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The Oracle
 
Factory Merchants of Barstow.. PART ONE
 
The Oracle, Brad Lohr - January '00- 13:00 PST

Hey whatcha doing, hey whatcha doing hey hey hey I've had too much coffeee! .. alright. Here it is. The weekend in one big Q&A mess. Sorry about yesterday, there is a reason, if you couldn't/didn't see it, it's there in the archives. Like I said. Sorry. Anyhow, today I'm back and better than ever (or so I hope).. just not with a lot to say in the intro.

Oh! Yeah. I forgot. This next week is "RPGamer Appreciation Week". People who read this page, and this column, are all wearing shoes this week. But it's not to be a public display, so people might pretend to not know what you're talking about, should you approach them about their RPGamer reading. But you'll know, and I know, that those shoe-wearing people are all big RPGamer fans. Don't you forget to wear your shoes this week. No shoes, no service. Here's the column. It's big. Have fun, and I'll catch you all next weekend.


Got Questions? Problems?

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Passing the buck..

Recent Q&A's


1-22-00
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The Old stuff
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Brad Now Playing:
Asheron's Call
 
I love FFTactics Questions..
*** FFT Spoilers of Sorts ***

Hello Brad, I got some questions to ask (Please, please,please answer this!) it's about Final Fantasy Tactics.

  1. After I get Cloud, I 'm gonna get his Materia Blade, but how? It's on the highest tower, and I got to put Move/Find Item and level 3 jump or higher. But Both of them are on the same set! What am I'm supposed to do?
  2. Do ever worried about the limit space of your party?
  3. How do I get the Chaos Blade?
Thanks!
From: Mara.

P.S.Have you ever get stuck on a very addictive game? I have, on Final Fantasy 8...3rd disc...

Brad:
Wow, at first, I saw a detailed set of FFT questions, and thought, "oh no, I'm gonna hafta go walkthrough diving.." but then I realized I know all the answers to this one. :) Even after a long time playing the game. Alright, here we go.

First off, to get up there, equip a Lancer with Move/Find Item. The Lancer has a little bit of natural jumping ability. Or anyone else that you can find with a jump of 4 or greater.. (greater? that'd be sick..)

Secondly, I'd say "All the time". Too many people just join up into your party, yet you can only have a very small amount stick around. I think they should have easily doubled the limit for people in your party. Like Tactics Ogre. :D

Thirdly, the Chaos Blades can be caught (Catch Thrown Items Skill) when Ninjas in the Deep Dungeon toss them at you. It takes a little while to get the feel for the dungeon and all, but you can do it. For further information, check out Ryan Amos' awesome FFT Guide (An RPGamer exclusive, I might add :P) here.

And no, I never get addicted to games. Never. Ever. Hold on while I play some Asheron's Call.. brb.

 
Asheron's Call vs Everquest
Gahhh! How can you play asherons call. Everquest is far superior. I'll give AC the interface but that's it. The models on that game look like they were done by a 8 year old. Puting on plate armor just results in a different shade of gray. In everquest you can see your armor better the models look realistic at least. Even thought you can't change them around as much (plate looks like the plate on the other guy) there are tons of different sets, and you're not just a different shade of gray! The world is better and there's more people. Plus it's based on AD&D so there's the classes, it just has better balance than asherons call.

-Eversmack

Brad:
You are quite possibly correct. I see a lot of EQ vs AC sites out there, and always the EQ people are bitching about how bad AC really is. But that doesn't change the fact that Heather bought AC for me for christmas, and I've never played EQ, soooooooooo, that's why I play AC over EQ. I'm not about to go out and buy another game that takes as much time outta my life.. not with school starting tomorrow for me. :D

 
Pirate Radio... of sorts
About liking Suikoden 1 music's better.... I myself played Suikoden 2 before the first one, and maybe that's the reason I liked those remixes in Suikoden 2.

But anyways, I got a REAL question for you. If you put in your Suikoden 2 CD, open up the file \CDROM\BGM.XA with one of those XA players for your computer, you can hear some of the musics. Now, what's strange is that almost NONE of the musics are played in the game itself! What gives? Are they songs that were in the original Japanese version but got left out for the USA version? In any case you have to wonder why so many of those musics are never heard, even though obviously great effort has been put into them.

