The Oracle
Oh funky day!
The Oracle, Brad Lohr - October '99- 01:00 PDT

Hello, voodoo love children o' mine... how was your day? Mine was funky. So funky, you wouldn't believe it. That's right.. it was funky CGI day at work. Hrm, riiight.. okay, it's just not working. I don't know.. oh.. wait.. hold on! ..ooh, that's why. I'm low on orange soda. How could I possibly expect to do a decent job on the column without my orange soda-based super powers? .. Well, we'll just have to fix that.

....rarrrrr! Orange Soda gives me .. well, super Q&A powers! Right. Anyways, I'm gonna get to the chase, I'd like to play like an hour of Suikoden 2 before going to bed tonight.. oOooh, video games during the weekday... I must have been good this week.

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Crazy, man, cray-zee!

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Wanna make a bet?
To Brad (though this will change);

Hello, I am the forgotten Namingway. Remember? I did all the name changing in FF4. Now I've been ousted from my job by those new fangled machines, Rename Cards! So, after careful consideration I've decided to go berserk.

Brad, you're new name is Steve!

If I'm not reinstated to my former position, this could happen again, Steve.


.. I don't know what "your" talking about, "Steve". "You're" grammar "are" confusing and "mine" eyes "isn't" liking what they "is" seeing... "Steve". Rename Cards own "you're" silly job. Go back to the moon, "dude".

Error: Missing part in 0xLionhart
Naughty, naughty, you did a little bad :)
Sunday, Oct 11, a guy had all the things but couldn't upgrade. You said it was because he didn't have the mag. Well, I coulda sworn that I'd upgraded to something I didn't have the mag for.

So, I bummed a list of weapon upgrades from a friend and tried it. Yup, you *can* upgrade without the magazine, I found. I even checked out my friend's twinky *official* guide; it says you can do it without the mag, but I'm not trusting it because I found 5 mistakes in the damn thing already :)

So, I'm thinking maybe he was missing one item :) My 0.02$


Yeah, well, uh, I'm not obsessed with, like, video games like you uh, losers, are.. oh screw it. I was wrong. I had a bunch of people tell me this, but I got all the magazines anyways.. so nyah.

Tips for Pros
*** FF8 Spoilers and Insane Amounts of Sarcasm and Horrid Wit Cometh... Command? ***

Please tell me how to beat ultimecia. I can't beat her.

First you must master the art of holding the controller without dropping it. This is essential to k-rad Ultimecia destruction. Next, find the () button. Hit it several times until one of your characters makes a pathetic lunge at the evil sorceress, and she kills him. You're down to 5 people now, but you've finally learned how to do this 'attack' thing that everyone's so into in these 'video games' nowadays. Now go play Quake for 7 or 8 months. Straight. Break to eat if you start to weigh less than 60 or 70 lbs. This Quake time will improve your accuracy by leaps and bounds, and will insure that you hit your cat the next time you lose to Ultimecia and throw your controller at it. Next purchase Suikoden 2. This is a fun game, and the music rocks. Beat it, and then go back to FF8. By this time, your training is nearly complete. Go buy the Rocky Soundtrack, play it loudly, (if you're wondering what's loud enough.. if the police haven't been by twice already, keep pumpin' it up).. and then go into battle. Then use Aura on Squall and whip the livin' bejeezus outta her.

Gay? Me! No time! I'm interior decorating!
Hey Brad,

Just a quick question, are you gay or not?

Please responed.

I am 'responed'ing to your query about my sexuality. And well, as much as your offer tempts me, I'm pretty much straight. I've got gay friends, of which, some of them are much more fun to hang out with than straight folk, but I love that of the woman...often.

FF6 slowdown?

Is it just me or do the battles in FFVI run REALLY slow? I mean, every time a window opens up the damn thing slows down! It's like playing Mega Man 3! Every action that requires animation slows it down! It's painfully obviously that FFVI was designed for a system far supierior to playstation(aw, c'mon, you all know the SNES was the best system ever made). Also, it seems like some of the sound effects are poorly emulated.... oh well. You experience these problems too?


Brad type? I'm the real thing! pish! I actually haven't gotten to playing it myself, but I hear much the same thing from several different people. That kinda sucks.. oh well, comments anyone?

SteveCam, all Steve, all day!
Hello Oracle...

..uh.. hi :)

About that German text yesterday, translated it is just the opening to Veronica's previous Q&A. Anyways, on to the questions!

Yeah, I know. Lots of people sent that in.. I just thought it was funny.. I was meaning to post something, (say, an entire column..?) in a foreign language using babelfish.. but, oh well, someone beat me to it.

1) Why didn't you choose the "Weird Al Flag" (No name for artwork?) Anime Brad (asking for what won you over). In my opinion the winner wasn't as good.

Honestly? I liked the color better, the shadow in it was just awesome.. and well, the button saying, "The Big 'O'" .. can't beat that.

2) What's the better buy, Suikoden 2 or FF:A

..tough choice. I love FF6. I love Suikoden.. (haven't finished 2). If you played/loved Suikoden, go with 2. If you didn't, aim for FFA and bask in the glory days.

3) You've beaten FF8, what's your opinion of the ending?

Very nice. If anyone starts up a whinefest about it, they earn everlasting scorn from me.

4) Does FF:A have voices in the FMV (like in the opera scene)?

Er, I haven't gotten that far yet.. maybe after Suikoden 2. ;)

Alrighty, thanks.

..uh.. bye! :)

Warhammer 37 1/2

...alright, Steve.

This reminds me of the Lioness Rampant book series.. (great books, btw)..
*** FF5 Spoilers, Do Not Enter, Severe Goat Damage ***

While I was playing FFV out of the FFA I noticed when You get to the real first town Faris was lying in the bed above the tavern when Bartz walked in he did a wild take and walked out with the little heart bubble over his head. Gaulf did the same thing when he walked in a few seconds later? Any idea what the hell that was about!?!? Does this mean Faris is a guy or a female?


Faris is, in fact, a female character. Becomes really obvious when you get the Dancer crystal and she changes clothes, but as part of the plot, it is explicitly stated she is a female character.. just not until later.

FMV, Eff, Emm, Vee...
Just a quick question: Does the FF6 Anthology only has CG movies at the beginning and end of the game, or are there a good number of them throughout? Just wanted to know before I waste some money. Thanx!

FF6's remake has CG movies throughout the game, though I haven't been through it to know more the fact that there are at least 3. Beginning, end, opera. More than that.. well, possibly. And it's not a waste of money.. unless you already have FF6 on cart.. (which I do..).. but FF5 is a cool game.


Cheerios are yummy.

Yes indeed.. I'm a big fan o' the cheerios.

Tjena Brad. Trevlig spalt du har, tack och hej pron sprej.

mugu mugu?

Words from the Wise One:

Woo.. I'm off to play a couple minutes of Suikoden 2 before my grueling Tuesday.. (actually, it's the easiest day of the week for me..) Anyways.. oh yeah.. as you can probably (or already have) see, the first Anime Brad hack has shown up in my mailbox. .. and what a .. er.. beaut it is. It's really odd looking down your own shirt for once. :o
Hey Thor, which little rascal did you like better.. Alphalpha... or ... Spanky?
Due to recent pregnancies, the Spice girls are forced to recruit new members.. Sexypants Spice, and Sleep-Deprived Spice.

Brad "Liiightning Flik! Yayyyy!" Lohr

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