Ask Google
and Cheshire Catalyst
Googleshng - February 10 '99- 1:30 Eastern Standard Time

Are there midterms now or something? I've been getting very little mail lately, hence the late updates. Anyway, as is usually the case with guest hosts, I'll just be stepping back to make room for a long intro.

Hello hello! Hey, nice weather weÕre having. So, did you hear about the robbery at the Laundromat? Two clothespins held up a pair of pants! Ooh! (rimshot) Well, I suppose that counts for opening with the proverbial ŌjokeĶ. Hidely-ho, neighbor! Nice to see youÕve taken a break from surfing for pictures of naked people long enough to read this column! My name is Cheshire Catalyst (donÕt ask why my parents named me younger brother is named ŌSnoop-Doggy-Dogma) and IÕll be your guest host today! Just a quick note about myself, IÕm a freshman at Northwestern University majoring in Computer Science. IÕve played RPGÕs ever since I was little. I even remember running to my mom while playing FFIV screaming, ŌMom! Mom! You know? That guy? Who IÕve been fighting? Well, I was gonna kill him, you know? But heÕs like, my brother! How about that?" Mom, of course, gave the obligatory parental rejoinder, "ThatÕs nice, dear." Parents say this when they have no clue what youÕre talking about. When IÕm not creating snappy images for Googleshng to post, IÕm playing my Play Station, watching anime, STUDYING, hanging out with my roommate Hamilton (who gave me a dollar to put his name in), reading, or writing fan-fiction. Shameless site plug! Here is where a bunch of my Dragonball Z fan-fiction is published (3 humorous short stories and one in-progress work).
All right, enough with the small talk, letÕs get to it! Bring those letters on!

You got any CHEESE?

Ask Brad
The Blinking One.

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In the PSX:
The STARS my destination
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Beat it you!
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In the SNES:
Still no AC. 8(
In the SMS:
Phantasy Star
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River City Ransom
People make good clubs.
In the Saturn:
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Need new game...
Lunar 2
are there any RPGs where the characters change clothing color and shape depending on what they're equipped with? that would be neato.

- Hall of Fame Announcer, Harry Carey.

In the PC RPG "Baldur's Gate", your characters images change as they are equipped with different armors(full plate, chain mail, leather armor, etc.). The weapons they carry change as well (Xan's "moonsabre" or somesuch is awesome).
But that's not all! During the course of the game, you can change the color scheme of whatever outfit your party member(s) are wearing. (I find light pastels and burly fighters....just don't mix)
Finally, when you are creating the main character, you can set his skin and hair tone from the normal (beige through ebony) to the unorthodox (light blue, green).
Neato, ne? Hold my hamster!

There's more than that. Let's see, Crystalis sorta has that... and, in Vandal Hearts 2, the only thing constant about your characters' appearences are their heads.

Euro RPGs
Hey googleshng! (and the one guy over there.)

The other night, I was cruisin' with a couple of my friends and we ended up in Wal-Mart. My friend had been looking for a CD from that wierd europop band Eiffel 65 (the ones that made the dubadubedoo song or whatever) and they had it, so he picked it up. As the night went on, we listened to about half the disc, until we heard a song called "My Console". It was a song about the Playstation and it mentioned a bunch of games. Metal Gear Solid, Gran Turismo, Resident Evil, and Omega Boost to name a few. The thing that disturbed was, (dont get me wrong, it's a good song), that it didn't mention any RPGs! Not one! I guess that brings me to my question. Are RPG's not popular in Europe? Or are they but just not hugely popular?

Dragon T

P.S. I'm a huge Nintendo loyalists, but "P-L-A-Y-STA-TION!!!"

Well, if you wanna listen to "Mr. one-guy-over-there", perhaps it's because not as many RPGs make it to Europe from what I hear (Xenogears, FFT). Or, maybe the band members don't prefer RPGs. After looking through my PSX CD collection (Xenogears, VH2, FFA, FF8, Grandia, Lunar, Star Ocean, FFT, Ehrgeiz), my roommate is constantly asking me, "When are you going to get some GOOD games?" Oy vey... By the way Dragon T, no hard feelins on not puttin me in the letterÕs salutation. Everything will be fine as long as you mail me either your first born child or some gum.

Just what I was going to say. Hmm... this could be a problem.

It'sa me! Mustadio!
I've gotta question for ya Google . I've recently started playing Final Fantasy Tactics and I was wondering if Mustido ( acquired in chapter 2) was really important . In case The names spelled wrong he's the dude in the yellow , an engineer ,and had the 1st Zodiac Stone. I it's the stone of Tauras . I ask this because during my battle at the execution site he was killed and it would really piss me off if I had to start back at the begining because of one mistake.

The Greatest SeeD In History

Well, Richy, if you want to simply "finish the game", then there's no problem. However, having Mustadio in your party allows certain special events to occur. Unless you have him in your party, I don't believe you'll be able to get the ally robot "Worker" (I can't remember his number). He's also key to getting Cloud in your party. (All of this can't happen 'till Chapter 4, so don't sweat it) Mustadio is also key for the very, VERY important scene where Ramza "tests" the new robot by having it attack Mustadio. BOOM! Ramza: "Someone get the Phoenix down!!!" It's really funny, so I suggest trying to keep the gun-wielding engineer(why are all of the enegineers I meet not as cool as this?) alive.

