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Googleshng - August 11 '00- 1:00 Eastern Daylight Time

Yesterday I arranged my schedule, passing up the chance to do a lot of fun things in the process, so that I would have time to get this column and a Media Central update up. Things were moving right along too... until my connection was lost. The point of a cable modem is that it's a dirrect, broadband connection. That means that sort of thing isn't supposed to happen. I stayed up 2 hours later than I planned trying to get it working again, but the problem wasn't on my end anyway.

Now then, this weekend Paws will be running Q&A. You all know Paws by now, so I don't think I really need to say any more than that. Also, some of you might be happy to know that after this weekend, I plan to take a "vacation". By that I mean that while I'll still do Q&A, I'm going to severely cut back on vollunteering to do every single thing anyone I know wants done. If you've noticed that I've been updating every interaction section lately, you can see that that's a big problem lately. So, if lately I've been doing Q&A in a less than enthusiastic manner like a couple people have been telling me, that problem should soon be fixed as next week I plan to get 8 full hours of sleep a night, as opposed to the 4 which has become my standard. 8)

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In the Saturn:
Dragon Force
Teiris is doing GREAT? O_o
Dragon Force
Dear Goog,

So, the slime likes Transformers, does heitshe? That noise that they make is the coolest noise ever! Now if they only would show the episodes on a channel I get... Do you watch the spinoffs with the animals (Beast Wars and Beast Machines) or do you abhor them?

Oh yeah, which game are you looking more forward to? Valkyrie Profile, Chrono Cross, or Pokémon G/S? (nobody ever mentions VP...give tri-Ace credit, peeps! We loved the glitchy, inconsitent wad of gaming greatness that was SO2, didn't we???...uh...I don't know if that's sarcastic or not ^_--...die...Iselia queen...die)

How much Japanese do you know? Can you read Hiragana and Katakana?

Do you have good reflexes & hand-eye (....well, pseudopod-eye [assuming you're a DQ slime... most don't seem to have eyes...]) coordination or have RPGs numbed your reflexes?

Isn't Scherezade a cool name for a mecha?

And (last question) will Radisol be putting Alanna in one of those comics?

"Tenshi...anata wa..."

Beast Wars contains slapstick, horrid names, and a wretched excuse for animation. Beast Machines drops the slapstick and gets good animation, but the names still suck, and it has TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCES. Between those things and the fact that they both kinda beat the snot out of the original storyline, I do not like them. Oh come on, like there's no cartoon you all obsessed over as a little kid. Moving on, I am severely drooling over Chrono Cross, only drooling a little over Pokémon 2, and I'm still trying to debate whether an RPG where you play a Valkerie gathering as much support as possible before Ragnarok starts is cool enough to outweigh my dislike of SO2. Probably. I can read all hirigana and katakana no problem... as for translating the results into english... I'm at about 50% right now, need to watch more anime. While years of nothing but RPGs did numb my reflexes at one time, I studied WarCraft 2 under a Grand Master. That fixed them pretty darn quick. Plus I have Fantasy Zone 2. It doesn't get more frantic than THAT little gem. Finally, yes, Allan's mech has a cool name, and I doubt Rad will stick in Alanna.

OK, this is funny.
Hey, I found out that Brad left, and I know there's probably no chance of this happening because of the hundreds of e-mails you haven't gotten about this, but I really, REALLY don't want the Q & A job! Let me tell you my lack of qualifications. I've played a bunch of RPGs, but can't remember anything about them because I just play FF6 over and over. I have a stack of games that I still haven't beaten because I just play FF6 over and over. I cannot quote Norse mythology and don't know a lick about Anime. I have absolutely no sense of humor. I don't care about the console wars. But here's the best part. Are you ready for this? I THOUGHT SAGA FRONTIER WAS THE GREATEST GAME OF ALL TIME, BABEE! With qualifications like that, you can't help but give the job to somebody else! I'll be waiting for your no response.

Robust Stu

You make a great point! There is no way whatsoever I'll ever give you a job! Congradulations!

Albert+Ultimate Wargod=Addition
Hi Google,
I been playing LOD for a a little while now and I just recently came to the store that sells the Ultimate Wargod. I was wondering if your Additions mastery level goes up while it is equipped or if it just performs the Additions. I'd feel really stupid if I found out that it doesn't raise the level of the Additions and I wasted all of that money.


Yes. If you equip an Ultimate Wargod on someone, you can just sit back, watch them do their additions, and they'll eventually master them all. A Wargod Calling on the other hand basically guarrentees that you'll botch all your additions halfway through, so unless you have no hand-eye coordination, they're garbage... come to think of it, if you can't even get halfway through additions, you really shouldn't even be playing that game. 8)

Hiya Goog,

I was wondering, what game was Brian talking about yesterday, you know, the letter about the E-rated topless scene? Also, on Vagrant Story, how do you go about getting the Chain Ability "Phantom Pain"? The strategy guide mentions it is a useful skill for some boss battles, but it's not on the list of Chains to earn. So where is it?


