The Oracle
The Oracle, Brad Lohr - September '99- 01:00 PDT

Yeah. Smeg. You know what I'm talking about.. even if you don't. What's up, my kiddies? Have you had a good "Awesome Q&A week" so far? Well, if you haven't, then you have. If you have, you have. .. it just works that way. What strange mystical powers will being a Q&A guy bestow upon me next? Tune in next week for more...

Lots of you guys asked "What!? Where's Veronica!?" .. well, I said, on Friday.. that she was coverin' weekends for the foreseeable future. Which basically means until Thor is back, or I go nutty get tired of this, or well, something else happens. We've been changing around a lot recently, and well, I'm hoping to keep things the same for a little while longer. But because things will probably change within the next month... (Yes, Thor should be back before the end of October) I will explain what will happen (most likely).

At the point that Thor returns, this column will be affected in these ways:
Veronica, whom you all love, if not for the fact that she's a great writer, you just like having a girl hit you about the head, since it's about all the female attention you've got recently.. er.. uh.. ANYWAYS, great writer.. will go back to slaving away at the New Media desk, bringing you all those action packed movies, the awesome looking screens, and all the other neat things that New Media types do.

Myself, Brad, will go back down to weekends. By that time (be it tomorrow or 7 months from now), I will have EARNED the time off to myself again on weekday nights. This does take a few hours, and I do work full time and go to school full time besides, so I've very little free time. (Not to mention my sleep deprivation patterns).. I also will assume some New Media tasks to keep me from having too much free time (read: Time to actually play games or something) .. and well, of course, Thor will come back into the position that he fills oh-so-well. And then ya'll can get sacks of dead monkeys and your prozac cookies and stuff. Anyhow, I think I've gone over enough RPGamer interior politics for the evening, now please take out a pencil and paper, .. it's POP QUIZ it's not..ew.. sorry...


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Me queso es muy grande!

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Brad Now Playing:
*sniff* Middle of week bluuuuues
What's he thinking anyways?
I like cheese. A lot. Not just a normal cheese likin' either. Like.. a lot.
Did I just sound like a valley girl? Totally!
I tell you this from experience. It's not easy being king.
Sex with furniture? Your thoughts?
Playstation Yoga
To Kane: (and Brad, too)

I have the same problem with my Playstation, only my problems are a bit more severe. I'm pretty sure it's a whole lot(manufacturer lot) of Playstations that do that. I recommend turning your Playstation vertical. (power button on top, open button on bottom) I'm DEAD serious. My friend told me about this a while back. The first thing I said to that idea was "Is that supposed to be a joke??" Well, my Playstation's worked perfect ever since I started doing that, so who am I to argue?


I have heard of this unorthodox method of making your Playstation behave, and I'm happy to report it works just as well in practice as reported here. Trust us on this one. You can also put it upside down, but it's harder to switch games that way.

Okay, maybe the prozac cookies aren't such a bad idea..
Brad the doodad(don't ask, I need to rhyme. . it's a medical condition), Hey there! Onto your third week, huh? Yay! Go Brad, go Brad! *does the cheerleader thing* . . .yah, well. . . . .anwyay! I have three very important questions and stuff for you. . .I bet you're so happy.

1. Are there any other really fun RPG's such as Terranigma that you could recommend, either. . .lawfully permissible. . .or. .uh. . . .not(and I've already played FF3/6, FF2, Secret of Mana, and Seiken Densetsu 3)?

2. Okay! Time for some math! Everyone say 'YAY!'. . .or. .uh. .not. . .well, here goes. . .If a son is older than his mother and his mother is a singer sewing machine how long does it take a near sighted grasshopper with one wooden leg to kick all the seeds out of a dill pickle? You must remember to consider all the aspects of the problem or you won't get it right. . .and if you acutally get it right I'll give you. . .well. . .you choose. . .heh heh

3. Hmm. . .well, to tell the truth there is no three but ya know. . the other ones were pretty good by themselves and didn't need the support of a third party. . .I did, though, put it here because. . .well. .it just looked right don't you think? I mean, it's what naturally comes after 2 so I was insuring that it . . .did.


1. Oi.. hrm. I'd definitely go after stuff like Lufia 2, (I'm assuming you're after SNES ones, since that's all you listed.. the Breath of Fire series (1 and 2 at least) are on the SNES, go Ogre Battle (Liberation, Yay!), and of course.. Chrono Trigger.
2. Monkey.
3. Are you picking up on me?

Heh, it's such a small world..
You know that darB pedophile that said you sucked? He has a website that hasn't been updated for 232 days, he has a counter. But don't go there! Do so and like, may you have monkeys climb down your back and have your Internet Explorer be changed to AOL!

