The Oracle
Fire the Tomato Beam!
The Oracle, Brad Lohr - January '00- 04:00 PST

Hey. I'm back. What's up, hoopy froods 'o mine. I hope ya'll had fun with Paws last week, because well, you know, as I get lazier and lazier, she'll have to do more and more Q&A.. er.. just kiddin'. But you never know. I might DIE. That'd suck. I'd get all pissed off about that, if it happened. Oddly enough, I'm not being very morbid with a topic quite suited to it. Maybe I'm weird.

Heh. 'Maybe'.


.. ooh, brief glancing blow that was headed towards a Nutcase-esque column.. but I'm way too tired (here at 2:30am) to even consider doing that to my head. Maybe if I downed a bit of whiskey first...

... hrm. Whiskey isn't open, but there was only one shot's worth of vodka remaining. Pulled out the 'Core Dump' shot glass.. poured the bottle out...

And realized just how nasty that stuff smells. Poured vodka down sink, proceed to use elite mental powers to attempt to calm stomach down.

Vodka is nasty stuff, kids.. it honestly smells like fingernail polish remover. It doesn't really taste much better. 'course, I have cheap vodka. But who buys expensive vodka? I sure the heck don't. I don't drink nearly enough to justify a portion of my monthly budget devoted to it.. and before someone gets proud that they do, that's just dumb, man. If you let something like that control your life to the degree where you spend a significantly measurable amount of your income on it..

So like, I'm not at church.. so why'm I preaching? I don't know.. maybe I'm weird. ... 'Maybe'. ;)

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Starting things off.. with Weigraf, baby!
*** FFT Spoilers, kinda, stuff... I'm only marking this because if I don't, someone will whine.. ***

I recently recieved Final Fantasy Tactics (yes, I know, isn't it amazing what ya' can find at a secluded Kay B Toys) and I am having some trouble, and figuring you're the Oracle, I thought you might help. I am in Chap 3 where you have to fight Weigraf in Roiwhatever Castle. HE just Lightning Stabs me twice and I'm dead. Do ya' think you have any advice. Thanks.


This is a mean one. This battle has been one of the toughest points in any game for so many people that it's just insane. The worst part is, it's not over nearly as soon as you'd hope. But enough of that, you'll figure it out soon enough. :) The age-old method for whipping a new hole in Weigraf's 'platemail' is to slap the Squire abilities back on Ramza, and use 'Yell' (at least, I think it's Yell) and keep running away from him, upping your speed until you can get about 8 attacks to his single. I've done this before. It's cheating. Like being an archer in Asheron's Call. They're all cheaters. :)

So the next question is, "How do I do this without cheating?" .. auto-potion. Of course, if you don't have any cool potions, or Ramza hasn't learned Auto-Potion, you're screwed. But that's where you are anyway.. so it's not like it's much of a change. I also had Ramza as a Geomancer for a (too-long) portion of the game, and remember picking at Weigraf like that for a bit. I may have gotten my ass kicked while I did this, but I still think I remember doing it. I think. Maybe. Okay, use Yell.

It's shameless.. but then again, we're all shameless in the shower.
Hey I was reading over you columns and I noticed that a ton of people are looking for games that aren't made anymore. Not to be a shameless plugger, but I work at Funcoland, a store that specializes in buying and selling "previously played" (the way they tell us to say used) games. We are a national chain with stores all over the country and we have a site (duh!) where you can find a store near you or you can order directly from the site. Anywho, FFTactics is not impossible to find (my store has it, and the site does too), but it is a little pricy (around $35) because it is kinda rare. I'm not trying to sound like an add here but check it out because you can find RPG's for most major systems. Well I guess I'm done plugging the company, too bad I'm not gettin paid for this. Hey feel free to mention this to the customer service section if you go there! :-) -like it'd do anything Now for the big exit....


