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Googleshng - April 18 '00- 1:30 Eastern Daylight Time

As I said I would, I spent the whole day playing RE4. One can't help but wonder why Umbrella puts raving lunatics in charge of all their bases. Maybe it's to ensure that there will be crazy logic puzzles everywhere, or maybe it's just an affirmative action kind of thing. You know, each company must have a minimum of 4 clinically insane people with death fetishes at the executive level. In any case, I have a much better batch of letters today, so things should go smoothly.

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Perhaps my last E-Mail never got through, but being the committed, dedicated, annoying person I am, I've decided to send it again! So, without further ado.... more answers!

It's answer time again! As a special treat, todays questions are so convoluted... so mysterious, that even the characters IN the videogames don't know the answers... so through great insight, they decided to ask me! Well, who am I to refuse?

Cloud from Final Fantasy 7 asks: Umm... Why did Aeris have to die? A: Well, the most obvious answer would be because you were to damn stupid to use a pheonix down, but there are other reasons, as well. You see, Aeris, time and again, would be running into people calling her 'Aerith'. At first, this only happenned on visits to Japan, but soon, half the people she talked to would call her Aerith, and argue passionately to anyone who would tell them otherwise. This caused Aeris to become so confused, she developed a brain tumor that would eventually kill her. So, in the end, Sephiroth was really just saving her a long, painful death.

Shira from Final Fantasy 7 asks: Ever since Sephiroth was beaten and all, I can't seem to find Cid (Not to be confused with Cid, Cid, Cid, or Cid). Where is he?
A: I regret to inform the gaming public that Cid died recently from lung cancer.

Marle from Chrono Trigger asks: Why didn't Crono ever talk? It's not my fault, is it? It's because I never give him a chance to speak!? Well, how dare you say something like that! No, no, no... stop trying to apologize to me, I don't want to hear it.
A: .....

Ramza from Final Fantasy Tactics asks: Is it me, or does everyone I talk to speak very bad English... almost as if it were in a poorly translated RPG? A: Actually, the characters in Final Fantasy Tactics aren't speaking English at all, but rather a completely different language, called F.F. Tacticslish. To demonstrate this, here is a sample conversation translated from English to Tacticslish-
Hi, I'm CaspianX! - CaspianX is a person that I am!
Oh, nice to meet you, I'm Ramza! - To meet a CaspianX is good to Ramza!
Do you live around here? - Is this place the place that you live?
No, I'm from Ivalice - No, the place that I live is Ivalice.
Oh? I've been there! - Oh? That is a place I've been!
Really? What'd you think of it? - Really? What was the thing you think of Ivalice?
It was really nice! - I got a good feeling!
As you can see, although some areas are similar in both languages, others are very different, so much so, the two couldn't possibly be the same language.

Citan from Xenogears asks: Well, since you claim to know all the answers, I'd really like to ask a question about that starship in Xenogears' opening FMV... just what were these guys doing transporting Deus?
A: Well, Deus was originally a little fluffy critter not much bigger than a gerbil. You remember the old myth about the baby alligator that was flushed down the toilet? Similar thing here. The ship that was transporting it was a sewage disposal vessel. I hate to break it to you, but your god belongs in the trash can.

Ramus from Lunar asks: Hey, I SAW that comment the other day. For your information, I only used a garbage can lid because I was short on cash. If you had to fight giant slime creatures and brave dragon caves, you'd use whatever you had available, too!
A: Hey, that gives me a great idea for a topic on the next session: 'How to save the world on a budget'.

-CaspianX (Remember, shop smart! Shop S-Mart!)

Is it wrong to print letters just because there's an Army of Darkness quote in the signiture? Oh, wait, there is. I'd better not do that anymore.

Strategy Guide Woes
Hi Google!!
2 things I wanted to ask:
1)I finally got a hold of Front Mission 3. It's a great game, I enjoy making my own Wanzers (I name them all after Xenogears gears) and customizing the ones I already have, the Internet's pretty cool, but what's with the people? What I mean is when you're in a room, lets say an office, on the screen there will be a desk, maybe a sofa, a window, and a bookshelf.
When text boxes come up you see a character's face but on the screen inside the office no one's there! Is it supposed to be like that, or is my copy just defective?