Brad:
That is kinda crazy. I don't have an XA player, (does anyone want to send us all a link to a good one?) but I'd like to check this out.. how about does anyone have any information on why this happened? Or what these really are to?

 
Star Ocean 2, yay!
*** Star Ocean 2 g'spoilers ***

Dear "Brad",

What level should I be at when I fight Idalecio with his limitor off? Almost all his spells do 9999 damage and kill my party instantly. My party levels currently are 95 lowest (Leon) and 105 highest (Claude).

"Brad":
Well, "Reader", I've never actually taken on "Idalecio" without his "limiter", so I can't say from "experience". But I've heard that you might want to get yourself closer to 100 levels higher than where you are. But I'd say at least another "50". Try going into the bonus dungeon. The stuff down there is good for the high level buildin', "Dude".

 
Hey baby, wanna go see a movie at my place..? Ever seen FF8?
Yo, Braddy!

Here's a Q for you. Why is it that Square makes these fantabulous cinemas for FFVII and FFVIII, yet do not include an option to view all of them? Is there any way you can view all of the cinemas in both games

without having to replay through them both?

Matt Millsap

Braddy:
There are utitlities to do this on your computer, as I recall. I'm not sure if Bleem does it.. heck, I haven't heard anything about Bleem in a while... there I go, having a life again :( .. anyhow, yes, there are ways to do this. Do I use/know of any specific ones? No.

 
Ask and ye shall receive, I guess..
I remember reading for a request for a utility for getting movies off FF8. Well, my good friend just got done creating a page just for that, cause too many people were bothering him about it. So heres the link, have a ball.

PSX Unlocked

Elemental Gearbolt a.k.a. Axem 5

Brad:
Dude, my readers are psycho! .. er, psychic.. or something

 
.. remember kids, don't mix hair growth drugs with your ritalin ..
Bradical,

Man... I must admit... I have a problem. I just can't... beat any of the RPGs I play. I'll play them off and on for a long period of time, switching between games to get rid of the monotony until I get to the final level/boss/battle/hair stylist, then if it's too hard and I have to start over again from the last save *multiple* times, I just give up and move on. Yeah, I know many RPGs have sucky endings where the main characters do some pointing, talking, then eat rather large bowls of pudding, but I've *got* to beat them! Blarg, man, blarg! Any way to cure this? I've tried Rogaine but that just resulted in me look like a big kitty. Now all the kids around town ask me to "Make Wookie noises". Wah...

~The "If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college" Sack~

Bradical:
I too have had such problems, completing all the games that I buy. Most of the time I have the problem just starting the game. If I start it up, and I'm not hooked almost instantly, I'll stop playing it and start playing something else. Or then if something really cool comes along, well, the old one's out, again. Sometimes I buy games and just never start them. I can look at my 'unbeaten' stack of games and it'll make me cry. Almost.

 
The first(?) time I've posted two of one person's letters in one column?
Rad Brad,

Because Googleshng was recently asked a question pertaining to how "college=not much time for games," I decided to make a handy-dandy little flowchart of how videogame playing time relates to various epochs of life:

  • Elementary School=LOTS of time for playing games
  • High School while single=Quite a bit of time for playing games
  • High School with boyfriend/girlfriend=Still quite a bit of time for
  • playing games
  • College while single=Not much time for playing games due to buttloads of work to do
  • College with boyfriend/girlfriend=See above. (Even worse)
  • Job (and nothing else) while single=Quite a bit of time for playing games (possibly more than in high school)
  • Job (and nothing else) with boyfriend/girlfriend=Still quite a bit of time for playing games
  • Job, married, with no kids=Definitely not much time for playing games
  • Job, married, with kids=Good luck.
Matt Millsa

Brad:
You forgot me. :( College, with boyfriend/girlfriend, er, I mean, girlfriend, WITH RPGamer job on weekends, WITH full time job on weekdays. But I still have some time to play games. Not much.

 
Secrets of RPGamer
Hail Brother Door Keeper

I don't know if anyone has asked this before, but how does Rpgamer work exactly? I don't have the faintest idea. Do you all work in the same building or something? Please excuse my ignorance of the subject.