John Lopilato

Not to harsh this guy's gig.. but I went to the Funcoland in Santa Maria, and it was quite a bit less than impressive. Not only do they not know who I am, but the store just lacks. Sorry, dude. Your store is probably cool, but Funcoland here just.. well, sucks. I dig swappin' EQ / AC stories with Greg (two g's?) over at the Software Etc, he knows who I am. He doesn't care, either.. that's the cool part. :)

There will be no nudity in this game!
according to some rpgamer columnist named C.C., the characters in Bulder's Gate change clothing color and stuffs depending on what they're equipped with. Now here comes the obvious question; what do they look like if they're not eqiupped with anything?

- Hall of Fame Announcer, Harry Carey.

Well, much to YOUR dismay, you can't unequip basic clothing, (tunics, trousers, etc) from the players, so once they're stripped down as much as you can get them, they've still got a fairly complete set of clothes on.

Not just RPG talk anymore.. but advice to the RPGamer's life!
Greetings Oh Great Oracle (hehe),

First off, I've been reading the site since the days of Thor, and I gotta say that no one has demonstrated the committment and enjoyment of having this job as much as you have. You rule! That said, I'm an aspiring webmaster, and I was wondering if you could give me any pointers? My site is based a lot on reader participation, (art, opinions, etc.) and I need some suggestions on getting a reader base started; you know, getting people's attention. =]

Anyway, thanks a LOT for what ever advice you can give me, and if you don't get around to me, it's cool, just keep up the great work!

Well, it all depends on if you want to be a 'webmaster' or an "HTML Designer" or whatnot. There are people who design and code webpages, but in my mind, the 'webmaster' is someone who takes someone else's (but not always) design and implements it. This is assuming, of course, that more than one person works on said page. If not, well, you're everything. Assuming someone else is handling all the nasty system administration stuff, the best idea is to learn HTML. Well. I mean, REALLY well. Get to know it, and what you can do with it. Learn enough Javascript so you can edit other people's Javascript and tweak it around to do what you want it to do, given a basic skeleton. Learn some cgi stuff. To get people to come to your site, you'll need naked women. .. well, either that, or just good, cool, and REGULARLY UPDATED content. There were a million and one sites out on the 'net that had RPG material on them, but Andrew Vestal's UOSSHP was a success because he updated the damned thing like every day. New content on a daily basis brings people back, well.. daily. Once you're a daily stop for people, you'll see real things happening with your readership.

Change that armor, damnit.. it's getting stinky!
*** Smallish (very smallish) spoilers of various games.. if you're paranoid, yes, they're out to get you. Don't read this. ***

Brad and stuff: Somebody asked if there were any RPG's where you changed color or shape when you equip stuff. You did this in Legend of Legaia and also in Diablo. In the latest Final Fantasies you weapons do change shape and stuff too. Those are about all the ones I can remember.... there are more I'm guessing. In any case have you noticed how square seems to like to have a main character injured and someone else in the party feels bad about it and you get to control them. Like in FF7 Cloud gets Mako poisoning, in FF8 Rinoa gets messed up, in FF6 Terra flies off and you find her in bed... uh that came out wrong, but you know what I mean, in Xenogears Fei gets messed up, and also, even thought its not square, in Wild ARMs Rudy cuts off his arm and you gotta patch that up, and I had thought of another one earlier but I forget now. But I'm not dissing it at all, actually I like the whole idea, it gives oppurtunity to elaborate more on some of the other characters feelings, what do you think? Well I stop at that. Later. Hayabusa

Yes, Legend of Legaia had some cool looking stuff based on what armor you'd bought for whom, and weapons, and even the Seru changed as you powered them up. Legaia wasn't bad. I loved the camo suit for the chick. That ruled. Too bad it didn't last long. Oh well.


Just wanted to drop a line saying that the Y stands for Yamato, Freed's last name. Don't know why it's there though....

I have absolutely no idea if someone else answered this at any time in the last 2 weeks. You think I actually read everyone else's columns while I was gone..? Riiiight.

I am a bonafide Suikoden II guru (says right here on my diploma), so naturally I know that the Y tagged onto the end of Freed's name stands for "Yamamoto." The dude's name is Freed Yamamoto. Of course, I just always call him Freedy. Why they decided to tag the Y on the end is anyone's guess... Konami may as well have tagged everyone's initial's on. Then we'd have Teresa W, Jowy A, and Luca B to look forward to. =)


Okay, now I'm mad. One of these two guys lied, and I titled my column with the first guy's answer in mind. I'm pissed now. I'm over it now.

