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July 22 1999 Idiot of the Day #2

 

Hey John Dilinger, Whenever some kind of media, like tv shows or movies, or even games have lots of repetitive characteristics, it can become an excuse to imbibe unhealthy quantities of alcohol. Lunar: SSSC is a game like that. So with out further ado, I present the Lunar: SSSC Drinking Game! WARNING! POTENTIALLY SPOILING, DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU HAVE BEATEN THE GAME! Lunar SSSC Drinking Game For each of the following events, drink the proscribed amount of beer.

1.) Ramus talks about money : Take 1 sip
a.) Ramus talks about the diamond: Take a gulp
2.)Nall cracks wise : Take 1 sip
3.)Luna gets mad at someone other than Alex: Take a gulp
a.)Otherwise, take a sip 4.)Alex says something ("...." doesn't count"): drink half a beer
5.)Jess gets mad at Kyle : take a sip
a.) If she gets mad using the REALLY pissed-off face (you'll know it when you see it) take a gulp
6.)Nash bashes country hicks : take a gulp
7.)Nall talks about food : take a sip a.) If he talks about fish, take a gulp
8.)If you didn't know Ghaleon was evil: Drink everything in sight, you weren't really using those brain cells anyway. I mean come on! Just look at the guy!
a.) If you took him to Dyne's monument and read the writing on the monument,and didn't even SUSPECT there was something going on, stop right now, you can't spare the brain cells.
9.)Didn't know Royce was evil: drink a six pack, for the same reason as #8
10.) Didn't know the masked woman was Lemia : drink a six pack, same reason as #8
11.)If you had to drink for #8, 9 AND 10, you had better be playing the imported game and not understand Japanese. Wow, did we turn the Playstation on all by OURSELVES? You get a cookie!
12.) If you thought Ramus was good for anything besides monster bait, drink a beer. a.)If you point out that he DID give you free stuff near the end of the game, I don't care! Just drink a beer anyway. You're not playing this game to split hairs over Lunar trivia. You're playing it as an excuse so you can cover up your alcoholism.
13.)(guys especially)If you look at the bromides more than 3 times each: Don't you have any other way to get your jollies than staring at a scantily clad cartoon? In any rate, drink half a beer every time you look at them after 3 times.
14.)If you watched the scenes of the women's Althena Springs more than twice on the rememberizer: See #13.
15.)(guys only) If you thought Kyle looked good in drag: Put your hands where I can see them, and keep them to yourself, mister! Also, drink 3 beers.
16.)(guys only)If you liked either of the men's Althena Springs scenes: See #15
a.)If you liked BOTH if them, see #15, but drink 6 beers.
17.) If Nash acts arrogant: take a sip
18.) If you didn't know Phacia was on the other side: Actually, before the part where Jessica didn't recognize her, I didn't have any sort of suspicion. You can drink however much you want. I don't care.
19.) If you knew Nash was going to betray you (especially before Myght's Tower): You cheater! You looked at a walkthrough! Drink 2 beers!
20.)If Royce predicts your future: Take a gulp
21.)If you recognize referecnes to American pop culture icons (M&Ms, Austin Powers): Good for you! Take a sip
22.)If you don't recognize them: Either you have just immigrated to the U.S., or have spent your entire life in a deep cave. If someone points out these references to you before you see them, take a gulp.
23.)If you recognized the sexual references in the game: Whupdy-doo. Have a drink. One gulp.
24.)If you didn't recognize them, get in touch with just about any other kid from school and you'll get all the info you need. In the meantime, drink 1 beer.
25.)If you recognized them, and were deeply offended by them, get in touch with Gwendolyn Snope, and vote Bob Barr for state representative in the next election. Don't drink anything because it's probably against your moral beliefs.
a.) If you have a little bunchkin named Timothy, then you ARE Gwendolyn Snope! What are you doing looking at this evil website, much less playing a drinking game based on an EVIL RPG?! Shame on you!
26.)If Kyle gets drunk, drink a beer.
27.)If you were surprised when Luna was revealed to be the Goddess Althena: Drink a six pack. Really, man, there were hints scattered through the entire game, to say nothing of the game packaging and game manual art.
28.) If you beat Ghaleon: Good job! Drink a beer to celebrate
29.) If you got beat by Ghaleon: Too bad. Drink a beer to cheer yourself up.
30.) If you beat Ghaleon, but got roasted by Althena afterwords, drink a beer, cuz that sucks.
31.) If you get zapped by Althena, and realize you didn't save after beating Ghaleon, drink two beers and shout explitives at your TV. (this happened to me. It sucked hard.)
32.)If you get zapped by Althena, and realize the last time you saved was the beginning of Althena's Fortress (or earlier): Follow the directions for #30, only to a much larger extent. Poor fool.
33.)Finally, if you thought Lunar sucked horribly: HEY! You haven't been following the directions! I said this is a drinking game, not a SMOKING game!

Seriously, JD, considering the amount of time I spent compiling this list and typing it out, I will be REALLY upset if you don't post it, despite its length. Be a pal, okay? Thank you (assuming you do post it)

- Dias Diem

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