The Oracle
Can you smell what the crock pot's cookin'?
The Oracle, Brad Lohr - September '99- 02:00 PDT

Vootie! X-chaggers are many! X-chaggers are mighty! X-chaggers give you runny nose if you making them unhappy! X-.. aw, screw it. Hi! Or, as I like to say it. Dude. Today just doesn't feel right.. I .. I didn't have a fun picture of an action figure in my mailbox from Cows Factory today... I mean, come on man, you've got a job.. hop to it! But seriously, I don't know why, but those are really entertaining to me, at least.. since those are the kinda things I grew up with.. If anyone can get me some humorous scenes with He-Man stuff, Thundercats figures, more TMNT, anything from what was my childhood, man, you've got easy recognition coming your way. How's that for bribing?

Anyways, I hope ya'll checked out JD's new post over at Editorials. I know how rough that place can get, people gettin' all mad at eachother. Actually it's just as hairy in Q&A, but we can ignore the letters given to us by people who hate us. Er, that is, everyone likes me, heee, yeah, right. :)

So here it is. Time for LOTS of user submissions. You get to change the future! I want every SINGLE one of you guys to click on my mail link, and tell me a couple things. Tell me yer first name, how old you are, on a scale of 1-5 how much you like the column, and a list of 3 or less things I could really do to improve the column. (And "post my questions!" doesn't count.) Please put "Suggestion box" as the subject just so I can sort through them all tomorrow night.

Well, I think we're about ready for some cream-filled Q&A goodness, what do you think? I don't care what you think, I'm starting letters anyways!

Got Questions? Problems?

Ask The Oracle
Rinoa, Selfie, Quistis, or.. Brad!? You choose!

Recent Q&A's


The Old stuff
The Archives
Brad Now Playing:
Soul Reaver
Okay, just kidding.
They Might Be Giants, BOY.
Dear Highest, Mightiest, Oracle,

Okay, okay, we (I) get the're a closet fan of They Might Be Giants. Now, you've gotta answer a few questions...

1) What's your favorite album of Theirs?
2) Your favorite song?
3) Have you ever been to the Musings Boards at If not, drop by sometime.

Thank you.


Well, not so much of a closet, when you post it on a column that gets thousands of readers each day, but hey, who's counting?
.. anyways, here goes:
1. I'd have to go with either Apollo 18 or Flood
2. That's a rough one. Dig My Grave is good, though, I like that a lot.
3. No, I've never been there.. I might stop by between my infrequent slashdot postings and well, you know, that life thing I'm chasing around.

Oh, I feel dirtyOde to my Odinfor having said that

If it's a spoiler you don't wanna see, jump down one question

Hey, I have some questions for you. I'm near the end (I think) of disc 2 on FF8 and I ran into something confusing. I found Odin recently, and defeated him and all that good stuff. I don't remember exactly what he said, but I assumed he was going to be another GF. I so I look at my GF screen, and he's not there. What was the point of beating him then? I got his card, which states that he is a GF. If you can help, that's cool.

Another thing. About Star Ocean 2, I loved that game when I first got it, then I got to disc 2. I finished the Field of Power, but for some reason, I have no desire to finish the game. The enemies are hard and there's practically no story. Is it worth it to trudge through it? Thanks


Okay, I haven't gotten to this point, or well, I haven't found it. So I actually had to be told stuff I didn't know about the game, (be spoiled, even!) for you guys. The sacrifices. Uh, yeah, you don't care. That's okay, it's all good, I know the risks I take in my maniacal pursuit of information... anyways, here's the dig on Odin:
You beat him, you get the card, he goes in your GF screen, right? Nope. He takes off, and shows up randomly afterwards during battle, when he just feels like dropping by, borrowing a cup of sugar, and completely THRASHING the smack out a group of random encounter enemies. (Sorry kids, no boss help from this Norse Big Daddy)

Warning: Bad Poetry known to cause cancer in labratory English Students
Brad for you, Brad for me; Brad is sitting on a bee.
Brad for me, Brad for you; Brad is hiding in my shoe!
I seeee youuu!
*bows* Thank you!

Uhm, heh.

You must pay the door repair charge!
Jonny Gomez: Hello, I'm Jonny Gomez, and welcome to another exciting edition of Video Game Celebrity Deathmatch! Tonight, we have a special four-way RING O' DEATH match between video game stars, Fei Fong Wong, Crono, Squall Leonheart, and the Old Guy From the Caves in the original Legend of Zelda!

Mills Lane: Alright combatants, you all know the rules! I want a good, clean, fight! Now, lets it get it on!

Squall, standing in a corner, his chin cupped in his hand in thought: (Why do I always think to myself?)

Fei: Huh? Whats happening?!

Crono: ...

Squall: Quiet down Fei!

Guy from Zelda: Fight, must, to self defend.

Fei: Huh?!?

::Crono leaps at Fei and slashes downward, Fei falls::

Jonny Gomez: Oh! A strong attack from the silent yet deadly Crono!

Fei: Whats happening?!

