The Oracle
Congo Bongo
The Oracle, Brad Lohr - October '99- 00:00 PDT

Well, Egypt really wasn't much of my style. I wasn't very sad to leave there. The next leg of my journey took me through the nice wilderness of .. Africa! Not that Egypt isn't in Africa.. but I'm a little further south now. African Safaris are cool. I got to see a lion eat a zebra. Made me hungry. So I gets out there, offers the lion a spot on my column, but he says he's too busy. So we sit down and have a nice lunch of zebra, and I talk about why my Soul Reaver review was fair. He agrees, of course, because he's a very agreeable lion. 'cept to zebras, but, well, what can you expect? If you're born a zebra, they don't name you 'lionbait' fer nuthin'.

Right. So. Africa. Much nicer than Egypt... now where'm I going tomorrow..? Who knows! Column incoming!

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Thousand Arms
Start up the game in a couple minutes.. soon as I finish with ya'll
In Brad's Head
Wise man say, in jest, oft is truth found! Oh dear.. that wasn't a wise man, that was yoda!
Yo, yo yo, yo yoooOOOOda...!
If you don't have charm, and you don't have looks, make a lot of money. It's what's for dinner.
I just ate. I swear I did.. I want.. MEAT
You stanky like da tangoleah!
Oh Mighty Oracle,

Dude, the correct line is "In the TIME of chimpanzees I was a monkey," not "In a world of chimpanzees I was a monkey." And what the hell is up with all the idiots voting for Chaos as hardest boss on the sub-poll? I beat that moron in LITERALLY 2 hits (well thats after I built up to level 99, the first time it took me like 5 hits probably). Actually there's a slight possibility it was 3 hits. Very soon now no NES/Sega Master System will have battery backup left. What will we do then, O Wise One?


*sniff*.. *sniff*.. I smell a LIAR. If you was so bad, and you did so good, how'd you not know that you couldn't get to Lv99 in FF1? I thought you got there? It's impossible. The highest you can go is either 49, or 50. You think you so elite and you can't remember nuttin'... you ain't fat! YOU AIN'T FAT!

Heh, speaking of non-speaking.. okay that was confusing..
Hey Non-French Speaking Wonder-Brad,

The line spoken in the sound clip from Suikoden goes something like this:

"Suikoden, j'ai empesˇ une cravatte."
"Suikoden, tu aime embrasser une cravatte."

It's a simple matter of catching the passˇ composˇ in use so as to hear her say "j'ai" ("I have" which is used to denote the past tense. Yes she speaks just as poorly as your average french person, I should know, I spent a month with them and 6 years figuring out that I could speak like a 2nd grade french person.) The second sentence translates to "Suikoden, you like to kiss a tie." The one I listened long and hard to catch means "Suikoden, I starched a tie." If I played the game, I could try to make it fit in to what was going on, but I don't know the scene, so I can only assume this evil person runs at a dry cleaning business.

So there, she's not taunting you, just starching your ties. Post this so people don't go around feeling insulted.

Resident Guy Who Understands French Speech (sort of),


Actually, after speaking with Sidhe herself, she says that she said 'baiser'. So, well, er, sorry, dude. You lose! I speak fairly decent french. I should have a showcase of girls with cool voices saying neat stuff in french. If you're a girl with a neat voice, say neat stuff in french and send it to me. If you don't speak french, but speak another foreign language, you may go ahead and do that... okay, I just want cool sounding chicks to be sending me email. wah, plot foiled again. It's the african air.

Phantasy Star..
Mr. Brad Oracle-ish person

Hmm... Dragon Warrior wasn't the first RPG released. Betcha get a few on this one. The first console RPG as we see them now would be Phantasy Star I. Besides that, there were a couple of games for the Intellivision with AD&D in the title, I don't know if they were RPG's or not. And if you wanna get REALLY Technical, the first RPG was Adventure, that text adventure released before Zork. Whee.


I stand corrected.. lots of Phantasy Star fans out there who corrected me on this one, and for good reason.. I only got to play Phantasy Star 4, but I really liked the series. Hrm.. I want a Genesis now.. I wonder if they sell them in my next world tour stop...

Robert Jordan, etc
You didn't tell us you liked Robert Jordan. Into any other fantasy books? Also, did you spoil the books for me in that last quickie in any way? I'm only on the 4th book. Okay, so I'm slow! Quit dissing me!

-Zack S.