You have to get all the other abilities to get Phantom Pain. As for your E-Rating question, that person was refering to Dragon Force. However, he could just as easily have been talking about, well, half the RPGs in existance. There was a point in time when literally most games had a vaguely nude female humanoid as the last boss. I'm trying to remember when exactly that odd trend started. I think it may have been Phantasy Star 2. Aside from that, topless female monsters can be found in, heck, most games. Girl popping out of plant monsters, "medusas", and so forth. Strangely, nobody has ever taken offense to this, while in the very games that have these things, all sorts of other bizzare benign things get censored out in the US.

When I get a certain LETTER, I'll end this JOKE.
Hey Google-

I have a few ps2 questons:

1. How much does the ps2's fast mode speed up playstation games?

2. Does the enhance mode make a signifigant difference to original playstation games?

3. What ps2 game(s) should i get, cause i kinda want to get an rpg(summoner), but then i read something that says that tekken tag tournament, or timespitters is supposed to be good, so what should i get?

4. What do you think of FFIX? Do you think its better that it reverted to old school?

5. Lastly, which system do you think will win the console wars?


PS- Did you really have no chance of beating the last boss in LoD, cause i had a really easy battle, first try, but i suppose i did level up for just a LITTLE too long, although i suppose that whenever you try to level up in LoD, it takes just a LITTLE too long(*BAD*).

About your little P.S. there, uh, you must be thinking of someone else. I'm at the beginning of Disk 4. Anyway, I hate it when people ask me questions like this, because then I have to bash the PSX2. Uh, I don't know where the heck you get your news from, but the PSX2 does not improve a single thing about PSX games that you run off it. Oddly enough, the reverse engineered 3rd party Dreamcast->PSX emulator DOES improve games, smoothing stuff out quite a bit and such. For that matter, PC/Mac PSX emulators also make things look nice I'm told. So, since the PSX2 won't even run certain PS games, it's actually the worst way you can play PSX games, with the PSX itself being a close second. Moving on, I personally haven't seen a single PSX2 title that interests me so far... at least not any that will be around near launch. FF9 is not "reverting back to old school" by any stretch of the imagination. There is no "old school" when it comes to the FF series. Every game is radically different from the last. I am however looking forward to playing a game where one of the characters is a black mage, period. That's never been done in the FF series before... except arguably in the original. In FF4 everyone with black magic had an additional kind. Finally, console wars aren't "won", especially this one. Besides which, Nintendo is still being all secretive, so there isn't enough information to make a reasonable guess. Now, if you want to know what I'd like in a perfect world, that I can answer. I want Nintendo to do well, and I want Sega to do well. I don't want anyone else to make consoles. The reason for this is that Nintendo makes great first party games, and Sega makes great first party games. Sony doesn't make games, let alone great ones. If only the companies that made great first party software, all the third parties would be making games for those two, and nobody would have to buy 3 competing systems... or 4 if you acknowldge Microsoft's system... which not many seem to do.

There IS a cow level!
To the person asking about wirt's leg in Diablo II:

Don't read this if you don't want to know what wirt's leg is good for, spoiler and such incoming. Doesn't spoil plot, but it's a spoiler.

Wirt's leg is combined with a tome of town portal in a horadric (spell check?) cube in the rogue encampment to make a portal to the secret cow level. Rules and regulations: this can only be done once as of patch 1.02, it must be done in the rogue encampment, it also must be done after you beat the game (beat it on normal, go back to rogue encampment on normal to use the leg). Good luck and have fun, this level isn't the greatest exp. but it's worth it to hear the sound effects.

Krelyk, lvl. 34 barbarian who can no longer stand playing Diablo II.

OK, words can not describe how cool that is. Actually they can, my cousin was telling me about it over the phone. Also, about 30 people wrote in to say that.


I can't believe I was just encouraged to join the ACLU....I feel so dirty........


Most of my mail was politics... but it was all a tad extremist, and I don't want to start a big political debate right before the weekend. You know?

I'm gonna miss Brad. Can I have your job?

No! Mine! Mine! <growl>

Dear Google,
Attached is a scan of a reciept which proves that you can buy Materia at your local Target store. I know where you live and I know you don't have Target there.... so think of a few steps above Wal-Mart...

I still like the "Do not oil mech" sign my cousin found. Weird part is, it was oily.

My Seaman made fun of me... :(


What the heck is the appeal of that thing? Isn't the Virtual Pet fad dead yet?

How could you possibly enjoy Koudelka when every room was too damn dark to find an exit?

Ramrod "A can of Fresca is a can of Self-Punishment" Zombie

Uh, I had no problem seeing anything in Koudelka, sure your brightness isn't a little low?


Has anyone considered opening a section for Starcraft Rpgs at the site? I know of a very good one.

No, but I have seen enough cool ones that I'd gladly link to an archive of them.

Nice Transformers reference.



The Last Laugh:

The disclaimers kind of dampen the impact, but this is still pretty darn funny.

OK, it's the weekend, enjoy Paws. I'm going to work until a couple of my fingers fall off, and then I'm going to spend a week playing Chrono Cross and answering questions on it.

Oh, and I almost forgot! here here and here are the next 5 screens of what is apparently an RPG maker game containing me. I'll have to post the finished product or something.

Googleshng "Relaxing"
Did I remember to print that letter I was going to?

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