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Joshua Reid

A salubrious salutations to all! I hope everyone had a happy Thursday, whether it was a yea or nay a Turkey day (happy belated Turkey Day to my Canadian audience). I'm as fat as a butterball turkey, but in-between Alka-Seltzers, I've managed to write up a column! Enjoy!

More Zelda (Three Letters)

1. Actually, what I wanted to say was that it is an amazing game, and I even think the shirt they gave out at EB is pretty cool. Am I pathetic for cutting school (Japanese class) to go pick it up? Also, Nintendo is rather devious. They have two, shall I say, mini games, which can't be played without a Rumble Pak. One item--the Stones of Agony shake when you are near treasure, hidden or otherwise. And the fishing mini-game is rumble pak based. It looks like I'm going to have to go buy batteries for the old Rumble Paks I have hidden away. Oh, and one scattered thought: Who would wear a temporary Zelda tattoo. I mean, really, come on...

That's it. Back to the game (goodbye social life!!)



2. I have played Zelda 64 and won it.... and well....I hated it.

I bought the 64 just for this game, and now I am going to sell it, I am utterly disgusted with it, it has basically the exact same story, puzzles, and dungeons, as that #$%#& game A Link to the Past (gawd that was a pathetic game). I must admit the control is the best for any 3D game, which isn't much of a triumph (considering the control for all 3D games sucks).

Also, in response to Stephen Kellars letter in Nov. 25th's column...Metal Gear Solid is a much more cinematic game than Zelda (not to mention a better game, despite being very very very short). That's all I got to say.

. . . Except this-- What's with all this happy horse #$%^ about Shigeru Myamoto (Sic) (I know its spelled wrong) being the greatest videogame guy ever??????? Because...well how can I put this...he's not!!!!!, Link is the only good character he designed (look at Mario and Luigi) and he ain't even that good, and he can't think of any good stories, as I have stated earlier. Why does he get so much praise??????????

-Doug Dunlop

3. I've been hearing a lot of people say Zelda will never have a story as good as a normal RPG. Well, they're wrong. I've been playing Zelda for two days now (Probably less than half way through the game... it's huge!), and the story is great. Sure the other Zelda's didn't have a great story...but Zelda 64 does. Everyone needs to play this entire game to realize this...not to give anything away, but after you become an adult the story really starts to pick up.

You won't be disappointed...unless you hate the 64 and won't try any game on it, but remember most of us grew up on Zelda and I think everyone should give it a try.


Webmaster for Squall Domain,

Joshua: 1. There is nothing wrong with wearing a Zelda tattoo. Well, I guess it depends on where you place the bugger. :) Of course, if it's visible, it may incense Gannon sympathizers to beat you mercilessly. There's a lot of bad blood that's been brewing for a long time since Link's first arch-villain defeat.

2. Doug is certainly entitled to his opinion, but I must say I was a little nettled on Shigeru Miyamoto's (you were close) behalf. I thought about writing an essay about this intrepid designer who has influenced more designers and taken part in more blockbusters and franchises than I can possibly imagine, but I thought I'd just publish his resume, so to speak. I think it will be an adequate defense for his behemoth reputation in this industry.

