The Oracle
Voodoo Love Children
The Oracle, Brad Lohr - September '99- 00:45 PDT



Good Lord, it's another edition of SUPER COOL Q&A week! How much cooler can it get?

Well, actually, it probably could get a lot more cool. I've had a really long day.. at work today we moved lots and lots of furniture. No, this has NOTHING to do with the sex with furniture comment yesterday, (Which was another UHF reference, if you didn't catch it.).. Anyways, so we moved a lot of heavy stuff, instead of programming.. whee.. manual labor can be fun. But it's tiring.. so while I'm not particularly sleep deprived, I'm tired off my butt. Short column today, I think.. though I haven't written it yet.. it might turn out to be long.. but I think I've got a lot of quickies to make up for the lack of real letters... oh well... I'm sorry.. I'll never do it again... er, I'll see what I can do about making it more exciting tomorrow.. Oh yes! It's very possible a new feature will be arriving soon.. Guest Visitors for Q&A.. that's right... my humor, someone else's answers to the questions.. or something. Still setting up our first gig. If you're an internet celebrity, and just want to have a good time, email me or something, and we'll see if we can't get you a gig on RPGamer for a day. If you're NOT particularly famous/recognizable, well, there will still be a chance for YOU to win a chance to be a guest on the Q&A column. Keep tuning in for more details.
Ugh, I said 'gig' multiple times in that paragraph... I suck.

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I think, therefore I'm narcolept-- *snore*
Oracle of Geek Fame
*Bows to the mighty Oracle of Greek fame*

Yay! Someone finally got it right. It's greek, take notes!

Just got some questions for you, Brad.

Doesn't everyone these days...

1) Have you beaten FF8 yet so we can all send you volumes of mail about it without spoiling it for you?

Not yet.. I'll be headed towards the 4th disc soon... I'd say next weekend.

2) Do you prefer real cheese or crap like Velveeta and Cheez Whiz?

Real cheese. It's the only way to go. Or SpenceBenCo. Monkeycheese.. the lead producer of MonkeyCheese in America!

3) Never tried having sex with furniture. If I did, I'd use a lot of polish first, splinters are nasty. Where did you come up with that question?

UHF, Weird Al, and I'm sure someone's tried it sometime...

4) I know who stole all your sleep, and if you post this, he's agreed to give it back. So will you?

You bet!

5)How many people send you messages with hidden text in them every day?

None. People have tried, but they have all failed, due to the fact that I don't take email with HTML tags.. it just shows as plain ol' text to me. Formatted email just sucks.


Conspiracy Theory
There is a dark conspiracy at RPGamer! And here is the proof!

1: Thor is in your basement with naked anime chicks. 2: Once Thor returns, you will move to the weekend Q&A. 3: When you only do weekends, you will be able to catch up on sleep. 4: Veronica just started doing weekends. 5: If Thor ever returned, Veronica would no longer do Q&A. 6: Veronica sent the naked anime chicks to prevent Thor's return. 7: Without Thor, you will never regain your lost sleep. 8: Without sleep, you will fail at your job. 9: Veronica must be part of ... the competition!!! 10: Which means you're out to eat Veronica?! For shame?


ergh.. nah. She needs more salt.

Microsoft ActiveESP
Hi, My name is Vicks. I like the fact that you make fun of people... as long as it's not me. Could you set me up on a date with her, she hasn't twaped mw once (that's gotta count for something right?) I'd also like to see that "Jedi Mind Trick" tag inserted into HTML, I'm sure that one day Microsoft will put it in IE just for the heck of it... well acctually to promote their products.


Heh, there's a large anti-Microsoft sentiment flowing in my mailbox today due to the story posted yesterday about Microsoft and Square possibly teaming up. But come on. Someone waves a $75 million dollar check in front of your nose, and you don't whine about how Microsoft is all about money. You laugh all the way to the bank. As for your date with Veronica.. You were supposed to be there at 7... You stood her up! Dude.. way uncool. Last time I help you out.. she's crushed :(

Fuijin's got the whole.. sentence.. in her mouth!

Well, if you're actually reading this, I have a little....well, uhh, I'm not sure what to call it (a growth, maybe?)

