Les annanas ne jouent pas le tennis!
The Oracle
The Oracle, Brad Lohr - September '99- 00:00 PDT

Surprise! Yeah, me too, actually. I didn't know I'd be doing this weekend's Q&A until pretty recently. Seems I don't pay enough attention, Zacarena needed the weekend off to recover from his/her new budding gender changing experience. So here I am. No Thor though, but he'll come back some day. And then maybe you'll only hear from me on the weekends, and well, what a shame that would be. Well, maybe not. :)

So since I had Zac's email up for most of the day, I didn't really get a whole lot of email. Only about half of what I normally was getting earlier this week, but well, I'll make do with what I've got, and well, we'll make stuff happen.

Las cabras que no peudan mirar el sol porque de la neibla! ... and if you can tell me where that is, well, I'll *wink wink* make it worth your while (only women may apply, and NOT you Zacarena, you're not quite there yet!)

Er, well, anyways, I don't know what else much to talk about, I still haven't had much time to play FF8, though I played a bit of the carrrd gammmme, that highly addicting thing that it is, the other day.. I don't think that was today.. oOoh, getting old.. memory fading..

Oh yes.. someone mentioned that they couldn't make an anime Brad without a decent picture of me.. well, I posted it before, but here they are again. Girls, Knock yourselves out, that one is of me when I was almost 17, several years ago, and this one is of me much more recently, with my friend Heather. And no, you can not have her phone number. So don't ask!

If you guys are good, someday I might let you see what she has to say, or let her answer a few letters. But only if you're good.
But you're naughty little monkeys, aren't you?

On with the show.

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Brad Now Playing:
They have a fight, Triangle wins...
Okay, your dude was better. I'm sorry. It was a mitake. Please forgive my ignorance and all that boring stuff. Now as promised I will give you your CDM. I hope you won't be disapointed. Now, ON WITH THE SHOW!!! [Editor's Note: Hey, that's my line!]

Jonny: Hi I'm Jonny Gomez, and Nick Dimond is on vacation at the current
moment so we have a substitute from (looks at note card) WHAT THE....!!!! from a ..... video game? Uh, please welcome Squall Leonhart!!. (From the crowd the ff8 hero pops out of the stands and climbs up the tower)
Jonny: Hi Squall and welcome to the show!
Squall: ........
Jonny: Okay....
Jonny: Well let's welcome tonites fighter's Jim Carey, and uh (squints a note card) Brad Lohr!!
(Brad Steps out to the ring nicely and calmly waving to all his RPG fans, and Jim Carey jumps down from the lights and falls flat on his face on the ring. The crowd goes wild)
Carey: Hey I read your column earlier this week and might I say, leeehooozaaheer. Loser! hah hah hah! Loser!
Mils Lane: Alright. I want a good clean fight. You've both been explained the rules. Now let's get it on!
(while Jim Carey goes into a laughing fit Brad decks him)
Carey: Wow! what a wallop! Especially from a LOSER!
Jonnny:Wow! what intense words! don't you agree Squall?
Squall: ......
Jonny: Uh. okay then.
(Carey jumps high and dives into Brad. He overpowers him, unfortunately and pins him and starts to pummel him)
Jonny: Wow! this looks like the end for Brad! He should've just stayed at his computer doing his column.
Squall: .......heh heh heh......
(Brad then has a smile on his face and Carey stops curious of what he is smilin)
Carey: I don't know WHY you're smilin. I wouldn't be in your position and especially since you're such a LOSER!
(Brad then throws Carey off and jumps up and is just fine with no damage what so ever)
Brad: Hey! Squall! Can I borrow your Gun-Blade?
Squall: I've got a better idea
(Squall jumps from the tower and onto the ring. He them pulls out his Gun-Blade and prepares to dice Carey)
Brad: No. I want this to be a fair fight. Just use GF Bahamut or something that's okay
(Squall then uses GF Bahamut and is about to give him the command to kill but Jonny interupts)
Jonny: The famous Bahamut we have to check with Mils Lane for the clear
Mils: Giant fire breathing dragons? I'll allow it!
(Squall gives Bahamut the okay and he goes into a burning frenzy and Jim Carey is torched, along with half the audience)
Jonny: That's gotta hurt. WOW!
(Squall gives yet another signal and Bahamut turns his attention to the tower)
Jonny: No! stop! Not me!
(Bahamut then let's out his "Magic Breath" and Jonny is burnt to a crisp)
Squall: And the winner is Brad Lohr! Thank you. I'm Squall Leanhart saying, good fight. Good night.