Donkey Kong - Arcade (1981), Donkey Kong Jr. - Arcade (1982), Mario Bros. - Arcade (1983), Donkey Kong 3 - Arcade (1983), Super Mario Bros. - Nintendo Entertainment System (NES), (1985) Donkey Kong - NES (1985,) Donkey Kong Jr. - NES (1986), Donkey Kong 3 - NES (1986), The Legend of Zelda - NES (1987), Super Mario Bros. 2 - NES (1988), Zelda II: The Adventure of Link - NES (1988), Donkey Kong Classics - NES (1989), Super Mario Land - Game Boy (GB) (1989), Metroid - NES (1989), Super Mario Bros. 3 - NES (1990), Dr. Mario - GB (1990), Dr. Mario - NES (1990), Super Mario World - Super Nintendo Entertainment System (Super NES) (1991), Metroid II: Return of Samus - GB (1991) PilotWings - Super NES (1991) F-Zero - Super NES (1991), The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past - Super NES (1992), Super Mario Kart - Super NES (1992), Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins - GB (1992), Wave Race - GB (1992), Yoshi - GB (1992), Yoshi - NES (1992), Mario Paint - Super NES (1992), Super Mario All-Stars - Super NES (1993), The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening - GB (1993), Star Fox - Super NES (1993), Yoshi's Cookie - GB (1993), Yoshi's Cookie - NES (1993), Yoshi's Safari - Super NES (1993), Donkey Kong - GB (1994), Wario Land: Super Mario Land 3 - GB (1994), Super Metroid - Super NES (1994), Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island - Super NES (1995), Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars - Super NES (1996), Super Mario 64 - Nintendo 64 (N64) (1996), PilotWings 64 - N64 (1996), Wave Race 64 - N64 (1996), Mario Kart 64 - N64 (1997), Star Fox 64 - N64 (1997), Yoshi's Story - N64 (1998), 1080 Snowboarding - N64 (1998), F-Zero X - N64 (1998), The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time - N64 (1998).

You may want to reconsider selling your N64 also, Doug, because Zelda's lucrative success may just spark some RPGs in the future. Some, like Ogre Battle 3 (mostly strategy, but still) are already on their way.

3. Thanks Alexander, I'm looking forward to the game myself. Not just the graphics, the gameplay, or level design, but the story as well. Heck, I'm rabid for this game! I have not read a bad review about it yet. I'm trying not to fall into the hype but it's very difficult, especially when you readers, who I trust implicitly, say such nice things about the game.

About Zelda's length--the reviewers took about 35 hours to finish it, so I'm assuming a tad more for most of us. They jammed a lot into that cartridge, seems like it.

Contest Idea

Hello, Mr. RPGuru! I have an idea for your first contest... to win, one must prove that he/she admires/loves Joshua Reid more than anyone in the world! heheheh!


Joshua: For a contest to be successful, Minion, it must receive entries. Nice try though. :) Plus I think my rump might get sore from all that insincere buttkissing.


Wanna' hear something really cool! When you were sick, I was sick with the same symptoms you described! And when you got better, I did too! Does that mean we have some psychic link or something? I mean... (wimpy voice) You're sooo cool! I wanna' be as cool as you! I wanna' eat the same food, drink the same beverages, and wear the same clothes as you! We could be buddies! Maybe I'll let you loan me some money sometime!!

- Tzepish

ps: Seems people like Victor a lot... Since he made his first appearance in response to one of my letters... Does that mean I get a prize? Can I be your bestest buddy!?

Joshua: So you wanna walk my walk, Tzepish, talk my talk? Are you up to the challenge? I takes many years of practice to be as much of a loser as I am.

Josh's Stats.

Average Diet: Four Little Debbie Snack Cakes, Three gallons of Jolt Cola, and one raw partridge in between two Iron Kids pieces of bread.

Average dress: Maison Ikkoku, "Piyo Piyo" shirt, pink power ranger velcro (can't tie my shoe) sneakers, very tight (can't get them in my size) and purple bell-bottoms (cause it's groovy dude).

Average Conversation: Er, would you like fries with that sir?

Average Day: Wake up, pretend I'm not sleeping in class, write column . . . well, that's about it really.

Average Number of Rejections Per Week From The Fairer Gender: 20:20

Average Percentage of Mental Resources Spent Contemplating RPGs: 98.9%

Average Number of Hours Spent at Local Psychiatric Ward: 42(was 14, but the column has increased Victor's appearances)

Still want to be like Josh? But hey, I'll give you a prize alright--you can be my only buddy! How's that? I haven't had a real, warm, breathing buddy since that chainsaw incident.

