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Googleshng - April 17 '02- 2:00 Eastern Standard Time

It's 90 degrees outside today, and arachnids of unusual size are crawling about. Just like Fallout! Except they aren't so big, they're spiders not scorpions, and I don't have a Pip-Boy.

And in other news, I had more mail requiring a personal reply today than ever before.

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Greetings (The peacemen sing) Googleshng
Now do you have any mecha or mages in your set of minons? Need someone who can blast a Dragon Slave when angry? Now I can use anything not bolted into the ground as a weapon and even do nasty moves like the Pacifist Crush. Now could you give me some fangirls since someone like me would have some attractive female underlings with matching outfits. Now what's real scary is someone did make TRC/Lord Brian yaoi. Is there any games on your computer that you're playing or looking forward to?
Imperial Mog

You know, I think you might be watching a LITTLE too much Slayers these days. Thanks for making LB and TRC scream though, I look forward to hearing it.

Anyway, the only game I'm currently looking forward to playing on THIS hunk of metal and plastic is WarCraft 3.

Wild SaGa 72

Hey Goog,

Just a follow-up question for you.

You said you just started playing SaGa Frontier, but you didn't start with the mage (who, I'm assuming, is Blue). Who then did you start with?

Oh, and just out of idle curiosity, what did you think of Wild ARMs 2? I liked it enough, but none of my friends really enjoyed it. They just suffered through it so they would never have to suffer through it again. What's your opinion? And what about #1?


I played the robot, followed by Emelia, both of whom have a rather coherent set of goals and can skip the magic stuff. Anyway, I greatly prefer the original WA to the second, because it has a somewhat less butchered translation.


I bow before thee my great King.

Just to let you have a homepage for your minions!It is located here.Please my King,if you could post this,I would be forever grateful,and I think your fans/minions would get a real kick out of it.(Oh and by the way it is my creation)Nice javascript,eh?

Thank you my loyal ruler,
---The Vigilant Sidekick

It takes a lot to creep ME out, or that url. I think I can also decree that this running gag has officially been blown way out of proportion. I'm a big fan of both creeping me out and taking jokes to far though, so you deserve a cookie!

Wow! Someone sticking up for the X-Box!

Ok, you've bashed and bashed the Xbox untill it's no longer funny, and now I'd like to toss in my view for as little as it's probably worth.

First, I'd like to say that despite the fact that I own an Xbox at first I couldn't stand it. I hated it's controller, made fun of it's size and looked for any flaw I could find in it of Microsoft... Then I actually got close to the sytem. I played some demos, asked clerks at four different stores questions and checked out magazine reviews and comments and such. Then I actually started to like the Xbox, and then bought one. I'll get to my mini review in a second, but I'd first like to ask something.

What's it matter that it's not doing that well in Japan? As far as I'm aware no American system has, but some have managed to be fairly successfull in the states. What's the difference between said systems and the Xbox? Microsoft has far more than enough money to support it for at least four years, leaving developers ample time to make some quite impressive games to take advantage of the technical super power that the xbox is. Besides, the last time I check (which I'll admit could have changed recently) the Gamecube wasn't doing well in America, and the Dreamcast all but flopped.

Now for the mini review, which I'll try to rap up because this letter's to long as it is. As far as horsepower goes, the Xbox is far stronger than the Ps2 or Gamecube, and supposedly easier to develope for, meaning that, should the developers wish to, higher quality games can be made at half the time and/or frustration. Here's the lowdown on the games. DOA3: Play it for a while then play DOA2 and you'll see the graphic imprments immedietly. Not the best fighter, but a dang fun and pretty one. Halo: Standard FPS with better graphics and a bit more fun. Not a marvle, but still cool. Blood Wake: Water effects that put Splashdown to shame, along with nice looking ships. A really fun water shooter. Jet Set Radio Future: The only game I've seen that put cel shading to good use, and a nice improvement over Jet Grind Radio. Great graphics, nice music, and fun skating action. Prject Gotham Racing: A prettier, arcade based version of GT3 that rewards the player based on how skillfully they drive. It has a high difficulty level, but otherwise good in all other areas.