Red Nu

Brother Door Keeper:
Yeah. We all work in this little building out in Compton, Mike keeps on telling us to call it "Headquarters".. but we all refer to it as Chocobo's Mysterious Druglab anyway... alright, seriously. We actually live all over the place, Goog/Alex/miyu/Veronica/Kiah are all on the east coast, there's a couple of us in Washington State, a few in Texas, a canadian, and then at least four of us are Californians. The actual computer that houses RPGamer is down in San Diego, I think. We all do our 'meetings' and such over IRC, and ICQ, that kind of thing. Some of us have even met eachother. ;) I went down and saw George Velez this last week, but other than that, I haven't met anyone else from RPGamer at this time. In person. When we do the E3 coverage, I'll get to meet many people. If you guys can get to/get yourself into E3 this year, all your favorite online VideoGame stars will be there. :) Oh, and we'll be there too.

 
I'm one of the people who likes skittles.
*** Xenogears Plot Spoilers (or at least Brad's Interpretation of Xenogear's Plot, which may or may not spoil it, depending on just how accurate he is ***

Hi Brad,

Umm, I gots a question, 'kay?

'kay.

In Xenogears, where is this omnigear in Shevat that everyone keeps talking about reacting with Elly? Was it when yoo first go to Shevat, 'cuz I didn't bring Elly with me then, and now I feel like I fell asleep in physics class.

.. Honestly? I don't remember. Do you even get an Omnigear with Elly before she gets thrown outta the mix? I don't recall that you do.. hrm.

Also, why does the second CD completely suck? The storyline on the first was amazing! I didn't eat, sleep, or perform other such basic bodilly functions during it, afraid that I might somehow miss something and accidently destroy the world. But the second CD is almost straight narration. It bites.

It sucks because Square hates us. Sorry.

Finally, how can Fei be Lacan, but Lacan is Grahf? I thought for sure Krelian was Grahf. Oooo.... Head hurts... so many people are other people who are people who like skittles but really don't. Help me!

Right, the meat 'n taters. The whole Lacan/Fei/Grahf thing is kinda complex. It's kinda like there's this 'person' who passes down in a line through the generations (this is all just my interpretation of it, btw.) .. not like genetically, as in father/son or anything, just when one person loses the conciousness of it, it goes to someone else. Lacan had it, and then when everything went downhill, I guess he lost it. And he turned to Grahf. I'm getting all confused just thinking about the whole Grahf/Wiseman/Fei/Lacan thing now myself.. fuzzy .. brain.. erghghg.. heh. Just kinda think of Lacan/Grahf as the Anakin Skywalker of Xenogears. Good guy goes bad, bad guy gets cool new powers and kicks more ass, but loses in the end. Oh well. And Krelian is not Grahf.

frum Rand

 
DC Grandia etc!
Hey-lo Oracle,

Even though you don't plan to own a DC, wouldn't it be great if Game Arts did a Grandia remake for the it? I mean they'd probably port it over to the PS2 anyway. We wouldn't have all that slow down either. But for now, Grandia II sounds really good. I don't recall Game Arts ever making a game with a serious plot before. Should be interesting.

-Temjirim

Brad:
Although I haven't gotten to play enough Grandia (it's next on the list, honest!), I've heard really good things about it. I'm fully behind porting all kinds of cool stuff to the DC. The only game platform I'm against for nextgen is the Nintendo one. Not that I'm saying people who like it are dumb, or that nobody should buy one, I'm just saying I will not be buying one. I kinda say that about the DC too, but I'd probably buy a DC if I had the time to play all the games for that AND all the other consoles I have.

 
Save the world? Does that come with a big paycheck?
My Heart Reacheth out to all of the RPG-making companies!

Please, I say-- realize that we don't necessarily WANT an apocolyptic plot! FF8 was great before it suddenly involved the fate of the universe, Xenogears was better before you learned about Deus.

Gamers will appreciate a game that doesn't try to over-reach it's sphere of influence. Had FF8 merely been a story of love in a time of two nations at war, it would have been infititely better. These companies seem to think that all games need a Sorceress Ultimecia to make the ending more dramatic. What about more games like Harvest Moon?? I'm serious, we don't even need fighting to make the RPG interesting. It's interesting because it's well-written and well-executed, not because it's about a war over the fate of the universe.

I fear for the companies which cling to cliches such as that as crutches, using the crutch instead of creativity and originality.