The Games We Love To Hate

I happened to like the 7th Saga, SaGa Frontier, and Zelda II, and Lord of the Rings and Secret of Evermore were both tolerable. I haven't played the others listed to comment on them, but I have talked to people who enjoyed Beyond the Beyond.

I think that while you're add it, you should add Final Fantasy 7 to that list; you might be surprised at the number of people who hate it.


Joshua: Speed's talking about the "worst RPG poll" that has appeared on this site recently. I'm not partial to rating the worst game of all time, just as I can't really say what's the best game of all time either. I have my favorites, and my not-so-favorites (many regular readers can tell which is which) but just because I'm not ecstatic over a game doesn't mean it's a piece of junk. I may pick on Saga Frontier and Evermore, but my playful insults are mostly an attempt at jocosity, I would never earnestly disregard someone's hard work like that. Hopefully (which seems to be the case thus far in SaGa 2) the designers can learn from their mistakes and move on. Every game has a nugget of value (except maybe the Spice Girls--there should have been a "Spontaneous Combustion" feature on that game), if only because many people spent hours laboring over their creation, and everyone in this art--any art for that matter--should merit encouragement rather than discouragement.

All those games you mentioned had some flaws (but doesn't every game?), but I've managed to enjoy them all regardless. Particularly Zelda II. And 7th Saga and SaGa Frontier had innovations that gave them some merit.

Quirky Questions

Hello esteemed RPGuru,

1)When's the Crono interview???

2) What is your opinion on Saga Frontier, I hear it sucks for a Square game, but I've never played it, so I can't judge it.

3) Who do you think is a better composer? Nobuo Uematsu, or the Chrono Trigger/Xenogears guy?(I don't know his name. I know I should be slapped for that)

4) Do you plan to interview Magus?

5) Have you heard anything else from those RPGirls in Canada? I an RPGuy and I live in Canada and I just want to say that there are many of us ,ya just have to look.


Joshua: 1. Well, due to the nasty rumor of a Chrono Trigger sequel, Crono's been as busy as a Bull after a basketball championship--he's booked 'till I don't know when. Actually, that's just a lame excuse for my slackness. It's hard coming up with good questions for a mute. Expect him or someone secret for next interview session. When's the next session, you ask? Heck, I don't know.

2. It's emetic. Look the word up for a cheap joke. Actually, the game has entertained many people, and rightfully so. If you're looking for the depth in character, strong story, and cinematics of a FF game, you're priming for a major disappointment, but if you try the game without high expectations (which is hard) you may be charmed by the graphics, the control you have over the story, etc. But I would definitely rent it first.

3. The Chrono Trigger guy, for your info (don't worry about not knowing, that's my job, not yours) is Yasunori Mitsuda. As for your question: \gosh, next thing I know you'll be asking me who is cuter, Jewel or Sarah Michelle Geller. Uematsu and Mitsuda have created the most memorable game soundrtracks I have heard, so they are definitely in the running for top game composer in my book, but I just can't say who is better. They have a different way of approaching their melodies, and so far, they've been equally entrancing.

4. Magus has been off looking for Schala for so long, I'm not sure he's ever stopping by here again, which is a shame, because him and Victor had some interesting conversations.

5. Haven't heard much more. I'd like to post all of you readers' letters searching for a RPGfriend, but maybe the message boards are the best places for that. I'm afraid I'll get swamped or sued if I start playing matchmaker.

At The Movies

If you read Next Generation, you may know this already, but I'm writing it for the benefit of readers who don't. The current issue, NG48, has an entire article on videogame movies, and I thought I'd give you the run down on it. You may be surprised. But remember, these are just rumors.

Perhaps the biggest thing on everyone's wish list is a Resident Evil movie. I know I want to see it. The information reported in NG points to a sometime in 1999 release date by a company called Constantin. I've never heard of them. It also mentions the possibility of none other than George Romero writing and directing it. If that happens, it could be one seriously awesome horror film. Keep your fingers crossed. Unconfirmed actors/actresses: Jason Patric and Sarah Michelle Gellar. Oh yes. I do not lie.

