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Googleshng - April 2 '02- 2:00 Eastern Standard Time

As you may recall from last year's column (Happy New Year!), I tend not to play jokes on people on April 1st, if for no other reason than the fact that everyone else does so that day, so you won't really fool anyone who isn't REALLY clueless, and you can't say anything serious. I did however have to spend all day today seeing other people's little pranks.

First place: Blizzard- Because I'm honestly not sure if that very subtle panda face has always been in that wallpaper or not.
Second place: Uh, don't recall the name at the momment, but they really went all out spoofing and that's just plain scary.
3rd place: Someone I'm obligated not to mention, long story. 4th place: Eh, RPGamer I suppose. Way too many people fell for some of this stuff. 5th place: Sharkey. Same thing he did last year, but that time it was Sailor Moon, and had a MUCH longer list of links.

In other news, this weekend I finally snapped, learned the secrets of CSS, and redid the code for Q&A columns to be totally compliant with current HTML standards. My browser still frowns upon this page for having errors of course from things like the ad banner code, but none of them are my fault! Yaaaaaay!

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Zany Multiparter #1

Hello there, O Wise One, I have a couple of questions that are just annoying me so I must ask you, O Wise Slime, the answers to these things. 1) Which Fire Emblem game is Roy in? I've been trying to find out by seaching the seach engine that bears your holy name, but have found no good English websites.

You know, RPGamer recently hired someone who's a walking encyclopedia of Fire Emblem trivia, and he's not here right now. I'll have an answer to that tomorrow though.

2) Are you God?

Hmm... there's a surprisingly large number of definitions for which the answer to that is yes, but the fact that I can't answer your first question would indicate I'm not all knowing, so that rules out me being God in most books. I can't prove I'm not A god though... like, god of disturbing pictures or something.

3) Do you know of any good fansubbers? I've been looking for Utena and Sailor Moon in particular, but I'm wary of trusting anyone not in the form of a slime.

Well, seeing as fansubs are by nature free, trust isn't much of an issue. Unless you want a studio that doesn't make any errors, doesn't throw in swears where they shouldn't, and doesn't use smiley faces... but in that case, I've never seen any. Smiley face users tend to do the best work though I find.

6) Is the rerelease of FFVII a cruel April Fools joke?

It's not THAT cruel...

5) Has Invader Zim truely been cancelled? It was on hiatus for a while, but now it's back on Fidays again. I'd heard word that it was cancelled but then why did it come back? WHY?!

I heard that Invader Zim was cancelled because Jhonen Vasquez tried to form a union to prevent Nickelodeon from firing all their creative talent and replacing them with scabs. Now there's no episodes. So either...
A- It wasn't really cancelled and that was just a rumor.
B- Nickelodeon had a change of heart for some reason.
C- As punishment for trying to ensure he'd never be arbitrarily fired and replaced with a scab, Jhonen Vasquez was arbitrarily fired and replaced with a scab. BITTER IRONY!
Hopefully it isn't C. And hopefully they'll come to their senses and give that show a timeslot that ISN'T shared by the only other show I ever watch.

Thank you, O Omnipotent Google. *bows* I am not worthy even to bask in the glow that your questions create on my computer screen.
Your loyal minion,

I didn't know I had any loyal minions! I thought I just had all these lazy slob minions who leave my controllers all tangled and never use coasters...

Zany Multiparter #2

I'm just mailing for no apparent reason really (I'm supposed to be working on a project but got side tracked) ... I think the diceless RPG's really neat.

Thanks. You know, if I had $10 for every person who said that, I'd be able to afford all sorts of stuff I've been meaning to buy. Of course that would entail a shareware payment percentage around 100%, so that's never going to happen. 8)

But since I'm talking anyway, I'd thought maybe I'd ask some questions. (I just hope I'm not off topic so I'll think of something new)

Xero: Some people want pirate RPGs... but does anyone remember Uncharted waters?

I think that's what brought the topic up to begin with.

Ichiban desu: Tactics Ogre Gaiden looks pretty awesome. I'm a fan of the first. Do you think it's a cool game or sucks toe jam. (Did you ever find a use for those stupid faeries? I sure didn't..... maybe for target practice I guess...)

I have some serious issues with the original TO, mainly related to the experience system/invite ability/etc. but other than that it's pretty spiffy, and fairies just suck.