Here's the end, I'm done. Please note Google that I am not ranting, I've been quite calm through this entire letter, and that I'm also not a fanboy of any system. I'm quite fond of Nintendo and Sony and do indeed own their respectiv systems. I also appologize for it's length, as you prefer editorials be sent to their proper location. I just felt that you could use the opinions of an Xbox owner who isn't an AOL lamer. If you've read this, than I thank you for taking the time to do so.


I actually don't even get pro-Xbox letters from incoherent freaks, so this letter really was an interesting read. Still though, there's a few points that need bringing up here:
1) I'm hard pressed to name an American game console PERIOD, let alone a popular one. There really honestly haven't been any since the 4-bit era, and I have a hard time counting those, since the market didn't really exist back then, plus there was the whole "great crash", around which the word successful doesn't really apply. I'm pretty sure anything that you could call popular here back then was just as popular in Japan though for what it's worth. Nintendo and Namco made plenty of games for Atari's stuff I know.

2) Microsoft can back the X-Box with all the money and advertising they want to, but it won't do a darn thing for them if they can't snag some Japanese developers, and the fact they're being outsold by dead hardware there doesn't exactly help their chances of doing so. Things might be different if there were any notable console developers based in the U.S., but the simple fact is, there aren't.

3) The Xbox is NOT easier to develop for than the GameCube. At least not in the opinion of any developer I've seen interviewed on the matter, and I've seen plenty. It's easier to develop for than the PS2 I'm sure though, because the PS2 is a dual-processor nightmare like the Saturn was. The PS2 is doing quite nicely though, because it got a nice boon of initial hardware sales just due to the inertia of the PSX's success.

4) Your sales estimates for the Dreamcast and GameCube in the U.S. are grossly inaccurate. At one point, the DC had a 30% market share here, and while I can't quote numbers for it, the GameCube seems to be doing quite nicely for such a young system. Once it gets the Final Fantasy game and Resident Evil line it has in the works it'll do just fine. Still, that's a moot point. The Dreamcast however is quite relevant to my second point.. It did quite nicely here in the U.S. but never really got anywhere in Japan, thus it died a premature death.

5) I really don't bash the Xbox very often at all. Dig through the archives and count if you don't believe me.

In the spirit of not bashing the Xbox, I'm keeping my hands off your mini-review there. If you have an Xbox, and some games you like on it, good for you. None of those games happen to appeal to me, so I'm not going to be buying one though, and nobody in Japan is buying them, so no games I want will likely come out for it to change my mind. Still though, very nice to learn there is a fan of the sucker out there.

Interesting Questions

Greeting, Holy Slime,
My eternal thanks to the one known as bean for the idea of fixing my CD. I would become a part time minion for you, were it not for you calling me a guy when my name is typically a female one. This mixup brings back sad memories of my youth, as I was raised in a colony of hermaphrodites. However, gender seems fairly ambiguous here, so I shall not worry my bloated little head about it. Setting this aside, I have spent more time of my worthless existence thinking up more questions to bemuse and amuse.

Hey, I didn't call you a guy, some reader did. Besides, that's often used as a gender neutral term.

1) This has likely been asked before (forgive me Master!) but what game would you most like to see released on Gameboy Advance? I shall then do my best to deliver it, as I live only to serve.

I would like to see on the GBA, a huge slew of new, original, good games.

2) Surely you, ruler of the cosmos will know what the deal is with the Carebear Cousins? None of them are bears, yet somehow they are related.... I NEED TO KNOW! *bows* Forgive my shouting, I am not worthy to shout via large letters.

Hmm... maybe there's a hideous managerie of Greater Care Beings who are brothers and have no particular race, and they all picked a different animal to have a kid with, except the one who picked a bear ended up having too darn many kids? Wait, no, I'm thinking my game there. Anyway though, here's a better question. Was the movie Braveheart named after the lion one, or was that just a coincidence?

3) Is there any chance of seeing the first Mother game in the US?

Actually, I COULD see that happening. Every other RPG developer is rereleasing all their old stuff...

4) Is it only me and my poor coordination, or is it really difficult to move Aya in Parasite Eve 2?
I have exhausted my puny brain by chrurning up these questions. I shall now retreat in my hovel and think of more questions to send to please you. *exits bowing*
Minion Mary

No, Parasite Eve 2 has pretty much the most horrific control scheme ever in battles. It's one of the many factors that lead to it being one of the worst games I've ever played.

