Priming for BFM
You know you want
Send correspondence to the following stud
A most jovial salutations to my fellow They Might Be
Giants fans! Wow, not only am I surrounded by men and women
and aliens (your letters have proven to me the existence of
extraterrestrial life--some of the e-mails are just too
strange to be the work of a human hand) who love RPGs as
much as I do, but I'm also buffeted by the knowledge that we
hold similar music tastes as well. I have my own little
support group here, and it makes me feel so warm and fuzzy
inside, like when Cecil held Rosa tight after he rescued
her, like when Celes blushed under Locke's tender gaze, like
when my prom date told me I was the nicest geek she had ever
Sailor Moon Says . .
I am Sailor Moon, the Champion of Justice!! No one
trashes me and gets away with it! How dare you!
I almost feel like I'm gonna . . . Gonna . . .
*Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!* First those
defenseless Crabbits, and now me?? I saved you from
the Negaverse, buddy!! And this is how you thank me??
You better watch it, or one of these days you're gonna find
a tiara where the sun don't shine!! Ha, yeah. You're
no better than that sleaze queen, Beryl. I beat her with my
wand . . . And I'll do the same to you! On behalf of the
moon, I'll punish you! Cosmic Moon Power!!!!
-Love, Sailor moon *Wink, Giggle*
Sailor Says: I know that when I flamed Joshua Reid, it
may have sounded a little harsh. But you have to remember
that he's picking on me, the Moon Princess. Like even! So,
until next time, Scouts! Sailor Moon says, See ya!
Joshua: SOBERING FACT #1987: This is the
generation we are handing the world's reigns over to.
Very Important! Ignore at Your
I just thought that you might want to know that for
buying music, Game Cave has horrible support, bad prices,
takes a long time, and they're just a plain unethical
company (e.g. selling FAQs with games where the FAQs were
allegedly taken without permission from the author). For
buying music, the best place currently would be http://www.the-place.com/.
is also good.
Joshua: Thank you Speed! Sorry about the bum site,
readers. Next time I'll only endorse places I've actually
bought from, like Animenation.com.
I can't praise that site enough!
What Do I
1- Should I buy Brave Fencer or just steal the FFVIII
demo at my local video store?
2-What do you get when you cross a Chocobo with a Moogle?
(Do not answer a Choco-Moogle please . . . or a Moogobo for
3-Do you truly believe a turkey invasion is possible?
Should I lock the doors?
4-Are you one of those people who thinks that "The Wall"
is the best Pink Floyd album?
1. Stealing is wrong. You should give it back when you're
done playing it.
2. I don't think that's anatomically possible.
3. Just in case, turn your oven on and leave it on--wards
the Butterballs away. Ok, THAT WAS A JOKE, don't do it.
4. They're all good, yo.
<rant about RPGJosh's Zelda comments> Oh, and I
must ask, why are you upset you can't buy Brave Fencer
Musashi? You obviously can't be impressed by it, as the only
way to know whether a game is good is to play it yourself!
Then you must just buy games from gut feelings? With BFM
being new, you obviously haven't played it otherwise yet...
Or maybe based on the graphics, as that IS the one thing you
have admittedly been impressed by in games before playing
them. Well, I guess that theory doesn't work either, as
you're still playing the atrocious-looking Xenogears. Hmm.
Beats me. </rant>
Joshua: <B.S.> That's quite a slew of logic
you've employed there. </B.S.>
Haha. Couldn't resist. Just Joshin ya!
Ahhh . . . More
1) Why do you think Parasite Eve got such a media blitz,
when Xenogears, a much highly acclaimed game by reviewers
(or at least ones like me), doesn't get a glance?
2) Any chances of you doing an interview for characters
from the Lunar series?
3) How many people do you think will buy Brave Fencer
Whatever simply for the Final Fantasy VIII demo?
4) Why under any God's name is Pokemon so popular?
5) Why can't I just shut up occasionally?
1) I'm not going there again. Too much grief.
2) Very likely. As long as I stay here, I'll do an
interview every week, on Tuesdays. From here on out, the
guests will either be mystery guests or announced ones. If I
tell you who I'm interviewing ahead of time (like Crono:
Tuesday, the 17th) you can submit some questions for me to
ask him. :) One per person, please.
4) Pokemon or . . . . Kirby. You decide. Also, Tetris is
5) I have that same problem. My fiancee used duct
In regards to Kevin Warner's question about Pokemon not
being released for the N64, there's one big reason you
didn't hit upon. That reason is Pokemon Stadium.