This is my cry, may I be heard by all nations, kindreds, tongues and peoples.

===Ninja of Wind===

Brad:
I've gotta agree. I know Thor has said stuff about it before (maybe not in a public Q&A, but I've heard him say it).. that he misses the days back when RPGs used to be about going out and getting cool stuff for your guy. Just going out and questing. Most PnP RPGs are a lot like this. Heck, Asheron's Call is like that. You just go out and have a fun time playing your guy, getting cool stuff for him. No overly 'good' motives. Not that it isn't fun to kick the crap out of the moon-based personification of HATRED.. but a little variety is fun. For you, Ninja of Wind, I suggest Baldur's Gate, or one of the MMO RPGs to fill your anti-apocalyptic feelings.

 
Obsessed with Krelian? This is for you!
*** Xenogears Spoilers of sorts ***

Hi, Brad! :)

You know what's really frustrating? I just beat Xenogears for the fourth time today (That's right, 4th. I'm a Xenogears fanatic. I love it and know it like my life), and I beat it without a single game over, except for a small battle with a Tears in Shevat. I can't believe I made it through Vierge, Haishao, Opiomorph, both Deuses, only dying in a tears!

Oh, by the way, Krelian's my favorite character in the game, and I've made a chart of how many times he's in the game. Here it is, my "Krelian Sightings":

Sighting # Region/place
1 Aquvy Islands; Thames
2 Gazel
3 Gazel
4 Solaris; Second Class
5 Solaris, Krelian's lab; Research facility
6 Solaris, Krelian's lab; Research facility
7 Solaris gear hangers
8 Gazel
9 Gazel
10 Krelian's lab
11 Krelian's lab
12 Gazel
13 Cain's throne
14 Eldridge; Razael's tree
15 Golgada Execution Grounds
16 Gazel
17 Krelian's lab
18 Merkava
19 Nissan
20 Wave Existence

Brad:
.. Don't know if anyone else in the world would be interested in that.. but .. there it is :)

 
The women be speakin'!
I'm a female RPGamer. It's not all that uncommon. We aren't all crazy about Sailor Moon and little pansy things like that. However, I do believe I've found a reason that we aren't as common as male RPGamers.

Guys were the original video game freaks. They loved hack & slash, challenges to their reflexes, and taking out a few violent feelings on mindless fighting games. When RPGs became popular, the companies that made them remembered how action games were so popular with guys. They decided to aim for mostly guys while making the RPG. That's why Tifa wears a miniskirt and an astronomically huge bra. That's why Ayla looks so modern, despite being a prehistoric woman. Since the RPGs were aimed at guys, they didn't always appeal to girls as much.

This may have been why FF5 was only released in the USA recently. Square might have thought it wouldn't be very popular, since there aren't really any sexy women in it. Reina is kind of your typical damsel in distress, but Krile is just a little girl and Faris...well, for a while you don't even know that Faris is a woman. This is just my theory. Feel free to prove me wrong.

There's also the Quest for Glory series. The hero is a man, and he gets into several romantic situations. In QG5, he can even choose a bride. It also had your typical hack & slash moments that most girls don't really find appealing. Although I thoroughly enjoyed this series, it was mostly aimed for guys.

I think I've made my point.

Brad:
It's all about target audience, yo. You sell to who buys. Breaking new markets (the female gamer, for example) is just risky. It takes time, it takes money, it takes effort. They didn't worry about that.. (they're starting to now, because they need FRESH BLOOD).. but originally, you're exactly right. Their market was guys, and they sold to 'em. There will always be games targeted at guys, that's just an easy way for these people to make money, but I think we're starting to see a trend of leaning towards games that both genders are going to appreciate without having to 'put up' with a lot of blatant gender-biasing.

 
More Women's Views on Gaming Life etc..
*** Spoiler: If you want to figure women out on your own, read no further! (okay, just kidding) ***

Brad,

I really can't believe I am writing this letter... I think you'll understand more when you read it, but for some reason I just knew I had to express myself on this one. I usually just sit back and watch everybody else duke it out. Not so bloody on my part that way and all.

Anyway, on to the point of my letter: I read the letter by "Emily" today in the column, about how girl RPGamers do exist, yada yada... Yah, we exist! But I don't know... maybe a lot of girls are like me: embarrassed.