--Nick Boice

Actually, that was me writing into my own column yesterday. It was a nefarious plot to fool you all.. and it worked. I'm so evil. :) And on a side note, I do know darB from The RPG Galleria, in fact, I know him personally. He used to live about 20 minutes south of where I am now, and he is one of the people who introduced me to such goodnesses as Star Control 2 and other stuff. We had a big LAN party over at his place before he moved.. 8 computers, C&C Red Alert, Duke Nukem 3D, Warcraft 2, (This was before Starcraft, kiddos..), and more soda than you can imagine. What a great night. If anyone knows darB (who's real name is Brad btw), tell him to get in touch with me. Tell 'im Grand *Camper* "Q" is a lookin'. ;)

Take one Q&A column orally..
Zacaroni gets a sex change. New female columnist. Coincidence? I think not. If Veronica tries to touch you, just remember: there's a good touch and a BAD touch. Report to a trusted adult. Like JD. What do you think about about the rumor of a FF 1-6 that was posted?

~Light Magus

You did not just call me that. Shame on you... anyways, Veronica and Zacerena are definitely different people. See, during the sex change operation, Zacerena lost all color vision.. and he/she is now colorblind. Therefore the blue-thwap is impossible for our poor, non-Roy G. Biv-blessed post-operatory female PC games specialist. So your theory just kinda falls through now, doesn't it. And anyways, I'm older than JD is.. ...oh the rumor. Anyways, I think it's pretty far-fetched. If Square is releasing 5 and 6 now, it doesn't make sense (economically) for them to release 1-6. Maybe 1-4.. but even so.. I'm giving this a big preordained pbhbthbthtbhbhtbhbthbt.. sorry kids.

Anime Thor, and his bevy of busty beautiful .. uh, chicks.

It's Brad..

1. I'm haveing a huge dilema man! I need your help on this one. You're the only one who could help me! (besides "V" and since it's monday and I won't be hearing from her in at least 4 days, I'll stick with you. Besides, you're a hell of a lot weirder, and I hate the blue thwap thing....) I'm considering buying a playstation, sounds good right? Wrong, I also want an N64. (how much for your's?) I'm also a PC Gamer at heart and have been for a while now, so a PC comes into the question. What should I buy/upgrade? I need help man!

Hey, make me an offer on my N64.. I honestly am trying to get rid of it.. I need the space!

2 How much do you get paid?

More than you could possibly imagine. :)

3 Is Thor really haveing an orgy with a ton of anime chicks in your basement?


Legend of Thor Gets Some, part 3!

This tagline still rocks my nuts.
Hey there, Oracle.

To respond to the question of a GF in Chocobo World (or Odekake Chocobo RPG in the Japanese version): The purpose of Chocobo World is to find Mog. Mog ventured up into some mountain like a moron and got lost. So Moomba, Cactuar, and Chicobo (what a retarded translation) decide to go get him. You control Chicobo as you run around a little map. You walk or run to little pixels on the map that are events. An event can be you fighting an enemy, Moomba offering you a new weapon, or Cactuar giving you an item. Also, you eventually find Mog. Once you find Mog he helps you in your battles and you go on to defeat this ghost thing that kidnapped the girl Chicobo.

Anyway, the whole point of Chocobo World is not only to provide some extra PokeSute fun, but to allow you to find otherwise rare items. Every item you get from Cactuar (from A to D, A being the best, D being the worst) is turned into a real item for your inventory in FF8 when you return Chicobo. Once you've found Mog you get an item that's called Komoguri no Mamori (I'm not sure what the English one is. Approx. translation: MiniMog's Protection). It's a GF Ability Medicine. Use it on a GF to learn the Komoguri (MiniMog) command ability. Use it in battle to summon Mog. He does a nifty dance and heals the HP of all your GFs.

And that's it. While it may sound stupid, it's good for 13 hour plane trips to or from Japan.


-- Out the 10Base-T, through the router, down the T1, over the leased line, off the bridge, past the firewall... nothing but Net.

Two reasons why this guy gets posted when he writes me up. Informative, informative, informative. And that tagline rocks just so much!

I bet we see Anthologies before Thousand Arms...
I heard that Final Fantasy Anthology is coming out in October. Do you know when in October? And also, I heard that Final Fantasies 5&6 are the best two of the series, even though I am lacking the ability to comprehend that after 7&8. What do you think? I am really looking forward to seeing if they are up to my expectations. Thanks!

I personally like 5 and 6 very much. I also like 8 very much. 7 was arguably the worst in the series. Go buy FF:Anthology, and play some real good FF games. The release date as told to me by clerks at EB in Reno, Nevada, is around mid October... after the 10th, before the 20th.

