The Oracle Nutcase!
Surprise, you hoochie fiend!
The Nutcase, Brad Lohr - September '99- 01:00 PDT

Well, well, well, here we are.. or, well, here I am at least.. and, well, I guess there you are! And you! And you! And... hey. What the heck are YOU doing here.. I told you not to come back.. you know about the restraining order, lady! .. eesh, some people!

Er.. that is.. hi!

Today, many goodnesses are brought to you by me! It is happiness, I am surest of! You must column read for many goodnesses from my house to yours be transferable! So much goodnesses!

[Note: The last paragraph just insured that I would never, ever, no matter how hard I try, get a journalism degree at any accredited school in this, or most other countries on this planet. I should do another one, but.. egh, I've got a headache.]


:) Yes, I am smiling at you like a lunatic.

:) It's because I *am* a lunatic.

Stop smiling at meeee!

Got Monkey? Leather?

Tell The Nutcase

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Brad Now Playing:
Who are you and what have you done with my Oracle?
O Great and Mighty Oracle that makes poodle pilots,

I simply have a single question about FF8's card game. If you miss (or lose) an important card, can you go back and get it? I know that this is probably in a thousand walkthroughs, but I refuse to look at them until I finish the game.

By the way, you seem to be a jack of many trades, what exactly are your hobbies?


Yeah, the person who steals your lovely rare card should still have it. Keep playing them to get it back. I don't really have any free time nowadays, so I mostly just play videogames in the spare moments I have.

Will FFVIII (8) be realeased for the PC as did FFVII (7), which had good responsive sales?
I put ()'s around my numbers because Brad is such an idiot he doesn't know Roman Numerals.
Please inform us!
Us. We are many. We are the Mycon. We respond... We have MPD.

I'd be very, very surprised to hear that they cancel the plans to release FF8 on the PC, after the success of FF7 on the platform.

Making out with vampires?
You BAD BAD BAD reviewer guy! When you first started up, i saw (quite clearly) FF8 AND SOUL REAVER under the NOW PLAYING heading. Now what do i see? FF8! Have you no SHAME? What has the world come to when Legacy of Kain is cast aside for yet ANOTHER Final Fantasy title.....

Don't mistake my words, i love the FF series, but to just abandon a poor defenceless game like Soul Reaver is inhuman *sniff* i mean, it wouldn't dump YOU like that *weeps*

But Raziel still loves you! It's not too late! You can go back to him, Brad! He'll take you back! (course he has no lower JAW so he isn't a very good kisser, and i wont get INTO whats wrong with his midsection...) but the LOVE is there, THATS what matters. Don't you love him too?

(Aint it grand?)

Kettle Girl

It's really hard going on a date with a guy who keeps jumping into the spiritual realm and FEASTING ON BEINGS' SOULS. For some reason, guys like that just turn me off. Though I have to admit, that soul reaver kicks the hairy smack out of a gunblade any day o' the week.

My Secret of Evermore is bigger than yours!
Hola, Brad the ultimate oracle. I got some quick questions that I hope you'll answer.
1) What disc are you on in FF8?

2) Do you really own Secret of Evermore, cuz I thought I was the only one in the world who did, since no one talks about it?

3) Isn't the music in that game awesome?

4) ŔC—mo se dice "peanut butter" en espa–ol?

I guess that's about it. Thank you for you time and wisdom, on mighty Oracle

Chris--No puedo sentir los cojones!!

1. 2, near the end now.
2. Yes, I really own it. I can take a picture of it and post it if you don't believe me. :)
3. Yeah, it's pretty durn good.
4. Monkey.

Estimation? How about most Educated Guessed...
Dear Brad, most estimated Oracle:

Here are a couple of comments and a couple of questions for you:

1- Su espa–ol necesita improvement. =P Count on me in case you want to practice it, I have good knowledge of both languages and can serve you as a translator. Think of it as a service from a fellow RPGamer, in case you need it. =)

2- Hey, Neverending Story is one of my favorite movies as well, but I didn't think of your "Oracle" title as in the Southern Oracle there, but rather from the Oracle known on the RPG world (namely FFT). In case that's the approach, let me know when you'll be giving courses to learn Yin/Yang magic. It'd be cool (although it'd cost us JPs, something very difficult to obtain IRL...)

3- I just read that Chrono Trigger is going to be rereleased for the PSX, at least in the Japanese market. There's nothing us Western gamers can say about that yet, but I have a question that has been answered only by half: what's the real reason why FF4j isn't going to be released in the American FF Ant.? In case there's an article, an interview, or something that says quotes that come from Square, please post the link here...

