THE CRAVE GAMING CHANNEL
V'lanna
 






Affiliates
extralife
metacritic
AnimeBooks
AnimeNation
GameMusic.com
Play-Asia.com

 
  The Oracle  

  Woman++  

 

Brad Lohr, The Oracle - July 2 '00


I told you I'd shoot.. but you didn't believe me.. WHY DIDN'T YOU BELIEVE ME???

Okay, enough Ren and Stimpy. (Yes, that's where that's from.. I'll teach your grandmother to suck eggs!) .. anyhow, out with the Ren and Stimpy.. in with Heather. By popular demand, or something.

Heather: Okay, let me attempt my best RPGamer Q&A guy impression..

"Hey everybody, sorry this is up late, but I'm really tired.. and I didn't get many letters today, so this is a short column.. and stop sending me answers to the FFT zodiac signs/birthdays thing!"

Err. HI EVERYONE.. WELCOME TO THE BRAD AND HEATHER SHOW.. STARRING BRAD AND HEATHER.

Brad: ... you guys asked for it. :)

Just as a note... if you're not of the particularly Heather-liking persuasion... you might not be too into today's column. Just be warned. But hey.. we're gonna have fun.

 
Okay, enough Heather for you guys.
 

Ask me.
Any more, and you'll go blind.

 
Recent Q&A's
 

7-1-00
6-30-00
6-29-00
6-28-00
6-27-00

 
The Old stuff
 
The Archives
 
Brad Now Playing:
 
Suikoden 2
Cuz Heather was on the 'puter all day.. got all 108, havne't quite beat the game yet.
 
In Brad's Head:
 
Man it's late. :|
 
¬_¬ Who's that looking over my shoulder....
 
Heh, I bet you don't even know how to use that *BOOM* ....
 
Question and Answer
 
Moose man... AWAKEN!
Hear me Brad, mighty landlord of Seagull restaurant, slayer of dragons and the most visited person in zoo (even mooses aren't so popular), I have couple of questions about life, universe and nothing.
  1. Do you (or Heather) have any idea when Final Fantasy IX is going to be released in europe?

    Brad: Games come out in Europe? ... then why do you guys play 'football' so much? :P j/k, I don't really know, the schedules for each country are usually a bit off, as they do the translations in series, instead of parallel.

    Heather: Depends on a) whether that "learn japanese in a week" boxed set was worth it, and b) how legal you want it to be ;D

  2. Who is responsible of Final Fantasy V's writing errors? (it's kinda amusing when some beast yells "Lo" instead of "Go!", Titan uses Erth rage, and some sentences make no sense at all)

    Brad: Square? Off course not!

    Heather: as a true american RPG fan.. you should be GRATEFUL that square deigns to even shoddily translate the games for you! If you're going to complain.. you don't DESERVE to play rpg's.. err.. umm <japannut>

    Brad: *snicker*

  3. What is your favourite restaurant?

    ... we went to the Apple Farm, in SLO, just the other night. It was pretty good. Don't know if I have a single favorite restaurant.. I figure I'll wait till I'm older to get all habitual.

Webziz, king of my moose chariot

 
Uh-oh.. I hate it when she-- er... the readers ask the tough questions.
This is aimed at both the Great Oracle Brad Lohr and his <Insert preferred title here> Heather, and it's something I've been wondering about for a loooong time.

Brad: My preferred title is one I'd prolly get smacked for using in such a public forum. I think she prefers "Dark Mistress of the Forbidden Woo" .. but only us two would really get that. ;P

Brad-- Do you feel you neglect your girlfriend because of your love of games? Do you feel she's supportive of them?

Brad: Er.. this is a rough one. With Heather, no.. she's not as "needy" as some of my previous girlfriends. All my past ones have had problems with the amount of gaming I do.. and all I gotta say is, there really are women out there who DON'T think you spend too much time (on the computer/playing Playstation).

And what's Google's real gender, anyway? =P (Couldn't resist.)

Brad: Hermaphroditic Flying African Pygmy Hedgehog. Not related to "Sonic the".

Heather-- What's it like being the girlfriend of a serious gamer? Irritating? Annoying? Cute? Do you want to strangle him with the PSX controller while he's passed out on the ground from the frustration of being unable to get that last Magic Item?

Heather: Actually, Brad's more needy than I am.. if he wants to play on the playstation, I just figure that means more time for me to play Asheron's Call (Only three more motes left!), read (WoT.. for like the fifth time), or sleep (zzz)..

~wonkycyber

Brad: A name like wonkycyber and you wonder why he doesn't understand wome--- oh, nevermind, none of us do.

