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The Oracle
 
If you have to spew, spew in this...
 
Les annanas ne campent pas!
The Oracle, Brad Lohr - September '99- 01:00 PDT

No more bad spanish for you guys today. Been too naughty for bad spanish. 'sides, it takes me a while to corrupt the spanish language to an acceptable level.. ah well, too bad, methinks.

Anyways, I heard the website was down for a good part of yesterday, so if you missed yesterday's columns, yes, the archive link works now. I even update the archives every day. Why, .. tell me, WHY am I so good to you people? Oh yeah. Because if I wasn't, then, uh, I'd just suck or something. Not that I don't suck according to some people. But that's okay, you can't make everyone happy, and the general response to me has been pretty much positive. So thanks to everyone who's sent in comments, and if you have a comment, good/bad, or a suggestion, (though I'm horrible about taking suggestions), go ahead send it in. I sometimes even write back, and yes, I generally read all of every email sent to me, unless it is so lame I spasm when I read the first bit, and invariably, my 'delete message' button is hit.. how does that happen? Man, that just sucks... or not.

Anyways, as long time fans of mine will undoubtingly know, I'm a huge fan of Minsc from Baldur's Gate. He's so funny, he cracks me up. I recently got a techno remix of some of his quotes in an mp3, and I gotta say, that's funny. Very cool.

Wow. Something just hit me. I'm done with the first week. This is the last one this week, talk about going quickly. It's been a good week, though and I'll even be around come Monday... well, let's just put it this way. If I'm not, that means I'm either like, disabled from the neck down, or Thor's back, either of which isn't bloody likely this weekend.

One last thing before I go on to today's letters.. just an apology to Greenhut, former RPGamer employee, I kinda took a cheapshot at him which, while I'm not the perfect model of professional behavior, well, I dunno, it just wasn't too much my style. I like monkey jokes better anyhow.

Got Questions? Problems?

The Oracle
I WILL EAT YOUR CHILDREN

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Heh, that's some good monkey!
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Brad Now Playing:
FF8 Card Game
Yup. That's it. It's addicting, damnit.
Ewww... someone help this person!
all of those people who ask where the 'hidden' text is have no brains! they are all buffoons!

uhhhh anyway, you're right fallout is MUCH more fun than baldur's gate BUT that might be because i haven't played balur's gate lately

okay now for the questions:

1.i have a japanese snes tactics ogre cart and i was wondering if it has the same content as the psx version
2.why am i watching friends?
3.how good IS ff8 anyway? my friend said it sucked royally and i somehow believe him instead of the ALMIGHTY ORACLE please allow me to kiss your feet in recompense

mucho help would be appreciated

frito 'i know what como esta el bano means' bandito

Brad:
Yeah, I know what it means too. I think I said that in the column, but nobody believed me. It means "How is the bathroom?". Riiight, here's yer answers.
1. I don't know of any specific differences, probably music differences and load times, also being able to save in the middle of each battle was probably added, same as the Ogre Battle: March of the Black Queen, title.
2. .. I don't know. But if you promise never to do it again, I'll post your let-- .. damn.
3. I like it. And since your friend doesn't have a really large... uh, Q&A article.. like... uh, I do.. heh, er, that is, I'm right. Not that I could be wrong about me liking it, but I think it's fun, though others may disagree, I haven't really heard many people with pretty moderate views say it totally sucks, so go ahead, get it, and have fun.

 
Gay Brad? How thSilly! *giggle*
As for FF8... Do you know an easy way to build your deck before the end of disc one? The next question is... Is it that you don't like hot chicks... or that you don't like Chicks? Either way it is cool with me. Keep up the good work man!

Chance

Brad:
Well, I don't know too much about the card game, but I know about getting cards. I probably turn about 50% of the random enemies I encounter into cards using Quetzacoatl's Card command, (also the Card Mod ability is highly recommended from this Oracle)..and the whole "I, uh, hate hot chicks" is more of a joke, really. I'm straight, although most of the 'hot chicks' back in high school and still to this day treated me really bad. I'm the geek type, eh. Anyways, but I like to look at 'em still, it's just lots of them have bad attitudes, though the same could probably be said for not-hot chicks too.