Curioustiy arose yesterday about why Y is at the end of Freed's name in Suikoden. Freed's last name is Yoshina (or Yoshino, I'm not really sure). Just look at his wife. It's also mentioned several times throughout the game. "My name is Freed Yoshin*." Also, a note to Brad, say I LIKE PORK might not be the best way to end off a colum. Anyhoo, tootles.
David F

Okay, explain this to me. If it's so frickin' easy for everyone.. why do I have 3 different frickin' answers?!

Check out this song by Five Iron Frenzy (they're a great band!)go to:, and check out "The Untimely Death of Brad." The song's better if you hear the whole thing, but I was reading your column, it came on, and I about died laughing.

Regardless of how I feel at the moment, I am not dead. At least I don't think so. Sixth Sense.. whoaaaa.. crazy!

How come it's been 2:07 for about an hour now? It's only supposed to be 2:07 for a few minutes or so?

I told you to cut the lewds, man. But you didn't believe me.. WHY DIDN'T YOU BELIEVE ME?

Pork's a filthy animal.

So are women, in general, but we still eat them at this house, young man! (Sorry, this just reminded me of the "50,000 battered women every year... .. and here I was eatint them plain" T-Shirt.. I felt so horrible about laughing so hard at that.. maybe I'm a bad person on the inside. :[ )

To the Meanie Oracle:

Why do you keep ignoring me? I just wanted to get a few words in the column. The least you could do is clear up the baka song thing yourself and say someone told you and you forgot who. Do I sound too stupid to be put in? Apparently that isn't the case, because you recently posted a quickie that consisted of many words not seperated into sentences. AND a pointless insult to strawberry ice cream! It doesn't get stupider than that. So why?

Flaming Ice girl

I'm ignoring you because you like it like that. Oh baby. Okay, moving on.. :o

I waste him with my crossbow! Hoody frickin' hoo!
"This has been a friendly message from your local village idiot." Flare

... I'll agree with that.


Well, at least I knew there was a SuperBowl.. couldn't have told you before this who played.. still couldn't tell you the other team.. are there only 2 teams in the SuperBowl?.. I always forget.. (this is why I don't work in the news department, other than the fact that I'm lazy and egotistical.. oh wait, nevermind, Hunter's in news.. haha, just kidding!)

Hello to thee,Oracle I was wandering,what name did you give to your Hero in Suikoden2? Don't tell me it was Steve!Mine was Kaoru,like Kaworu in EVA...and stuff...YO!

I can't remember completely.. mostly due to the large amount of toxic vodka who's smell has permeated my very being.. but probably "Ryteria".. I made up the name, and yes it's femmy, and no, I don't care :D I use it all over the place.

When is Suikoden 2 coming out in uk? PLEASE TELL ME!

Never. Ever. That's what you get for that whole taxation without representation crap. And then asking us to bail your butts out when you're being bombed by Germany in WW2.. geesh. Now you want Suikoden? TAKE TAKE TAKE.. :D I'm kidding, I love the UK, and unfortunately, we don't carry European release dates here at RPGamer. Mostly because we're American. .. as if it wasn't bad enough waiting for it to come out in America.. wah.

Brad? You there Brad? When are you comeing back? Why did you leave us? Please come back. Please? It's been bad man. Real, real bad! Come back. We miss you.....

..dude, I'm not doing that again. I said I was drunk, and NO. Okay? .. er.. oh dear.

Hi Brad!

Do you know of any online multiplayer games that are turn-based combat, like Vandal Hearts or FFT

I shouldn't tell you about this, since it's so secret, and well, we don't want the word getting out about it, but yes. There is.

It's called chess.

Words from the Wise One:

Well, a lot of quickies, but not much else. It's late, I kinda hurried through this, but we'll see what's up for tomorrow. I actually did this the 'night before' ! .. yay for me. :) Anyhow, talk to you guys tomorrow night... later!

Brad "She's got the whole world.. in her HEAD" Lohr

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