Well how was that? and that Heather girl is HOT! So you do like HOT CHICKS! the question has been answered. Well Like Squall said "Good fight. Good night"

- Psychic Psycho

Wheee, Video Game Celebrity Deathmatch! I dig it. I don't have to be in them, though, maybe some interesting ones.. perhaps a RedXIII vs Angelo or something... or vs Interceptor.. heh. This is fun, send more in, kids! Oh, and I'm doing myself a grave horrible thing by posting the fact that ya'll think Heather's hot.. her ego's going to be out the roof on Monday.. mphmhph.

Baby, hit this one more time!
FF8 Spoiler Possibility

On the very, very last boss' theme in FF8, make *sure* you have a pair of headphones ready to plug in. For those people who say they can't hear the Dolby Surround Stereo, the last boss music, "The Extreme", will prove them wrong. You can actually hear the 360 degree sound effect as the music actually circles around you in the beginning of the piece. It works better if you close your eyes, as the sound travels from in front of you to your right, behind you, to your left, and forward again.... There are also real orchestrations during the piece, for instance, the piano's music comes from the right side, as it is in a regular orchestra set up, and the violins can be heard from the left side. There's also a part where a synthesizer melody is played in the left ear, a complementary melody is played in the right ear, the left melody is played and the right melody joins in a second later. My friend who owns the soundtrack said it gave him a headache because of a sensory overload, but I've never heard stereo effects used like this before.

Even without impressive Latin lyrics, The Extreme blows One Winged Angel away...I'm surprised it's not on the poll.

-Cid Breakwind

I'm a definite audiophile, so I'll be glad when I get there. By the way, your name stinks.

Secret of who?

Douglas Adams rocks, So do you, havent heard much crystal method, Cranberries are.. definetely.. sometimes? I love anime but i will not push my opinions upon you, no, no. It is you that must force your knowledge soaked opinions upon me, your worship.(so in conclusion to that little peice of blathering, I will not ask you for the umpteenth time whether you like anime. Dude.

1)Which do you like better, FF2/a4/j or FF3/a6/j?


3)I'm really into Tactics Ogre, FFTactics, Secret of Mana, and FF2a/4j. My paycheck is coming up, I have a 64 and a PSX. What game should I get that you think I will enjoy?

4)What PC games are you into?

5)Do you remember Secret of Evermore?

Later, Harry Hood

Dude. Hood dude! .. that's a good superhero name. HOOD DUDE. I like it. Anyways, heh.. here we go:
1. That's a real tough call.. I think I'll go with FF3a for $1000 though, Alex.
2. I liked the characters a little more, I liked the fact that I wasn't forced into having any specific person in my party for a large percentage of the game time, and well, come on, Umaro throwing people at enemies just plain rocks, dude.
3. OoOh, hrmmmm.. Star Ocean 2. Definitely. You'll go nuts and sign your soul over to Enix. And not even miss it, you'll have that much fun.
4. I spent a measurable percentage of my lifespan playing Starcraft. That game just plain rocks. I dig System Shock 1 (haven't had a chance to play 2 yet), C&C games are great, Masters of Orion, Fallout, Baldur's Gate, Star Control 2 (and to a lesser degree, 3), Diablo, Warcraft 2, X-Wing / Tie Fighter series, geez.. I like a lot of stuff. Send me games for christmas. I'll post your letters ;)
5. Yeah, actually.. and I'm even weird enough to own the game. And it wasn't that bad.. I wouldn't suggest that over Star Ocean 2, but if you really liked Secret of Mana, and are hurtin' for an Action-RPG fix, and you can find it for cheap, uh, "Why not?"