Pokemon Stadium is an N64 game that was released in Japan
this past summer, which is basically a simulation of the
Pokemon Championship Games or whatever they're called, which
I believe are featured in the Anime. The game comes with an
accessory that plugs into the bottom of your controller,
which you stick a Pokemon cartridge into. Then, you can pick
Pokemon from those you've captured (as found on the
cartridge), and you use these Pokemon to fight trainer after
trainer in order to become something along the lines of
ultimate Pokemon trainer/fighter/guy/girl/hermaphrodite.
Anyway . . . having seen the game myself, as I was in
Japan just after they released Pokemon Stadium, I can attest
A) The commercials are scary. (But all Japanese
commercials are, so it's all good.)
B) The game whips horse's butts with belts (in the words
of Wesley Willis). The various Pokemon and their attacks are
beautifully animated, for the most part, it's very colorful,
and was pretty easy to follow despite the fact that my
Japanese is less than perfect (I'm less than spectacular at
C) Small Japanese children are very good at this game.
-Very- good. What ramifications this could have on this side
of the Pacific are beyond me, although if there were some
sort of International Pokemon Championships, I'd not be
putting my money on the U.S.
Joshua: The United States has about as much chance
of whipping Japan in a video game competition as the Jaguar
has of making another sale. I think it's a religion over
there--maybe a new Buddhist Sect. I've heard some crazy
stories relating to Japanese gamers: A FFanatic beating FFV
at ninth level, someone getting through Resident Evil 2 in
tofu mode without getting hit, and one fellow committing
Sepuku (Honorable suicide, probably spelled it wrong)
because he forgot to stock up on healing potions in FFIV,
and a party of imps slew his characters. The last example
was a tad facetious, but you get the point.
Chris is so right about the Japanese commercials. I was
once watching an advertisement for a tote bag where an Asian
Heidi was prancing around a field with cartoon--you guessed
it!--CRABBITS bursting out of the flap. Yikes.
You've been to Japan? Hey, do the women there look like
they do in Ranma 1/2? If so, do they do mail-order
I read in one if the popular videogame mags that the new
Zelda game was selling really well (preorders) and that this
was surprising for a game that was "only going to be on sale
for the last 39 days of the year." What does this mean? That
the new Zelda is only going to be on sale for a limited time
and then no more? If that's true, why would Nintendo do
this? Or did the person saying this make an error? I sure
hope so because I want the game but won't get it for a few
months due to a lack of money.... do I need to hurry up and
get it or is it still going to be for sale in the new
Joshua: Kody, I'm sure they meant that the game
was going to do very well considering it's rather late
appearance in the Christmas market (actually, I think
Nintendo picked a perfect release date). It's going to sell
better than many games that have had a head start. Some
places have already run out of the Gold Editions. But if you
want to wait till next year Kody, barring nuclear holocaust,
you'll be able to buy the game.
Okay, I'm going to admit something very shameful. I've
been unnecessarily harsh on a game that will probably knock
my socks off. I'm just mad because I don't own a N64 yet.
The N64 wasn't an RPG console when I made my choice of
system, and I never thought Nintendo would actually get off
their butts and make this game. I'm miserable. I'm going to
have to play it at a friend's house. Wah!
If you'd like to donate an N64 and Zelda64 to your poor
RPGuru, I'd love you forever and a day. Infinity plus
I noted your comments about Zelda 64, Parasite Eve, as
well as other games, and the hype that surrounds them. I
agree that hype to a certain extent is not to be believed,
but there are really two types of hype.
1) "This game is the greatest! Everyone must buy it! The
<fill in the blank> is/are AWESOME!"
Okay. Great. Obviously a ploy to sucker poor readers into
purchasing a game that would otherwise never leave the
shelves. Plenty of magazines are guilty of doing this,
though some more than others (I never trust an "official"
console magazine, because it's in their own interests to
plug their system's games).
2) "We saw this game, got a chance to play. It's top
notch, because ... <list rational, believable reasons
Generally, if everyone and their dog says that a
particular game is going to be good, chances are, they're
not lying. Two examples that come to mind are Metal Gear
Solid (loved it, and only one website I noted gave it a bad
review, but their site has the worst reviews I've seen
anyhow), and Half Life (everyone just loves it, can't wait
for the full version to come out). Parasite Eve, if you will
note, received some o the most mediocre reviews. Typically
the fans were the ones defending and overhyping the game,
whereas a good number of publications gave fair reviews.
