The Oracle
Dark Woo Overwhelming!
The Oracle, Brad Lohr - October '99- 00:00 PDT

Alrighty... here we are, first time we've got a guest host on the Q&A column since Greenhut and his sidekick personalities. Unless word got out about the room full of monkeys that Thor hired to write shakespeare and pump out columns in their spare time. He edits the bad words out of them, and well, puts in all the funny parts. But the monkeys play the games and answer the questions. Anyways, instead of monkeys, I got Heather. er.. oh dear.. I'm gonna get my butt kicked for that.

Due to popular demand I'm here doing Q&A for today. Now, it's not like I'm a particularly qualified person to do this, considering I do much more useful things than sit around and play video games...
like sleep..
and irc..
uh, YEAH!

That's okay, I'm here to do something Brad can't do lest he get in trouble - insult his readers!.

Darn, Brad filtered the mail for me, only a few stupid ones.

Oh, and word to your mother.

Brad: Yeah, word to Spencer's mother too. Anyways, kids. Heather's fun. I just have a couple more things to mention before we get into the real fun.

Yes, yes, yes, there was an error for a few hours this morning. I misnamed the BNL song. I swear, not my fault. The last email I received that night had the incorrect title in it, and I was too tired to think for myself... I didn't do it!

As for the Ramuh/Master Roshi thing.. was a joke. He looked close enough to Ramuh, and with the argument about Ramuh being taken out of Final Fantasy, I thought it was funny. I didn't mean to enrage both of my Dragon Ball Z reading fans... er, that is, just kidding, guys. Anyways, More happy funball tomorrow.. here's the Brad and Heather show!

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Recent Q&A's


The Old stuff
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Brad Now Playing:
FF6, er, NO, Soul Reaver
Must Finish Soul Reaver, Must Finish Soul Reaver...
In Brad's Head
Not a lot going on in my head tonight.. what's going on in Heather's head?
In Heather's Head
Multivariable Calc test tomorrow.. I'm my HP 49G calculator is going to kick butt and take names!
You look beautiful in the candelight, buddy!
Heh, first FFA question.. let the flood begin!
Hail Mighty Oracle of the Hairy Handed,

Heather: I told him that he better stop or else that would happen. Sheesh, won't he ever listen?
Brad: ... ... ... </chronoimpression>

Just a question or two: 1. Did you buy FF Anthology?

Heather:Course he did, only to add it to his very large pile of games he has yet to beat.
Brad: <chronoimpression> ... ... ...

2. If so, are the games on seperate CD's or on just one?

Brad:There's a CD for each game, (FFV, and FFVI), and then a bonus music CD with tracks from each game.

3. Which game did you play first? (Say FF5, please!)

Heather:"FF5, please!"
Brad:It hasn't touched my PSX.. it's behind Soul Reaver and Suikoden 2.. but for old times' sake, I'll probably play 6 first. Sorry.

4. How come no one told me that it had been released? Do I suck or something?

Brad:.. it was an early release. They weren't going to ship until the 12th, but well, for once, a game company decided not to delay, but came out early. Suprise!

5. Have you ever read Dune and/or the sequels?

Heather:I read Dune in Jr. High, even though the teacher wouldn't let me do a book report on it. I guess she had a problem with her students being more literate than she was. As for the sequels, I couldn't bear the second book. I've been told they get better after book 3, however I have too little patience and too little faith in the people who have told me this to ever bother.
Brad:I've read the first book, and someday I'll probably try to go through the rest of them. Good stuff. The movie rules, unless you've read the book. See the movie, then read the book, is what I say.

Oh, and you know what? I have to walk two miles to the bank to get money, and then another half mile to go to the toy store and get FFA! Then I gotta walk back! Why does mommy have to work on Saturdays?! WAHHH!!

Heather:Yes, and it was uphill both ways. In the snow. Get a job, and a car. Slacker.
Brad:.. Direct Deposit rules. :)

Actually, that got me the fourth to last copy of FF8, which rocks like an infusion of Pink Floyd and sex!

Heather:Like you would know.
Brad:Exactly.. he's never, uh, had an injection of Pink Floyd.. .. heh.

Sierrilk P.S. You're Baron Vladimir Harkonnen's little slave boy, aren't you!? AREN'T YOU!? --

Heather:No, that's Thor's job. That and taking care of those naked anime chicks.
Brad:SHHH I told you not to tell them about that!

Comrade 64 strikes again!
Jumpman is the coolest game ever. You don't want to know how many hours I wasted on that in my younger days. Did you know they did a PC version? Slightly better graphics (slightly) but it uses the speaker in the PC cabinet for sounds. Makes you appreciate the C64 audio all the more. :)

James Cunningham

I tried the PC version, and I couldn't stand using the keyboard to move him around.. so I got a Commodore 64 of my own..well, actually 5 C64's, 2 disk drives, 1 Vic-20, 1 dot matrix printer, 1 C128, and hundreds of games. I love obsolete computer equipment. I just bought a TI-99/4A at a garage sale.. immaculate condition, for only $5. Someday I'm going to dedicate a room to all my junk.. cool stuff. It'll be the ultimate geek-fest. Maybe I'll charge admission.

Bitterness? NAHhhHhhHh...
Lance wrote:

Dear Heather,
What do you see in that "Brad" guy? Please come back to me...I'm so alone...