2)Did you think the end of the first disc of Grandia sucked? I thought it should've been more dramatic, like, Justin and Feena should have arrived on the beach and saw Mullen, Leen, and Baal there. It would go like this:
"I would congradulate you on finding us, Justin," Baal growled as he gripped at something hidden inside his uniform. "But it was in vain! You only arrived here to bring about your own executions! You'll never get in the way of the Garlyle Forces again."
"Wait!" Mullen shouts. "You don't understand, Father. Justin may seem like an enemy, but he isn't. Can't you see he has the same objectives as us?"
"Nonsense, Mullen!" Baal argued. "Step aside and watch the end of our enemies. I think I'll start with you."
He walks up to Feena and pulls her next to a tree, turning her around. He takes out a gun and steps a few feet back, aiming it at her. "Good bye." When he pulls the trigger, Justin screams and dives behind Feena just in time to take the bullet for her. He falls down with his eyes closed, bleeding.
"Justin!" Feena screams. She falls over with shock as Justin's bleeding body stumbles over a hill next to them and into the forest. Baal starts to aim his gun at Feena, but Mullen lunges at him. Baal takes off into the woods with Mullen after him, as the screen shows that while simultaniously flashing to Feena and Leen running down the hill after Justin. Before it reaches either of them, the screen goes black and you hear three screams.


Well, you see, all the characters in FM3 are really camera shy! So, they all just kinda huddle behind the camera and yammer away. Seriously though, I believe the reason they do things that way is to maintain the same style as the earlier (read SNES) Front Missions. I mean, how would you like it if in FF9 everything was first person?

Hiya Goog,

Since you said you don't get enough normal questions, I'll ask you about something other than your gender. I am 23 years old and I have been playing RPG's for 8 or 9 years. They are my favorite type of game by far, not that I don't also like other types of games. I have played and beaten many RPG's, having a mostly great time doing it. I would like to know if you think that RPG's are harder or easier today as opposed to years ago? I happen to think that they are harder today. Now, I don't mean to get off on a rant here but...
I have heard many people say that games are easier today. The actual game mechanics themselves are certainly easier to deal with today. It is much easier to do things such as manage your inventories, control character ability development, and generally handle RPG basics like battling and moving the linear story along. These facets of the games have possibly made them seem easier in general. But, it is when we get into the sidequests,"secrets", and little extras, I believe things have changed.
Many companies, in attempting to make games more challenging or maybe just wanting to make you play their games more, make these extras incredibly difficult or nigh on impossible to find. Let alone be able to do, without some sort of strategy guide. Now, I understand the idea of having extras and "secrets" means that they should be a little tougher to find and achieve. This makes them special because you don't necessarily have to do them. These things help to set apart the more skilled gamers. They are tough to do and if you can, you have achieved something. But it has gone too far! Let me explain.
Stuff like getting that lousy alien card in FFVIII. C'mon, how could you possibly have any clue whatsoever to take the steps to get it. In game certainly doesn't provide much help. I won't even start on the monkey in the forests thing.
How about Suikoden II? I beat it and then decided to play again and get the best ending. I had an Expert Gamer magazine and followed as best I could. I missed Gilbert somehow. A character who is in one spot at one (and only one) junction of the story. You missed him? Tough. Or howzabout that decision to save Nanami near the end of the game? I'm sure lots of folks knew that it wasn't getting the right answer that mattered as much as how quickly you answered. Oh, you messed up? Just start the whole game over and do ALL the work again. You don't have a job or other responsibilities.
I say if there are extras and secrets, they should be able to be found while advancing through the game or subplots of the game. Maybe someone you talk to needs help. You get the choice of helping or not. But if you help it makes you have to fight more battles, or track down an item, or go on a sidequest that is story itself, whatever. Enough of this junk that you, as a gamer just playing a game by yourself and trying to listen to people and put two and two together, cannot accomplish by your own skills. I am tired of having to be in a certain place, at a certain time, with a certain item, wearing a certain shirt, with a certain thought crossing your mind, and a certain tune on your lips, and a certain...........with absolutely, positively no reason on God's green earth to know the aforementioned info from just playing the game yourself.
In closing, I miss the days when you could play unaided and figure things out with a little effort and using the old noodle. Sometimes I feel like somebody stole all the fun and is giving me glitzy packaging and FMV to take it's place.
Sorry I ran on so long. I just get all worked up sometimes. Don't worry, they will be coming for me soon. I just have to put my Penguins jersey on, and take my old sneaker and my new Indiglo watch, brush all my hair forward, brush my teeth with Colgate whitening toothpaste, go to the abandoned field by the Wal-mart, Have my yellow underwear.................................................


