Lengthy Letters


In the PSX


Almost . . . FFVIII Demo!


You know you want to.


I'm waiting.
Joshua Reid

As the title connotes, the following column is bursting at the seams with great letters. I just couldn't let them pass you by. I hope you enjoy them all, and forgive me the obesity of the writing.

Dungeon Talk

Responding to the question regarding dungeons in RPGs [RPGuru November 11, "The Ultimate Question--Next to Life, the Universe, and Everything"], specifically Xenogears, the dungeons are vital to the pacing of the game and create the feeling of being on a quest. Without the dungeons in Xenogears, the gameplay would be about two hours of storyline and then a small handful of battles, and then back to more storyline. This would be without a doubt the most boring game in the history of the world. I personally feel that Xenogears could use more dungeons. Of course, these dungeons need to have a unique feel to them and some interesting goals. For example, one of the better dungeons is the sewers under Nortune, which has a storyline of its own (which intertwines with the game's plot).

The dungeon is also vital to the aspect of a quest which is present in the best RPGs. If the characters have no opportunity to test their stamina and sometimes intelligence by fighting through a dungeon and solving some puzzles, the game would feel incomplete. Of course this brings in the aspect of leveling up to prepare for the next major challenge.

The best dungeons bring all these things to bear while eliminating some of the bigger flaws present in the more annoying dungeons, such as a couple found in Tales of Destiny. First, all dungeons should be unique. If all dungeons have the same architecture and goals, repetition can defeat the fun of the game. Every single dungeon should have at least one totally unique moment in which the player does something new. Even if this is a boss, a dungeon cannot be more of the same, no matter how good the basic gameplay of the game is. Second, the dungeon should be imbedded into the plot of the game, not a path between areas of the plot. If the dungeon is just an area to get through to get back to the rest of the game, the player will have an apathetic approach to the dungeon. Next, the dungeon should not be too long. A single dungeon should not be so long that within it the player becomes bored of that dungeon. A normal dungeon (excluding the bonus dungeons and final dungeons, designed to be super long), a dungeon should be finishable, from entering to exiting, in one sitting. A normal sitting, one hour or so. If the dungeon has 8 or 9 save spots, it is too long. Finally, the dungeon must be paced so that the player doesn't get into too many fights or solve too many puzzles. Some games punish the player for exploring too much. After taking a side path and fighting twelve battles, one herb or potion is found, and then the walk back to the main path. Exploration should be rewarded with items equal to the task.

-The Abstract Poetic

Joshua: 'Nuff said. I also found Tales of Destiny's dungeons tedious. Also, some of Tales' dungeons went on for an hour or so without a save spot. Consistent save spots are a must--I don't like leaving the game on when I have to do something.

Normal Sitting=one hour? I could hatch eggs with my average sitting time.

[TRUE STORY SIDE NOTE: A friend of mine and I sat down to start a season of Tecmo Super Bowl on the SNES at 5 p.m. After what seemed like a couple hours, I asked my pal for the time. He told me. I didn't believe him. He made me look. 6 a.m. Crazy games.]

Puzzles are another motif of RPGs that must have story basis or they are frustratingly random (fictitious example: run around the pool of water five times and kill the red, blue and yellow slime in that order)--I'm talking to YOU NAMCOM! And you TOO TAITO!


Ode to Chu-Chu (or the CAC theme chant):

Crabbit! Crabbit! Crabbit!

Reach out and Grab It.

Throw him down,

Kick him around,

Proceed to Stab It!


Joshua: That was great Nobu! You are now an Honorary Member of the CAC.

Enter Cid Exodias--The FF Plot You Never Knew

You want connections between FFs? Here's the LINEAR plot-line that ties together FFIV-VII, starring Cid Exodias.

First, I would like to point out that EVERYTHING that went wrong in those games was ALL CID'S FAULT: In FFIV he created the Airships that allowed Golbez to gather the Crystals, in FFV he built the Crystal Enhancement Devices that caused the crystals to shatter and release Exdeath, in FFVI he created Magitek and engineered Kefka, and in FFVII he led the party in removing the Huge Materia bomb from the rocket, sabotaging Shin-Ra's brave attempt to destroy Meteor and resulting in the annihilation of mankind by Holy. [many readers disagree with the "Holy Killed Man" theory, as do I. -RPGuru]

Isn't it obvious that only a twisted, evil genius could have such a devastating impact, time and time again? Anyway, the plot. Since the Cid in FFVII is the youngest, obviously things started there. Cid, you see, was the secret head of Shin-Ra, controlling everything with his evil mind-powers during the long periods of contact he had with the Shin-Ra execs while flying them around the world. His secret manipulations led to Sephiroth casting Meteor, which Shin-Ra tried to fight off with a Huge Materia missile.