Actually, Heather's a huge fantasy/sci-fi reader.. I used to be. I dug the Rowan series of books, I -absolutely love- Orson Scott Card. My favorite author, by a long shot. Ender's Game, Homecoming Saga, all his stuff is SO GOOD. .. yes, I read. :) I'm reading the X-wing series of Star Wars books right now.. after that, more Star Wars books, the new Timothy Zahn ones.. very good author, Zahn. Cobra, by him .. was also a good book. Anyway.. back to RPGs.. :)

But dude!

Man, uh, dude! You've not done your homework, Brad! The "Combo" in "Plus Combo" has nothing to do with "Plus." If one of the cards flipped in the Plus has a bigger side than a card adjacent to it, that card is also flipped. No addition involved. Just wanted to let you know.

... no way. That easy? .. that's perverse! Any confirmation on this, just for the halibut?

This letter is in response to Adoy's letter yesterday. To correct him or her, I said Sega Sports NFL 2000, not Gameday 2000, big difference... Let me also state the reason I stated that in my editorials was -- well -- it's really tough to find better multiplayer fun than a sports game. Let me also mention how fascinating it is that the person in question would get so enraged over a simple comment.

Oh and yes, "HI" my former readers and keep up the good work brad. Least I forget, Grandia has just shipped go get it everyone!

Jeff "Here's Mud In Your Eyes" Davis

JD, back and kickin'. :) This is a man that I love. In a very brotherly and not sexual way. He kicks butt and takes names, no holds barred. And has anyone grabbed Grandia yet? I probably will go get it tomorrow, heh.. throw it on the stack of games to play someday...

Braves, Angels.. hah, blow them all up!
Just a quick note-- roughly every fifth centaur-like Angel thingie you fight will drop an AntiAngelSys, which renders Angel damage totally null and void. And Deus is easiest when you have Tank Guards and at least Metatron and one of the other mini-guardians beat. Just thought I'd help out....


So I was right about the centaur thing.. woohoo! Well, I knew I was.. even IF the official strategy guide doesn't say squat about where to get them... :)

Er.. heh.
Well, Brad, you monkey, you forgot to answer the rest of Jess's question. Fei has to be either Level 80 or 85 to get Yamikei, I'm pretty sure it's 80 though. And once you get it you can beat those nasty dragons on that stupid Dune Island or whatever (It does about 4000 or so damage). No more running away! (But equip some Ether defensive stuff... like Dark Helm.) Good enough?

~Cid Reincarnate

.. I leaving that for the public, yeah. Okay, so I was tired last night. As if I'm never tired. :P

Don't touch me there, Steve!
O Almighty Oracle:

In order to get to the slideshow ending in CT, you must do the following (It would be a good idea to do this on the plus game):

1. Play through until you get to 12,000 BC (It MUST be the first time).

2. Play until Schala has to open the black door. After she does, DO NOT CHARGE MARLE'S PENDANT!!! Instead, go fight Lavos. It doesn't matter how you get there.

And that's it! There's a little surprise in this ending. I'm not telling though (although I'm sure you know it, Brad).


-Andrew "Why, Steve? WHY?" Mike

It's like, mass info day. There ya'll go.

Bradmojo Quickies

Personally, I think whoever decided to cancel MST3K should be taken out and shot... no no, I'm wrong, they deserve some... crueler torture. ::evil laugh::

I think Doom players are a safe and sane bunch compared to these MST3k folk... yikes!

Dear Oracle,

I found your comments on arabics and camels to be very offensive!!! My camel and I have a very "loving" relationship, and in no way am i arabic!!!

If you have kids, I want pictu-- wait. No I don't, that's icky.

In like 1996 I took a vacation to Erie, PA. That was when I got my first taste of Chilli-Cheese Fritos. I never found them again :( Please find me some!! PLEASE!! </withdrawal>
Mexican Dave

No! They're all mine! MUNCH MUNCH

Words from the Wise One:

Well then.. that was almost entirely information from outside sources... that's okay.. really. Anyway, send in more weird questions for Google.. and uh.. well, I'm going to go play a lil' Thousand Arms, since I have a little bit of time left. :P to Heather, and she knows why.

Hey, you guys can't leave without me.. I'm.. I'm somebody important!

Brad "Ham, Turkey, Swiss, Cheddar, and Roast Beef. Don't forget the slice of paper, though! mMm, my favorite part!" Lohr

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