||In the PSX|
||Sadly, nothing -- no PSX in my dorm room|
||Write to the RPGuru!|
||Send those burning questions 'n comments to
AK, for now|
Hi, I'm Andrew Kaufmann and I'm back, still spelling Allan for a couple of days. I'm also ready to party down and stuff like that. Allan's
still being fed bananas by the truckload, but he'll be back, don't worry.
AK: I meant to include this yesterday, but it slipped my mind. This is at
Allan's request, and he included his reply (he sent this before he left). Here
First off, your not so smart! You need a companion to help with your
letters..pft, and a stupid one at that, you should have got me. I know
I am the RPGMASTER! Anyways...You know what game looks like its really
suck monkey ass???? Final Fantasy 8!! Man that game looks crappy!!! I
watched the movies, and to my surprise...NO Cloud, no Aris, no Tifa...no
that should be in a Final Fantasy game. I mean, why eliminate the
characters that made the seris what it is. I mean cloud is soooo kewl,
aris is sweet (she dies in every game, i assume..) and TIFA is sooooooo
hot!!!! I got some naked pics of her...hehehhehehe!! And now what to we
get...crappy new characters. It should be for the N64 also, everyone
that is the better system anyway. ANd whay is with the numering
sysetem...???? it goes 1, 2, 3, then 7...can no one count?? Sony screwed
up....so do not by FF8..and don't get me started on Lunar..what is this? a
Allan: It's people like RPGMaster! who give credence to the position that
all people under the age of twenty should be sterilized. Good to hear
from you, Master!, and as requested, all missives to him can be sent
to email@example.com. Let it never be said that RPGMaster! isn't a
glutton for punishment. Cheers.
Coverage and Chocobos
Hey! Look who it is! It's AK! Good to have you back (at least
temporarily)! Well, I have some questions for you:
1. Is RPGamer going to have coverage of Castlevania VII (aka Castlevania
64)? I've been reading the reviews for it in Nintendo Power and GamePro,
and it looks like it's going to be an Adventure game, like Zelda. So,
will you be covering it?
2. How long will you remain as the RPGuru?
3. If I want to eat Chocobo, what restaurant should I go to?
4. If Mike and Erin can't decide on a name if/when they have a kid/baby,
my choice/suggestion would be Aeris (if it's a girl, off course).
5. Did anyone from RPGamer go to E3? After the coverage of E3, it sure
made it sound like someone from RPGamer was there, but now I'm not so
Well, that's all for now.
Hey, thanks for the nice welcome, it's good to be back for a little while.
1. Probably not, unless it shows some more RPG elements.
2. Forever! Hahaha! Oh wait, no, just for the weekend.
3. McDonalds, of course. Ask for the Cajun McChicken Sandwhich.
4. Not a bad choice, but I think Yuffie would be more interesting. If it's
a boy, the choice is obvious. Andrew, of course.
5. Yeah, we had an undercover spy there bringing us the latest action.
First of all, who's doing the updates for the RPGamer quotes? I heard
it was Glick, but you'd better vote somebody else in if he's only in
Next, how come so few (as far as I've seen, none) of those quotes have
Kefka?!?! Whatever happened to the famous "'Wait', he says. Do I look
like a waiter?" and "This is pathetic! You all sound like chapters from
a self-help book!"
Oh yeah, I suppose I'd better ask an actual question to hopefully make
this thing worth posting. You wouldn't happen to know if Working
Designs plans on making Lunar: Eternal Blue (complete, hopefully) for
the PSX to follow up SSS, wouldja? If you don't answer me, then I'll
take my hatestick to your, er, uhm... something you actually cherish
deeply, like a bottle of Chocobo Milk/Chocobo Soup, Depending on what
Chocobos taste like.
