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Paws and Bullets - March 1 '02- Sometime in the semi-late future.

Today, of course, is Guest Host day. So, it's a Guest Host with a Guest Host. Erm, perhaps we shouldn't dwell on it too much, and just get on to the column. Sorry for any early readers that weren't able to read my column at midnight last night, I sat down to do it and practically fell asleep at the keys. So, here it is in the morn. Just for the kick of it, all the letters will have their subject lines as titles, so you can see some of the weird ones I get =^^=.

Bullets: Well, I'm a little embarassed about my last appearence here, children. Shortly before the column began, I had french-kissed the wrong end of a heat-seeking rocket missle, courtesy of the Taliban. The resulting disorientation caused me to refer to "Arc the Lad" as a port, claim the Gamecube didn't have any RPG's, and when I woke up the next morning there was some girl dressed up like a videogame character in my bed with me. So kids, the lesson here is this: Sometimes, no matter how much you think can run a Q&A column with your frontal lobe leaking out your ears, you really should just go to bed and sleep it off. It's one of the tougher lessons I've encountered as an intergalactic rogue supercop who doesn't play by the rules, and maybe you can learn from my mistakes. Because, with God as my witness, I sure as hell don't plan to.

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Subject: Letters

Hey, hope Bullets doesn't try and shoot me down 'cause I look like a hippie. Just know that if need be, I can pick up an AK-47 and do my best G.I. Joe impression. And Paws, you're invited to my party tonight. If you can't make it, I'll understand. :) However, two questions:

1. What (if anything) do you think could be put into Skies of Arcadia 2 to make it even better than the original? I'm thinking lower random encounter rates...but other than that, the first one was so great, I just wanted to go out and spread the love! Perhaps battles moving along a bit faster too though...

2. What do you think of the Resident Evil movie? Personally, I think it's sacrilegious not to have Jill, Chris, or any of the other S.T.A.R.S. And what's with the Red Queen %&*! (sorry, non-love coming through). And "Alice" jump kicking that Cerebus (zombie dog)...maybe Bullets can do stuff like that, but I should at least be seeing a knife (staple in any RE game) come into play. I'm praying it's good though.

Feel the love!
-Dude Love Next

P.S. Heyya Bullets, I think you said you were looking for Super Mario Advance 2? If so, I got one just sitting here jumping up and down screaming, "Send me! Send me!"

Bullets orders:
I don't generally make a habit out of "shooting down" my fellow Americans, but right now the caps-lock key on my keyboard isn't functioning, so anything is possible. I'm rather frustrated.

Spread the love? I take back what I said about not shooting you. As far as your question, I don't know how they could make SOA2 better than the original, but if they would like to make it more successful, it should have totally slamming dance numbers set to technopop hits, and star a rag-tag group of sky-pirates known only by this mysterous moniker: N*Sync. Now if that doesn't reek of the putrid stink of success, I don't know what does.

The Resident Evil movie will most likely suck, but this is not a bad thing, considering the source material: zombie movies suck. But you are on to something, here, uh..Dude; after watching the trailers, it seems a good deal of the combat is based on the anti-zombie manuevers I created back in 1979, during the war with Brain Lords of So Leet. If I were a lesser man, I'd sue. But I'm the kind of man who likes to let his gun do all his lawyerin', so they better watch their backs. As far as the "evil dead meets the matrix" style of the could be a very solid B-movie.

In my experience, if your electronics are sentient to the point that they begin giving orders, you had damn well better follow them if you value your life.

Paws says:
Psychadelic, but I was totally exhausted and couldn't make it. Sorry, Dude.
1. I'm sure that's what the people making it are saying. You'd think sequels would be harder to make, cuz you have tourpass what you did in the first one. Do you keep it the same, or throw it a curveball? Which would people like more? I could keep going ;)
2. I don't like the RE games; I'm not a horror movie or game person. Anime? Yes. Blood and gore in anime? The more the merrier. Real horror movies? Don't even think about it, because I hate them. Then again, I hated the Tomb Raider games, and the movie was pretty darn spiff. Bungee! =^^=

Subject: System Wars.