But Cid convinced AVALANCHE to steal the main warhead of the missile, and thus require Holy to destroy Meteor, wiping out all humanity and furthering Cid's evil plans--the vast necromantic energies released allowed him to teleport to the next realm he trashed, the FFIV world. Here, all he needed to do was build the Airships, and then sit back and let Golbez do the work, while Cecil and his party fought back. The final result got rid of the four greatest threats to Cid's plans, the four strongest people in the world--Zemus, FuSoYa, Golbez, and Tellah all eliminated in one way or another, Leaving Cid free to complete his evil plan to control the ultimate weapon--the power of Void. Cid then created Magitek to be used by the kingdoms of the world, and cryogenically froze himself, waiting.

Magitek evolved into Espers, the three strongest becoming the three Goddesses, and the War of the Magi ravaged the world about a century after Cecil's death. Magic faded while civilization rebuilt. After a thousand years of sleep, Cid awoke and rebuilt Magitek, in the hopes of finding the key to the Void through the merger of magic and technology. In the course of his inhumane and evil experiments, he created Kefka in an attempt to create an army of people capable of tapping the Void. However, Kefka went mad, and sought to tap the Void by destroying everything, bringing Void everywhere, and FFVI resulted. During the course of the Returners' attempt to kill Kefka, Cid faked his own death, sending his dark spirit out to roam the world and seek the true path to the Void.

Upon his return to his body, he found something strange had happened--since everyone believed he was good, a good Cid had started to grow within his body in his absence. The evil Cid (call him Exodias) at last succeeded in gaining control of the body, and again went to sleep. Meanwhile, with the power of magic faded to almost nothing, the descendants of the Returners built the Laruban civilization, rising to great technological heights. Eventually, the rediscovered the ancient Lunarian secrets and built the elemental Crystals, recreating the long-sleeping magical powers of the elements.

Eventually, when the time was right, Cid awoke, and used the powers of Laruban civilization to finally tap the Void. A great war between Cid and the Larubans resulted, and Laruba was almost entirely destroyed. But at last, Cid was defeated, and the worlds separated to prevent his return. Cid was broken into two halves, on in each world, the good Cid and the evil Exodias. Both slept for centuries until at last Exodias returned from the dead as Exdeath and took control of the Crystals. However, he was defeated by the Warriors of Dawn and sealed in the other world. In that world, meanwhile, the good Cid, having no memories from before the separation of the worlds, and not realizing that it was a remnant of his former evil, became obsessed with creating the ultimate magical power. To that end, he created the Crystal Enhancement Devices, leading to the shattering of the Crystals and the events in FFV. However, at the end, the evil Exodias/Exdeath was utterly destroyed, and the story of Cid Exodias, Lord of Darkness, came to an end.

-Froborr d'Wiggy

Joshua: Pretty creative, wouldn't you agree? Too bad it's the most fictitious piece of--What? Who are you?

Stranger: My name, petty mortal, is Cid Exodias.

Joshua: Yikes. You exist?

Cid (Call him Exodias): I am who I am. The world never would have known the truth if it wasn't for that meddling kid. All you ignorant mortals would have continued to mindlessly play the FF games, chanting for me to return . . . to return and wreak my havoc! Mwahahaha! Foolish mortals!

Joshua: You like calling us mortals, don't you? Is this some inferiority complex with you? Are you trying to make yourself seem big and bad in the mirror, Cid?

Cid: Call me Exodias.

Joshua: Yah, whatever. So, why are you here? Shouldn't you be floating around in the nethervoid or something, waiting for your next appearance?

Cid: The creation of a new game has summoned me.

Joshua: Cool, so you're going to be in FFVIII then? For real?

Cid: Duh.

Joshua: Hey, that's cool. You want to come interview with a mere mortal sometime?

Cid: Maybe. I'm pretty busy right now.

Joshua: Okay, keep me posted.