Squall: (Rinoa...geez I need to stop thinking to myself.)

Guy from Zelda: Sword, use fight to.

Crono: ...

Fei: I need to stop all this existential crap!

Crono: ...

Squall: (I don't want to be a leader...why are they always yelling at me!?)

Fei, having finally gotten up from Crono's attack: ?!.....Huh?!

Crono quits, leaving the arena.

Mills Lane: What the hell is this?! Fight already you pansies!

Wiseman, from nowhere: Fei, use the talents you recieved from your Dad!!

Fei: My dad? You mean my father?!

Squall: (Ugh, I hate this...)

Guy from Zelda: WIN! I MUST!

::Guy From Zelda pulls a wooden sword from nowhere, and holds it straight above his head, weird 8-bit music sounds from the speakers::

Fei: Elly! Where is Elly?! HUH?!

Squall: (Damn, Fei sure does ask a lot of questions...)

Guy from Zelda: All slay of you, will I!

::in a devastating move, the Guy From Zelda whirls in a circle, slicing Squall in half, and disemboweling Fei::

Jonny Gomez: And with a move from nowhere, the Old Guy From Zelda fells both remaining opponents! Well, it seems not even the greatest of 3-D heros can stand up to the good ol' 2-D warriors of yesteryear! This is Jonny Gomez, saying GOOD FIGHT, GOOD NIGHT!

- Arcus Zero

Someone suggested this.. and I've kinda been waiting for it to happen.. but I haven't seen one with Pikachu in it yet.. come on, feed my need for Pikachu's blood! (Pikachu vs. Mog?)

FF8 Translation off course?
Recently I was at a FF8 page, (Square Gamer to be exact) and it kinda made it seem as if FF8's menus and crap are all done in a language that happens not to be english! Having not played the above game I can't help wondering IS THIS TRUE! You've got to post this cuz I'm scared man! Help me out!


Your worries are misplaced.. you'ven't anything to worry about. (and yes I did just use a double contraction. Ain't that just so against english language rules, tee hee) The translation for FF8 is very well done, in my opinion, and most everyone elses. Drug Lord and resident Crackfiend Musicianguy Mark Jordan doesn't think so, but he's pretty picky. :)

Oh, so that's what I forgot...
Dear Mighty Oracle.

The key to winning FFVIII is Junctioning.


If her lips are hot and she trembles in your arms, let her go. She's got malaria.
Either that, or she's just not dead yet.. stubborn women..mumble..

Mighty. I like that. Anyways, yeah, if you don't junction, you'll probably not go too far.

I like the rear end, myself
Hey, there, Lohracle, it's time for a little Q&A session, allrighty?

1. Will there be a Fallout 3?
2. Will there be a TRUE sequel to Crono Trigger (NOT Crono Cross)
3. You like pigs feet? How bout grits?
4. What is the total logarithm of the total words spoken by both Shadow and Gogo in FF3 when multiplied together? (Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, smart guy...:) )
Thanks for the answers, my little badmotorfinger friend.....
-Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl, Earl, Earl

1. We can only hope. Hunter, our news hound, and FF8 player extraordinaire, (also my late night partner in crime) gives Fallout3 a "Should come, but don't expect it soon". Seems the Bioware/Black Isle crew is working on Torment (which looks AWESOME, btw), and Neverwinter Nights. So unless they go on a massive hiring spree (where's my resume!?!) don't expect to see Fallout 3 for a little while yet.
2. I swear. Kids these days.. we've all been wanting a Chrono Trigger 2 for such a long time, when they give us something close to it, ya'll STILL aren't happy! You go buy Chrono Cross and play it until you like it, young man!
3. Uh, I like the butt-end of the pig. Ham, baby, and bacon.. MMMmMmMm...
4. Well, the log (base anything) of 0 (Gogo doesn't say anything) is 1.. so when you take the product of 1 times the log of shadow's words, (i'm assuming base 10), which is less than 3, (he does NOT say more than 1000 words, and says more than 10 for sure (dreams inclusive)) but more than 1, you get an answer that is between 1 and 3. Probably around 2, maybe a little more.

Integration by Parts makes me giddy. Like a schoolgirl.
i have a couple of questions for you... acctually it's more like a question and a comment, but oh well. Anyways,

1. When is Final Fantasy Anthology going to be released?

and 2. 6x9=54, not 42. I believe the correct question is 6x7 and if your 21, wouldn't you have known that, or did you just fail math alot?

1. I hear mid-october.
2. Either I'm really bad at math, or you've just not read enough books to get it. :) And I got 100% on my last math test, so nyah.


Words from the Wise One:

Yeah, I know.. no quickies. Sorry. I didn't forget.. I just, uh, well, really didn't have much to go with. It's a mood thing.. you could call the quickies a mood ring.. or something. 'Course you might be totally wrong.. but that's just how life is sometimes. Anyways, chill out, and send me that suggestion email!

Brad "Hey. You got weasels on your face." Lohr

© 1998-2017 RPGamer All Rights Reserved
Privacy Policy