In the PSX
  Sadly, nothing -- no PSX in my dorm room
  Write to the RPGuru!
  Send those burning questions 'n comments to AK, for now

Hi, I'm Andrew Kaufmann and I'm back, still spelling Allan for a couple of days. I'm also ready to party down and stuff like that. Allan's still being fed bananas by the truckload, but he'll be back, don't worry.

RPGMaster's Return

AK: I meant to include this yesterday, but it slipped my mind. This is at Allan's request, and he included his reply (he sent this before he left). Here we go:

Hey "RPGuru"... First off, your not so smart! You need a companion to help with your letters..pft, and a stupid one at that, you should have got me. I know all, I am the RPGMASTER! Anyways...You know what game looks like its really gonna suck monkey ass???? Final Fantasy 8!! Man that game looks crappy!!! I watched the movies, and to my surprise...NO Cloud, no Aris, no one that should be in a Final Fantasy game. I mean, why eliminate the characters that made the seris what it is. I mean cloud is soooo kewl, and aris is sweet (she dies in every game, i assume..) and TIFA is sooooooo hot!!!! I got some naked pics of her...hehehhehehe!! And now what to we get...crappy new characters. It should be for the N64 also, everyone knows that is the better system anyway. ANd whay is with the numering sysetem...???? it goes 1, 2, 3, then 7...can no one count?? Sony screwed do not by FF8..and don't get me started on Lunar..what is this? a super nintendo... RPGMASTER!

Allan: It's people like RPGMaster! who give credence to the position that all people under the age of twenty should be sterilized. Good to hear from you, Master!, and as requested, all missives to him can be sent to Let it never be said that RPGMaster! isn't a glutton for punishment. Cheers.

Coverage and Chocobos

Hey! Look who it is! It's AK! Good to have you back (at least temporarily)! Well, I have some questions for you:

1. Is RPGamer going to have coverage of Castlevania VII (aka Castlevania 64)? I've been reading the reviews for it in Nintendo Power and GamePro, and it looks like it's going to be an Adventure game, like Zelda. So, will you be covering it?

2. How long will you remain as the RPGuru?

3. If I want to eat Chocobo, what restaurant should I go to?

4. If Mike and Erin can't decide on a name if/when they have a kid/baby, my choice/suggestion would be Aeris (if it's a girl, off course).

5. Did anyone from RPGamer go to E3? After the coverage of E3, it sure made it sound like someone from RPGamer was there, but now I'm not so sure.

Well, that's all for now.

Mesdoram Elmdor


Hey, thanks for the nice welcome, it's good to be back for a little while.

1. Probably not, unless it shows some more RPG elements.

2. Forever! Hahaha! Oh wait, no, just for the weekend.

3. McDonalds, of course. Ask for the Cajun McChicken Sandwhich.

4. Not a bad choice, but I think Yuffie would be more interesting. If it's a boy, the choice is obvious. Andrew, of course.

5. Yeah, we had an undercover spy there bringing us the latest action.

Quotation Questions

First of all, who's doing the updates for the RPGamer quotes? I heard it was Glick, but you'd better vote somebody else in if he's only in Nevada.

Next, how come so few (as far as I've seen, none) of those quotes have Kefka?!?! Whatever happened to the famous "'Wait', he says. Do I look like a waiter?" and "This is pathetic! You all sound like chapters from a self-help book!"

Oh yeah, I suppose I'd better ask an actual question to hopefully make this thing worth posting. You wouldn't happen to know if Working Designs plans on making Lunar: Eternal Blue (complete, hopefully) for the PSX to follow up SSS, wouldja? If you don't answer me, then I'll take my hatestick to your, er, uhm... something you actually cherish deeply, like a bottle of Chocobo Milk/Chocobo Soup, Depending on what Chocobos taste like.

AK: As a quick Glick update, we got a phone call from him (collect. what a cheap-o). He had made it all the way into New Mexico before accidentally getting on a truck headed back into the Arizona desert. The truck of course overheated, and Glick is now on the set of Hey Dude, talking to the guy that played Mr. Earnst and comparing hair tips. But, under normal circumstances, he does do the quote update. He tries to give all games equal play in the title, so the FF3 quotes have to be used sparingly.

There have been numerous rumors floating around about Working Designs and Lunar: Eternal Blue, but nothing concrete has come of that yet. We'll let you know if something does pop.

Dissappearing Act

I have one question: Where is Enix?! They just have seemed to disappear after the death of the Super Nintendo (*sob*). I love their Dragon Warriors. Their Illusion of Gaia's and Terranigma's. Were they all in a coma? Also, tell me other games they are working on except Dragon Quest 7. Thank you.

AK: At last check, Enix continues to dissappoint loyal fans. They were on top of the world with their Dragon Quests, but have fallen well off the pace. As far as I know, they have no other games under production at the moment, and DQ7 has dissappointed at the Tokyo show.

Catching Up

What do you mean you're not on the RPGamer staff anymore??????


AK: Yeah, I "parted amicably" about a month ago or so. I'm just here filling in for a couple of days. I don't have any other duties on RPGamer. I'm just an Average Joe, having fun in college, doing a little freelancing, and more or less goofing off.

Quickie History Lesson

Welcome back to the page AK! Even if it is only for a little while.

On to the question. I'm glad I haven't asked this before because you probably would know better than Allan (not Allen). I've hung around this page for a while, back when it was My question is this: It seems to me that the first time I visited the page about 2 years ago, it was called The Official Square Webpage, but the next time I stopped by, a year later, it was UnOfficial. Is my memory just completely fried?

BTW, you crushed me when you shut down the page right before my birthday *sniff*, but at least it was back ON my birthday for a nice present!