You know, when we recorded "Wish You Were Here," we actually wished we were anywhere else. But then again, I've never had anything to do with that recording. So in a very real sense, you could say I wasn't there. You could also probably get away with saying that I am still not all there.


Joshua: The strangest thing about this letter is the fact that I'm posting it at all; it has nothing to to with RPGs, nothing to do with you; in fact, the writer has actually managed to mimic my ability to write about absolutely nothing at all.

Lugubrious Tidings

I recently heard a rumor that Square is going to put out a CD for Play Station that will have all the Final Fantasies (I through VI) on it. I then heard that the idea was trashed. Is there any validity to this rumor? And if so, why wouldn't Square do this? Not only would it raise their already high popularity level as thousands of Final Fantasy fans rushed to the stores and dumped the cash that was just burning a hole in their pocket, but it would just plain kick butt!

-Sen, aka archangel

Joshua: This is the official answer from Squaresoft, as of October 6, quoted from their FAQ page

"No. Square of Japan currently does not have any plans to release these titles or a collection of titles for the Playstation, Nintendo game consoles, or PC format in the U.S. This is due to the fact that Square of Japan is currently involved in other numerous development projects at this time."

"Currently involved in other numberous development projects . . . " Yeah, like SagaFrontier 2. Go figure.

RpGuru Readers Rock

Letter #1: Pros and cons of importing video games and some technical stuff

There are obviously many good reasons to import video games. Here are just a few.

1] Many great games never see the light of day in the U.S.

2] You get to play many games up to a year before they arrive on our shores.

3] In Japan the consoles aren't solely for traditional games. There are interactive movies, dating sims, business sims, language programs, etc.

4] Allows you to make use of a dead system, i.e Sega Saturn is still thriving in Japan with at least 30+ new games out in the last 2 months.

As for the downfalls of importing games, I consider them quite minor.

1] Sometimes costs more than U.S. releases.

2] Harder to find.

3] Lack of Japanese knowledge can make a game hard to understand (Mainly RPGs).

Note that I know absolutely NO Japanese and have been able to play many import games with ease. Obviously, you can locate scripts or FAQs to help you out. But sometimes, it's more fun to make the story up for yourself as the game evolves just based on the cut scenes or interaction you perceive between characters.

For both the Sega Saturn and the PSX, you will need an "adapter". There are many Sega RAM/Import carts available. With the PSX, you can get either a MOD chip or a "Game Enhancer".

Well, I'll finish this off with letting you know of some good places to purchase the stuff you need. For the "Game Enhancer", I found to have the best price and extremely fast shipping.

As for the Games themselves, I purchase from The Serpent's Lair ( They have a nice variety of games for the SS and PSX. Their prices are good and they normally ship within a week or so. Plus, they carry a huge line of video game soundtracks many w/ Real Audio samples.

- Vexor

Letter #2: More pros/cons and a Super Famicom perspective

I've imported a couple of Super Famicom games so far, and plan on getting more, and possibly some PSX ones, too. So, here's my take on the situation.  

First, the cons:

1)  The game will be in Japanese, so if you aren't somewhat knowledgeable in reading Japanese, you won't be able to understand the characters' comments and hints on what to do next. If you have a translated script, like the FFV one on this site, you have to look at the script to understand what's going on. Of course, most imports don't have these. So you're pretty much on your own.  

2)  PSX imports require a mod chip or a Japanese PSX. Adding a mod chip to your PSX invalidates your warranty, and I've also heard that it can shorten the life of the system. Plus, Sony is making each new version of the PSX less able to have a mod chip added. And if you already have a PSX, why buy the Japanese one just for imports?  SFAM imports only require a simple converter that allows the game to fit in your SNES.  

3)  The price of an import game is a bit higher than the price of domestic games. You'll also need to pay the shipping and handling fee, and a converter of some sort if this is your first import. Buying two games and a SFAM converter cost me $170-$180.  PSX imports are a little cheaper than SFAM games.

Now, the pros:

1)  You get to play games that either you can't wait for or are only available in Japan!  Yes, there are plenty of great games that have been released in the States, but there are plenty of excellent ones that weren't and are well worth the money you spend on them. Right now, an import tops my list of the best video games (Seiken Densetsu 3--why, Square, why???).   