 
.... 15!? You got pickles for eyes, boy.
Hey Heather, Brad posted a pic of you two together a while back. Is it me, or does Brad look 3 - 5 years younger than you? My gf and I are in the same situation; we're both 19, I look 15 (most everyone's average guess), and she looks 22 (the age people have been guessing since she was 16). Neat eh? We look odd together.

And hey, an RPG question? Do you play them at all? Any specific ones you like? If not, you can just go to HELL, young lady! Er, no..nevermind.

Enjoy the rest of the column,
--Glow

Brad:
Now I don't look younger than her. Maybe it's a bad picture or something, but she looks decidedly younger than I do. I get picked up like every 3rd day or so by policemen telling me to stay away from Jr. High Gi-- ERr... *duckquackrun*

Heather:
Yes.. people usually think *I'M* much younger than I really am.. I often get asked "what high school do you go to?" ...

I haven't been in high school for three years...

The only RPG I play is Asheron's Call... although Anarchy Online is looking interesting.. don't have the time nor the desire to play anything else.

[ Just as a note, Heather is 20, and I am 21. ]

 
Hey, this isn't about Heather..... weirdo.
Thanks for the help in Neclord, man, now i'm right at the end of the game am I am only missing 2 stars(Zen and Sonya). I know that Sony joins near the end of the game but I am having a problem getting Zen, i read in a FAQ that you can get the red seeds at a store in Warriors Village and the yellow and blue seeds at the store in your castle but when i go to the store in my castle they only have red seeds! Please help! Pretty pretty please!

~Zaphod"I know, I suck at Suikoden"Beeblebrox

Brad:
Well, actually, the stuff is only sold in your castle after you see it for sale in another town. The seeds are sold in town Item Shops, one is the Warrior Village, (you got that one), one is one of the three cities in Milich's little group, (Rikon, Teien, or the other one..) and the 3rd set is sold in Kaku, I think. Just go visit all the towns that you can, visit the item stores, and you'll find the seeds, noooo problem.

 
.... ..... .....
hello Heather :o)

this has nothing to do with RPGs but.....

When you decide that you are too good for Brad and that there is no way he can satisfy your needs can you please send me a nice long e-mail telling me how i can personally give you what you want? I know it sounds like a lot but that lil animated gif of you at the bottom of Brad's articles is very cute. I feel we can have a long and bright future together so please consider my offer. I will be awaiting your email.

WASABI

=====
WASABIMON DIGIVOLVE TO: WASABIABIKODAMICAMON

Brad:
........

Heather:
Do you base ALL your personal relationships on 100 pixel high digital images?... nevermind.. I didn't need to ask that, did I?

Brad:
a/s/l!?!?!?!??!? do u got piczzz lol!! ... ¬_¬ <--- lots of that today.. it's the womanly presence in the column.

 
... oh dear.. oh ... dar. Sack, yer askin' for it.. but here you go.
Ok... "Heather",

Let's create a hypothetical... Your boyfriend died, and you have to host this column, or else... I dunno, evil Nazis would go blow up Mt. Rushmore. Somebody asks you "I want to avenge Squishy the Hamster's death by defeating the evil Zeromus once and for all! Now uh... how do I go about doing that?"... Now I know you don't know, but humour us. Prove to us you're *more* than that seven-lettered word that appears under the "In Brad's Head" column above every other day by showing us your "MAD" creativity and wit "SKILLZ". Oh, AND NO HELP FROM BRADDY POO! And um... be nice in flaming me with your cynical remarks, please... I'm, fragile.

~The Sack~

Heather:
Now.. if I was a REAL Q&A columnist.. I would just delete the letter cause I didn't know the answer and I was too lazy to look it up.. (Come on brad and google, I know you do it..:D )

Brad:
... um. Doh?

 
Whitey Gamer sings the blues.
Hey there Lohracle dude!

Assuming you played the square demo disc included with Vagrant Story, what do think of Threads of Fate? My only problem was the lack of player-alterable camera angles.....but that's just me.

-Whitey-

Brad:
Well, seeing as <for the 40th time> I DON'T HAVE VAGRANT STORY YET </for the 40th time> .. er, ahem. I played a bit of Threads of Fate at E3, and well.. it's a different game. Not really RPGish in my book, but could be interesting. I just remember not being able to damage these rocky things for more than 1 point at a time. :(

 
Spoony indeed.
Your Oracleness -

I feel foolish for asking about such an old game, but.........

In FF2(US), is there any way to get Tellah to use Meteo? He levels up, but I can't get him to increase his MP's past 90. I thought perhaps if you got at really high level, but I don't wan't to waste my time............

