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Return of Stinky Cheese

rudyxx - August 1 2004 06:00 CST

WHILE I WAS DRIVING HOME FROM WORK TODAY and the thought came to me that I had not cleaned out my refridgerator in several years. So when I got home I looked in the back of the fridge and was brutaly attacked by stinky piece of cheese. After I woke up several hours later I decided to name my smelly friend, Lambert. Say hi Lambert!


rudyxx: Dear Lord Lambert that is not how you say hi to people. You need to work on your manners a bit. In anycase here is today's column.



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About the Editor

Who is this guy?

Dance! Dance you fiends!

Andrew normally writes something goofy in here but I'm not all that whitty enough to do the same.

Graduating from Kindergarden.

Right, hi! I was just wondering what the crap one of those little kids at the beginning of Wild Arms 2 was talking about when he says "Ashley's going to have a class change" or something to that extent? I mean, he stays a "Gun Warrior" for the rest of the game.
Also, do you think there is any relation between "Calamity Jane" Maxwell of WA1 and Virginia Maxwell of WA3?

-Blizzam Blaazam

I belive what they were talking about was the fact that since ashley had done so well in class that he was going on to more advanced classes and therefore getting a "class change". Or they were simply talking about how he was about to gain so fun new powers. And they always try to stick small funny things in each of the wild arms games that while may not entirely have to do with the other games, they are mainly there to give fans of the games a good chuckle. Kind of like how when you find the Emma Motor in Wild Arms 2 you laugh when they say whatever it was about the Emma Motor doing whatever it did in the first game.

Ted like Ted Woolsey?

Hey Nathan,
Regarding the letter inquiring about returning characters in Suikoden IV, I believe that Ted from the first game will be showing up, and he easily fits into the timeline, too, since heís several centuries old at the time of the first installment. He was in one of the trailers, as I saw.

Jeremy, the Duke of Otterland

P.S. The katakana for "Tales of Destiny 2" in your bio page is incorrect. It should be "Teiruzu obu DesutinÓ 2," not "Tairuzu obu DesutainÓ 2." Just thought Iíd point this out. And judging by your bio page portrait, I assume youíre a fan of Rhapsody? Iíve never played the game, and canít understand why people seem to hate it so much.

I copied the katakana straight off the box so if I'm wrong then apparently Namco is wrong as well. And yes I am quite the fan of Rhapsody and I belive that people hate it so much because of the annoying songs they randomly throw in.


Yes Lambert that is also very true about the game.

It's a good thing I never beat the Wind Waker

*Possible "The Wind Waker" Spoilers*
Biggest surprise in a game eh? Mine was actually recently when I beat The Legend of Zelda The Wind Waker (I know it's not technically an RPG blah blah blah). The final fight with Ganondorf was one of the coolest final boss fights I've seen. It was such a classic old school sword fight, like something out of a movie. The fact that Zelda actually get's off her whole damsel-in-distress thing and helps you too is also really neat. It made everything so trihumphant when you finally stab him in the head (stab in the head?? who does that?) Despite the whole game being cutesy and cartoony, the final battle was totally bad ass. I loved it.
Here's another random question: Are "Calamity" Jane Maxwell and Virginia Maxwell related? I always thought it was interesting that they had the last name. Was this mentioned in Wild Arms 3 and I missed it?



It's ok I can't count either

Okay Rudy(or other mailbaggy person) I would first like to respond to the title given to my last letter. (8 or 10 bag games) Since I repeatedly list a series of games its far more then ten actual games. I for one type badly when I am ranting. Okay on to the topic. Okay don't yell at me for this, but I really did like FF8. I played it everyday for like two weeks. (switching between it and silent hill). And there is a part in FF8 where a giant zombie busts into the train and you have to fight it off. (BOSS) anyway I looked at a guide and it said because its a zombie you could use phoenix down to kill it instantly.And this blew me away I had no idea companies did smart stuff like that. Actual logic applied to a fight. I loved it and it saved me like 15 minutes of fighting. k well just want you to know you had every right to down the village as well as any other of m. knights movies. They suck. Let me frigging see the bad guy already. I think he's just really bad at visualizing bad guys so he finds ways around it.


Strangely enough this is actually a very common thing in Final Fantasy games. I remember wondering if I could case cure on the Doom Train the first time I played Final Fantasy VI. Much to my amazement it worked and I promptly used a pheonix down on it to see if that did anything. After that any time I fight any kind of undead creature in any game, my first reaction is to see if I can cast any kind of revive spell on the creature. Also, while I don't enjoy most of M. Knight Shyamalan's movies, this one did have some solidly funny scenes in it that kind of made up for it's predictability and continious stream of boringness.

Random Final Fantasy 7 Rant

Sup, Short-Round:
Basically at the end of Final Fantasy 7, the world decided man was not beneficial to the planet and thus ended it. Fear not though; Red and his children running through the ruins indicated that sentient life did carry on.
Red's adopted grandfather pounded home this possibility by asking whether the planet would think of man as a menace to its existence (I'm paraphrasing as I haven't played the game in years and don't intend to ever again.)
The whole notion that everything is still as it was in the upcoming movie completely destroys the point or message of the extremely convoluted and trite plot that was Final Fantasy 7. Really, any other Final Fantasy game created would have been a better host for a sequel than 7, but for some reason 7 has the legacy of being the best in the series (people like shiny graphics), so Square will continue to pump out Final Fantasy 7 crap until it quits selling.
But coming from a nation where people like kiddie songs such as "Let's Fighting Love" and songs about imaginary card monsters to real, artistically driven musicians, the day the Final Fantasy 7 died will probably never come.
Thats my rant and I'm sticking to it.
Tad Ghostal.

