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Q&AK
Tellah, the next Shaft?
In the PSX
A full memory card, wah!  
Old address!
Puzzled? Confused? Mail AK so he can befuddle you even more!
 
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Q: Do you want to know what Tellah really said? Well you're in luck, as I asked that same question myself, and then I went and translated it. So here you go:

          Japanese                              American
=============================         ========================
*Tellah:  Bastard!  My
 daughter...                          Tellah:  You swindler!
 (implied:  "what have you
 done to her?")
Bard:  That's wrong!                  Bard:  Please listen!
*Tellah:  What's wrong with
 what I'm saying?                     Tellah: You spoony bard!
Bard:  Please listen to what
 I have to say!                       Bard:  Please!
Tellah:  Eh?  Silence!!!              Tellah:  Shut up!
Bard:  Please!                        Bard:  Listen!
Tellah:  This pain... Anna's
 pain...                              Tellah: Shut your mouth!
Bard:  Anna...                        Bard:  I... I...
Anna:  Please!  Both of you,
 stop!                                Anna:  Please!  Stop!
I'm not too sure about the two *'d lines, but other than that, it's pretty much a direct translation. You'll notice, no swindlers, nor any spoony bards.
Zach

Thanks for the tidbits of info, Zach. At a glance, two things come to mind:
1) The Americanization presented in the game itself is shorter, letters-wise, than a "direct" translation, as you gave it. A result of space concerns? While it's just a few characters shorter per line, that adds up throughout the entirity of the game.
2) Tellah said "Shut your mouth!" I bet the translator had recently had a Shaft movie-watching party involving high amounts of beer, and said to himself, "Shut yo' mouth!" "I'm just talkin' bout Anna!" "Then we can dig it."

Q: Here's the lyrics to a song that I am hoping to submit to the site as a part of a collection of songs that "Weird Al" Yankovic should make.

Man of the Moon (parody of Man on the Moon by R.E.M.)

Cecil the Paladin and his way of life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andy Kaufmann in the Q&A. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Final Fantasy, Chrono Trigger, Suikoden. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mr. Hummingway in a total mess. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Letās go to Earth, letās go to the moon. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Give it to Big Chocobo Īcause we donāt have room. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, Andy did you hear about this one? The game is running out of fun.
Hey Andy, are you answering questions all day? Have you had enough?
If you believe, I found the man of the moon, man of the moon.
If you believe, thereās more in a deep sleep, and something went wrong.
FusoYaās gonna get the robot today. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Rydia and Rosa stowaway. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Crystals of the moon are against Zemus. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Golbez, the puppet ran out of use. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, Andy did you hear about this one? I just canāt meet a Pink Puff.
Hey Andyās working on his Q&AK. Times are getting rough.
If you believe, I found the man of the moon, man of the moon.
If you believe, thereās more in a deep sleep, and something went wrong.
Hereās a little help for the never-can-beat-her. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hereās a giant whale that can go between planets. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah. Hereās a bunch of hummers who live in a cave. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mister Andy Kaufmannās not answering. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, Andy did you hear about this one? A parody of your favorite song.
Hey Andy are you busy with new games, hey baby, are we losing touch?
If you believe, I found the man of the moon, man of the moon.
If you believe, thereās more in a deep sleep, and something went wrong.

AK: Dang man, that's awesome! Thanks bud, I appreciate it! (Unfortunately, I kinda doubt we'll be seeing this on Weird Al's next album.)

Q: I was looking through your archives and I noticed an error, the reason Drive up ATMs have Braille is that they bank manufacturer only makes one model, so the ATMs found at your local mall are the same style. The reason is that it's cheaper and more cost effective to produce a one size fits all ATM rather that drive up and street ATMs.
-Heretic-5

AK: Ah, a good, logical answer. Thanks Heretic-5! (Is that on your birth certificate? To quote Top Gun, did you mom not like you or something?)

Q: Hey AK, you dummy, those first three questions weren't questions!
   -AK

AK: Shut up nincompoop, don't bug me with details.

Q: What's the point of having an airport in Junon if there are no other airports in the world?

AK: Maybe most of the airplanes in the world were kamikaze?

Q: Here's a question. What in the name of Sephiroth is a Slurpee????????????????????????????? If you don't answer this question all the fleas in the world will be given to your cow.

AK: Hey, uncool! Lay off the cow! Anyway, a slurpee is similar to a snow-cone. It's highly crushed ice mixed with flavored syrups such as Coca Cola, Minute Maid Orange, etc. You can get them at any 7-11.

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