Heather's ex-boyfriend

Goddamnit, Rick, you better give me back that $150.. and that cable for my digicam. I'll kick your ass. .. and that @#!%ing *** CENSORED *** preteen hootchie of yours too.
Oh yes, and per request (Since you guys don't seem to believe/pay attention to Brad), I do /not/ do the jungle nasty with Brad.

Yeah.. what she said.

o/` We'll get all liquored up and shoot at anything that moo-oOOves!
Greetings Great Oracle,

This may be a stupid question. I thought so at first too when my friend brought it up to me, but after thinking about it, I found it to be quite logical. Are Sega Saturns Y2K compatible? I have several games that utilize the date on the Saturn's internal clock, so would they work properly past the year 2000? Will all my saved data be erased and my system explode? Please enlighten me with any info you may have.


Well, I did a search on Altavista, but nothing came up... but it seems totally obvious to me that your Saturn will just get utterly confused when it thinks it's 1900, because as everyone knows there were no video games back then, so it would have to oblige by immediately ceasing to function. Art Bell says so. Oh, and my car's not going to work anymore. You don't believe me? Well, the clock in Spencer's car was set wrong.. and you know what happened.. it fell apart, right out in front of his house. Obviously a warning for the impending doom. Stock up on enough water and food for a year, and plenty of ammo. Join ESR and Geeks with Guns because you're going to have to defend your family against the utter anarchy. Hurry, before it's too late.

I think you've got more things to worry about than if it's going to stop burning a hole in your carpet working ... well, okay, maybe you don't.. (er, doh, that's the DC, hee hee). I think you'll be just fine. Everything recently designed has had y2k checks done on it.. I'm personally not a big fan of all the hubabaloo that's going on about Y2k, and you know what? I know more than you do about it, because I'm The Oracle. So don't worry. But get guns, just in case. I mean, heck, if someone comes after your shiny new copy of Suikoden 2, that's darn near a felony, if you count the cost of the game plus emotional damages...!

Yeah, I'm thinking Feminazi too...
*** Heather's upcoming announcement of Lesbianhood spoilers, er, oh, dear, I'm going to die tomorrow... ***

Anyways, do I get a cookie, or at least a frito pie? Oh, yeah, I guess here's a question for Heather: Isn't is friggin' weird to know that a bunch of freaks have seen one picture of you on the internet, and are now obsessed and in "ogle-mode"? Just curious.

-Duke of Earl

No cookie for you! Anyway, it doesn't bother me, nor does it surprise me. You guys are in perpetual oogle-mode, and it doesn't even take a picture to set you guys off. I find the oogling amusing, and it provides much better fodder for severe flaming than does trolling around irc. I mean, you guys are just such easy targets, some of you just /ask/ to be ridiculed, and being the nice person I am, I feel it is my duty to answer.

*oogles Thor, er.. Noo.. No no no no.. -- er, hehe, she's so funny when she gets mean.

They don't call her Dark Mistress of the Forbidden Woo for nothing...
What is the Forbidden Woo?

Mexican Dave

You'll understand.. after you reach puberty.

Er, heh..I'm post-pubescent.. can I take a look in the box? No? .. waaah..

Heather's take on Economics.. part 1
Okay, in disc 3, I'm trying to get to the island closest to hell, as shown in various maps, and the ragnorok just sort of stops before it gets there-- the screen glitches and it won't go. Same thing happens with the island in the SW corner... do I need to be on disc 4 to get to these places, or what??

No, it's a special feature built into only a few of the FF8's released, and you were lucky enough to get it. Sell the cd's on Ebay, labeling them "Special Edition", make a bundle, and then you might be able to afford one that works, instead of that cheap pirate you bought.

I haven't heard of this problem, myself. Anyone else have this difficulty? Anyone want to buy his 'special edition'?.. heh!

Trick question, trick question!
Oh, hi Heather. Here's a question for you, too:

Crono walks into a bar and sees eight dragons, 11 moogles, and a sasquatch. He walks up to the bartender and says "Hey bartender, quite

an unusual buncha' customers you've got here tonight, `ey? Dragons, moogles, bigfoot. . .what a buncha' hoosiers, `ey?"

The bartender should reply:

A.) The gang from FF6J(3) got the day off, so they're hanging out here.
B.) What? Why the hell are you talking?
C.) What? Why the hell are you talking with a canadian accent?
D.) What? Have you been having too much to drink?
E.) What. . .will it be?
F.) None (the entire thing is totally ridiculous, and you're much to mature to even consider it)
G.) None (that canadian crack was too cheap a shot, and now I must be hunted down and disposed of like a lame horse)


H.) The bartender was too busy drooling over Rinoa hentai to respond.

Trick Question! Crono is a mute, and doesn't speak. This is all made up isn't it?! I caught you red handed, you lying, son of a submariner!


Words from the Wise One:

No quickies today.. you got guest Q&A person, so you don't need them! Anyways, next week's guest will be Michael Murray from .. he does a letter bag over there, and his specialties are Xenogears and Star Ocean: The Second Story (and he knows a LOT about Xenogears, and neat stuff, too.. theme explanations, etc).. I'll take questions for him all week, just make sure to entitle the email that you send me in such a way that I can tell it's for him. If you just send me a Xenogears/So2 question this week, likely I'll filter it off to him anyways. And finally, thanks to Heather for uh.. gracing us with her .. (smirk) interesting look on things. I'll see you all tomorrow...later!

Brad "Now I got you where I want you, Now I'm gonna EAT YOU!" Lohr

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