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Googleshng - July 4 '00- 1:00 Eastern Daylight Time

Everyone has seen Willy Wonka in the Chocolate Factory five billion times, right? So you all remember the Oompa Loompas? The freaky midgets with orange skin and green hair? The main character in Vanguard Bandits looks EXACTLY like one of them. It's a tad freaky. At least he has a cool looking mech. I really only had a chance to play enough of it to give first impressions to you today, but I really like how the mechanics revolve around overheating from counterattacking too much, and how absolutely DEVASTATING it is to be hit in the back. To the point where I ALWAYS keep everyone's back to a wall, or just have two characters stand back to back and counter attack. Very cool. Then there's the Lunar 2 demo, which is pretty interesting, except for the creey fact that all the characters look like their Lunar counterparts with fake mustaches. I seem to recall hearing Wild ARMs 2 does the same thing. Finally, Koudelka is short. Specifically, it was about as short as I expected it to be. Very good though. Everyone I know who got it beat it, although I can't think of anyone who doesn't work here who got it. I could go on and on like this, but someone went to the trouble of writing a very long and thorough review, so I don't have to.

On a completely unrelated note, today is the fourth of July. I've always wondered why the heck people call it that. I mean, there IS an actually name for that holiday, Independance Day. You don't talk about the presents you get for the 25th of Decemeber. You don't talk about your 31st of October costume, but you talk about watching fireworks on the 4th of July. Since I've gone on about that so long, I suppose I shouldn't leave my Canadian readership out in the cold, so happy 1st of July!

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Hey hermaphrodite slime, I watched the FFIX movies on RPGamer about a dozen times,and I must say,while I wasn't that excited about FFIX before,now I am really looking forward to it.Only the words "How do we prove we exist?..." tell me that it's going to be a kick-ass game,because I'm sure they'll be a deep storyline with touching subjects,the way Xenogears explained the existence of God and mankind.
And for a question,do you prefer random battles,or when you already see the enemies on the field?I prefer random,because usually,you can get through a dungeon faster if you don't want to fight.Chrono Trigger was okay,but stupid Grandia still makes me swear...

Xeros89-Out of pepsi!Ahhhhhhhhhhh......

You know, avoiding fights is easier to do when monsters are on the map screen, because at times you can dodge past them. Plus you can eventually clear an area out and not get attacked at all. As for which I prefer, well, it depends on the combat and experience systems. If character building is really nessessary, or fun, it's nice to be able to charge into combat. At that it depends on whether the monsters that are on the map screen come back after you leave or stay dead forever.

Religion Lesson
I would like to point out to Brad that Wiccan does not involve stoning. In fact, Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong have NEVER condoned Wicca. So there.

"Heeeey man! We don' need no seeeelly pagan idols!"
"Yeah....I'm down with that man....."
"Heeeey man! I'm trippin'! Check out dat little fat white midgit dude!"
"Yeah man......hey little moogle dude...."


Seeing this reminded me that I planned to say something about that stuff this weekend. So, here's a few nice little fun facts about some of the more obscure mythologies. First of all, the term Pagan has a pretty nasty connotation. Basically, Pagan just means non-christian. Most people for some reason think Pagan means devil worshipping, which well, it isn't. Actually, to worship Satan, you'd have to believe in Satan, which would make devil worship an offshoot of chrsianity if anyone actually practiced it, which I kinda doubt, because, well, why would you? Anyway, Wicca (Wiccan? Wiccanism? I can never conjugate that) is all about natural forces and medicine and stuff, plus the practitioners get to carry around spiffy energy focusing daggers around I seem to recall. Also, that infamous letter from last week would obviously have to be a joke because the pope officially stated that there's nothing wrong with Pokémon a while ago. Weird huh?

Hi Google, I have noticed the lack of CC pics as of late and the high demand for more, so I decided to make my own funny pic, and I do hope that you will post it in your next Q & A column. I spent alot of time on it and I think that RPGamer readers will like it. Thanks!

[ The name of the pic, or the comment that should go with it is "Little do most gamers know that Tony Danza took one last leap at saving his career in a Chrono Trigger sidequest that was cut from the final version." Thank you, Google! I would be so happy to see this on RPGamer. I would also be happy to do more pics for your column if you'd like. I could do them quite often, perhaps two to three times a week or more. Many thanks! =) ]

-Rinoa the Resistance Fighter


Diablo 2 Requirements
This is for Whitey who wrote in yesterday asking about Diablo 2.
Taken directly from the Blizzard web site:

Multiplayer Requirements

Windows¨ 2000*, 95, 98 or NT 4.0 Service Pack 5
Pentium¨ 233 or equivalent
950 MB available hard drive space
4X CD-ROM drive
DirectXŞ compatible video card
28.8 Kbps or faster modem Up to 8 Players: Over TCP/IP Network or¨ (Requires low-latency Internet connection with support for 32-bit applications)

3D acceleration requires at least 8MB of video RAM and Direct3D requires 64MB of RAM.
The CPU requirements will be much higher since s/he doesn't have a 3D accelerator... I'm guessing around 300mhz or higher. S3 really sucks s/he should consider getting a Voodoo3 2000. It's under 100 bucks, comes in PCI and AGP versions, and it will make the game look great.

Someone said they were running it on a 200mhz setup... running it very slowly.

Koudelka Questions
Hey, Goog!

I cracked open Koudelka the other day and...ugh...not impressed so far. Is it just me, or is this survival horror without the horror?