Again he answers like I planned to! Anyway, you might as well just keep playing, then play through again sometime later trying to get all the secret characters.

Hey Catalyst-Dude and Goog-man!
I was just wondering (besides Escaflowne) what your favorite animes are. Never seen Escaflowne myself. Record of the Lodoss War is my personal favorite, followed closely by the Slayers. I just want to say that Gourry rules and Emilia should be put to death. I just can't stand her... Agh!

"That dang dog! He got my underwear again!"

Until just recently, the only anime I've seen has been that which has filtered through the televison.

Dragonball Z - I love it. Granted there isn't much along the lines of deep plot,'s Toriyama! Captain Ginyu is my current favorite.

G-Force - Is this anime? All I know is that the eyes are big, and the dubbing Kinda corny, but enjoyable. Remember when Ace's father sacrificed himself to stop Galactor's evil scheme?

Sailor Moon - least it's better than "Power Rangers." Granted, it had some high moments (Nephrite getting impaled in the shoulder), but a lot of it was a tad too... sugary.

Ronin Warriors - Mia and Ulee must die! Otherwise, the show was great.

Batman Adventures - No, not an anime, but pretty damn good. Great psychological fare, though it doesn't hold a candle to the current comic book. (Read "Gotham: No Man's Land" and you'll thank me)

But my favorite anime has to be...

Neon Genesis Evangelion - Beyond awesome. Great plot, incredibly well-written characters, and phenominal writing. Who can forget episode 24 with Kaoru Nagisa? Asuka sitting in the tub saying over and over "Synch ratio zero. Dismissed from active duty." I'd go on, but there's too much to say. Technological Heresy, baby, yeah!
By the way, the pilot of Eva-03, the one infected by Bardiel - Angel #13, was Toji Suzuhara.

Poor poor soul, only TV anime. Anyway, I suppose my second favorite anime is Slayers, then there's a whole bunch fighting for 3rd.

Hi Google & CC (hey!!! sounds like Chrono Cross!!)
C.C.: Or Cheddar Cheese! Or Cross-dressin' Cloud! Or Carol Coffman (my nazi-esque health teacher back in the pages of pre-history known as 8th grade.).....rrr...not a fond memory...let's move on...
Whatsup? In case I don't get the oppurtunity again (and I bet you're getting a lot of e-mails like these), I wanted to let you know I LOVEd those pictures! My favorite was Shiva and the FF Tactics summoner. Now, I can never look at Shiva the same again. All my brother and I can do is laugh at her!
C.C.: Actually, other than Goog, I haven't recieved much feedback concerning the pics. Glad you liked it! I can see Ramza right now...
Ramza: "Team! We're in a tight spot! Looks like we need....."
Mustadio, Orlandu, and the other guys: "Shiva!"
(while Shiva does her thang, the men of the party simply drool in awe. (The women (like Agrias..who only likes Ovelia as a friend)...just get cranky.)

Okay, questions... where are my questions?

1) Do you know when Chrono Cross will be released in the US?
C.C.: From what I read, Fall 2000. Around August - September.
2) Did you watch the X-Files last Sunday?
C.C.: Damn it, no! And I heard it was really good too....
3) Do you know any guys willing to go out with a young High School student who plays oboe, piano, & alto sax, maintains a 3.86 GPA, and loves RPGs more then anything else except writing (Dammit, I WILL become a famous writer some day! I WILL, and no one can stop me! Move your ass away, Stephen King!)
C.C.: I dunno. But hey, if Mamoru can get away with dating a girl 5 years his junior, then there should be no problem.
4) I seem to have a debate going with my friends, about how fruity Chu-Chu is. What do you think? Were the Chu-chus in Xenogears too 'overdone'?
C.C.: Did you catch Pikachu's fate in MAD magazine? May the same happen to Chu-chu....
Thats all, thanks for dealing with my mindless chatter! :)

C.C.: I'm gonna catch HFIL for that Agrias comment....

I didn't think there was a set date for Crono Cross. Hey, I tried to watch X-Files, but I was too distracted by writing the column. 8( As for Chu-Chu, I liked her! Very very amusing.

Chrono Trigger Spoilers
You heard me, Chrono Trigger Spoilers! Seriously!

Serious Chrono Trigger spoilage. And this concerns the Japanese import, so even if you've played the NA version you might still get something sprung on ya. Bwa ha ha.

When I first finished Chrono Trigger back in 1997 I thought I had it all figured out. Basically, all the characters went their own separate ways, and Square ties it up in the end with some really awesome music and a comical "your cat ran away" type thing.

But the ending FMV in the remake blasted all of those original conceptions. Chances are most of you guys haven't played it, so I'll run down the oddities one scene at a time.

