The Oracle
The end draws near. Command?
The Oracle, Brad Lohr - November '99- 00:45 PST

Wow. I never thought I'd be writing this column. Well, I knew that someday I would, I just didn't ever really think about the day that I would. I always went on like I'd be here, bein' funny, forever. But that's just not how it's meant to be. This column announces yet another change of hands in the Q&A column. I know there have been a lot. I've been with it since the beginning of September.. and have worked about 40 hours a week, and also full time school, on top of doing this column. That's why I'm stepping down. I just don't have the time. I will stay at RPGamer, of course, (What would the world be like.. without Captain Hook?) ... just not in interaction. I'm moving to that place that all old staff end up.. the admin roster. :) And I'm not really that old of staff.. let's see, started back in June, so I'm running 5 months now.

Anyhow, getting back to other things. Yes. Tomorrow will be my final column. It won't be my final days at RPGamer, as I've mentioned, so the email address will continue to find me, and of course, when Veronica has another big Biology project, you may find me come out of the woodwork and spook up as a guest columnist to cover her butt help out.. you never know. It's just that when you write a column that answers questions regarding the newest games that hit the market, (or don't, in my case, that is, answer the newer games questions).. yet you haven't turned on your playstation in 2 weeks.. well, something's not working right. So I pass the buck off to someone with more time, hopefully. :)

Who, you ask? Well, tune in on Monday to find out... I'll just put it this way. It's not a completely unfamiliar face.. and I think that this person will do a great job... well, since I picked this person out myself, I'd pretty much hope that they will. I'll be watching, my little chickadees.

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I'm going to miss this.. it's been like therapy..
'cept without the free donuts.
.. that, and well, I don't have to pay for it, except in time and sleep..
Well, let's just say that I'm not the craziest person out there...
I've decoded your pre-column ramblings, as well as what's "in your head", and deduced your secret identity! You thought you could confuse us into submission, didn't you, "Mr. Lohr", or should I say, Mr. Greenspan?

It's blindingly obvious! You've been jealous of all the Japanese video games Americans are buying, and you're trying to subvert us with "mindless" rhetoric while using the "invisible hand" principle to control our computer and consequently, the technological might of the United States! Well, I've caught on to your little game, and I'll make sure the gaming population of the world knows of your scheme! No one will stand for your evil plot once they've been enlightened.

My proof? It's entirely from your column:

  • "Toyota Echos are ugly cars"
  • "I've decided to set up permanent residence at the South Pole."
    The perfect spot for your Base of Operations!
  • "...I'm massing my secret army of Arctic Monkeys..."
    Would these be covert Wall Street operatives?
  • "Now under new management!"
    You admit it!
  • "If I wanted a bubble, I'd buy a hornking VW bug."
    You try to cover your tracks, but everyone knows that Americans think "outside the box" and won't live in a bubble!
  • "Heh, heh, corporate takeovers are COOL!"
    Wouldn't you think so? Double-AHA!
  • "do($breathe) or die;"
  • "stalk(this);"
    Would you stoop even that low?

I'll be laughing in my bunker when you press the Y2K button and launch the missiles at Japan, because I know who you are! Bwahahahahaha! Ahahahaha! Ha ha!

-- Garamir

You sure got me nailed.. I'm a big libertarian. ;D

OoOoh, FFVI questions...
*** FF6 Spoilers ***

Dear Brad, High and mighty god of the RPG's

I am confused...please help

In FFVI, when I get into the Caves of Veldt I'm supposed to find shadow being mauled by SrBeamoth, but instead I find that annoying girl that draws people to kill them. How do I get Shadow, and what about his damn dog that barks all the time?

Also when I go to the colosum, I bargain with the striker, but I don't fight Shadow, I fight this really ugly pink thing that I can't kill. I've tried using the atma weapon against him with my strongest character but the pink thing just sneezes and blows my character away. How do I beat him, and aren't I supposed to fight shadow?

Please help me, oh great one.

Artic Monkey wannabe #5

Looks like you didn't wait for Shadow before jumping off the Floating Continent, just before the world of Ruin. You've got to wait until the timer gets really low, and then Shadow will just show up, and then, instead of finding Relm in the cave.. Shadow will be there. Once you've 'rescued' him from the SrBehemoth, then you can go into the colliseum(sp) and bet the Striker in order to have him join you.

Single Cookie award...
Are you talking about the hidden character "Kappa" in Star Gladiators? Since I know you like fighting games and Capcom makes the best ones....

And the prize goes out to ChimeraMan101 for catching that reference. Cookies a'plenty.

FFT Zealots come after Brad..

Now look here, unless Kartia is the electronic equivalent of 'War and Peace', there's is no WAY that it has a more compelling story than FFT. People can say whatever they want about the game's gameplay, but saying that the storyline is ANYthing but the very best in HISTORY is garbage.

And that's the bottom line!


Well, FFT had a fairly good story, it just was told poorly.. and (shrug), Kartia does a really good job of doing the storyline. Not that I've played a whole lot of Kartia, but I've obviously played a bit more than you have ;D

Star Ocean 2 stuff
*** Star Ocean 2 Spoilers, perhaps ***

Hiyas oh great Godlike Oracle of the RPG Heavens or somesuch thing.

Anyhoo, straight to the point, in response by Rok yesterday, I bet lots of SO2 fans have heard this already, but getting the endings doesn't have to be a chore. All you do save at the last save point with a ton of books, then use them to alter the character's moods to one another. Then, go beat *blankity blank* who can really kick your ass if you turn his Limiter off.. (grrr... that *blank blankity blank blank blank blank*) I think my record was something like 20 endings in 1 playthrough, including all those Claude/Rena endings. Hope this helps!

May the Warrior of Light show you the way.

Plz -"I'm wearing new socks!"- DontHurtMe

Yeap, there ya go. Lots of people wrote in with this information, actually.. but here it is.

The -gry thing.
Hey Brad,

I've heard a few different versions of that riddle. The first is the one where the answer is "gry" (kinda unsatisfactory, since it's an archaic term, so it makes it more like trivia than a riddle).

Another is : Two words that end in gry are hungry and angry. There are three words in the English language. What is the third word? The answer to this one "language". It says there are three words in "the english language" and asks for the third word, which is "language." Nothing to do with gry words at all. I was told this is the origional form of the riddle, and people just started screwing it up. (another really lame answer is "what", which doesn't make any sense, but makes stupid people feel clever.) Another friend of mine said it isn't words ending in gry, it's words ending in g OR y . When people say "g or y" it sounds like they spell out G-R-Y, which confuses people and leaves them sitting for hours trying to figure it out. Pretty devious, huh?

I know you try to limit yourself to sever--- ah, only one or two letters not about rpgs (or random junk that is has any relation at all to rpgs) a week, I just thought you'd be interested.

---- Dias Diem

So I give a real answer, and nobody likes it, eh?

Near the End of the Quickies

If you're at the south pole, its Antarctic, not arctic

I didn't say the monkeys were from the south pole, just that they were at the south pole with me.. they are actually from the north pole, and would therefore be arctic monkeys.


You have a date with THE MASTER OF EVIL!? That two timing ^%@#! we were supposed to go out!? *sniff* Damn your eyes....

What can I say.. she likes me better.

Words from the Wise One:

.. well, I guess I've said all I have to say. I'll see you all tomorrow. Then I leave you in the hands of fate.

Brad "Mooch! Bongo! Congo! Cheeks!" Lohr

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