The Oracle  

   Sockmonkey Joined the Party!  
The Oracle - Brad Lohr - May 13 '01- 2:00 Pacific Standard Time

Today, I completed my life. I didn't become a millionaire, I didn't win a Nobel prize, heck, I did something that thousands of people have probably done before, and some of them with very little meaning in it ..... but not for me. For me, this is a life-altering moment. I am happier beyond words, due to one simple thing:

I bought a Sockmonkey.

I haven't given it a name yet though. But I will give it a happy home! See, sockmonkeys are like children. Except they don't cry, they stand still when you ask them to, they don't eat. They don't poop. They never grow up to be homocidal killers. In fact, I think Sockmonkeys are the next evolutionary step for human offspring.

Sockmonkey is my guest host for the day. He's the best ever!




Brad: Isn't he cute?

Special Happy Fun Notice from Cheshire Catalyst!
You may have noticed that no new column has appeared in the past few days. Feel free to formulate your own "Gin is dead" theory. I would, but this is my vacation dammnit. No fart jokes or Queen Beryl cameos 'till weekend after next. Don't blame me, it's part of the contract has with the Smartass Union.
So send your letters to Google. I'll change the mailto at the bottom for added convenience. And yeah, that's a damn fine sockmonkey there. See the stitching on the torso? That kind of fine craftsmanship only comes from authentic Taiwanese slave labor.

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Brad now playing:
Chip 'n Dale's MMORPG
Favorite RPG of all time:
Tactics Ogre. It rocks me!

Phil, meet Steve. Steve, meet Steve.


Stop it, you're teasing the people who don't get it. ;)

Welcome back, Steve! But guess what, Steve? I don't like pizza. Or meatloaf. Gross. XP What happened to the monkey jokes? Monkey jokes are good. Birds aren't very funny.

I like my mother's meatloaf. I like pizza. A lot. Pizza -- Good! Napster -- Bad! ... what happened to the monkey jokes? Don't be mean to my sockmonkey!

1. What are some nice upcoming PS2 games? I might be getting a free PS2 (Ueeee hee hee) so I'd like to know which ones are worth picking up.

I'd say FF10, Xenosaga, erm.. other things.. (out of the PS2 market at the moment) .. Armored Core 2 rocks though.. I love Armored Core!

2. Are those space pants? Because that a-..........erm, whoops! Heh heh heh. Wrong e-mail??

... I am just a little boy ...

3. Have you played Shenmue? It's funny. Look away from the screen and listen to some of the things the characters say. Hee hee hee.

Nope, never picked up Shenmue... heh. I can remember when RPGs didn't come out but twice a year at best.. now there's not a bloody chance in hell that I could keep up with them.

4. Is RPGMaker worth the trouble? I always wanted my own "Misadventures of Madeline Albright: the RPG," and possibly a sequel, "The Queen Mum Strikes Back."

This made me laugh a LOT more than it should have.. no.. really.

5. What?......Orange soda................where? Wh-...................what's going on?


6. Blinkey Brad sends out subliminal messages. Something like....*stares at Blinkey Brad*......"Walk on Turtles."

I have no idea what you're talking about. _

7. Is it just me, or did Legend of Dragoon fill the average person with the overwhelming desire to put M80s in their Playstation instead of CDs?

I actually liked Legend of Dragoon. It was interesting.. and well, while it wasn't the utmost in gaming perfection, it was campy in a good way. I can respect that.

8. You should put that couch that looks like a cow on E-bay. If not, can I have it? I'm sure it would fetch a hefty sum......

I don't own a couch that looks like a cow. I really don't!

9. ........ What are you looking at me like that for?!

I'm a carnivore. Rar.

Welcome back, Steve.

-Rinoa the "Heroic Possessor of the Legendary Light-Up Futbol* Helmet" Resistance Fighter

"Green Light" ... "Red Light!" .. "Code Green.. ew."

Hey Brad

I miss the column for a week and your suddenly gone for a year. i didn't even get to say good-bye*sniff* Anyways sentiments aside, I do have some stuff to say.

Well, technically my email address worked for several months afterwards.. it's just after that, then after tomorrow that it won't :P

1)What's your opinion of Dragon Quest VII. Will it fill the nostalgic holes in our hearts.

Hrm.. it looks fairly good. I'm not going to go out on a limb, but I do like the stuff that Enix does, I even have a neat plushy slime!

2) About the Clive and 108 characters in Suikoden 2, I once tried but came in at about 22 hours. It might be possible if you know exactly where everything is. And yes, Clive is freaking awesome.