Several trustworthy publications say that Zelda 64 is going
to be a great game. The chances of Miyamoto letting one of
his most prized gaming franchises become stale is far less
likely to occur than Square allowing the Final Fantasy
series to decline in quality (but that could be several
editorial columns unto itself). Not all hype is bad. And
some hype can be trusted. And if Zelda 64 doesn't live up to
the hype, well, I'll eat my gold cartridge.
Joshua: Wonderful distinctions between the world
of publicity and the world of journalism. I also agree that
most of Zelda's hype is probably right on target.
No mass media publication is 100% objective. If you want
to find an accurate review on Zelda64, don't peruse Nintendo
The Readers Have
Lord of All things that are RPG and Dictator for Life of
the Anti Crabbit Coalition
NO RPGURU! Don't Give up the good fight, were it not for
you I would never hear of the insidious devious, demon
fluffs, that hunt Anime and RPG's. I have never seen one as
I don't own a console and don't watch as much Anime as I
would like to, so it was only your warnings that prevented
me from plunging into that abyss known as Crabbit worship.
Never give up! The world must know! They have to believe
you! Still there are those who not only do not know of or
support the evil Crabbits, but there are those who worship
there graven image, and sacrifice copies of the FFVIII Demo
before there smiling faces. Never Give up! Never Give up!
Help us RPGuru your are only hope!
Joshua: How can I resist such an honest plea? Sir
Joshua, Defender of Justice, Slayer of Crabbitkind, RPGURU,
shall once again take up his holy cause to rid the world of
all that is Cute and Fluffy! Beware Crabbits! I'm
This Title Has Nothing To Do
With The Letter
Well, now that Crabbit-Free day is over, I've got a
really scary statement to make: you can actually BUY
Crabbits! AHHHHHH!!! They are called Furbys and are made by
Tiger Electronics. And they talk!!! They cannot use the word
"I" but call themselves "me". On a lighter note, I have a
question. I downloaded the FFV script of RPGamer and now I
want to import it. I do not have a modchip, nor have I ever
imported a game before. I was reading a column on
psxnation.com about a new way to play imports w/out the chip
and it goes in the slot that the gameshark goes into. Know
anything about that? Also, where is a good place to find
imports for the psx? How about modchips? Is FFV worth
importing? How much would it probably cost? Thanks
ps. - and what are the FFIV peoples' last names? I now
know Cecil Harvey, but what are the others'?
Joshua: You are the harbinger of horrific news.
The demonic creatures have infiltrated further than I
thought. The ICBM launch codes are next! Emergency meeting
of the CAC tonight at the super-secret headquarters!
Imports huh? I mentioned in an earlier column that I'm
not too keen on imports because of all the trouble involved
(mod chipping, scripts), the extra money you have to pay,
and the fact that there are some perfectly great games here
to play! Could someone with experience importing give me a
letter I could post with some pros/cons/suggestions about
this practice? I don't want my ignorance leading this fellah
The Original (Romanization) Cast of FFIV!
Cecil Harvey as Mr. Whipped
Kain Highwind as The Guy Who Keeps Running Off With My
Equipment and Losing All Of It
Rosa Farrell as Mrs. Whipper
Gilbart Chris von Muir as The That's A Crazy Name So
We'll Change It To Edward
Yang Fang Leiden as The Guy With The Pointless Kick That
Does No Damage
Cid Pollendina as The Only Nearsighted Cid
Edge "Edward Geraldine" as The Romeo Who Never Was
Tellah as He's What's For Dinner [ineffable unless
you've been a faithful RPGuru reader]
Rydia of Mist as The Living Proof That Girls Mature
Faster Than Guys
Palom and Porom of Mysidia as The Annoying Mages You
Cheered For When They Were Turned to Stone and Wept When
They Returned To The World Of The Living
Here are some more corrections: I meant Edgar, not Edward
(so sorry), Diablo is a console game now, and my
spellchecker didn't tell me that Ruminiko Takahashi is
actually Rumiko. :)
The RPGuru archives are UPDATED! Ahhh, it feels so good
to say that. Relive your favorite RPGuru memories.
Shakespeare beckons, I must depart.
- Joshua Reid
"Whoever cares at all for the syntax of things will never
wholly kiss you." -e.e. cummings