2)  You get to learn a new language!  I've learned to read quite a bit of Japanese through my imports. It's actually quite rewarding to look at a screen of text and comprehend a few words here and there, and if you're lucky, a sentence.  

3)  You're playing the game in its original form!  Certain aspects of games are removed from the US versions, but are present in the Japanese ones. It's usually something little, like the room with the porn book in FFIV, or changing the spell Holy to White. But also things like nudity and language are also concealed in US versions. If you're playing the import, you're playing the game as the programmers originally meant it to be played.   So basically, if you don't mind playing a game in Japanese, you have the money, and you really want it, then go right ahead and import whatever the game is. Just because it's not domestically available doesn't mean you can't play it!  


Letter #3: Technicalities--mod chip

Kain13 had asked if there was a way to play imports on a PSX without a mod chip... There is and it's called the Game Enhancer 3.0... It does plug into the slot where the gameshark goes... It was $33 where I got it... I found it at: It's worked flawlessly for me...

-Lord Cyrus

Letter #4: N64 and SNES mods and how to get rid of import games

For N64 and SNES, just go to a game store somewhere and get a cart adapter. They shouldn't cost more than $15-20.

Now, if you want to get rid of your imported game(s)... The problem with game stores is that the ones I've been to will sell imports but not buy them (the hypocrites) so you'll have to take your deal to the masses: Web boards, game trading services (like and the like. Heck, you may even have a friend who wants it. Don't dictate a price, just give a price range (i.e. $40-60) and see what others come up with. You might be able to get money and a different game, or some desperate person might want to pay more money. Example: I had someone offer me $125 for Final Fantasy V. If you have to mail the game to someone you don't know, ship it COD so that person won't get the game without forking over the money. Or just ask for the money up front. I've done it both ways.

-Rob Allen

Letter #5: Sytems that don't have lockout features

The only PSXs that don't have the international lock-out "feature" are the Blue Developer's Kit PSX and the Black Net Yaroze. It's possible to send your PSX away and have someone chip it for you, though, you'd be without your PSX for a long time. Most turnaround time is 4-6 weeks. It's best to go to a local import store and ask if they provide chip installation. I got my old PSX done at Hi-Tech Howie's in Milpitas, CA.


Joshua: I'm so pleased my reading audience has such knowledge and experience with this subject. I hope you had time to read it all, especially Kain13 (did it help, my friend?). Just two items I'd like to highlight: Modifying your Playstations can mess up your warranty, and the PSX Developer's Kit is (I think) for professional PSX designers, and the Net Yaroze is more of a hobbyist kind of machine--I want one!

Xenogears Reaction, With A Splash of Spoilers

Xenogears was an UGLY game, and I never want to see another pixelly blob figure again. The main character was a rehashed Cloud/Terra composite, with an addition psychological problem (Dissociative Personality Disorder). There were so few cities/town areas in that game--why didn't Fei and his friends revisit them? Dazil, Bledavik, the Orphanage, Shevat, Kislev, Thames--all those major areas were visited in one major quest. There should have been more FMV/anime scenes in the first disc! Also, the dubbing was absolutely crummy. Also, I was sick to DEATH of the game's complexity by the time we had Krelian talking about wave distortions and the higher dimension and such abstract concepts which were poorly developed on.

The only things I'll say good about the game are this - the music was PHENOMENAL. I've never been so moved by music before. Also, all other characters were good - Citan was absolutely fantastic, Bart was obnoxious but cool, Hammer was transparent and tragic to the end, Ramsus as well was tragic, and even Krelian hit a nerve in me. Each character touched me - even Fei. I must say kudos to the musicians and character designers of the game, but "BLECH" to the pixel-enhancer monster (or whatever he was) and storyline writer. A C+/B- game overall, in my opinion....


Joshua: I don't want this column to become a discussion board exploring all the strengths/weaknesses of this game, but I'd like to post at least a couple well-written, well-defended replies (but keep them brief)--for or against Xenogears.

A short reaction to your statements, Gom (well-defended criticism, by the way): I must agree with your assessment of the utter lack of townage in the game (another Square streamlining travesty), the dubbing was fairly bad (but I've heard worse), and there also needed to be a lot more Anime scenes. The music was surreal, and the characters had many strong points. I must deviate, however, with your statement that the graphics made Xenogears an UGLY game. I found the graphics--despite the pixilation--very pleasing to the eye, and I thought the 2-D sprites meshed with the 3-D much better than FFVII's rendered backgrounds and polygonal people juxtaposition.