4- I have a question concerning the poll: there's a difference between a game series and a serialized game, right? An example is this: the FFs (numbered) are a game series, since there have been 8 (so far) and although they all have different things, there's something that identifies them all from being members of the series, as people say, "worthy of being called FF". But for example, a (sort of) serialized game (to have another example from the same family), would be FF7 (which is 3 discs long). But let's say that each disc would have been released on different dates. Then it would have been "oficially" serialized... Am I right?

Thank you for your time and looking forward to your answers. Later, amigo. =)

- Francis

Most estimated? Yer lucky I don't go absolutely nuts and freak out the intro and conclusion to this column, monkey-boy!
1. I've never taken a Spanish class... so.. all my spanish is self-taught.. so nyah.
2. I watched The Neverending Story a looong time ago, but as I explained on 09-13-99, the name comes from the Delphic Oracle, back in Greece.
3. As I've heard, the real reason they didn't realease it was that the load time sucked so much on FF4, and they know how much Americans complain about anything in a Final Fantasy game, so they just decided to save themselves the grief. If you're pissed about that, blame FF7/8 bashers. :) I do.
4. Read the poll comments link underneath the poll to get the definition.. Martin actually spends time on writing them, so go make his work worthwhile! As for if FF8 would have been serialized if they had released each disk seperately, yes, that would be the definition. One story, one set of characters, multiple adventures over many release dates. Think chapters in a book, instead of different books.

I got hammer for you!

Thanks for the info on Star Ocean 2 I will most likely get it. Oh and I lllooovve Star Craft, it's just to bad I dont have a computer of my own so I have to come over to my parents house every time I want to read your page or play a PC game. My name (in case you were wondering) comes from the Phish song called Harry Hood. (My real name is Daryl) Anyway, I was in the neighborhood and I thought I would drain some more juice out of the all mighty Oracle. Dude.

1)I've recently purchased Everquest (which I havent gotten to play yet because of work school and not having a PC at my own house. And also because I've heard that it literally turns people into monsters who quit their jobs, school, social life, and sexual relationships all because they want to have the best guild in the game or some damn stupid thing) *whew* I've been told that its now officially been named "video game crack." Do you agree? have you played it?

2)It is a hard choice but I'd have to agree with you on the ff2/ff3 question. I like GoGo. And Sabin's bumrush kick ass, having two bumrushes in one battle deams anyone immortal in that game.

3)What do you like to play as in Ad&d?

4)Do you like strategy shooters like Rainbow 6 and Delta Force or do you like brutality shooters like Quake 2?

Later,Harry Hood

Starcraft is gooood...
1. Everquest is basically a big graphical MUD. There have been cases of people throwing their lives away due to MUDs since the dawning of their existance, and Everquest is just the next step up from that for people who were already in a behavior pattern set up to do that.
2. Gogo's okay. I like Relm. Highest magic power (unaltered) of anyone in that game around level 70. Ya'll don't believe me, either.
Go check it out for yourself. Be surprised. That's why I'm the Oracle. ;)
3. Currently, I'm kinda into Clerics. It's the bludgeoning weapons, I guess. :)
4. Er.. I'm not too much into First Person Shooter games, but I really liked System Shock.

I'ma learn you some german, boy!

Okay, my math genius is actually going to be put to good use. If you junction anything +20%, and then the same thing +40%, you do not get that thing +60%! In example: You have 100 Strength. You add the 20%, making it 120. Then add the 40%, making it 170. If you had just added 60%, your strength would be slightly short at 160. Be glad they did it the way I just explained.

Plus, to correct a quickie, you said:Ich kann deutsch auch, zo, ich sage "Nein!" Translation: I can German also, I say "No!" Correct form: Ich kann Deutsch sprechen auch, so ich sage "Nein!" There, much better. IrialRian (German/Math wizard of the world. Well... maybe not...)

Heh, maybe they do math differently in Japan? :)
And as for the German, if you're talking about a langauge, and your ability to speak it, since the word 'deutsch' only refers to the language, and not to the country or the residents thereof, (as our "German" does) then the verb sprechen is implied, and you only need to say "Ich kann Deutsch".

YES!!! CHEESE FOREVER!!! I actually wrote a poem about cheese like a year ago for my 8th grade english class, would you like to see it? no? too bad, here it is: (ahem)

Cheese is great Cheese is good Cheese tastes three times better than wood

So, what do you think???