Anyhow, my friend's and I formulated this theory about Fuijin, and we want some input. We determined that she is either A) one of the ACTUAL trio of the library committee (yeah, she and raijin and the pansy-ass who can't get into SeeD)

B) Raijin's personal robo-woman gone awry

C) Just plain ****ed up

so...any ideas?


Yeah.. I think she likes me :o

Wheat, White, Sourdough, huge building taking over the world, or Rye?
*** I be spoilin' FF8 here, foo's ***

Cool column. I really like it. (good, butt kissing done). I have two questions about FFVIII.

1) I'm near the end of disc three and I am supposed to go to the Lunatic Pandora (I think), but I can't figure out how to get in. It IS the big box in the sky right? I tried running into it in the Ragnarok and walking in on foot. There seems to be nowhere to go once i get in under it. Am I missing something totally obvious?

2) I couldn't get in the Lunatic Pandora, so I was doing other stuff, so I went and beat Odin. I went to junction odin to someone, and he was not there. I looked in the GF sceen, not there. I got his card though. What the hell happened? Did I have to draw Odin from Odin when fighting or something? i think not.

Please please help, oh almighty oracle. Gracias.


Dan the man?? THE Dan the man!?.. probably not. I'm disappointed. Oh well. As for your questions, the answers are as follows:
1. I haven't gotten there yet. Consult a FAQ or ask an Oracle that has gotten past that.. (or me next week).
2. Odin joins your party as a helper GF, not a real GF.. you can't junct him or anything, but he'll come around and smack the enemies about the head severely randomly. It's kinda neat. I suggest you go out and fight a couple random battles and see what Odin can do for you.

Shiva. On the rocks, with a twist of lemon...nice.
Dear Brad,

Me and my friends were wondering if Shiva from the Final Fantasy series was pronouned Shiva as in sheet or Shiva as in shiver. My friend, FF8Freak, said it was like shiver. Oh yeah, one other thing. Why dosn't RPGamer put MP3s on their site??? That would make RPGamer the coolest site in existence. That is all. Good day.


I say it "Shee-va".. no shivers for that Ice Queen. And I'll say her summon looks better in FF8 than it did in FF7.. she just looks cooler, and the iced-over effect that gets the enemies (or does that only happen with Blizzaga?) is very cool.

Dear Oracle,

Well, I liked JD better... but you will do *LOL*. Just some quick questions that will help me sleep at night.

[Note: Due to the fact that this person just harshed my gig, I just harshed theirs by prematurely ending their letter, before the questions could be asked. If you don't like me, that's fine, but don't tell me about it, I don't care, hah!]

Haha, I'm all for constructive criticism, but that just wasn't it. I dig JD and think he's an awesome writer, but well, go write editorials if you like him better :) :)

Quickbeforebed Quickies

Okay, I just have to know; what's the beef stew line from? I know I heard it before, but I can't remember where! If I can't figure it out, I might, well, I'll probably forget about itkillkillkillkillkillsoon, but I'd like to know anyway. Thanks for your help!


...beef stew.

Veronica isn't real. You made her up to express your feminine, blue thwomping side. Stop the lie!

Hey, don't push your poser-side on me.. I work enough as it is without pretending to be a 15 year old girl on the weekends.. 'sides, we can only have one person doing that, and Zac's name got pulled out of the hat..

You have a GF?!?! What kind is it? Where can I get one? Please, I need to know.


You get 'em from far away places. And mine is the type you summon and she cooks and cle---er.. I'm in trouble now.

okay. you said it ain't easy bein' king. from experience? ha! if Mel Brooks says it's good to be king, it's good to be king. you ain't diddley.

Well, it is good to be the king! I never said it wasn't good to be the king.. I just said it wasn't easy.

How do you pronounce your last name "Lohr." Lohr like Lohrgasm? Or is that just like thor/thorgasm?

Yes, Lohr does rhyme with Thor.

...competition eaten? Source of vitamin K. Nutritious, don't you think?


*burp* Yum!

Words from the Wise One:

Goodness! I'm done.. time for bed.. wheeee... talk to you all tomorrow. Oh yeah, watch for guest visitors this week or next! Oooh yes, and one last thing, thanks out to The Rock for sending in the Theme from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the cartoon. It's an .au file, which everyone should be able to hear.. check it out here.. have a nice day!

Brad "Narcolepsy, pastime of the ---*snore*" Lohr

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