On a grade scale, I would have to give Xenogears at least a B+, but a A when compared to other RPGs. If your C+ was given to the game for primarily graphics and not pure enjoyment factor, then I must scold you--a venerable RPG lover should never judge so harshly on graphics. We were raised on Dragon Warriors, darn it! Graphics are important--but they don't determine the games enjoyment. Sewer Shark v. Centipede

More Crabbits

Did you know that an episode of the Japanese version of 'Pokemon' animated series caused 700 children to go into epileptic seizures? No joke! During a fight scene, the animation technique used caused the fits. This has been fixed in the American release, but isn't a good cause to COMPLETELY ERADICATE THIS GAME? And also, what does a Crabbit look like?

-Particle Man, looking for his Ana Ng

Joshua: Isn't this a good cause to COMPLETELY ERADICATE CRABBITKIND? Come on skeptics, can you turn your cold hearts and deaf hearts from this sobering fact?! 700 children! These creatures must be stopped. Prime Time is their goal: Crabbit Cameo on ER! We must hurry.

Particle Man, pictures (thanks readers, for the great pics) of Crabbits will accompany my treatise on our greatest problem facing today's children--"Crabbits: The Evil Among Us." Soon, their cancerous influence shall be exposed to the ignorant world!


A.) I wondering if there is such a gamer who has a girlfriend, but owns no systems other then $5 dollars to rent a SNES to play CT . . . am I the only one?

B.) I for one think that FFIV was a great game, and that it had a good plot. The music was excellent, and there were no loose ends. Josh, I support you on the FFIV bandwagon anyday! FFVI was good, and FFVII was okay. My question is, why are they doing an eigth one? I've seen the movie . . . and I don't see a plot forming . . . it looks a little . . . um . . . strange. Would someone tell me why all the hype if it isn't just for Graphics?

-Gasper S. Keltner


A) Gasper, allow me to write out the cardinal rules any prospective boyfriend should know:

Having a Girlfriend means:

1. No money. Ever.

2. Confusion. Always.

3. Lots of fun. Mostly.

4. The best and the worst times of your life. Unavoidably.

Women who wish to make their own list, you may send them in of course. This is an Equal Opportunity Column.

B) No loose ends. Well . . except for the Lunarians, the interstellar moon ship, and why your father spoke to you out of a collection of reflective ice in a mountain. . . you are absolutely right. The music did rock!

Here is why Square is working on an eighth FF:

Postulate #1: Square is a company

Postulate #2: Companies must make money.

Postulate #3: The Final Fantasy series has made a lot of money.

Postulate #4: If a seven game series has done very well, it can be assumed that the next installment will do well also.

Thus: Final Fantasy VIII has a great chance of making a lot of money for Square, and they will continue to make FFs until we stop buying them.

Graphics is a common hype for any game (I think the demo movie was designed to please the eye--not enough time to stimulate the intellect). It's hard to appreciate story and gameplay until you are immersed in the actual game.

FFs have always been strange: Mog is not my idea of the product of a normal imagination.

Egomania--Contains Ambiguous Xenogears References

Ok... Earlier you said something about your Id. Now I have a question. Does everyone have an Id? And if so, is everyone's Id like Fei's?

I have an Id, but my Id's name is Ned. He's not quite as evil as other Ids. I guess it's cuz I'm such a great person. Ned shaved my neighbors poodle, but he hasn't gone far enough as to try to destroy everything.

I'm worried that my Ned may evolve into what Fei's Id has become. Is there a cure, or a way to slow down the process?


Joshua: There is a theory circulating about that we all have three divided psyches: The Ego, Superego, and the Id. The definitions of each are as follows (from Webster's 9th Collegiate Dictionary):

Ego-The organized conscious mediator between the person and reality (Lady Macbeth fried her Ego)

Superego-represents internalization of parental conscious and the rules of society, and functions to reward and punish through a system of moral attitudes, conscious, and a sense of guilt (I don't think Manson had much of one)

Id--completely unconscious and is the source of psychic energy (could explain some of Fei's actions) derived from instinctual needs and drives.

Yes, we all have Ids Tzepish, and I hear that a glass of diesel gasoline a day can help suppress . . .

Beatrice: Now Joshua, don't deceive this young man.