Ions of Molecules

Cheese'll block you up.

Update on the Baldur's Gate MP3 situation
Just so you know, that Minsc remix is available at the ... at the Bioware website, along with several other mp3s..

The song featuring the Amnish soldiers is particularly amusing. .. and of course, who could forget Tiax? He rules.


Groovy, .. very literally.

Another Video Game Celebrity Deathmatch!
CDM Championship

Jonny Gomez: Hi, I'm Jonny Gomez, and welcome to the Celebrity Deathmatch Championship! I'm here with Squall Leonheart, and tonight promises to have some good fights. Right Squall?

Squall: Hmmm...

Jonny: Tonight's first fighters are Gilgamesh, and...Chunky Funky, the Drunky Monkey? ::Gilgamesh phases into the right, surrounded by his four swords stuck into it::

Gilgamesh: Hope you like the taste of blood...::Sinister laugh:: ::Chunky Funky stumbles out, into the ring::

Chunky Funky: Kee kee kee! Waaaaa! ::CF starts picking bugs out of his fur and eats them::

Gilgamesh: Hah hah hah!! I shall defeat you with the Masamune!! ::Gilgamesh rushes Chunky Funky, but Mils Lane steps in his way::

Jonny: Man, Gilgamesh sure got cocky after Seifer slashed Odin in half, allowing Gilgamesh to get Odin's sword. Looks like the fight's about to start. ::Mils Lane explains the rules to both of them; fight starts::

::Gilgamesh starts kicking Chunky Funky around, and Chunky Funky runs over to his manager who pulls out a laptop::

Chunky Funky: KEE KEE!! ::Is reading Brad Lohr's column at

CF's Manager: What's the hidden message say? (Chunky Funky starts screaming and waving his arms around)

CF's Manager: What the hell? No hidden message!?!

Chunky Funky: KEE KEE KEE KEEE!! ::Gilgamesh charges him with one of his swords::

Gilgamesh: Do you see the reaper?

Chunky Funky: RAH!! ::Chunky Funky leaps at Gilgamesh and rips his throat out::

Jonny: WOW! How violent! But, I can see why Chunky Funky got so mad! It appears Chunky Funky, the Drunky Monkey, will be going on to the semi-finals!

Squall: What the hell kinda name is "Chunky Funky, the Drunky Monkey," anyway?

Jonny: Our next fighters are the Prince Humperdink, from "The Princess Bride", and Dave Mustaine, 1986 Version!

::1986 Dave Mustaine steps into the ring, all the Megadeth fans go nuts::

::Prince Humperdink steps into the ring:: Humperdink: My Fatha's last wertswer...Love heh, and thell will be joy!!

::The fight starts::

Dave Mustaine: No, I ain's superstitious... ::Shoots up on heroine:: WAAA HAA HAA HAA HAA!!!

Humperdink: My father, the king, once said...

::Dave Mustaine tackles and pins Prince Humperdink, and rips his head apart into little bloody ribbons. Blood trickles across the ring, floating in it, little gray chunks::

Dave Mustaine: (Still laughing, runs out)

Jonny: I guess Prince Humperdink is our winner, since 1986 Dave Mustaine is disqualified for running away! And we have to go to commercial!

Humperdink: ::Twitches::

Stay tuned for part 2! And anyone that can't pronounce SeeD is an idiot! You don't have to wait till the torture part to figure out it's related to gardening...the places where they train SeeDs are called GARDENS! Jeez, use a little common sense.

~Power2DuhMasses, the Unoriginal

G'heh.. more.. MORE.. MORE!

Brief Insanities

Dear Brad-
Are the goats that can not see the sun because of the fog ... In your pants?
-Matt, er, wait, no, uhm, Matt-ina, so, yeah, I'm er, a woman so I can apply.. yea..

There's no room for goats in my pants.. the little green man in my pants is the sole tenant. >X( "yeah!"

Which do you like better the Ogre Battle games or the Lassinger/Warsong games?

Ogre Battle.. not only does it have the awesome music.. but it has Bean Child, the golem!

Is Zac truly getting a sex change?

Yeah. Call him Zacarena, though, else her voice will drop down low and she'll get hairy and nasty on you.

Words from the Wise Crazy One:

Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey.
:) You think this is crazy?
:) You should smell my socks!
Heeee, I love you, buh-bye!

Brad "Can't sleep, clowns will eat me..." Lohr

This guy's got Freudian issues that I don't even want to discuss...
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