Numero dos: Do you have a Gameboy Advance ?(Maybe you did I probably wasn't paying attention to the archives well enough) And how is it possible to play one game on two Gameboy advances, I heard it was possible, so I tried it with a friend on Mario Kart Advance and it was no go, what's up?

Well, you might just have a cheesy 3rd party link cable like me that has to be switched between GBC and GBA modes, but yes, many GBA games, MKA included, have multi-player single cart modes. Quite spiffy.

Trey: I love anime, but what's up with catgirls? Aren't they just normal chicks with ears, a tail, huge boobs, and sometimes a pair of paws attached? There's something really kinky about them, but I've never figured it out.... damn they're hot....

They also tend to wear little-to-no clothes, so maybe that's it. I'm the last person to ask about the attractiveness of girls though. Or the attactiveness of guys for that matter.

Quatre: Sorry, it's another anime question, you've probably never heard of Wedding Peach, but isn't the biggest load of anime shiiii-p-hole of all time? Three school girl chicks tranform using lipstick and make-up into wedding dresses to battle it out sailor moon style against cross-dressing transvestites while there's still time to drool over a single, studly man who just so happens to play soccer/academic decathalon/obviously takes it up the caboose deal going on too... I know you might be thinking why I may be bringing this up, but I'm always getting into nerdy arguments about why 90% of anime is crap and this stuff proves it! Is it really that bad ( coming from a country with an edible super hero, you know Japan's messed up)

You realize of course you just more or less described the entire Magical Girl genre.

Anyway, you've stumbled upon a wonderful truism, best recognized in that famous quotation "Yes, 90% of science-fiction is crap, but 90% of EVERYTHING is crap." I wish I could remember who said it, but it holds true in basically every situation you can apply it to.

And hey! No picking on Anpanman you!

Five: Is Xenogears overrated too much? I love kung fu fighting RPGs and mechas... but disc two sucked! Seriously! How many people can approve of disc two? (besides the fact you need it to beat the game)

Well, there's some appeal there, in the Monty Python "Get on with it!" sense, but yes, it would have been nice to have more gameplay in there.

sex: I heard Xenosaga was going two be a lot like disc two Xenogears... does that mean the games gonna go to crap?

I am reasonably certain that Xenosaga does not feature a chair beneath a spotlight, so you may rest easily.

Seven is the number for heaven.... sadly, there is no number seven...

Hachi: cat girls....

Where was I again? Oh yeah... a word of advise to all the kiddies out there... never watch 8 episodes of OZ in a row... you'll have nightmares...

From the one pointless guy who should be getting his work done...
hey Goog! Guess who I am! "It's clobberin' time!!"
Okay.... I'll go now...

Some more serious questions

Salutations Google.

1. What games are you currently playing? Making much progress with Hoshigami? Any other projects you're working on?

Hoshigami? It's... uh... going just fine! What? My eye? Uh... I just... fell down a flight of stairs! That's it! Anyway, everything I've been doing lately that isn't RPGamer related is listed on my web page.

2. I like to ask you not to forget about Suikoden II. At some point, you might have the time to play it. If there is some staff member out there who could loan it you or smth like that...well, you should really give it a try. Suikoden (I) is not a good representation of the series. One thing you could try is just renting it and finishing it that way. Some places rent out old games for 7 days at a time; that easily enough time to get through Suikoden II (and find all the characters/secrets if you're good).

You know, when only two games in a series are out, they're both equally good at representing the series, even if they're nothing alike. Anyway though, while I believe the masses that Suikoden 2 doesn't suck, there's always plenty of new and upcoming games to keep me busy enough not to have time to track it down, so the point is rather moot.

3. What do you think of RPG series making the jump for 2D to 3D? Do you think that any 2D RPGs will be new console systems (PS2, Xbox, etc)? I just wish games in general could get better in one aspect, like graphics, and not lose anything else like gameplay or story. Those factors are not directly linked but experience does suggest that developers sometimes focus less on one thing while focusing more on another.


3D to 2D? This question is a few years late in coming. At this point in time, everyone's going back to 2D graphics these days. Anyway though, this sort of thing isn't a question of focusing on one thing at the expense of another so much as marketting. Way back when, people only played games when they wanted something fun and challenging to do. Then as graphics got better, people who weren't into the whole challenge and interactivity concept suddenly got into games, and in large enough numbers for it to be profitable to market to them, so, since they just want the pretty graphics and none of that challenge, we get a wave of painfully easy but pretty games.