Yes, he is. And yes, I thought so. (that's why I said it)

3) Have you seen Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon? My god that movie is great.

Yes, saw it, liked it. Mom and Stepdad saw it, didn't like it. Proof that parents are weird people.

4) Have you had Mountain Dew: Code Red yet? It's Mountain Dew, but its RED. Mmm Caffine.

Haven't tried it. Looks scary. Scary can be good sometimes!

5) Would you like a chocolate covered pretzel?

No thanks, I just ate.

That's about it for now, so take care


Have you hugged a Swede today?


Nice to ... er... See you again, Brad. Been awhile. A few questions...

"It's been a long time, old man..."

1. I live in Sweden. I'm gonna make games for a living... Should I study in Sweden and get some half- worthless education or try and study in the US, easier getting a job afterwards but much more complicated to actually *get* the education?

When it comes to programming, having a college degree is more of a statement that you can, and will, jump through hoops. It is no real indication of your programming talent. I say get the degree in Sweden and then get your work experience in America. Work experience is the REAL important thing. But having a degree is very important. Just not as much where the degree is from.

2. What about Suikoden III? Could ya move over your old saves, even though it's for a new system? I could propably look this up but I'm too lazy. And it's late here.

No clue, compadre. I'd ask, but I don't think anyone is awake. Ask Gin :)

3. Like pancakes? I like pancakes. I can flip them in the air.

Kinda like babies, but pancakes are messier when you drop them ... oops.

...That's all for now... And propably for a long time. And I *did* complete the Clive sidequest in 16 hrs, *with* all 108 characters. No lie. the trick is to replay all parts 'til you've rushed through'em. And plan how you get your characters, if you can't get them the first time you visit an area, sweep the entire world before you storm Mathilda and get the ones you missed. That way it'll go faster.

You are my hero. heh.

Sorry 'bout the poor language. I'm Swedish, and it's late.

As I've always said, it's the people who speak the best english who apologize for it the most. :P


Blinky-Him and Blinky-Her!

Hello Brad!


Now that we saw Blinky Brad, don't you thnik we need to see Blinky Heather? :-)

Hrm. Okay!

The hidden text you sent to Imperial Mog in the last colum was too funny! Keep it up! Will you ever come back for some other colums?

Hidden text? I don't know what you're talking about. As for other columns... I don't know. They didn't ask me. I'm not too sure I will be. I'm going to try and work on since it has NOTHING on it right now... try to make it into something neat. That should take up all of the very little spare time I have. But you never know. ;)

- Dr. Cossack

PSO .. is that the one that came two before PS2?

Hey. Have you picked up Phantasy Star Online? If so, I wanna know where you hang out so I can hang out with you and we can beat up dragons and stuff. If not, you, Steve, and the pooiest Lohr-unit on the face of the planet.

And, my haiku:

PSO is good
Rag Rappies are cute, cuddly
I chop their legs off.

- Yamucha, Level 34 HUmar, looking suspiciously like Trunks...

I have not picked up PSO.. I doubt I will, to be honest. I played a lot of Asheron's Call, but I don't think I'll be getting back into MMORPGs (except of course for Chip and Dale's MMORPG -- When you're hungry!) for a while now. I just have too much else going on to invest another year and a half to one game. :P

It's big.. it's so big.. it makes me think of ... big things.

To Bradicus,

Hey, it was nice having you back for this short period. Hopefully you'll get a chance to do Q&A sometime again in the future. Anyway, on with the questions.

Heh, it was good to do it for this short period. Notice the word short. Not that I don't like doing it.. I just honestly DON'T have the time/energy to do this regularly again. Maybe AFTER I graduate from college.

1. I just got home from the movies. Saw the Mummy II. Tip for ya, don't see it. Anyway, it raised the question in my mind, how do you think the Final Fantasy movie will do? Do you think it actually looks good? I have to admit, I was a bit disappointed when I heard that it was going to be more of a sci/fi deal than fantasy, but I can see why Square would do that. There's just a bigger audience for a sci/fi movie it seems. I would have liked to have seen something original, because it's not often you see, actually, I don't think I've ever seen a movie where swords and sorcerery were the central theme. Maybe if the movie doesn't bomb they'll try that next? Anyway, what's your opinion?

Hey! I actually LIKED the Mummy Returns. Campy, but intentionally so. I dug it. As for the FF Movie.. looks interesting. I'll probably hafta see it based on general principle... but we'll see. I actually got some plot outline from a friend of mine who worked on the movie, but I'm not sharing to the general populace, because well, it's been a long time since he told me that, and lots of things could have changed.