Yah yah, it sounds real strange... but in all seriousness. I get the weirdest looks when somebody founds out that I actually LIKE computers (especially when I tell them where I work -- an ISP doing web page stuff, call in tech help, etc.) and RPGs. I hate to go into game stores... It's almost like I am walking into somebody else's house unwanted. The clerks behind the counters give me the weirdest looks when I start eyeing the games, and when I ask for a game, they give me even a more shocked look. I won't even get started on what the other customers (mainly guys...) reactions are like...

With reactions like that from people I don't even know, I don't dare mention my little RPG obsession to my friends, especially my female ones. I just go on with my life like I have no interest in games at all. Sure, they probably do suspect it. Considering I've gotten some of my artwork published in a game magazine before, and with excitement I had to tell them, just wasn't really expecting the question, "oh really?! Wow, that's great! What magazine?" Gulp... so I just said, "oh some silly magazine..." and quickly dropped the question. It wasn't until one of their boyfriends say my work (recognized my name and city), and told her was my secret out. I just explained it as being the fact that those were the only kind of magazines that I could find that published artwork... A lame excuse and they did not buy it... I could tell by the looks on their faces when they found out that it was a GAME magazine that they didn't approve. Being great friends like they are though, they never held it against me, but that little incident has lived on in my memories of one of the many reasons of "why I should not tell anyone (or show any liking whatsoever) that I like games".

By now, I am sure you are thinking, this is all good and stuff (make a great made for TV movie don'tcha think?), but where's the point?! The point being is... girl RPGamers seem like they are hard to find, but in reality, maybe we are all just hiding, like me? I am sure I am not the only girl gamer in my city, but I have yet to run into another one, then again, I have yet to even mention to another girl that I like games. So if the general girl gamer population is like this, then I am sure it seems like we do not exist.

Now on to your answer about the dating thing:
I couldn't agree more with you about how you have to go out and find somebody with similar interest. I don't know about other girls, but with my embarrassment to mention that I like games and computers to a guy, my dating social life is very lacking. I mean, I sometimes get asked out and such, but I hardly go cause I have no interest in or common interest with the guy. The only time I've ever really dated somebody was when I just happened to slip up to a male friend of mine about a year ago. He was rambling on about something with somebody else about HTML, and me knowing good and well he was wrong, couldn't keep my mouth shut and just had to spit out the correct answer. After I got done picking him up from the floor from the shock (knew him for a good two years before this, he never saw it coming), he expressed to me how hard it was to believe that I knew something about computers. He later told me that it was at that moment that he really started to have feelings for me. To make this story short, things didn't work out all that great, so now I am back to the lack of a dating life. Needless to say, that just goes to show how right your point is about how you have to find somebody with similar interest, they won't just come to you. Then I go back to my original point, I (assuming some girls are like me) don't have to courage to mention that I like games to a guy, so it's a catch 22 situation. If I can't tell a guy that I like games, and a guy is looking for a girl that like games, we just kind of pass each other up.

Meh, that's quite a bit to take in... Remind me to never write a letter at 2:30 in the morning again. I hope you can understand my point though.

One more thing, if you decide to post this, please leave off my name... Yah, the embarrassment thing... I wouldn't be surprised if some guys I work with read the column, they do the whole slashdot thing and all, so it would be rather embarrassing to go into work and hear them say that they saw my letter.

Thanks for listening!

Brad:
Who needs an editorials section, huh? There's a great outlook from a girl about stuff. Read it. I've only gotta say a couple things.. Heather is really techy. She does HTML like a wizard, she can program, she understands computers. She knows where you're coming from. She's a dork, even. (So am I, I'm not harshing her).. but it's not easy being like that and being a woman. People just don't expect that.. you're not filling the 'proper' or expected roles of women. It's not an easy life. But hey, she's got me.. so ain't THAT just incentive to go out and be dorky, eh, girls? </ego>

 
Wavering attention spans...
Hey Brad. I'm writing this because I'm trying to find some motivation for finishing old RPGs. Take for instance Ogre Battle. I know it's a good game and I've played it 6+ hours in a row, but for some reason I get bored with it and go on to playing something like Megaman after a couple days. Is this a symptom of a wandering attention span? How can I overcome this?

