount would pop up. The strange thing is that the level would go down by one mysteriously. Why's that? I got particulary upset when I had finally reached SeeD level A and the next time I got my salary, I see it go down to level 30, with no way for me to bring it back up to level A. I had already taken all of the SeeD tests, so that wasn't an option. Luckily, I had saved a short while before I would get the salary (and rank demotion), so if there is any way to stop that from happening, I would be grateful.

-Crono "Behold! Fate, in its most brutal form."

Actually, if you "take too long" moving the storyline forward, you're deemed unworthy of being Rank A. Or any rank, past a certain point, will dissipate down as you "take too long". At rank A, this period of time is so quick, I don't know anyone who has actually maintained the A rank for any significant amount of time. But it's not really that important. Money isn't a big deal later on in the game.. but anyhow, sorry, there really is no way to stop that degredation of your SeeD rank.

Squall in FFA -- Exposed!

is it true that you can find squall (ff8) in FFA?!? if so, what game (v or vi) and how? does anyone out there know, or is this some kinda hoax? how about jasc? is it in FFA too?

Actually, I believe they're referring to the fact that randomly, Squall and Cloud appear in the game loading screens, where a normal character from FFV or VI would have appeared. Sorry about the mixup, yo.

Answer to Chrono Trigger quandry
The person "near to you who needs help fast" is Queen Zeal. If you go use the gate to go back after you beat the first form of Lavos via Black Omen, you'll find that he says, "That poor woman can now rest, now that the Black Omen is gone."

Oh, and speaking of Lufia 2... Dekar. 'nuff said. ^_^

-- Crono & Dekar

I knew that. I can't believe Q&A hosts these days...

More Nepotism, yeah! or something..
Dear Brad "Thundara Maker" Lohr...

I ask a question of you and the RPGamer community... Can you or any of those reading this do a believable fight announcer voice? I'm working on a game/project and none of my friends with mikes can. A male voice is preferable, though I'll accept female if it fits what I'm looking for.

-EE "Mr. Creation Man" -That's me.

Always helping out the guys.. I can do a great Sean Connery voice, actually..


Are you finally getting sleep now? Sleep is good. I can't remember if you ever read the Onion or not, but here's my horoscope for this week:

Taurus: (April. 20--May 20) Though you never believed there could be such a thing as too many monkeys, you'll be forced to admit that it's possible in a pair of pants.

This was sent to me during my hiatus, but I found it. This is funny, kids. :)

Hey Brad,

I like monkeys. They are comfy and easy to wear.

Forever yours,
The Fox

This person is stalking me. But you can smell a monkey-wearing freak from miles off :P .. wearing sicko

Is Lou Bega dead? I heard about some kind of drug overdose but I'm not sure if it was a stupid rumor or not.

Actually, Lou Bega has always been dead... he's actually an undead music artist. But don't tell anyone.

What's this Arr-Pee-Gee thing everyone's talking about? Is it like beanie babies?

Actually, they're like real babies, 'cept RPGs don't need the ketchup to make them tasty.

Googleshng ought to be fired for that picture he put up yesterday. Oh the HUMANITY!

Haha.. I thought it was funny. In a really old-needs-to-shave-pervert kinda way, of course.

Hey, it's "Thou art as strong as many fearsome hippobongos"-- note the correct spelling? Brad, thou art as strong as an ox and twice as good looking.
-Cantatrix, the princess with the random name

That's what she said... ... yeah.

Words from the Wise One:

Alright, well, I'm running really late with this update as it is.. sorry about that, folks. I'll be back again tonight, with more crazy monkey stories, I'm sure...

"Naughty Superhero! BAD, NAUGHTY Superhero!"

Brad "Christmas Shopping on Christmas Eve... a family tradition" Lohr

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