Oh why oh why does almost everyone hate the X-Box? Is it because its made by Bill Gates or the fact it doesn't have any RPG's on it? Or is it because of the controller's size?

I work at a Best Buy on weekdays and GameStop on weekends. As long as I have been working there, only two people returned the X-Box. Everyone else are enjoying the X-Box and the controller! In fact I think the controller is mighty comfortable for my large hands, next to the PS2's controller. I won't even touch the GameCube's controller.

I purchased the X-box on the second day and I have never had a problem with it. Now for my Playstation 2, I seriously given up hope on it. The system has broke down on me three times and I sent it back to Sony for repairs 2 times paying the $129.99 to fix it. Now Little over a year later and two fixes later, its acting up again. It refuses to play DVD and PS1 games. The only thing it does do right is play PS2 games, which I'll continue to buy.

As for the GameCube, I am still not impressed by it. The only game I see so far that's actually good is the Star Wars Game. We all know that Resident Evil will now be exclusive for the GameCube. They said the very same thing about RE: Code Veronica for the Dreamcast. So I'll just wait till Capcom (and I hope) will release the RE games to the other systems.

Oops, my ramblings went on to far! A couple of quick RPG questions!
1. Is Kouldelka actually worth playing all the way through before I play Shadow Hearts (I'm into 10 hours of Shadow Hearts).
2. Which game should I finish first, Tales of Destiny 2, Shadow Hearts, Final Fantasy IV?

-Emperor Billie

Bullets orders:
There are a number of reasons to hate the x-box. while the controller is not as bad as the Dreamcast's, it leaves alot to be desired, comfort and effeciency wise. Plus, Microsoft has a bad rep here in the states, which is a little silly. I can promise you, from personal experience, that Sony is just as evil a company as anybody else out there, if not more so. Here's a little game for you to play at home, kids: go around your house, and find as many things as you can that say "Microsoft" on them. Done? Ok, now, go around your house and find as many things as you can that say "Sony" on them. Finished? Now tell me who is an evil megaconglomerate. But, to answer your question, the reason most people hate the x-box is because a large number of the games suck rocks. And while this was true of the PS2 at launch as well, it had the entire PSOne catalog to back it up, and severe brand loyalty.

Why not? Does it have cooties? If so, please tell me, because I've been playing Smash Bros for weeks, and I've started to wonder what that itching sensation was.

All I can say is that hardware breaks down, and the PS2 is hardly the most stable piece of machinery ever constructed. Actually, from an architectual standpoint, it eats the bloated dead naughties of arkansas roadkill. The only mistake you made was getting it repaired-- if a piece of hardware like a console fails, that means it's a POS. Don't fix it, junk it. And if you can afford it, buy a new one. It's the American Way.

Mario. Zelda. Metroid. Eternal Darkness. Star Fox. Star Wars. Resident Evil. Delays and cel-shading aside, I'd like to see another console with that many guaranteed hits.

1. This is a much more complex question then you realize, but basically, yes. Play it.
2. ...
..... haven't finished FFIV yet? You know, this is something I didn't think could happen anymore, but you've just brought tears to this soldier's eyes. Now go kick some oldschool $%^, hippie!! Before I do it for ya!

Paws says:
Lesson for today. Xbox. No tickey in there. It's Xbox. Repeat after me. ExBawx. Yes, that's right. Xbox. Good, let's shout it all together now. XBOX. Thank you. Please, everyone remember that there is no tickey, and only one letter is capitalized.
Personally, I don't hate the Xbox. I'd like to buy one. There are three things currently stopping me. One, money; two, the PS2 has way more RPGs; three, I've tried the controller, and it literally pains me to use it, especially because my hands are small.
Hey, that's interesting, working at two electronics stores. Here, you can't do that, companies consider it a conflict of interest.
Why did you pay to get it fixed? Next time, buy an extended warranty, they're cheaper by about 100$ =^^;=

1. Koudelka is a good idea to play, but both games work as standalones too.
2. Shadow Hearts. I've been told it's incredibly addictive, so you can beat it and move on to something else.

Subject: well, this is a shameless plug, but I have questions, too!