 
/usr/doc/HOWTO/ASSKISSING-HOWTO
Oh great and mighty Oracle whose answers are far superior to those of the other Q&A guys, please answer these questions for me, your humble worshiper...

First of all I want to praise you for knowing the meaning of life. Usually when I discuss this with my friends they look at me funny and walk away. Now... on to the questions

1. First of all, I don't own a playstation (yes I know this is satanic) and I am wondering if you think I should buy one to play FF8 (which I have played at my friends house, it is awesome beyond belief) and probably Xenogears, or just wait for the playstation 2 and play these games then.

2. What is your favorite song from Chrono Trigger? Mine is Glenn's theme.

3. Have you played Earthbound... What did you think of it... How do you think Earthbound 64 will be? (if it ever comes out)

4. Q&AK?

Oh Oracle of greatness... if you answer my questions I will send you a monkey... You know that makes you want to answer them.

Zarvok

Brad:
Okay, okay, lips off, bud. Here ya go..
1. I don't know about buying a playstation just for FF8. If you've got money to toss around, go for it, but buy some other great RPGs out there too, (Suikoden 2 and Thousand Arms are being released this month, go Konami and Atlus!)
2. I really dig the ending theme, and of course, Magus' theme.
3. I haven't, no. 4. Q&AK was the name of this column long, long ago, when AndrewK used to do it.
Now send me the monkey... I want the new beanie baby one.. like schweetheart or something. I have several beanie baby monkeys, but I'm not really intersted in collecting them, I just think they're cool. And I have the beanie baby penguin too, which sits on my linux box. :)

 
Carrrrrd gammmmme
Do you know of any online resources that deal with FF8's card game? I know I could grag through a walk-through and find what I need, but I'd rather do badly at the card game and not have anything spoiled. So, are there any specific sources? Thanks for your time!

Petie Shumate

Brad:
I know how that is, I'm kinda in the same jam right now..try gamefaqs, they have carrrrrrd gammmmme specific faq's available.

 
Lamer of the week award goes to....!
there was i famer and his dog and they played a little game-o B-O-I-N-K B-O-I-N-K B-O-I-N-K B-O-I-N-K and they called it puppy love ewwe!!!

Brad:
'famer'? .. this doesn't even need my comments.

 
 
Quickies

Ice cream is fun, but not on my pants...
Ben

That's really weird.. I dropped ice cream on my pants today too.

What's your favorite color?
- Surge

Red! No, Blue...AaAAaAhAhhhhhh *gets flung off cliff*
White, actually.

Also, the time between SeeD payments in Final Fantasy VIII is 30,000 to 32,000 "steps." (Between two clicks of a character's boots, the game counts that as 7 to 10 steps.) This will differ by a few hundred "steps", depending on the terrain and your SeeD rank. (Higher ranks have a couple hundred more "steps" between payments.)

Anyway, you, Brad, are quite possibly the greatest Oracle ever made.

We're not made, we're BORN, bay-bee! Er, thanks for the steps between payment info..

Vectors are arousing.
-Matt

..yeah, cuz they have direction, and.. magnitude!

FF8's Cid does NOT look like Robin Williams. Squaresoft wanted him casted for the part, but he was busy filming "Jakob the Liar", so they had to settle for Elton John. The result being that Cid wasn't nearly as funny as he could have been and Nobuo nearly quit after Elton kept rewriting "Eyes on Me".

Haha, now that's horrible. :)

Hey, the 16th is my birthday too! Send me FF8! Please?
-CJ

I didn't even get Spence FF8 for his birthday, and I don't even know you..!

Words from the Wise One:


So I open my mailbox today, and one of the first messages is this picture on the right. Now that is totally funny.. thanks, whomever sent that.. anyways, I think I'm going to end up the week on a quick note. That is, to say, I'm out. Peace be with you, don't eat any children this weekend, have fun, and be nice to Zac.. he's still grumpy about the sex change surgery, and I think the PMS is starting to hit hard.. not to mention his voice is noticeably higher.... disturbing!
Mr. T sez: I pity da fool who aint gettin enough vitamin c
Mr. T sez: "I pity da fool who ain't gettin' enough vitamin c!"


Brad "Superrrr Miracle Kick!" Lohr

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