More random questions!

Heya, Goog,

1. You have white hair? Long or short? Natural or dyed? O_o

I have pretty much every weird hair gene there is. Everyone in my family has too much hair in some way or another. My cousin for example has fur on his feet like a hob- er, "halfling" (stupid lawyers). All males in my family start going bald at age 18 or so. Then getting to the flukes that seem to apply solely to me, half the hair on my head is brown, the other half is bright red, and it's been going white on me since I was about 17. Oh, and I was born with it all black, then went blond until I was about 12. Oh, and since you ask, I tend to keep it rather short, since the whole family fur thing keeps it thick and thus heavy. Weird no?

2. What do you think of the anime side of Adult Swim on Cartoon Network now? I like Yu Yu Hakusho, and Pilot Candidate is....well, odd, but it has a cat person, and that makes it all fine with me. Yet another Gundam, but that's ok. Cowboy Bepop, I saw it all long before it came on CN. (Thank you, Netflix) The rest is all stuff that's been played before. I don't have a chance to check out the non-anime side of AS, so I can't comment on that.

I think it's a darn shame I don't get the Cartoon Network.

3. Quote on main page from Castlevania: Symphony of the Night's Game Over screen.

Yup! Tildes for everyone who got that. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

4. Did I hear correctly? Arc on Friday? Can this be true?

Seems that way.

5. "The other thing I'm forgetting" ? Remember it yet?

Thanks. Ye have great wisdom, but I do not wish to be your minion, unlike many of those other people.

Oh, and thanks for the Nadesico opening song quote the other day. Made my day for no other reason than I recognized it.

Probably Arc, since it's coming out and all.

And now some more serious questions

Hey Googleshng,

The letter yesteday by the disgruntled (you can quote me on that, too!) GIA employee was pretty long, so I did a word count on it, excluding your responses and the quoted parts. It came out to 729 words. Now, is that a big waste of time or what? I mean, by the time he finished writing that letter, he could've re-designed a whole new website. Of course, that sounds sort of hypocritcal from the guy who spent 10 minutes copying and pasting the entire letter into Microsoft Word. Oh well. Sue me.

Yeah, I really don't see why he was foaming at the mouth so much defending a dead website from the slanderous statements I didn't even make, but I suppose a site you worked on for that long shutting down can make a person a bit touchy.

I got a few questions of my own. I mean, it's not like I spent all my time on that stupid word count. ...Okay, I did.

1) You guys at RPGamer work for free?

Yeah. I thought that was common knowledge. I mean, if I got PAID for doing this, I probably wouldn't have leaky holes in my roof, and I'd definitely own a lot more games.

2) With the confirmation that FFXI is going to be online, aren't you worried about what might happen online? (Hacking, you know.) At the moment, like TSG noted, the PSO servers are pretty much ruled by the hackers and the GameSharkers, which might put FFXI in a bad light if the servers aren't properly maintained.

I'm not worried about that at all, because I have no interest in FF11. It's pretty inevitable though.

3) Rumors of old games being ported to the GBA has me excited; what chances do you think Tales of Phantasia has of making the cut?

See above comments about a Mother remake. 'Tis the season...

4) A Star Wars RPG?! Oh my goddess! I'm pretty excited about that. Then again, I was pretty excited about Star Wars: Episode II and then the news came out that N Sync was going to make a cameo. Lesson? When it rains, it floods the entire earth.

Well, until I get some better questions,

(And believe me, I will! I will! Muhaha...okay.)

... OK, I think it's really time someone sat George Lucas down and had a little chat with him. It's also about time for Sam and Max 2, but that's another story.


"Downer" of an ending!!!! Alright, that's it. 50 cents to the pun fund!

Auspend- Humor Quality Enforcer

Hey, it doesn't count as a pun if the person saying it doesn't notice!

What's the best "Tactics" game out there? And what do you call them type of games?


I call them Tactical RPGs, and I can't pick a best, but go play Vandal Hearts.

The Last Laugh:

I got a few too many questions today that required 2 hour personal responses today. Finally finished though! So here's the column, painfully late. At least I have time for a quick shower before I start tonight's.

Googleshng "I miss the ozone layer."

It was such a great friend!

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