MtMagus

Brad:
Drugs will help. Sedatives. No, honestly.. I don't know. I guess just getting back into the game.. it takes moods for certain games for me. Sometimes I'm just in an FFT mood (like right now..) or other times, a Suikoden mood. Can't really help you out.. but getting involved in a game always helps.

 
I assume this person likes Shen Mue?
Waa!

I just played Shenmue with my pals for 5 hours straight!!!! I'm still recovering...I won't be able to resume replaying FF VIII for weeks, plus I've forgotten how I beat Xenogears twice. Owwwww, my head hurts. The whole time, my Japanese pal and his pop were commenting on how EXACTLY it was like Japan...down to the stuff in your closet! Plus, there's evil kung fu, and who can't worship a game that has......a 100 % perfect conversion of....SPACE HARRIER in its arcade!!!!! Reduced to gibberish in face of game's migh...jhal;fdjlkaja. Blarg.

Maou, Shammu fan

Brad:
Sounds like a good game. :D But how do you really feel?

 
Okay, you owe me money.
Hey Brad!

Female RPG fans are actually very common... so all you girlies quit your whining and take your feminism elsewhere ;p RPGing is not a male dominated field! I just want to say I LOVE GOOGLESHNG!!!!!!! Sorry Brad, you're great too but Google is my love. Google: I have your 10 million bucks!! Anytime you want it!!

-Lord Xyyn Dragon-

Brad:
The title of this email said, "PLEASE POST THIS I'LL GIVE YOU MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" just like that. So this person now owes Brad Lohr, The Oracle... Money. And we all love Googleshng. Often. ;)

 
Dude's layin' down the baka song smack...
While I really haven't been paying attention to the Q&A recently, the fact that someone pointed Shampoo out as the baka girl made me irk a bit. I assume that by "the baka girl" you're referring to "the baka song" in which one female Ranma character yells at Ranma and chants "baka" over and over. The song, which is "Can't be a good kind of girl" is sung by Akane Tendou, NOT Shampoo (Shampoo has a very high pitched cutesy singing voice - she does NOT sound like the girl in the baka song). And if you don't believe me, I have a copy of it right here.

Anyway, that's my waste of your time. Have fun. Don't spend all your money in one place - just give it to me.

~Jhared Smith

Brad:
heh.. it's gettin' ugly in here.. time to calm down, kids. :)

 
I don't believe you!
Just a few observations:

1) Having trouble staying awake? Do what I do. Get about 8 liters of coke, and finish it. It works. And the nervous twitches and hallucinations go away after a day or so.

Ergh.. that's bad for me :o

2) Everyone loves Paws because she has a voice (doing the pronunciations), which makes her infinitely more real than all the other RPGirls (in the minds of us desperate guys, anyway)

That's true. Her voice is cool. Just don't get all obsessive or anything, yo.

3) I one of those freaks that gets to the final boss of an RPG at level 35. The record (so far as I know) goes to a guy I know who passed FF2 (American) at L22.

That's bull :P Absolute, total, unrepentant bull. One big bang from Zeromus at that level would wipe you so completely gone that there's nothing you can do. And there's like no way you could get through that battle without him using Big Bang at least once. Not to mention the fact that Edge ALWAYS joins your party at like level 28 or so.. and getting through the giant takes characters at level 40 or so.. if there were a spell like Life3 in FF6, I'd start to believe.. but in that game.. that's just not happening.

4) There is no four. I just wanted to make my list look more substantial.

heh.. to think most guys use surgery :o

TetrisGod "BrEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

P.S. That was my pet hound-eye, Aarron. Sorry

 
Are you saying you find me attractive? :o
Hello Brad,

Since you hit on the subject yesterday, I'd like to give a little info on the whole girl gamer / dating situation. Although I do not find it hard to believe that girl gamers exist, you'd be hard pressed to find an attractive one. Not to offend any of you ladies out there that I haven't met, but, let's do a little example.

Lets say we take 100 girls. Maybe about 15 of those girls are attractive (although beauty is in the eye of the beholder)... Now, from that same 100, how many spend a good amount of their time playing videogames? Maybe 1 or 2? So, finding that lucky girl that fits into both catagories can be quite a chore.