How big is your deck?
FF8 Spoilers

In response to that letter asking for places to build up your deck on disk one. I would just like to state that I am the almighty authority on the card game. There may already be a queen of cards...but I am the demigod of cards. Anyway, here are some great places to build your deck:

1. Bombs are great cards early in the game, card them in the fire cave
2. The Quistis groupies in the upstairs classroom in Balamb garden give a great lv 10 questis card if you play them a few times.
3. The guy jogging around in balamb garden will sometimes have a mini-mog card (really important card later in the game if you want to do side quests)
4. Zell's mother has a powerful Zell card, however you must play her alot to receive it.
5. After receiving your first SeeD mission from Headmaster Cid, go to his upstairs office and challenge him in cards, not only does he have the lv 10 Seifer card, but he also has a ton of lv.6,5,and 4 cards. Because he uses the diff. rule, you have a chance to win a large amount of cards from him.
6. Watts' in the train has an angelo card.
7. If you go in to one of the classrooms in Galbadia garden, you find 3 people talking about boss cards. If you challenge the girl in the middle (and have a lot of patience) you can win an unlimitied amount of lv6 boss cards.
8. The bartender in Dollet has a Shiva card.
Evil inside-the-spoilers hidden text.. tempts you wickedly, YOU WANT TO TOUCH IT

No more spoilers beyond this point

OK, now i have a question for you o mighty oracle because my expertise only extends to the card game. If I junction a str +20% and a str +40%, do I get str +60? Also, is there any point in getting sum mag +10% if I already have +20%. Thanks for reading my letter.


Thanks for the card info. And yes, the abilities are cumulative, so stack 'em up, and knock 'em down, cowboy! Yeehaw!

Yeah, well, mi taco es muy grande!
Brad, Senor 'Yo como el peanut butter no chunkio!'.

I figured out the SeeD pronunciation! It's pronounced seed, as in flower seed, because, in disc 2, when Squall is in the desert prison, if you tell him to say 'I'll lie if I can live' (or something like that), what he makes up is about how seed is an organization that will spread flower seeds all over the world so people won't want war, and then the Seeds will attack. Now why would it be pronounced See-Dee, if his excuse involved seeds? That wouldn't make any sense. BTW, Squall is a cold hearted jerk, and I hope he dies and someone cool like Zell takes over.

Cap'n Bob the Pelican

Sheer gen-u-is, dude.

Uh, no me gusta!
El empleo de esa palabra no es correcto. En efecto, algunos de esos palabras sea ni aun en el diccionario. . . .e conocer qu? El puerco es verde e ello bailes aunque el herbosa campos con el rosado cristal rana esa poder mosca. . .as all. . . : P~

Ajuda me! Ajuda me! Oy, mi Dio! Bibliotheque! (Yes I realize the spelling may be off)

Janitorial Quickies of the Year

Your favorite color is white?! YOU RACIST BASTARD!

Uh, no, it's just that I look the best in white, sorry.

Could you write a column entirely in French for us? that would be so much fun, hehe..
Leblin, french dude

Go to babelfish.. il y a cinq ans que je parle français!

Man i have the exact same Mr.T action figure but it doesn't have a head.
Mr.Fuzywumpkins, the devouror of worlds

Maybe you mistook his head for a world and ate it, that's what I think..

Dear all powerful Brad the Oracle- I need to know where you got that Minsc Mp3. I love that guy...
-Ashton "Less Talk, More Fight" Sperry

Since it's only 700k and not copywrited material, I've posted it here. If I'm in error about it being publicly available, someone tell me and I'll remove it.

Oh shining Oracle....
I was just wondering...if you're from CA, why do you say "ya'll"?
- hotaru yama

My best friend comes from Kansas. He lives in CA now, and has for a long time, but I blame him. He said it, I picked it up, it's his fault. He says "Howdy" too.

Can I have Heather's phone number?

Ich kann deutsch auch, zo, ich sage "Nein!"

Words from the Wise One:

Damn. I'm tired. I wanna play some FF8, though, and well, if I finish this, I can go do that. So, uh, later.

Brad "I like cheese!" Lohr

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