(Choir sings *SEPH IR OTH*)
Oh wait, this is Googleshng, not Sephiroth, isn't it?

Yesterday, Aegis talked about famous singers in RPGs.
FFs VIII, IX, and X have had a popular singer do a song for them.

FFVIII was Faye Wong with Eyes on Me
FFIX was Emiko Shiratori with Melodies of Life (I forget who sang the English version)
FFX was Rikki singing Suteki da Ne (Isn't it Wonderful) and Pure Heart (Aerith theme vocal)

Kingdom Hearts has Hikaru "Hikky" Utada , although I don't know the name of the song she sings.

If the Lunar games are really like Anime, then you also have the following two (who are actually anime VAs)
Lunar: Silver Star Story (Saturn/PSX versions) has Hikami Kyoko singing Wings and Wind Nocturne

Lunar: Eternal Blue (Saturn/PSX versions) has Yokoyama Chisa singing Eternal Blue - Rondo of Light and Shadow as well as Lucia's Theme (aka Thoughts of Eternity).

(PS. Yokoyama Chisa is the japanese VA for Sasami and singer of most of the opening/closing themes in your least favorite anime: Tenchi Muyo)

Ross Bemrose
Former RPGamer Music Guy

Hey, Tenchi isn't my least favorite anime! There's a bunch of stuff I can stand MUCH less!

Let the gallery of suckers open!

since the story only just got printed that FFXI will also have solo player mode (gee, do you think Sony's $%#*-up modem plans have anything to do with this decision?), I doubt you guys have too much info. But JIC, do you know if you will be able to use and level up the same character in both play modes, or will you have to create seperate characters for each, like Diablo?

Yesterday was April Fools Day.

oh, and how might I, and other readers who are not gifted with fluency in the language of computers, be able to find, set up, and play Aegis game without too much technical difficulty?

Uh, click that link he posted yesterday?

And when can we expect a Googleshng game?

Depends what you mean by that. If you mean a game with me in it, I have enough fans in localization departments that I could see it happening sooner or later. If you mean a game MADE by me, well, poke around and you can find 3 or 4 actually.

Oh hey, a letter on someone else's joke!

Jake "Googleshng" Alley, eh? Man, has this been a rough week for online rpg sites. The GIA is quitting, maybe, and you finally get your gender effectively revealed in one of their "I'd like to thank" lists. Well, it was a good run and all, but even Kramer had to become Cosmo one of these days.


OK, so, someone who has never met me makes an offhand comment in the middle of an April Fools joke, and you accept it as a reliable fact? That's a good one.

Seriously though, anyone who doesn't know my real name and cares would be well advised to look for an example of ME printing it somewhere. I do it pretty darn often honestly.


Is Final Fantasy VII really going to be released on the GBA!?


hi Google,
So is that article on Final Fantasy XI being playable offline an April Fools day joke? If it is that is very very mean and cruel of RPGamer.
Same question for the FF7 GBA port.
Why do I even go online on April 1st?

To see all the jokes, like both of those and the stuff I mentioned up in the intro...

FF7 for Gameboy Advance!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!


...the April Fool's joke about FF7 on the GBA was obvious. It took about 1.5 gigabytes to store that game, I doubt it would fit on a tiny GBA cartidge...

Actually, if you took out the movies, it would fit absolutely fine with plenty of room to spare. I mean, heck, the entire game is on all 3 discs sans movies as is.

Ya know, if RPGamer had written that article about the cat throwing up on the PSX last year, that editorial I wrote would have had a much larger effect. Oh well, I just really hope that thing about FF7 on GBA was not an April Fool's joke.

BL Alien

Well good news! It wasn- no, wait, it was.

The Last Laugh:

To review:
FF7 on GBA story- Joke 8 people in my box fell for.
FF11 solo mode story- Joke 2 people in my box fell for.
DW7 secret pig ending- Joke nobody in my box fell for.
Some other site sticking my name in quotes in the middle of another RPGamer staffer's- Joke 4 people in my box fell for.

Googleshng "Jake Alley"

Do you HONESTLY think one person would have enough time to run this column, write more reviews than anyone else, keep up a page of rantings, AND do everything else I do? I mean come on!

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