Of course, this only applies to those guy gamers who are actually attractive, and would have a chance at getting another attractive girl (like Brad, or myself for example).

Thanks, Mr. Blunt

Brad:
To start things out, my g/f is not a gamer.. she plays games occasionally, she does do roleplaying (pen and paper, free form, that kind of stuff) , but she doesn't play video games as a natural hobby for her. And well, if you put your logic like that, then really, there's only 1 or 2 girls out of every hundred for anything. Say there's 15 attractive girls out of a hundred. Maybe one of them likes sailing. Another likes horses. Your chances are pretty even, and honestly, I think you're cutting it down way too much when you say only 15% of women are attractive. Learn to look beyond looks, because #1: Beauty fades with time, but the mind is forever. #2: You might be good looking now, but if that's all she's with you for, then she'll be swept away by the next prettyboy in line. I'm not saying date people you find ugly, just take a lot less of the pressure off of women to be this 'perfection' model and such. It's attitudes like yours that makes "Cosmopolitan" sell like it does, and those magazines fill up chick's heads with all kinds of crazy shit, and makes 'em do weird things. Wait, was I just being not-sexist? Ooooh, maybe I'm really not a bad person after all. ;)

 
My friends love me, because they can use me to bitch to 5,000 readers.. if they want.
You just had to go there, didn't you?

Just rip on my Galaga skills in a public forum, eh? Well, I'll have you know I have given up Galaga in favor of a more ("recycle to the") EXTREME game. I'm talking about Crazy Taxi. Oh yes, though I've never been a fan of any racing games (save Top Gear), Crazy Taxi has captured the heart of this Edge and taken it to new extremes.

It's been said by innocent bystanders that much of my enjoyment of the game comes from the catharsis of redheads in plaid skirts asking *me* for a ride for once, but these people quickly get the Mumble of Doom as I continue to race around pseudo-San Fransisco at near time-travelling speeds, trying to get this chick to KFC in time to make a sweet tip (Would it be that my car were indestrucable, I'd be Crazy Sliding my way into the arms of a fashionable cutie at this very moment. But it's not, so I'm not. C'est la vie.)

I've ended up holding the top two spots at the Crazy Taxi machine at Harrah's in Lake Tahoe, but I'll admit my top score of $10,xxx doesn't compare to the 40-50 thousand scores at Wonderpark, but hey, I started feeling bad for the machine after jamming the stick so much (once again, cartharsis *mumble* ACK RUN). I swear, there's good playing, and then there's just milking the machine for all it's worth. Or maybe I'm just bitter.

The other apple in my eye was Silent Scope, but I can't justify spending Three Whole Quarters (guess who's unemployed again) on the Shooting Range, which gives me much more joy than the Story Mode. Plus there's also the unparalleled combination of joy and horror of seeing a 12-year-old kid get behind the barrel of a sniper rifle and get fifteen head shots in a row.

And then there's Dance Dance Revolution. It's about time Konami decided to bring over the Bemani games to America (Hip Hop Mania my arse. Beatmania forever!). It's not just that DDR is fun. It's the opportunity it gives you to get strange women to do something physical with you. Few women are able to resist the combination of direct eye-contact (fueled by an adrenaline-packed, first-place scoring game of Crazy Taxi) and the words, "C'mon. I'll pay." (I am, of course, still talking about DDR. "Trix are for kids," indeed.)

Edge (yo)

Brad:
Hahaha.. beware the mumble of doom! .. We actually saw that DDR game at Gameworks, (or something a lot like it..) and I saw Silent Scope.. that game looks pretty neat.

 
FF6 questions..
*** Some FF6 spoilers ***

Hello Mr. Oracle sir,

Right now I am playing FFVI on the PSX and I was wonderin' if you could answer a few little questions for a poor, confused, gamer. 1) I seem to have just about finished every thing except Kefka's tower and there are still a couple of dragons wandering the world. Are they on the way to Kefka? 2) Also I am trying to get my party on some decent levels, but it is taking for ever. Is there anything I can do to speed this process up or am I doomed to fight Tyranno for hours on end?

Strider

Brad:
1. Yes, there are two dragons (skull and gold) on the way up the tower. 2. That's where Kev and myself both level up.. Tyrannos and the occasional Brachosaur. Just put the Cursed Shield and a Ribbon on someone, learn some magic, get an Economizer or two.. it'll be over before you know it.