I for one would say that I'm not very round. In fact, weighing in at 120 pounds, I'd say I'm more like a slightly broken twig. And yes I don't have any clue why Square decided to make a sequal to Final Fantasy VII. In my opinion the game wasn't amazingly great to begin with.


Yes Lambert I couldn't agree more. Square has turned into a big stinky piece of cheese.

It's ok I can't count either

Actually I had a similar problem with Kingdom hearts. My brother rented it before me and I kinda sat back and let him play, when I tried to play myself I went..."why can't I jump?"..."He CHOPED!?"..."Circles is jump, ok. Jeff you can play now."otherwise I thought it was a relatively good game, I just think whoever thought the circle button should be jump has half the IQ of the people who came up with the gummi ship. At least there idea was a relatively good one.
Let's see the most amazing thing happen to me. Well I can't think of any "good" ones I'll probably think of something later, but in Chrono cross when I battle the Time Devourer(dragon form)I went through all the innate colors, was on the verge of dieing, suddenly all the area goes three whites, so I use saints. Now It would make a whole lot of sense for me to send this in if I actually won that time, sadly the area went white the same time the dragon went white, and we all know what that means, it slipped my mind at the time and my "moral" crumbled as both sides get healed and mine with almost no elements left. Anyway, tomorrow
I'll try to come up with a better event to mention. Kit cloud

The gummi ship was one of the things I hated most about Kingdom Hearts up until the part where you can actually afford to make cool gummi ships. I probably spent around 5-6 hours trying to create he best ship you can come up with. Strangely enoguh though it just kind of looked like a big wall with lasers and rockets attached to it.

My Puppet Punching Ghalson can outbrush your Puppet Punching Ghaleon any day!

Okay, so I've got to talk about games I hated. Well, I bought Lunar Legend to play on the long boring plane ride from America to Japan (for those of you who don't know, I went to the same school that Andrew D. went/goes to now) and after two weeks, I wanted to take the cartridge with me on the Shinkansen and have it ground into gray plastic pulp. I don't understand why people liked it-it was boring and tedious and the music was HORRIBLE. I have heard GREAT music on a GBA (Golden Sun) and this was like, I don't know, a mix between MIDI and original Nintendo. And don't say I should play the PS version because I'm not a dubbed anime fan. (Oh, and if anyone begs to differ, I am going to smash up your little punching Ghaleon puppet and I don't freaking CARE if it's a collector's item.)
Right now I'm trying to slog my way through Final Fantasy Tactics, which is no easy task. (Is it true that FFTA is easier than FFT?) I like the music and all, and it's challenging enough, but it's too frustrating when the enemy decides to surround your best soldier and wail on them.
Seriously broke,

Bucket Mouse

I orginally bought Lunar Legend when it was released in Japan because I have always been a huge fan of the Lunar games. When the American version came out I purchased that one as well and much to my dismay the game was not exactly the same as the Japanese version. Horribly glitchy and horribly translated, I kind of wanted to vomit at the site of mose of it. Since my brother didn't have any Game Boy Advanced games at the time I gave it to him. Since then it has been given to about 8 other people because for some strange reason no one seems to want to have that game. Also even though you may not want to play the Playstation version of the game, I would recomend the Sega CD version if you can get your hands on it. It's much better anyways.

What happens when you become famous.

About seven months ago, a month and a half or so after buying the game, I discovered that the MMORPG known as Final Fantasy 11 was indeed a rare gem, though not in the way I expected. You see, about that time, I was frustrated with the music in the game, and how so little of it was written by Uematsu, and even his music was very subpar, at least in the newbie areas. I suddenly thought of a trick I'd used in RPG Maker games I'd downloaded: replace the music files with better ones, and give them the same filenames so that the game uses them correctly. I located the game's music files, and after several hours, discovered that although the files would not play in Media Player if the extensions were changed to .wav, I could change wav files to the game's extension and it would use them.
This struck me as particularly cool, so I wrote a guide, which is now somewhere on RPGamer and quite a few other sites.
I began mapping the songs, and asking people for help. After two months or so, I had gotten a full list of all music files in the game, along with a program someone had written that changed the files a better way. Then, later, I came up with a plan to put music in the areas that had none (most dungeons) by replacing the wind with music. And somehow, I got it to work.
I added this to the guide, and started asking people to help me map the sound effects. I believe it was at this point that people in FF11 began randomly sending me large amounts of gil.
However, my mailbox is now full of other people's cashly thankses, and is returning further offers as undeliverable. Why? Because I basically stopped playing in April. I still have the account and character, but I've signed on maybe three times since then. Despite being the entire FF11 community's hero and thus having the easiest time playing the game ever, I just don't play. Why? I'm not sure. I know people on my server and I find it somewhat fun, but I just don't have the energy to play. Fifty thousand adoring fans who wish they could have my babies and would do anything to help me figure out what file Kazham uses for wind are being defeated by a mild case of depression and a MUD. HAHAHA SUX 2 B U GUYZ

Honestly I have the attention span of a rubber duck and your letter was about 5 paragraphs to long for me. Not only that but giant splots of text scare the bejebus outta me. I'm sure it has something to do with my childhood and all the large books my parents tried to force me to read. Crazy people and their books with words all mashed together and no pictures.



I enjoyed my time with you all but it seems Google has recovered from whatever was wrong with him and will be back again tomorrow answering whatever questions you may throw at him. Like, where do ballons come from? or why do they call it popcorn ceiling if you can't eat it?
rudyxx forgot to go to sleep last night and is now very tired.



Ok so I didn't really have anything amazing planed for today...

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