AK: As a quick Glick update, we got a phone call from him (collect.
what a cheap-o). He had made it all the way into New Mexico before accidentally
getting on a truck headed back into the Arizona desert. The truck of
course overheated, and Glick is now on the set of Hey Dude, talking to the
guy that played Mr. Earnst and comparing hair tips. But, under normal
circumstances, he does do the quote update. He tries to give all games
equal play in the title, so the FF3 quotes have to be used sparingly.
There have been numerous rumors floating around about Working Designs and Lunar:
Eternal Blue, but nothing concrete has come of that yet. We'll let you know
if something does pop.
I have one question: Where is Enix?! They just have seemed to disappear
after the death of the Super Nintendo (*sob*). I love their Dragon
Warriors. Their Illusion of Gaia's and Terranigma's. Were they all in
a coma? Also, tell me other games they are working on except Dragon
Quest 7. Thank you.
AK: At last check, Enix continues to dissappoint loyal fans.
They were on top of the world with their Dragon Quests, but have fallen
well off the pace. As far as I know, they have no other games under
production at the moment, and DQ7 has dissappointed at the Tokyo show.
What do you mean you're not on the RPGamer staff anymore??????
AK: Yeah, I "parted amicably" about a month ago or so. I'm just here
filling in for a couple of days. I don't have any other duties on RPGamer. I'm
just an Average Joe, having fun in college, doing a little freelancing, and
more or less goofing off.
Quickie History Lesson
Welcome back to the page AK! Even if it is only for a little while.
On to the question. I'm glad I haven't asked this before because you
probably would know better than Allan (not Allen). I've hung around this
page for a while, back when it was square.net. My question is this: It
seems to me that the first time I visited the page about 2 years ago, it
was called The Official Square Webpage, but the next time I stopped by, a
year later, it was UnOfficial. Is my memory just completely fried?
BTW, you crushed me when you shut down the page right before my birthday
*sniff*, but at least it was back ON my birthday for a nice present!
AK: No... at no time was Square Net or the UOSSHP ever the
Official Square Webpage. There was a time when the UOSSHP was hosted
on Square's Los Angeles web server, and had a link from the "Official"
page, but never was the truly official Square website.
Yeah and sorry about the scare dude, there just wasn't a whole lot we could
do about some of the stuff happening. You know how it goes.
More Ancient History and a Cool New RPG Concept
Hey, AK! I thought you ditched RPGamer... why do you have an address
RPGamer server? Did you never abandon the E-Mail address in the first place
and just RPGamer and I'm just too stupid to notice?
You said a while back that the "Why the Andrews Aren't Updating" skit
was on another server. What's the URL?
Secondly, it's my proposal that they should make an America Online: the
Game. You see, when you start up the game, over half the time it just gives
you the AOL symbol and a busy signal. When you do manage to start the game
up, it pops up an ad which periodically reverses the [Order Now!] and [No
thanks] buttons so you think you're pressing one while pressing the other.
Once you're in the actual game world, cooler chunks (like Gamewiz) are
deleted to expand the ludicrous $2.00 an hour online games. There are also ad
banners that if you go anywhere near them, you have to wait 10 minutes for the
shoddily designed web browser (to make room for advertising) to pop up. Of
course, you have a house and the mailbox is always filled to the brim with
junk mail and spam and it takes hours just to go from one place to another
because the service is so slow, unreliable and bad. You also have to take
care not to swear, eat, drink, blink, sleep, talk, chew, cough, or sneeze in
fear of being caught by the evil TOS men.
The game's unwinable because every 5 minutes it crashes with a General
Protection Fault. Fun for the whole family!
~ The Mysterious Moe, who is stuck on the worst ISP ever, America Online :-(
I have left RPGamer, but the kind Mike has let me keep the address so old pals
can still reach me and not have to remember to mail me to a new address. And it
came in handy here, so my personal mailbox doesn't get too full. So it's all good.
It turns out that the skit is actually still on RPGamer, though not linked anywhere.
