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   Welcome to the second inane installment of Q&AK, featuring relief pitcher Brian M. For those of you curious enough, I got called up from the farm league a while ago (April 20th to be exact), but RPGamer's pitching coach decided that my slider didn't have enough late movement. Well, I'm proud to state that I can now throw a perfectly straight pitch that makes a right angle turn after travelling 60.5 feet, so nya!

   Oh, also, in case you didn't notice, I go by BSM, not BM. Don't forget the mysterious "S"! OK, enough foolishness. (or not)

Q: I read in your little section yesterday that 2000 divided by 3 subtract 2 is 666. What you may not realize is that 1998 divided by 3 is 666! WORSHIP ME FOOLS! THE LORD OF THE DARKNESS IS UPON YOU!!! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!


BSM: No, 2000 divided by 3 minus 2 is 664 2/3. No wonder guaranteeing you the soul of my first born in return for your doing my taxes resulted in an audit. I demand a refund! Maybe my people and your people can get together and work things out? Over latte, maybe? (yes, when they say Starbucks is everywhere, they mean everywhere...)

Q: If THIS year is a multiple of 666 and and 2000 isn't, wouldn't that mean that the world'll THIS year?

BSM: Hey, cut a guy some slack! I make a quip with a .001% error and I've got people on my back for it! But... if YOU'RE using a future construction with the verb "will," don't your need a MAIN verb to go with it? Aha!

Q: [1] Eidos is greek for 'picture' or 'form', and is the root of our friendly word Idyll, so Eidos Interactive should be pronounced "id ose in ter ak tif" but hey, who knows?

   [2] The chocobo was in Mystic Quest! I believe the town was Windia, where there was a chocobo weathervane that the player could walk up to and say "What's this? A chocobo?" to.

BSM: Thanks for the pronunciation tidbit. That's always a gray area. As for that chocobo appearance in FF:MQ, that doesn't count! That's only a cameo. There was no actual chocobo in the game. That would make a good trivia question, though: "What FF game boasts the most insipid town name ever to appear in an RPG?" (Bet you thought the question was going to be about the chocobo, right? Wrong. I'm so clever)

Q: Brian,
   You're not Irish... but you manage to control a part of this pinnacle of pages? How *DO* you do it?! I tell ya... that Brian, he works wonders if you throw an RPG in his direction!

   Adam Nolin, more Irish than anyone!

BSM: It must have been that green bagel I ate on St. Patrick's Day a few years back.

Q: I would like to clear up a bit of the 'controversy' about Xenogears. I did some digging and found a rather interesting bit of info. In a recent interview regarding the game, a Square rep said that they had always planned on bringing Xenogears to the US, complete and uncensored. The only thing that was originally being debated was whether or not Sony would publish it. The main reason Square decided to join up with another company (EA) was so they could publish more of their titles, and do so uncensored. They said the "religious overtones" are merely the main character questioning at times whether or not there is a God, and that it never names any specific religion or insults organized religion, as was originally suggested. I don't know if you can use this info, but I thought I would share it with you in case you hadn't seen the transcript of this interview yet.


BSM: Thanks for the input, Kain. It does sound less extreme than FFT's plot, but until the day we can walk around in the head of a Sony exec, I guess we won't know why they made a fuss over Xenogears and not Tactics. They also always planned on porting it? Hrm, not what it sounded like at the time. But, as long as we get this baby, I'm a happy camper.

Q: Here's my question. Take a look at our friendly little Square Based Buddy, the Moogle. Everything looks fine, right??? NO!!! WRONG!!! Look closely! In every time I've ever seen a moogle, I have never seen that Blessed creature given a set of knees! How are they such good dancers without a set of knees?!?!?! Sorry, I am a true moogle fan, and I just want to know about that.

   Thanks, and by the way Andrew, if you ever think about getting a Mac, come to me, and I will be happy to have you commited to whatever Looney bin is available at the time

BSM: The nearest Looney bin available for AK is actually this column. Don't worry, that doesn't mean AK will have to get a Mac before he takes over the column again. On a related note...