AK: No... at no time was Square Net or the UOSSHP ever the Official Square Webpage. There was a time when the UOSSHP was hosted on Square's Los Angeles web server, and had a link from the "Official" page, but never was the truly official Square website.

Yeah and sorry about the scare dude, there just wasn't a whole lot we could do about some of the stuff happening. You know how it goes.

More Ancient History and a Cool New RPG Concept

Hey, AK! I thought you ditched RPGamer... why do you have an address on the RPGamer server? Did you never abandon the E-Mail address in the first place and just RPGamer and I'm just too stupid to notice?

You said a while back that the "Why the Andrews Aren't Updating" skit thingy was on another server. What's the URL?

Secondly, it's my proposal that they should make an America Online: the Video Game. You see, when you start up the game, over half the time it just gives you the AOL symbol and a busy signal. When you do manage to start the game up, it pops up an ad which periodically reverses the [Order Now!] and [No thanks] buttons so you think you're pressing one while pressing the other.

Once you're in the actual game world, cooler chunks (like Gamewiz) are deleted to expand the ludicrous $2.00 an hour online games. There are also ad banners that if you go anywhere near them, you have to wait 10 minutes for the shoddily designed web browser (to make room for advertising) to pop up. Of course, you have a house and the mailbox is always filled to the brim with junk mail and spam and it takes hours just to go from one place to another because the service is so slow, unreliable and bad. You also have to take care not to swear, eat, drink, blink, sleep, talk, chew, cough, or sneeze in fear of being caught by the evil TOS men.

The game's unwinable because every 5 minutes it crashes with a General Protection Fault. Fun for the whole family!

~ The Mysterious Moe, who is stuck on the worst ISP ever, America Online :-(

AK: I have left RPGamer, but the kind Mike has let me keep the address so old pals can still reach me and not have to remember to mail me to a new address. And it came in handy here, so my personal mailbox doesn't get too full. So it's all good.

It turns out that the skit is actually still on RPGamer, though not linked anywhere. Here's a link now, catch it while it's not hot: Why the Andrews Aren't Updating. For you newer visitors, here's a bit of background on the skit: it was made about a year ago when Andrew Vestal and I saw a cute Pichaku skit on PSMonline (was it PSXpower still then?), and it inspired us to do a similar skit for Square Net. So, a slow Saturday night rolls around, and Vestal, me, and a long-time buddy of mine, Quinn, are hanging out, broke and bored. The skit that ensued is a testament to the fact that boredom and digital cameras can create messy results.

Boy, AOL the Video Game sounds like a surefire winner that millions upon millions of people will buy! Can you get me a copy? Oh wait, I have a few dozen here, I keep getting them in the mail...

Pokémon Code Clarification

Regarding the Pokˇmon codes, yes, they were of the in-game type (not via Game Genie), and are only possible on the Japanese versions, because they were actually glitches.

I discovered this on the excellent PokˇBoard at this same great website, RPGamer!


P.S. Nice to have you back AK..I think.. O.o

AK: Thanks for the clarification buddy, and thanks for saying nice to have me back.. I think..

Yesterday's Bizzarre Reference

Wow, good to have you back, sort of.

Here's a simple question sure to end the bridge controversy, and an answer for you, free of charge.

First the question : is anyone else scared to death that, after all the hype, FF8 just might not top FF7 in anything besides graphics? I mean, FF7 was not hyped half as much and managed to blow everyone away, yet FF8 has HUGE shoes to fill and has been getting American audiences excited about it for years before its release... maybe it's just me, but I'm worried that topping FF7 in terms of story, scope, and characters will be more than anyone can do. But hey, I'm not worried at ALL about the graphics!

Now for your answer , which is a question as well : does my recognition of your multiparenthetical (whoa, what a word!) quotes as being little-heard REM songs impress you?? (PSA/Bad Day and Shaking Through, a fave of mine).


AK: Gee, a ringing endorsement for me ;) Well, FF7 had a huge amount of hype (remember all those advertisements on TV and in magazines?), and FF8 will probably match it. As far as worry about the overall quality of the game, and living up to hype, I personally don't worry. Square seems to always set the pace with the biggest and best RPGs, and I have confidence they'll do it again with FF8. It's really quite early to tell either way for sure, though. I'd say just wait for the game to come out, let's not even bother trying to guess whether or not it will live up to expectations.

Now this second half really impressed me. If I had RPGamer t-shirts to give out, I'd give you like, a boxful. Not only did you nail the quotes, you used the word multiparenthetical! Get the man a cookie! I love both Shaking Through and PSA, and I wish REM had released PSA as a b-side back in the IRS days. I'd call it their best unreleased song. Shaking Through is also one of my favorites, especially this live version I have where Michael Stipe and Mike Mills share the lead vocal on the chorus, rather than having it be Stipe-centric. Adds a nice touch, if you ask me. Now, riddle me this, riddle me that: what song by John Fogerty did R.E.M. cover?

Quick 'n Dirty Tidbits: Fellow REM fan Matt wants to know if I became a fan because they have a song written about a man that has the same name as I (no, even though that is how I got introduced to their music), the Red Scare points out Allan was one day short of going a month without a pinch hitter (Cal Ripken has nothing to worry about), The Monk, Shane says RPGamer needs to get a clue (anyone that calls himself a monk named Shane needs a clue if you ask me), Taarkoth says chipped beef on a biscuit is worse than enchiladas (I like my biscuits plain, so I've neve tried it, but I'll take your word for it), and Game Cat says FF8 will put more credence into the Bridge Theory because it has at least one kick-bootie bridge (I don't know, it's going to be hard to disprove the FF5/FF6 discrepency).

Peace dudes.

- Andrew Kaufmann

"The ocean machine is set tonight, I'll squeeze into heaven and valentine. My bed is pulling me, gravity, daysleeper."

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