2. Have you ever heard of Fanta? It's a type of orange soda, and it's really good. I don't know about where you are, but you can't get it on the east coast. The only places I have seen it are on my travels to europe. You know the sad thing? There's no Mt. Dew there, at least where I have been. Weird huh? Well, if you ever go to europe, at least you'll have your orange soda.

I don't know about that Fanta stuff. I'm a big fan of the generic Orange Soda being sold at Vons right now. Great Britian lost the Revolutionary War because they didn't have Mt. Dew. Stuff you can't learn from History 101. :P

3. Are you excited about that Tales of Destiny 2 announcement? Personally, Tales of Destiny was one of my all time favorite games. It had a great story, and great gameplay. There wasn't really too much about it that was bad. Heck, it even had a multiplayer option, which made it even cooler. So, have you played any of the games in the series? And, are you looking forward to the new ones?

I never really got through Tales of Destiny. It's been on the stack of games to play once I stopped playing AC. It'll still be there for a little while.. I'm going through Baldur's Gate now.

4. Is it just me, or is the menu system in Terranigma the most messed up you've ever seen?


5. If Xenosaga turns out to be a horrible game, what say we go over to Monolith Soft and crucify the entire staff? After that, we'll force them to remake it and make it better... of course, they'd all be dead.... We'll have to develope that plan a little further.

Mass murder is just NOT in my job description.

6. My parents just got me a credit card. It's very hard to resist the urge to go and max it out on loads of new RPGs. Anyway, which ones would you recommed I get, for either Playstation, PS2, or Dreamcast. I have just about everything that's out there.. but I haven't really had time to look at any of the newer games that are coming out. I guess that's kind of vague, but I'm open to any suggestion.

Trust me. Credit Card debt -- Bad! Worse than Napster!

Well, I just realized that was my first multiparter... as far as I remember anyway. In any case, it was great having you back on the column, and I wish you good fortune in the future.

Wow.. another first time. Okay, I'm stopping now.


Super Sockmonkey Quickies

I just wanted to say that you're the most amazing person who ever lived (or did Q&A, but is there REALLY a differance?).


Heh, it's not about the money, kids.. it's about the masses of adoring fans. :)

The propane quote was from StarCraft and the guy who wrote the letter's name was from Beavis and Butthead. I'm smart. Can I have some caffine in my Caffine-Free Jolt?


Starcraf -- Good!
Beavis & Butthead -- uhhhuhuhuhuhuh ...

Douglas Adams died...hug me!!!! Waaaaaahhhhhh!!! No more Zaphod Beeblebrox and Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters!!!!


:( .. I know. Gah. What a day. *sigh*

I'm sorry to inform you of this, Brad, but I'm actually your cousin's neighbor's sister's uncle's mother-in-law's aunt-twice-removed's plumber's electrician's financial consultant's brother's child's best friend.

What will this mean...?


You've got a lot of explainin' to do, young man... where were you, and what'd you do with that frozen turkey!?

What ever happened to Jasc RPG!?!?

- Beedrill51

I've given up on waiting for Jasc RPG .. I am now a big fan of Chip and Dale's MMORPG!

If you ever call your girlfriend kawaii, make sure you *don't ever* slip and call her kowaii (frightening) instead.

So does that "Kwai" mean "kowaii"? I tend to think so...

- Couer Yggdrasil

If I ever tried to talk sexy to my girl in Japanese, she'd kick me in the nuts. "Otaku this, loverboy" X_x

Words from on top (don't ask):

Well... I guess that's it. 3 days down, and none left. So time to answer the question that half of you all were asking:

"Where are you? What are you doing?"

Well, mostly, just work and school. I do have a site, however incomplete (or even unstarted it is) .. which I'll be working on: It's nothing as of yet.. since I don't have a real good idea about what I WANT it to be. But we did get a new splash up (thanks to Scott Andreau who we stole the graphic from (old TOF designer) and of course thanks to Heather for doing some stuff) .. anyhow, my email address is Don't abuse it, kids. :P I'd hate to hafta go in and start using the ban list in my sendmail config. If someone has some good ideas on what would make a really neat place for peole to come to, by all means, drop me an email. If you just want to say hi, drop me an email. If you're young, cute, and have --- errr (glance over shoulder) nevermind. _

I think that's about all I have to say. Well, other than tomorrow is Gin's turn. So be nice. When Goog comes back, you can be mean again. ;) You have my permission.

So until next time...


Brad "Sometimes .. some crimes .. " Lohr

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