Watch out Umbrella, here comes Buffy.

Tomb raider: Paramount. Rumor that Steven Spielberg is considering role of director. 1999 release date, and it says that actresses considered are Elizabeth Hurley, Nell McAndrew (who I believe is the correct Lara Croft) and Sandra Bullock. Whoah.

But Hurley has that genuine accent! :)

Mortal Kombat 3: you know you saw it coming.

Midway needs to understand that this series is mortal.

Duke Nukem: Now personally, I was hoping that Kurt Russell would get the role (god knows he'd be perfect for Duke), but they have Dolph Lundgren listed. It's being put out by Threshold Entertainment. No release date set.

I want Arnold! Noone delivers a cheezy action one-liner like Awwwwnuld!

Doom: (still): TriStar, of all people, are supposed to be in on this one. The previous ones mentioned were said to be in "pre-production", this one says "in development." 1999, and no cast mentioned yet.

Finally. it mentions the Wing Commander movie, a movie which, I believe, will kick some serious tail. 20th Century Fox, directed by Chris Roberts, in post-production, and a cast of people I've never heard of. I'm assuming that's because big names might mess up the game series in some way. Anyhow, the release date they have printed is January 1, 1999. I haven't seen previews, ads, commercials, or anything to that effect about this film, so I wouldn't be surprised if that's a bit wrong.

The article goes on to mention the FF movie and cites Parasite Eve and Final Fantasy 8 as examples of Square's movie-producing prowess

Don't forget Toho's Parasite Eve, based off the novel, and filling in the prelude for the game.

Finally, as one juicy tidbit, how many of you play Tekken? Some awesome opening scenes, eh? What about Soul Blade? Yessir, Namco has some major CG talent under its wing, and "although the company will neither confirm nor deny the existence of a full-length movie project based on the series, rumor has it that something along those lines is in development."

Want the whole story? Get NG48... it's the one with Zelda on the cover. Dark Horizons ( probably has a lot to say about rumors like this as well. Happy Thanksgiving, by the way.

Matt "bloody 'ell" Hanyok

Joshua: Thanks for the information Matt. Notice how a majority of the supposed movie adaptations are fighting games and shooters. Typical Hollywood. When are they going to realize that RPGs are where it's at? You've got drama, action, awesome climaxes (I'm talking about plot form), and just about everything that would make a blockbuster with substance. Final Fantasy: The Movie is up there with the Prequels as most anticipated movie.

On a side note, I recommend checking out Dancing About Architecture whenever that comes out, because it reflects on the growing popularity of a job in the game industry. Dennis Quad stars as a video game designer. Let's see if he's stereotyped or not.

Scattered Thoughts: Matt Elder needs a hint about my random movie quote, "They found me, I don't know how but they found me." So here's my hint: The guy who says the quote has a dog, Einstein, and a rad car that can do some crazy stuff when it hits a certain mph . . ." Got it? :)

~Ndoto~ seeks the names of the voice actors for Xenogears. I don't know them, couldn't find them in the manual, and haven't beat the game yet, but I bet they are in the credits. Why do you want them? Interested in sending them mail bombs for a job done poorly? Just kidding. :)

GnatNate is trying to find the FMV for FFIVj on the PSX somewhere on the Internet(*gasp* preposition overload). Can anyone accommodate him and any other curious net hounds like myself? :) Geeze, maybe "Scattered Thoughts" should be renamed, "Help the Guru out because he doesn't know everything."

For those of you seeking Dreamcast information, here's a great site for system specs and so on. With internet capability and an impressive game lineup, looks like another admirable effort by Sega. Maybe a fourth try (console-wise) is a charm?

- Joshua Reid, back to his so-called life.

"Show me one man who knows his own heart . . . To him I shall belong" -Jewel, Spirit. I'm going to hold you to your promise Jewel! I know my heart! Marry me! Please!

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