   In a prepared statement for the media, technological genius Andrew Kaufmann stated: "Macs blow chunks. Every Mac system I've used has been as unstable as a two-legged table, and software developers don't touch them with a 10 foot pole. Those are smart guys, they must have a reason."

   In a carefully prepared rebuttal to known maniac Andrew Kaufmann's ravings, Brian Glick could only comment that "Macintosh computers are 'da bomb. Err, not that they bomb a lot... wait, maybe I shouldn't say that."

   As for your question, how do moogles dance without knees? Easy. They watch lots and lots of 70s movies.

   While we're on the topic of moogle dances, how about Mog's Water Rondo? Square was really ahead of their time on this one, because the Rondo featured the weatherman-wet-dream-inducing, adding-new-meaning-to-the-saying-"blame it on the rain" cold front of sheer devestation that is EL NIÑO! (yes, that was my pointless-yet-oddly-interesting tangent of the day ©. Speaking of past tangents...)

Q: You say that the moogle's first appearance is in Final Fantasy Adventure, aka Seiken Densetsu. Well, actually, the moogle first appears in FF3j, about 3/4 of the way through the game. Just thought you'd like to know.


BSM: ...I knew that. In fact, Terpfen007 (the name's Bond. Terpfen Bond) has unwittingly stumbled upon a scintillating Q&AK feature, now that he mentions it, that I like to call "easter egg hunt"! Since this is a simple html file and not an executable program, though, you have to settle for our easter eggs being infactual statements and not cool little bells and whistles. If you find enough easter eggs, you get a prize! (Now, before you flood my mailbox praising me for this innovation, let me tell you that AK started the tradition long before my current stint. God bless that man.)

Q: Brian,

   I just want to tell you that you have a really awesome first name. I mean, I think the era of the Andrews is long gone, and that the name "Brian" is here to stay. After all, just look at the famous people who are named Brian! ...okay, I can't think of any. Ah well.

   -Brian Glick

BSM: Brian,

   Your problem is that you're thinking of the illustrious and coincidentally shallow field of Hollywood. To truly appreciate the value of such a dynamic name, you need to look into a storied institution that in many ways personifies America itself (never mind that you live in Canada, that's just a petty detail), like, oh, I dunno... Major League Baseball!

   Take New York's teams, for example. Where would the Mets be without the red-hot .257, 47 RBI bat of centerfielder Brian McRae? And would the Yankees be enjoying their current success if not for general manager Brian "George Who?" Cashman? Not likely. Meanwhile, Atlanta Braves outfielder Andruw Jones, well... spells his first name "Andruw"! Do you see the stark contrast?

Q: Soo. To get my hands on a FFVIII demo, should I import BFM now for $65, or wait until it's released in the states, for $15 less. I guess I just want to know whether or not the US version of BFM will have the demo disk with FFVIII. After seeing the movies, I want to import, but $65 is a bit much for demos, you know what I mean? :)

BSM: Easy choice, my friend. Wait for the American release! Not only will you be paying extra for the import, but you won't be able to read a word of text. You can buy yourself and your family our limited edition "I contributed to Q&AK and all I got was this lousy T-shirt" T-shirts with the $15 you'll save.

Q: Hey, I have a question! Where is Final Fantasy 5 for PC! Luckily, there is a G3 at my work and with plenty of free time i can play it on EMU (SNES9X for Power PC is incredible...there are NO errors from what I can tell!), but I still want a packaged version so I don't feel like im stealing!


BSM: The entire shipment got caught up in a drug smuggling cartel and currently is sitting in an abandoned warehouse in Panama. When asked about the veracity of such claims, Eidos would neither confirm or deny anything, so I'll guess we'll have to wait and see, although I'd say it's a good bet that we'll see FFV on the PC at some point in time. And kids, don't do EMU or drugs.

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