Some companies put "secret" things in games that are almost impossible to find on your own for one very simple reason. To sell strategy guides. It's a very evil thing to do, but it happens. Star Ocean 2 in particular suffers from this, which is the main reason I don't like it. I wouldn't say this is becoming a bigger problem though, we get a nice wide scale. For example, Game Arts makes the most linear games I've ever seen. Nearly no side stuff whatsoever. It's just one of the side effects of the selective release wall coming down.

Hey Googs-

I'm playing Xenogears I and was wondering if it's important to level up a bunch at the beginning of the game (first disk). So far, I haven't done much leveling up, but I'm starting to progress in the game. So, do you think I should level up.

Thanks man

P.S. This slime things getting out of hand. I keep having a re-occuring dream in which your little slime destroys my town. It's freakin' me out. Please make it stop. Hehe.

No, levels matter very little in Xenogears. The only thing you can do to mess yourself up at the begining is go out of your way not to learn new deathblows like a friend of mine did. He did nothing but use Deathblows he already had the whole game. Had maybe 5 per character at the end. Ouch.

Even More About FM3
I have many great guides for games. The FFT one is perfect, the FM3 one is great, and the one for Suikoden II is practically necessary. I buy guides so I can go through the game once and then have a walkthrough when I go around the 2nd time. Besides, faqs on the net don't have everything, and I don't want to print them out or leave my PC on for them. Also, in FM3, I heard that free items can be obtained through destroying obstacles during battle. Is this true? Never happens with me, do I have to step and stay on the destroyed object? How often does it happen? Can I get gear parts, weapons or just normal items?

That isn't true. The only advantage in smashing stuff is giving you a clear path. If you could get items from smashing stuff, wouldn't it be in the strategy guide?
OK, I stand corrected. There IS a small random chance of getting items from smashing the scenery.


What's with the recent trend of good RPGs with mediocre music? FFVII's music was decent, but nowhere near the quality of FFVI's. FFVIII's is decent too, but isn't quite as good as FFVII's, in my opinion.

So Google, music-wise, what's your favorite RPG? Mine is personally Chrono Trigger. CT is the only game where I can actually still remember almost every song, even after having not played it in a year or so. How could you possibly NOT like at least one or two songs from that game? Especially the Cooridors of Time song... that's the greatest.

Oh, also, if you like CT's music, check out the Brink of Time remix CD... very cool.


There isn't a recent trend of mediocre music across the board in games, just FFs. As for why, well, Uematsu's been at it for a REALLY long time, and he seems to get a bigger workload for each game, so, yeah, the quality drops. As for my favorite music, I loved Xenogears' music, and CT's is also quite good (same composer). Then there's the Phantasy Star series, 1 and 4 particularly. I'm probably forgetting a bunch of other good stuff too.


Hey, Goog! Tomorrow (April 18) is my birthday!

Javahead Jones and his Chopped Espresso Maker

uh, good for you.

Can't sleep,clowns will eat me.Will you help me? -the Grinch

Sorry, clowns are the one thing I won't mess with.

What gender are you?

-Galvatron who must spam! :P
BTW speaking of RE4 is it worth buying a dreamcast just to get RE4?

If you're a fan of the series, yes. Come for the zombies, stay for the mice!

Phantasy Star Four.
Rika's ears do look like horns.
Where is my tilde?

Right here. ~

"Evil is good, down with Government!" -The evil midnight bomber that bombs at midnight

So, what do I get?


Well, you almost get to blow up the Comet Club!

Hey Google,
Reading your column is killing my game time. WHY do you have to be so interesting?
The Great Cornholio

Hmm... so that I can entertain my readers?

Are you depressed Google?

Not at all.

The Last Laugh:

Has this joke been run into the ground yet?

I like it. I hate those moth things though, they're real annoying and you can't exterminate them. Anyway, uh, some other people sent stuff in that I should post but I'm too tired to. Sorry. Well, off I go.

Googleshng "Shotgun!"
Not only does RPGamer have a staffer named Veronica, we also have a Hunter. We need to hire someone named zombie...

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