The Oracle  

   I got axe for YOU.  
The Oracle - Brad Lohr - May 11 '01- 2:00 Groovy Pacific Surfer Time

No, I don't surf. But anyone who lives this close to the Pacific Ocean can feel Groovy Pacific Surfer Time (GPST) in their bones. I'm serious.


Okay, I'm not serious. I don't even know what the hell I'm talking about. I'm just remembering what it's like to have done this over 100 times.. and getting back into the groove. What's the secret to my success? Many have asked.. (most people attribute my raging randomness to mind-altering substances -- "No officer, nothing but Mountain Dew tonight, I swear!") .. but the true answer is just this:

I don't think about it.

I just kinda sit here, and think about stuff, let my mind go wild, and out comes an introduction. If I'd planned my long overdue howdy to some of my favorite people in the world, I'm sure it'd have been very nice, very touching ---

And very not me.

So well, I'll sum it up as I did the first time, the last time... and now.. this time.


That's Californian for hello, if you missed my first column. Check the Archives. Sept 13, '99.

Recent Q&A's


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In the PSX:
Nothing! I just finished FF9 today. And I mean finished. Ozma went down!
Next up:
I don't know.. I'm thinking about starting up a Baldur's Gate game, haven't quite gotten through that yet, and I'm about to get BG2.

Who's this Google guy, and why the heck is he wri---- err...

So, what various RPGs have you played and missed since you left RPGamer? Ever get a chance to check into Koudelka? Might be your kind of weird. Hmm... I used to be able to write an interesting question. Been on the other side too long I guess.

- Google

Mostly I've been playing Asheron's Call since about .. January of the year 2000. I've just recently stopped playing it, as it got kinda boring, and a lot of the people who I had been playing with just sorta ... left. I've been trying to catch up on old games that I own and either have never played, or just never got around to completing. Then I got totally sidetracked into playing FF9 with a walkthrough and getting everything that I could. (Yes, I beat the game ignorantly the first time.. and I really didn't miss ALL that much.. except for just about every secret sidequest. That's all.) I also played Fallout 1 (Yay for fallout!) while I was out of an internet connection due to moving. I haven't tried Koudelka. I am a medievil man.

Teenage Mutant Bedtime Google!

And on the seventh day, God said "I need a break". Or something. Anyway, it's nice to have you back, mighty Oracle. Do you still have your g/f? Do you still have your sense of humor? Do you still have the patience to put up with stupid emails from crazed fans of slimes? And just so mine get's printed, I'll ask some other stuff too.

Brad: I do still have 'my g/f' :) She even relents to letting me refer to her in that way. She also says Hi. Yes, it's even the same one (more than 1.5 years now -- gettin' serious!) I do not, however still have my sense of humor. I leased it to Thor for next week. (See? That wasn't funny!) As for patience, it is something I have in limited supply, but let's just put it this way... You guys aren't calling on the phone. So I do have a bit more patience than I would for say .. some stupid person who calls my work and asks the same stupid question forty kabillion times. Then again, I'm only doing this for 3 days. :P

Played Black and White yet? Try it, but only if you like dealing with "Wahhhhhh I need help" all the time. Oh wait, you used to do the column, right? So of course you are. :D

Brad: No, I'm not all that interested in B&W. I don't know why.. just not my style, I guess. That and I'm broke :P

So now all will be revealed. What IS Googleshng? Or what does it refer to itself as? Ahhhh, nothing like an old joke coming back.

Brad: Googleshng is a collection of short stories that Grimm was unwilling to print, because he thought they were too likely to cause schitzophrenia in small children. This collection of short stories was then hit by the same mutanegenic goop that made the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and that which you call Googleshng was then born. What's the real point to all this? Almost 20 years now, and he STILL hasn't washed the goop off. Naughty Google! No dessert!

Who's sexier: Luna or Lucia?

(Glances over shoulder) .. uhm, Angelina Jolie Heather, yeah! Hea Cameron Diaz ther... _

The Wandering God


yay !!!!!


i'm so glad i can finally write to you

I'm glad too. This column would have sucked if nobody could have gotten a hold of me.

how have you been ?

Okay, you?

are you still with heather ?

I'll ask her when she wakes up. ;)

what have you benn doing all this time ?

Working 40+ hrs/wk, saving the world, eating cheese, and never regretting the morning after.

what games are you playing now ?

See above. :)

do you miss doing q&a ?

Sometimes... but I know that if I got back into it right now, I'd just get tired of it really quickly again. It's more fun to just do it once in a while, at this point. Maybe someday when I'm less busy.. heh.

are still playing asheron's call ?

what do you think about anarchy online ?