Thanks,
Justin Harwood

Brad:
Well, yes, actually.. but you need to use the Game Genie in order to get the items that raise a character's Max HP.. then it isn't a problem. Of course, if you're messing around with the Game Genie, I'd just move Cecil's spell panel over to Rydia's black magic on... and let HIM do the Meteo. :)

 
 
Unanswered Questions and Comments
 
.... I am not an idiot.
The birthdates of your characters in FFT *do* have an effect on the game. The hit rates and damage done by your attacks, spells, and special abilities are affected by the compatibility between the Zodiac sign of the character doing the action, and the character that is the target.

Bill

Well, I KNOW that the Zodiac sign itself influences the damage and stuff, I was talking about the ACTUAL date of the birthday itself. :( Sheesh, I'm not a blöding freak!

 
Oh .. my .. or his, God.
*** Idiot Warning.. I think this is a joke.. but then again, it is a sick world out there... ***

I firmly object to the subjecting of young minds to your hellinous blasphemy. Your constant sexual allusions and references to Shiva, the Hindu God of death, Efreets, slayings, swords, sorcery, magicks, etc. You have spoken of drawing Eden, capturing the Leviathan, and many very disgusting references to such ungodly things as homosexuality, Wicca, Pokemon, and other things of the like.

Brad: I don't refer to Shiva sexually more than once or twice a year.. and not without some heavy drinking involved.. and about swords, slaying, and the such, who started the Crusades? The vikings? NOOoOoOoooo.... and anyway, I don't believe in that Wicca crap. Pokemon are the true road to satan.

Heather: "homosexuality, Wicca, Pokemon.." .... isn't that redundant? *duck*

I pity your children, and their descendants. I pity your wife, your community, and all those forced to be around a disgusting heathen such as yourself. I fought your kind since I was 23 , and 'Dungeons and Dragons' was the 'in' thing to do in my High School. The way 'In' to hell! Now with your Nintendos, Segas, and Internet, you've brought blasphemy to a new level.

Brad: I have a wife? Oh yeah, here she... no.. this is YOUR wife... Go home you shameless hussy! Sheesh, how do you actually make money at those prices? .. ¬_¬

No more! I will no longer stand aside and allow you all to degrade the human body, mind, or soul with your anime, Wicca, Pokemon, and games. I won't stand for it! I cannot stand for it! It is disgusting, simply disgusting. I will no longer watch you all condemn yourselves to the flames of hell. I won't watch you all damn yourselves.

Brad: You're right.. I don't like anime either. Let's kill 'em all. By the way, there's a real easy way to not see these things. Just say "No" to the Oracle. Don't visit. If I disgust you, it's not MY fault. Well, maybe it is. But I like it here. <jabbathehutt>eat frog</jabbathehutt>

Heather: If you don't want to watch anymore.. stop peeking through my window in the middle of the night.. I SEE YOU! PERV!

Brad: Did he see me in the dress? .. god, even that joke is too sick for me.

Please, for the sake of your children and community, please, visit http://xxx.xxxxxxxxx.xx[ Edited for ..someone's.. protection ]. Open a bible, open your heart to God, and speak not of summoning Leviathan or efreets or Shiva.

... eesh, you're a bit TOO open, y'know? Open yer mind, THEN open yer mouth.

Please, abandon your ways, and walk in the light.

Your awe-inspiring arguments about my disgusting habits have erradically changed how I look upon God. Not. :)

God's peace be with you, Mr. and Mrs. Brad Lohr ;

Dude, I better not be married... Heather's gonna kill me when she finds out... :(

~Pastor Luc I. Makuma

 
I didn't know Hitler was a big Chrono Cross fan...
*** Chrono Chross gameplayish spoilers. Maybe plot spoilers too, if you're picky. ***

This is a response to Dr. A. Slump about Chrono Cross's characters. That Googlewhatever guy was incorrect when he said that there were 60 characters in Chrono Cross, there is actually only 45. It is not possible to get all 45 characters on your first run though. I believe you can only get around 40 your first time through, and if you have an intelligent way of thinking (like me, of course) you'll realize you will only have to play through the whole game once and start playing through a new game + to get 44 of the 45 characters. To get the final character you simply have to start another new game + and get about 5 hours through. You will end up fighting the final boss a total of 4 times before you've aquired all of the characters. If anyone actually playing the game needs a detailed explaination just ask.

-hitler

[ I'm just stoked that they're bringing back NewGame+ :) ]

 
Heh.. it'll be our little secret.. just me, you, your girlfriend, and the guy taking pictures...
In response to someone asking about brain waves...

While playing RPGs, the brain would probably emit beta waves. Beta waves are of a higher frequency than alpha waves, which is why they're emitted while reading a book. While playing an RPG, you're thinking more than when you're just watching TV (or FMV for that matter...). Ergo (that's Latin for therefore, for all the non-Latin folks out there), beta waves.

I sure hope Heather doesn't see that comment about marrying my g/f...