Hi my name is Steve and I'm a total loser!
Hey Brad,

My name is steve and I am highly offended at the fact that you were making fun of people. To make up for this could you set me up on a date with Veronica? She already Twaped me three times but I still really like her. Please??


Actually.. <Jedi Mind Trick> Everyone's name is now Phil... your name... is... Phil...</Jedi Mind Trick> And dude, you couldn't get a date with Veronica if you glued a 2x4 to your back and sung christmas tunes to her all year long. Of course, I wouldn't suspect anyone could doing that, but even so, a lot of other people have a better chance than you do.. sorry man. I just call 'em like I see 'em.

More Thousand Arms Release date Info (subtitled: Babbage's workers CAN be helpful..sometimes)
Guten Tag, Aloha and Hola, Oracle guy Brad

I work at Babbage's and yesterday, when I was tallying up our call list/reservation numbers, I noticed that we had a page (with a few names already down) for the Pocketstation. I thought that was very cool. We are going to get the pocketstaion here! Either that, or it will end up to be a mistake. I hope not.

And Thousand Arms was still coming on September 29th the last time I checked.


Hehe, I'm just kidding about Babbage's workers. I think I got 'em mixed up with Fry's employees. Thanks for the info, dude.

Bumblebee, JunkyTree, Zumpawhee, Hey, I'm 3!
I'M GOING CRAZY! I have to know what "Fithos Lusec Wecos Vinosec " means! Help all mighty Oracle!

It's an anagram (letters are rearranged) for "Succession of Witches".. but wait, there are four extra letters! .. L, O, V, E. Very tricky. ;)

I'm a Jedi, like my ..uh, I forget.
Hey Brad,

You made a good choice for weekend Q&A. Veronica is SO KICKIN! And I do have a few questions for you. I don't think many are RPG related but they're cool.

I'm glad you think so. Thank Hunter Wilcox, he's the one who pretty much chose her.

1. When is Heather goin to answer a few questions like you said. I want to hear her oppinion on things.

Well, pending an approval from up top "Hi Mike!", we'll see if Heather can't help out one day..

2. Can we see the picture where you look like Mark Hamill. We have only got to hear about it and would like to see it.

If I said no, would you just look at the ones I posted earlier last week? :)

3. Do you like Veronica? I'm just wondering.

Well, I would like Veronica, but my g/f would get kinda ticked about that.

4. Do you recemend emulators to get those RPGs that weren't released in America? All my friends get 'em and I'm feellin left out so do you recemend any sites?

I'll be honest, I used an emulator to play through FF5. Of course, I'm buying Anthology, but I say hey, if you wanna play SD3, go get the ROM and have fun.

5. Do you think that more RPGirls will E-Mail you now that Veronica has done Q&A?

They already have like a whole RPGirl fanclub just for me.. I don't need more mail!

6. What do you think the hardest part of FFVIII is? I think it's the Magic system.

The Jewel Case is pretty tough.. I chipped a tooth :(

7. What's your favorite passtime?

Free time? What's that?

If you don't put my letter in that wonderful column then I shall sick Trigger the Siamese, Samurai Kitty on you.

I ate the last Samurai Kitty you sent to my house.. the swords were sharp. That's two chipped teeth. I'm gonna get you for that.

-Psychic Psycho

Yummy Quickies

Is it wrong to be 16, a male, and like Sailor Moon?

Only if you secretly wish to be a young lesbian japanese schoolgirl... :)

Does Mega Xmanager Superguy have any relation to Fujin? Certainly seems like it :P


Thor... we miss THOOOOR. Oh yeah, your column's ok too.

--Head of the RPGirl Association of America

"ok"? .. that's it. He's never getting out of that basement now.. of course, he's having fun in there, with all the naked anime chicks..

You took my hidden text away! *sobs*

...beef stew?

To Brad;
Why don't you ever call? Your father and I are worried sick. Why don't you get a job, and stop all this silly Q&A nonsense? Do you need more money?


You're not my mother.. that's.. THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!! *throws self off building down shaft yeah you know you watched it too*

Words from the Wise One:

So I'm like at work today, and our CEO tells us that we've gotta get out there and kick butt. And take names of course, though he didn't have to mention it.. because you wouldn't kick butt without taking names... that'd just be silly. Anyways, so he tells us we gotta wanna win. I WANT TO WIN. I wanna beat FF8 too. :/ But I'm out to eat the competition. So if you're my competition. I WILL EAT YOU!

Brad "I don't know.. he writes the articles.. I just do the quotes at the end." Lohr

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