 
 
Quickies from FF6 to talk to u!!!

Today is my birthday and I want a tilde and a semicolon!

... ~ ; ... Happy Birthday.

Its your fault you know. Now thet're making a show called Steve was Here. Will your madness never end? How far will it go? Anyway here's the link for the info http://scifi.ign.com/movies/3555.html.

(reads off of cue card) I have nothing to do with this .. vile atrocity. The President of the United States of America would never engage in such unscrupolous actions. God Bless and good night.

Interesting thing... your last pseudo-column showed up fine using MS Explorer, but doesn't show a thing on Netscape Navigator. Just to let you know...
-Calpaladin

Yes, due to both my extreme lopness of yesterday, I forgot to close a <table> tag, and therefore all Netscape users wouldn't see the table. While this isn't really a flaw of Navigator (enforcing good coding practices is a good thing), it was pretty annoying, and I apologize. It's fixed now, by the way.

Steve! You have to help me! Steve is mad at me, becuase I, Steve, told Steve that Steve is in love with Steve! Ya gotta help me, Steve!
-Steve

Dude, Steve.. get outta town before Steve's friend Steve comes over and beats you up. I heard he whipped Steve up pretty bad over at Steve's the other day. Oh yeah, wanna get some ice cream? Let's go to Steve and Steve's.

I love catnip mice It's why I chew their heads off They're good for breakfast

That was a haiku! A freaky little cat haiku.

Aww... a cute freaky little cat haiku it is! Reader Haikus, the easiest way to get posted in this column.

Brad-

Speaking of late updates, when will the editorials be updated? It's been over a month.
OneWinged

Er.. with JD leaving, it'll fall into new hands. Poor soul that it may be to get it.. The Editorials section is definitely .. 'under review'.

I want Chrono Cross. Please give it to me. When will it come out approxametly (i catn speil)? I need it. Im slippin', Im fallin', I can't get up.
DMX

As I hear it, no formal release date has been set, heck, I don't think they've formally announced that it's going to be brought to America. But it'd be the biggest injustice since FF5 if they didn't. So let's whine!

In Lunar, why are the pictures called Bromides? Bromine is an atom, and Bromide is the Bromine atom attached to something else. What does that have to do with scantily clad pictures?

From the manual to the game, page 116, bottom left corner:

bro*mide (bro'mid) n. 1. potassium bromide, used as a sedative. 2. a trite saying 3. a picture of a scantily-clad chick (from the Japanese promaido, picture of a famous person)

Men are not stupid. We just hide our intelligence...very...very...well.
-Sadres

Have you ever looked at the real world? Men are stupid. :D Heck, I'm a guy, and I'm stupid sometimes.

Alright Oracle, I'm inclined to agree with you most of the time, but now this is the last straw! You do not have the best girl out there! I do! And you want to know something really funny? Her name's Heather too. But all coincidences aside, I suggest you renounce your Heather's position as best girl out there, and give my Heather the title she rightfully deserves! Justice will be served Oracle! Justice will be served! Oh yeah, and when the heck is Quest II coming out?

Send yours over to my place for an .. 'interview' with the RPGamer staff, and we'll consider it. (grin) Sorry, just harshin' yer gig, man. As if I could tell someone that their woman was better'n mine.. that's not just not right. Nor true. ;D Quest 2 will be out on Tuesday, else my name is Brad.

Hey! My girlfriend is the best not yours.... Unless you mean the best for you. Oh and Joe must be pretty smart. Not only are guys stupid, we're pigs.
Hayabusa

Joe does perl. Joe is smart. My girlfriend is better than yours. If you disagree, see above comment and we'll figure it out.

Laaarrrryyy!! Laaaaaaaaaarrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyy! Larry!!

... so I says to him, "Look buddy, your car was upside down when we got here.. and as for your Grandma? She shouldn't've mouthed off like that!

Words from the Wise One:


Well, that was just quite a lot of column. There's your weekend. I'm really tired of doing html now, so I'll see you all next weekend. Later!

Remember kids.. mixing Anime is like mixing drugs.. 'cept the headache goes away with the drugs...


Brad "It's .. so big!" Lohr

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