Anyway, just a few quick questions, since that's kinda what you do over there. Anyway, first off, I'm not even an hour in yet, but I can't find a save point anywhere. Could you direct me to the closest one to the entrance? Also, where do you find the Red Key to open those old-folks' door?

I'll sell you my soul if you can answer these questions and make this game the slightest bit, uh, fun. Thanks.

I see your point about survival horror (and I really hate that term by the way). It has the same general style outside of combat, but it doesn't go the route of big scary monsters bursting out at you, it goes the moody brooding route, with ghosts bitter over their lives, and the very concept of the undead being out of place in a sufficiently realistic setting. Give it a chance, it grows on you. Now then, the red key you aren't going to get for a WHILE, so don't worry about it now. As for save points, the first REAL save point (guarded by the first REAL boss) is very close to where you are. When you first enter a room with a save point, it says "Something isn't right." at the bottom of the screen, look around for where the holy water should be coming from. Also, whenever you enter a room and get stopped by the name displaying with an S, hit the menu button and you can temp save... oh and DON'T save only your only file with the temp save points in the top of the tower. Trust me.

I'll handle this with my trusty... uh-oh.
You ask for some thoughts on Koudelka? Well I will give you some. It is extremly short, we are talking around 15 hours. And the enemies are very unbalanced. What I mean is one time you will be fighting all easy monsters and then BLAM tough ones and I mean really tough ones. So the bosses are really hard...but isnt that what it should be? I think that the effects (speech) throughout the movie, are some of the best...better than, say, LoD. And you dont have to listen to "Crush Dance" and "Pursuit" throughout battle. My biggest problem with the game is the weapons...not the actual weapons because their are alot of weapon and they really come in handy. But the weapons brake after maybe 10 you cannot count on some kick ass weapon throughout the game. You have no idea the disappointment I had when some of those weapons broke. And you must find is essental to find it early...and often. It gives you without it the game gets INCREDABLY hard...I mean really really really hard. I love the setting for the game too...who can beat a old monestary that killed many many people?

The Man

I actually really like the weapons in Koudelka. Most of the time you're using kitchen knives, stove pipes, replica broadswords with the blade broken off close to the hilt (Like Wren's sword from Pirates of Darkwater!), if you're lucky a real sword or halbard. As for them breaking, it's a realism thing. I mean, how many times do you think you could ACTUALLY whack a Lovecraftian Horror upside the head with a rusty metal pipe before it broke? 30 hits seems more than fair. As far as the frustration factor goes,the following must be said. Your barehanded attacks can actually be pretty darn good. By the end of the game, all the weapon types I'd been using for James were broken (except for what I was saving for scary stuff), so he was just in there throwing punches. Spells are also pretty good, and bringing them up to level 3 takes quite a while (although you don't always want to, Reflect level 3 costs 86 MP) so, it's best to start early if you plan to use them. Finally, monsters DO drop weapons every so often. Those things in the courtyard seem to always drop Galahad Swords. Granted, these suck, but they're great to train with, so that once you get the two GREAT swords, you're already proficient with them.


It's my birthday today!Yay,4th of July!Unfortunately,I'm in QuŽbec,so nobody cares.


Born on the 4th of July... isn't that a song you never hear and a movie nobody saw? 8)

Hello there, Google! It's my birthday today. ^________^;;


If this keeps up I might stop printing birthday quickies. Ask questions!

Pastor Luc I. Makuma = Pastor, look I am akuma (demon, devil)?
If that isn't a troll name what is?


Why DO little things with long vertical dayglow hair take delight in ticking people off anyway?

Is it normal to want to kill yourself after watching the end of EVA and hearingTod, Komm Susser

-alex "tumbling, tumbling, tumbling, down" Welkin

Actually, yes, that IS normal. Can I have your stuff afterwards?

You remind me of the babe!

~ Lady Nighttide

What babe? (Sing that in public and you get some STRANGE looks)

now here's an idea
labyrinth the rpg?
i want a cod peice

no, i said allo
you've no power over me
and the name's hoggle

A haiku where each line is the same number of characters, followed by one of all Labrynth quotes. That's just plain cool.

Omni....potent Googleshng,
I heard that you were making a computer game, what kind of game is it? RPG? ^_~
And here's another image I did, not quite the same as the previous two but I had fun doing it.
The legend from which legends are legendary, Phoenix ^_^
"This is..."

No, I'm not making an RPG. If I was I'd have finished years ago. I'm making a multiplayer Simulation/TRPG revolving around struggling for power from the shadows and a very realistic (turn based) combat system. Low plot, infinate replay, network capacity. In other words, a nice hot seat/LAN party game. Oh and it has 3D graphics too. 8)

The Last Laugh:

Remember those spiffy little things Radisol sent me a little while ago? Here's another.

Now then, this column is horrifically late. 7 PM instead of 2 AM like it should be. I started it at the regular time, and I didn't wander away. Almost the entire staff spontaniously decided to take a week off at once, and we just had a round of hirings. Basically, I'm the only one here to show them the ropes. Plus the few staffers who HAVE been around have wanted input from me on a bunch of things. THEN of course I got stuck doing an editorials update on basically no notice. In fact, I've been working straight since... 8 AM. Sunday. Well, more like 2 PM Sunday because I did squeeze in some Koudelka time in the morning. Anyway, tonight's column will hopefully be up on time. Get those questions in!

Googleshng "Iasant"
These are such great names!

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