Joshua: Who are you?

Beatrice: I'm your Conscience speaking from your subconscious.

Ralph: Don't believe her, Josh, old pal, she's not really there.

Joshua: Wha?

Beatrice: Yes I am!

Ralph: No you're not. I'm not here either. Go back to reality, Joshie boy.

Joshua: Okay . . .

Beatrice: He's lying to you Joshua! This is your Ego, Ralph.

Joshua: Gosh, you're huge Ralph!

Ralph: You've been feeding me all your life, Josh. Hey, are we going on another trip today?

Joshua: We always do when I'm writing this column.

Ralph: Hahahaha!

Vector: Maggot meal. We're all maggot meal.

Ralph: Oh [bleep].

Beatrice: Oh dear.

Joshua: What's that thing?

Ralph: Find out for yourself, I'm leaving!

Victor: Death in a red hat feeding the fire, yeah.

Beatrice: That's your Id, Joshua.

Joshua: Hey! You're leaving me with this thing too, Beatrice? You're supposed to be my guide!

Beatrice: I must depart, my Joshua.

Joshua: Aw man.

Victor: Kill. Maim. Stupid Crabbits.

Joshua: Hey, we've got something in common. How are you doing?

Victor: Skeleton's in your closet, in your flesh, rattle rattle hahaha.

Joshua: You sure are creepy.

Victor: Kill Hitler.

Joshua: He's already dead.

Victor: Kill The President.

Joshua: Hey, not so loud.

Victor: It's the American way. Death. Destruction. Atom bomb babies. yeah.

Joshua: Why don't you say something that makes sense?

Victor: I bought the Jaguar. It was cool.

Joshua: Don't listen to it readers.

Victor: Soap Operas are great fun, Jerry Springer is cool, Secret of Evermore had a neat idea behind it--

Joshua: Nooooooo! I'm ruined! Make it go away! Ahhhhhh!

Japanese Portrait

Actually, the Japanese aren't as addicted to video games as most Westerners might think. Granted, video gaming is much more popular over there, but it's not like they're all hairy trolls who stay locked in their rooms for weeks at a time whenever a new game comes out. Video games are like TV over there, for the most part --a pretty standard thing to find at least one of in your average house, which is used now and then to kill time and amuse oneself. The ones that -are- game trolls are still pretty cool though, if rather eccentric (like one friend of mine over there, Yo, who lived for gaming and broken English - Rock on, Yosuke).

As for the ladies . . . not quite Ranma 1/2 material, but the bulk of the female population across the Pacific is -quite- fine, I assure you. Blessed be schoolgirl outfits and tightly-packed trains.


Joshua: Thanks for ruining a perfectly unfair stereotype I had made, Vhoodoo. :)

Ahhh Japan. Home of Sony, Squaresoft, Godzilla, Akira Korusawa, and . . .

Victor: Cute Schoolgirls. yah.

Joshua: Shut up Victor.

Scattered Thoughts:

I won't post letters/comment on BFM or the FFVIII letters (I've only received eight thus far) until tomorrow, because tonight I finally get to play it!

Squaresoft, Squaresoft, Squaresoft. . . when are you going to cut it out with the goofy names? Princess FILLET? Come on!

Mama Mia!: Mr. Grinch wanted to know if Square was ever going to make a FF fighting game. Back when Tobal was in development, that's what I thought Square had in mind, but I was disappointed. :( Ehrgeiz has come close, however, with cameo appearances from FFVII characters (like Cloud and Tifa). We can only pray that Umaro and Relm will duke it out in the not-so-distant future. But hey, here's the point: Your letter got me thinking about "All-Star Dai-Rantou Smash Brothers" (how's that for a title?) coming out someday. The game is a N64 rumbleorama starring Mario, Luigi, Peach, Yoshi, Donkey Kong and more. You can finally throttle that darn plumber. [In annoying N64 Mario voice]: Yipeee!

Peach: Mario, why are you beating me up?

Mario: I'm sick of saving your sorry butt, that's why! Luigi, give me a hand here.

Ha! The gaming world is so cool.

- Joshua Reid, drooling over the prospect of playing FFVIII demo tonight.

"Where your eyes don't go a filthy scarecrow waves his broomstick arms and does a parody of each unconscious thing you do" -They Might Be Giants, Lincoln.

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