Here's a link now, catch it while it's not hot: Why
the Andrews Aren't Updating. For you newer visitors, here's a bit of background on
the skit: it was made about a year ago when Andrew Vestal and I saw a cute Pichaku
skit on PSMonline (was it PSXpower still then?), and it inspired us to do a similar
skit for Square Net. So, a slow Saturday night rolls around, and Vestal, me, and a
long-time buddy of mine, Quinn, are hanging out, broke and bored. The skit that ensued
is a testament to the fact that boredom and digital cameras can create messy results.
Boy, AOL the Video Game sounds like a surefire winner that millions upon millions
of people will buy! Can you get me a copy? Oh wait, I have a few dozen here, I
keep getting them in the mail...
Pokémon Code Clarification
Regarding the Pokˇmon codes, yes, they were of the in-game type (not via
Game Genie), and are only possible on the Japanese versions, because they
were actually glitches.
I discovered this on the excellent PokˇBoard at this same
great website, RPGamer!
P.S. Nice to have you back AK..I think.. O.o
AK: Thanks for the clarification buddy, and thanks for saying nice
to have me back.. I think..
Yesterday's Bizzarre Reference
Wow, good to have you back, sort of.
Here's a simple question sure to end the bridge controversy, and an
answer for you, free of charge.
First the question : is anyone else scared to death that, after all the
hype, FF8 just might not top FF7 in anything besides graphics? I mean,
FF7 was not hyped half as much and managed to blow everyone away, yet
FF8 has HUGE shoes to fill and has been getting American audiences
excited about it for years before its release... maybe it's just me,
but I'm worried that topping FF7 in terms of story, scope, and
characters will be more than anyone can do. But hey, I'm not worried at
ALL about the graphics!
Now for your answer , which is a question as well : does my recognition
of your multiparenthetical (whoa, what a word!) quotes as being
little-heard REM songs impress you?? (PSA/Bad Day and Shaking Through, a
fave of mine).
AK: Gee, a ringing endorsement for me ;) Well, FF7 had a huge amount of hype (remember all those
advertisements on TV and in magazines?), and FF8 will probably match it.
As far as worry about the overall quality of the game, and living up to
hype, I personally don't worry. Square seems to always set the pace with
the biggest and best RPGs, and I have confidence they'll do it again
with FF8. It's really quite early to tell either way for sure, though.
I'd say just wait for the game to come out, let's not even bother trying
to guess whether or not it will live up to expectations.
Now this second half really impressed me. If I had RPGamer t-shirts to give out,
I'd give you like, a boxful. Not only did you nail the quotes, you used the word
multiparenthetical! Get the man a cookie! I love both Shaking Through and PSA, and I
wish REM had released PSA as a b-side back in the IRS days. I'd call it their
best unreleased song. Shaking Through is also one of my favorites, especially
this live version I have where Michael Stipe and Mike Mills share the lead vocal
on the chorus, rather than having it be Stipe-centric. Adds a nice touch, if you
ask me. Now, riddle me this, riddle me that: what song by John Fogerty did R.E.M. cover?
Quick 'n Dirty Tidbits: Fellow REM fan Matt wants to know if I
became a fan because they have a song written about a man that has the same
name as I (no, even though that is how I got introduced to their music), the
Red Scare points out Allan was one day short of going a month without a pinch
hitter (Cal Ripken has nothing to worry about), The Monk, Shane says RPGamer
needs to get a clue (anyone that calls himself a monk named Shane needs a clue
if you ask me), Taarkoth says chipped beef on a biscuit is worse than enchiladas
(I like my biscuits plain, so I've neve tried it, but I'll take your word for it),
and Game Cat says FF8 will put more credence into the Bridge Theory because it has
at least one kick-bootie bridge (I don't know, it's going to be hard to disprove
the FF5/FF6 discrepency).
- Andrew Kaufmann
"The ocean machine is set tonight, I'll squeeze into heaven and valentine.
My bed is pulling me, gravity, daysleeper."