Paws and others:

Everyone loves questions, so here goes:

Have you played Dragon Warrior 7? what do you think of it? I'm around 25 hours into the game, but I hate finding shards. I'm easing my mind with other games at the moment.
Why can't Camelot make a good RPG? They made Shining Force(entire series), and it's one of my favorite series of all time. Then...There's Beyond the Beyond and Golden Sun...Both of which leave much to be desired. Stupid Garet...
Why does the PS2 mock me?
Where can I find a Sega CD?
uh...not a question, but go to We're almost launching the main site, but the Advance Wars section(where we started)is up.


Bullets orders:
If you can't make up your mind about a game after having played it for longer than an entire Earth Day Cycle, well...there might not be help for you.

I think the *real* question here is where do you get off calling yourself an American?

Because you dissed Golden Sun.

Anywhere Sega CD's are sold, consumer.

Paws says:
I have yet to play dragon warrior 7. Why? Two people offered to send it to me, then never went through with it. By the time I learned the second one wouldn't be sent, it was sold out locally, and I haven't seen a used copy anywhere yet.
Camelot can make excellent RPGs. Beyond the Beyond's major flaw is likely that there are so many fights. As long as you have patience... Golden Sun, well, I think we've beaten them up enough for the one button does all issue, so I'll leave it at that.
Your PS2 mocks you? You're not playing it enough. Or, perhaps, you're playing it too much and it's become the source of all your delusions! =^^=
I have a Sega CD...with no power plugin. No, I'm not selling it, just mentioning it, as it was a gift.

Sbuject: Kami's Qs, hopefully I get some Paws' and Bullets' As

Meow, Purrrrr......

1.) Paws, why do people like to swipe your underwear so much? Not like there's anything wrong with that...

2.) This might interest you guys and other GBA fans (like myself). Internal lighting here we come!

3.) Is it just me or do other people have periods where they binge-play RPGs and then not touch them for weeks? I'm going through that with Dragon Warrior VII right now.

4.) Guess where this quote comes from! "Do you know whose bones are on display here? The answer is...your bones. My bones. Bone's bones. Bone bone bone."

5.) Bullets my good man, I just might be willing to give you SMA2. After much thinking it is a small price to pay for some guest hosting and a game from someone else.

6.) Can I get a =^^= from ya Paws?

-Kamikaze "Redboxing is bad children..."

Bullets orders:
1. There will be no panty-swiping on my watch, you caffiene addled degenerates.
2. Happy.
3. Dare I's the American way?
4. I see what your little game is, Kamikaze, and you're screwed in the head if you think I'm gonna play it. Where's a guy like you get a name like "kamikaze", anyway? Yeah, I found you out, buddy. You just watch it.
5. HAH!!! Like I would trust an offer from some guy named "Kamikaze". I'll be in touch, punk. You can count on that.
6. That's up to her, but you can have a |-o-| from me. Look, it's a TIE Fighter, tee hee. Neat!!
Ahem, well.

Paws says:
1. Because my underwear, despite my outer clothes being equivocal, is slinky and sexy?
2. I think Bullets summed this up much better than I could have.
3. I'm in the middle of that right now. But, it's because I'm trying to review Shining Force before playing Shining Force 2, and it's just not working.
4. Didn't you guys get enough of this the three hours straight you did it in #reviewhaven?!
5. I'll let Bullets do the talking here. Looks like we'll have a new guesthost soon.
6. Sure ya can! =^^= =^^=

Subject: more Q's for you to A

Hi Paws (and whoever)! I'm working on a few reviews as we speak, I hope to get them to you soon! In the meantime...

1)Okay, lemme put you on the spot...Final Fantasy 6 or Chrono Trigger?

2)You have tattoos? Neat.

3)What do you think is the most unjustly-maligned RPG? I have to say, Mystic Quest wasn't that bad, I thought it had a real neat atmosphere, actually.

4)I had a great number 4, but I forgot it. :/ So I'll jsut tell you that my throat muscles are completely shredded.

Robust Stu

Bullets orders:
Whoever, huh? Yeah, that's a great way to get me to like you. Howsabout you review MY FIST?!
1. Well, considering the contrasting styles of the two pieces, careful consideration says the winner is: MY FIST!!!
2. You like tattoos? Well that's good, cause I'm about to temporary tattoo your face...with MY FIST!!
3. You know what else is about to be unjustly-maligned? Your face, courtesy of...MY FIST!!!
4. MY FIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Paws says:

Click it to get a bigger version.

