Aaah, two exams out of three finished with. I'll tell ya, finals aren't fun, but it's one way to force you to learn a complicated subject really, really quickly. And then forget it just as quickly. Oh well.
   I'm Brian Glick, and I'm the temporary host of Q&AK (or Q&BG, as many have been calling it) until the article's namesake himself, Andrew Kaufmann, returns from charming the ladies. Please email questions directly to me for the time being. And save me the trouble of editing your emails; at least try to use some semblance of grammar and spelling. =)

Q: In response to the person who asked:
   "Brian, getting right to the point, what do the characters under the Final Fantasy Tactics logo translate as?"
   The lettering under the logo is written in katakana. Katakana is a version of the Japanese alphabet used commonly to spell words of foreign origin phonetically. It basically spells out "Fa-i-na-ru Fa-n-ta-shi Ta-ku-chi-ku- su" (or something like that...I would give a direct translation, but I couldn't read the small picture in the manual very well...). It doesn't mean anything special, it's just the closest the Japanese can come to spelling "Final Fantasy Tactics" using their alphabet.

BG: Thanks for confirming my guess. I received a large volume of mail from fans eager to explain how Katakana works, and I learn more and more every day writing this column.
   Okay, so the above Q wasn't really a question, but you all don't have to email me about that, either.

Q: Lemme get this straight. One gil is equal to $1.83 US. Then why the hell does it cost 200 gil just to play the motorcycle game in the Gold Saucer of Final Fantasy 7? You're telling me we're paying $366 for a little arcade game? What is this, major inflation? What is the FF7 world coming to? AHHH!!!!
   -Clyde Hudman

BG: They didn't gold-plate that saucer by charging a quarter or two for arcade games, you know
   Great insight there, Clyde. I laughed out loud when I read this. Not many letters I get do that. =) (Oh, and to all the irate Canadians who didn't like my Canadian conversion rate comment...I'm Canadian too. Live with it, eh?)

Q: Have you ever had a question that deals with the English language just like this one:
   There are three words in the English language that end in gry. ONE is angry and the other is hungry, everyONE knows what the third ONE means and what it stands for, everyONE uses them everyday, and if you listen carefully I've given you the third word. What is it?
   Do you know anything about this question? I asked my friends if they knew what it was and they didn't even understand the question itself.
   -Kevin

BG: The true answer to this mind-boggling riddle is that there is no answer. This is the most perverse form of English riddles: a literary hoax. The question has no real answer, even though there are some uncommon English words such as "augry" and "anhungry".
   The real riddle, however, has been lost in the retelling of the question. It goes something like this:

Two words that end in "gry" are "hungry" and "angry". There are three words in the English language. What is the third word? Everyone knows what it means and what it stands for. Everyone uses it every day. And if you listened carefully, I've already given you the third word. What is it?"

Q: Will Lufia 3 have the pet monster system? Thanks.
   -Darin

BG: It's really hard to say at this point. Little has been confirmed or announced about the gameplay of Lufia III at the moment, but as our vast string of underground sources discover more, we'll certainly let you know. Check out the Lufia III Preview for everything we know so far.

Q: Hey Mr. B!
   It's not that I don't like you writing this column but when AK comes back what will you become? Some cheap miserable moron who must spend the rest of his life in a closet? I hope not! So anyway, what will happen to you after the Loverboy comes back?

BG: What, you think I do nothing else on RPGamer? I'm certainly not going to be kicked out on the streets when Andy returns!
   They're going to have me go through every single file and capitalize all the HTML tags. And you thought I'd be out of a job...

Q: If you had 5 minutes to yourself before the world's end, what would you do with your last moments on Earth?

BG: I'd be writing up a final Q&AK article. That just shows how devoted I am to my loyal readers. =) (Of course, you'd all be running around screaming anyway...)