In the first part, Crono and Marle are married. Not only did this break to shreds a very cool CT/Xenogears fic I've been working on, but it also made me think. I've always though Crono was so much more compatable with Lucca (or as compatable as anyone can be with a mute).

Second, it shows a scene of the king of Guardia (600) knighting sn annonymous green-haired soldier. The scene is played to Glenn's theme music, so I can only assume the soldier is none other than Glenn himself- except that Glenn is a frog. To my understanding, the only way Glenn can be rejuvinated is if Magus/Janus is killed during the game. In my game, I allowed Magus/Janus to live, yet Glenn still transformed.

Next, there's a scene where Ayla and Kino are "married." Not too far fetched. It's pretty funny actually.

The scene which really raised my eyebrow is the final one with Lucca (who is way cuter without that wacky headset on). She's walking down a forest trail (which I assume is in 1000, but I wouldn't blame poor Lucca if she skipped to another timestream after the kid she has had a crush on and been best friends with all her life passes her up for some ditzy blonde he's only known for a short time, chauvinistic pig) with a mini-Robo lookalike (which according to Lucca would have been impossible for her to build). She finds a baby in some bushes nearby (which is wearing Schala's pendant), picks it up, smiles, and walks off with it.

Confusing. Growl. The best I can come up with is that Square made the ending to CT less open in the remake so as to lead into CC. I hope this is the case. Any clarifications you can give me would be helpful.

Oh, on a side note Goog, I've given considerable thought as to what gender you are, and have arrived at the conclusion that I don't give a crank. You're doing a damn fine job as Q&A guy; I haven't enjoyed the column this much since Thor left. Keep up the good work.


Coolness! Your guess sounds like a sound one, or maybe, after these years, they decided to change some stuff.
And I agree that Crono should have stuck with Lucca. Namely, cuz she looks so much like DBZ's Bulma! And who can resist Bulma?

What are you two smoking? Marle's the one who looks like Bulma and if Lucca has a crush on anyone it's Robo. Still, interesting.


His name was Touji...and he sucked. Though not as bad a Shinji. Now where's Rei....


C.C.: Rei is gone. Ritsuko made her into Rei Kibbles n Bits. nice thing about we know what "Sephiroth" means
Google: Approximate number of people who told me this: 30.

Are you related to TC (Top Cat)? ^_^

C.C.: No, but I do live in a trash can and sound a lot like Phil Silvers. Officer Dibble sir...these women were just leaving.

Why don't you post some of my letters?


C.C.: Yeah, Google! You should post EVERYONE's letters.
(Prays like crazy Goog isn't really the liquid-metal terminator and will kill him for that)
Damn...8 lives left

Google: Simply put, the fewest letters I've ever gotten in one day was around 50, usually more like 120.

By Pacon's Panties, Batman!


C.C.: Does he still call it "The Bat Computer"? With The "Bat-Operating System" and The "Bat-Word Processor (handy for writing angry letters to The Joker)

What's with that Lexcanium staff guy? He's...weird.

~Dan Calderman

C.C.: Maybe HE'S normal, and YOU'RE wierd! Wierdo! Gimme back my son!
Google: Cute Lex, but I think my last letter to Brad when he did weekdays has you beat. 8)

Brad is a garbage heap compared to the shining moon that is Google!


C.C.: WHat kind of garbage though? Does it contain....half-eaten egg salad sandwiches? Eeeeewwwwwww! Brad IS nasty. N-A-S-T-Y! He ain't got no alibi! He's nasty! Hey hey, he's nasty! Wooo!
Google: I feel obligated to defend Brad, but I'm in a hurry... yeah.

Yo, Googmeister,
I got the Vandalier in VH and now i feel a little.....too powerful. Is this bad? And also, was the Final Fantasy Tactics 2 project stopped? I really loved the 1st one and I heard that there was a 2nd one in the making. Can you shed any light on this?


C.C.: Heyyyyyy! You're the guy that turned into Velius, you shrine-knight stinky, neener-neener, poo head! I'm sorry, but my high moral standing prevents me from answering questions submitted by evil people. That goes for you too, Limbaugh!
Google: Yes, Vandalier=God, but there's like 3 fights left in the game by then. As for FFT2, you must be thinking of either Vagrant Story or, more likely, Hoshigami. Neither is REALLY FFT2 though.

The Last Laugh:

Cheshire Catalyst: And IÕm spent! Well, that was certainly a cool experience. I sincerely hope IÕve entertained and enlightened the lot of you. Now I can go down in the tomes of history as one of GoogleÕs Ōguest-hostsĶ. That qualifies as a lifetime achievement, doesnÕt it?
IÕd like to thank Goog for giving me this opportunity, and I hope to be invited back some day in the future. I hope you all enjoy my pieces of crap satirical magnificence. If youÕd like to drop me a line, my email is here for your convenience. Hope you like todayÕs installment. IÕll try to keep this daily.
And thatÕs all I have to say about that.

Google: Now it's time for me to depart and be replaced with Brad for 3 days. Hopefully when I return I'll be getting my usual volume of letters.

Googleshng "Weekend"
Waiting sucks.

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