Subject: Answers, bad humor, a question, and a whine of agony

First off, I want to join the mass of goofy people that are happy that they figured out the number puzzley thing. The answer is 13 ^^. 1,2,3,5,7,11 are all primes... 13 'tis the next one... and... well, yeah.

Fourthly, am I the only one that really misses the King's Quest series? I ignored the one that they made into a Heretic/Doom type thing, but 6 and 7 were *so* fun... Quest for Glory was great too, though I only played the first two. *pines for Sierra*

And for my next question, who do I talk to to get more hours in the day? 24 just simply isn't enough...

And in half seriousness, what is the most-viewed section of RPGamer next to the Q&A? I mean, I assume this is the most viewed since it is daily, but on a clicks-from-one-post-to-the-next basis do people prefer a feline-run review board, cacaphony of midis and mp3s, smattering of fanfics, etc...?


Bullets orders:
That reminds me of a funny story. But, just out of spite, I ain't telling it.
For a guy who likes to do complex math problems for fun, you sure have a funny way of counting. But, more on topic, yes, you are the only person that misses those games. And if I can track you down, you mad bastard, you'll be the LAST.
It's never enough for you, is it?
I don't know about normally, but the most viewed section of RPGamer today would definantly have to be...MY FIST!!

Paws says:
1. One is not prime, hence that series doesn't work. That's why I didn't pick 13 and suggested another series, actually.
2. I'm working on getting some media together for King's Quest. I haven't decided if any of them are actually RPGs. So far, it looks like none.
3. I definitely know the feeling =^^;=
4. Fanart. Fanart gets a huge amount of hits; their downside is, it's unique readers, rather than repeat ones - but that may have to do with the fact art opens in a new window. After that, it's music. As for PsoV, we do pretty good, it gets a lot of repeat hits, as you have to go back for each review ;)

Subject: Q&A: 3/1

Sup Paws and Bullets,

I've got a few questions for you two,

1. What magic system did you like the best in regards to the Final Fantasy Series? I liked the Materia from FFVII because it took skill to plan what materia you would give to what person for different situations.

2. This isn't a question but oh well :D Next question number (yesterday's column) would have been 13 since they were the list of prime numbers. But we all know that 1 is not considered to be prime.

3. Do you think that Square will turn as much of a profit with FFXI as they have with the other FF games? I've heard so many people say that they won't get it because you must play online and the online service costs a fee; I happen to be one of those people.

4. So then, will you get FFXI?

I guess that's it. I am now off to study for an evil Math midterm.

Bullets orders:
1. Magic is evil. Do you worship the devil?
2. Yes, we did all know that. Thank you, Captain Remedial Math.
3. I think alot of the naysayers won't be able to stand being left out and will go ahead and buy it anyway. It's alot like those people that sit in Starbucks and talk about the travesty of globalization. But as I've said before, if you really dig kill stealing, haxxoring, and playing with the most l33t 14 year olds around, then buy it on PC, as it's much much cheaper.
4. Only if you gave me a free broadband connection and paid the monthly fees for me.

Paws says:
1. I liked FFVI in the fact everyone knew everything, but I'm sure I'll get booed and hissed at for saying that.
2. See above letter!
3. Well, it's hard to say. You have the people who can't or won't pay every month lost as customers, but you're picking up a lot of MMO'ers. You're also getting (theoretically) more money, as long as they stick around a longer time, surpassing the payment total for a game you'd buy in the store. There's the expense of running the game, though...who can guess at this point.
4. Nope. Oh, and good luck with the math exam.

And Now, Vertical!

I didn't get any quickies

Paws says: Well, I did, but it's crude and unprintable.

The Last Laugh:

Chesire has, unfortunately, had to go out of town for the weekend, so I'm gonna be here another two days. We return tomorrow with the ragtag review crew zaniness, so be sure to write us all.

Paws "Only a couple hours behind..."
Oops, forgot to change this last time, didn't I?

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