-Rei

 
Cheaters Anonymous can help YOU! .. 12 steps to recovery!
Hi Brad & Heather,

Ok, enough talking to you, this is for JooJooFlop (and any other compulsive cheaters) : )

[ Fine.. be that way. ]

I use cheat devices a lot myself, so I know what you're going through. All I can say is, I hope you haven't played Vagrant Story yet (with cheats), because it is one of the best gameplay experiences around, even if it takes you a month and a half to get through. Seriously, I had so much fun playing the game that I didn't even want to cheat. You should try it. (On a side note, after beating it, I did start a new game and cheat, and the game loses a lot of fun that way). If you really can't help yourself, unplug your game shark, put that little gray cover back on the PS ('cause its so hard to get back off), and tell a friend, neighbor, or relative to hide the GS until you've beaten the game. As a special penitence, don't use any FAQs or strategy guides either. You will be well rewarded with an amazing gaming experience, and you may find yourself not missing the GS too much on other titles as well.

Bart

P.S. You can, and should, look up how to properly use the Analyze spell. It is woefully undocumented in the manual.

 
Mini-Rhapsody review..
Why didn't anyone tell me Rhapsody was such a short game..? I played it through in 10 hours and there was virtually no challenge. Granted they were a very hysterical 10 hours. It played out like a super sappy disney movie aimed towards girls and had some of the dorkiest songs I've ever heard. It was a fun trip though. Ho hum, back to Diablo II. *drools*

-Ari

P.S. Oh, a note to anyone planning on playing this game. Choose the hard difficulty setting. I played it through on medium and it was ridiculously easy.

 
 
Quickies
 

With all the RPGs that came out this week, I was wondering which you've gotten and what you think of them. Sure this is a softball question that let's you flaunt your ego like nobody's business, but the people have a right to know! 8)

- Googleshng "Overtired? Nah." @rpgamer.com

Brad: I haven't gotten any new games this week.. I don't have a sugar daddy to send them to me via the mail, slimey-thang ;P


I like Quistis yeah yeah
I like her a lot yeah yeah
I think she's hot yeah yeah
She hits the spot yeah yeah
Go Quistis!! YEAH!!
-DT

Brad: Heh.. um.. it's the whip right? .. all I gotta say is that I stay AWAY from the women with bullwhips. That's why I did poorly in catholic school.

Heather: I'd like to let you in on a little secret.. out in a place called 'the real world' there's something called 'real girls'.. and if you talk to them, they might actually say something back. Shh. Don't tell anyone.


AM IN THE RUINS...CID AND MID HAVE DISAPPEARED CANNOT PROCEED AM LOST CAN YOU HELP ROSE

Brad: I AM HITLER GIVE ME EGGS. RUINS ARE NOT FOR MONKEY. RED STEVE, BLUE STEVE, GREEN STEVE, STEVE STEVE. I WOULD NOT EAT GREEN MOOT WITH SPAM, I LIKE TO TIE MY SHOES.. OH DAMN.


Do female dwarves have beards?

Brad: *makes very dirty comment about female dwarves, and their beards*

Heather: Hmm.. Canterbury tales...

Brad: .... that's even dirtier than my comment. :o


Hey you really hot girly girl.

Brad: I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL THIS LINE!

Heather: He's mine, bitch!


Do you like baseball??? I do!!! LET'S GO METS!!!!! ROCKER IS A LOSER!!!!!

~Strider

Brad: ... because they're hungry?

Heather: Now, was Rocker the misogynist, or the racist? I can never remember.. baseball players, go figure.


So Brad, did your parents ever give you a spanking when you were a kid? My dad used to give em to me all the time.

Brad: "when you were a kid" *boggle* *rub sore butt*

Heather: ..but I'm not your parent..

Brad: ... ¬_¬


Brad is very cool
Am I forgetting something
Oh, Heather is cool
I was very bored today
I thought I'd do a tanka

Brad: I got a Tanka truck for Christmas one year!

 
Wrapping it up...
 

Brad: Awrighty.. you guys asked for it. Don't blame me. Voted for it, in fact. I let her loose on you without fear of censorship or even retribution. :) I'm sure I'll be getting many ... interesting emails tomorrow... from all kinds of groups.. what DIDN'T we end up slandering today... well, I guess we didn't take any shots at women in general. So if you're a teenage girl, I only have one word for you, "vapid". Okay, NOW I think we pissed EVERYONE off. Closing comments, dear?

Heather: You know, I never realized how annoying it is to listen to someone sing in japanese ): Most foreign language songs I find annoying.. but japanese singers have a particularly squeaky/choppy style that really grates on me... I never thought it would be possible to sound more vapid than britney spears ):

Brad: .... she's harshing Creid. That isn't good for the home life. See ya'll tomorrow.

Brad "Illustrious Potentate" Lohr