I'm not a big fan of Anarchy Online. Don't expect to see me playing it unless they vastly improve it.

thats it for now, but i've been trying to reach you a couple weeks ago but your e-mail didn't work, so do you have another e-mail where we can join you ?

Er, well, yeah. Actually, this email address is only temporarily working (the one, that is) .. it's forwarding to another one. I might give that out on Sunday, but right now I don't need personal email and Q&A email getting intermixed. Someone might send me a steamy love letter, and knowing me, I'd print it. Oh the irony!

take care


Oh no, Timmy.. you just ruined the 'Any' key!

...reading Q+A, and I see at the bottom: ASK BRAD AND THOR! So, after properly cleaning myself up, I sit back down at the computer, preparing to write to your ever-holy prescence. I check for the e-mail "Waitaminute...I thought he quit working at RPGamer..." I thought to myself.

So, my question is: do you still work at RPGamer, or did you just want to keep the fancy-schmancy e-mail address?

Oh, and which did you prefer, Lunar: SSS or Lunar: EB?

Moux Cow Petau

My ever-holy presence.. hrm.. I don't think the old testament would agree with that. Heck, for just reading this, you're ALL unclean for 7 days. And I'd love to see you guys get to the banks of the Jordan to clean that sin, ho ho .. aaaaallll right.

Anyhow, I did quit working at RPGamer. I just conned Google into telling Mike to activate the email address (and actually he's just having the email receieved at forwarded to my own address), so to answer your question, No, I do not currently work for RPGamer. It's just due to my vast experience that I don't need to be a side-kick guest host. They trust me to do the whole thing by myself without stepping on (too many) people's toes. ;) As for the email address, I don't know how long it'll work for, but I sure hope it won't for too long. I've gotten probably 10 pieces of spam already. Not E3 spam though, only Google gets that. All the time. (or so I hear)

Lunar: Didn't buy EB (yet?) .. so I'd be forced to answer-- Silver Star Story.

Sack Attack!

Heyla Mr. Sugarbowl!

I knew you'd come back! The prophecies said so, but nobody else believed me, saying "Oh, no, that's talking about New York" or "The Church" or "Wal-Mart", but I know that since you live in California, you're the beast that lays upon the waters! Love your "Everybody gets a free 'Steve' tatoo" program, by the way. Annnnnyway, here's a couple of questions for you...

She touched my pepe, Steve.

1. When you left back in August, you said you'd be updating the TOF Project more often, but it looks like the site was bought by another company or something. Is it up somewhere else now, or do you have your own rant site that we can all go visit? I need my atomic penguins fix, and the millitary won't return my calls.

The TOF Project.. I have no clue what happened. We're not still doing it. I blame the stock market. Yeah that's it... plausible deniability... check Sunday's column for more information about getting a hold of me after my stint here is done.

Did you ever get
That Playstation 2 system?
It can stand sideways!

Three Hundred Dollars.
An Expense which harms my soul.
Food, or PS2?

3. I haven't touched an RPG since February. Does that make me a bad person?

I think most people would say you're on step 10 in your 'molesting video games' 12 step program. We're behind you. Well, a long ways behind you. Never know if that perversity might be contagious. ;)

Um, I think that's it... for now...

".. past the frozen foods .. duddle-DUH-duddle-duH!!"

~The Sack~

Warning: Chrono Cross may cause severe narcole---- *snore*

My dear Bradley,

(I was really worried about that until I saw the 'Nisty' at the bottom. Then I realized I thought it was 'Misty'. Now I'm half worried. And please.. call me Brad. The '-ley' extension is ickypoo.)

The dialectizer in Chrono Cross did indeed change most of the dialogue into the fifty-some odd accents or however many there were. Googleshng and IceSeraphim need to beat the game with just Serge and get the programmers' ending, so they can see the explanation for themselves. We're not just making this stuff out of the whole cloth, folks!

This is one of those cases when I just sit back, nod, smile, and say ... 'buhhhhh' ...

-- Nisty

It's not egotistical. They wrote it. I just print it. :P

Greetings, Lohracle, coolest of all RPGamer Q&A hosts.

Just to diffuse the accusation of me only printing letters that say how cool I am or something, I'm actually printing nearly 80% of what I get in my box tonight.

And that's not sucking up; you did a great job during your time here.

Anyway, on to my stuff.

Vinny here tells me the stuff you has is what Tony wants. If Tony wants something, Tony gets it, you get me, hmmm?

1. What games have you been feasting upon since your departure from the fair lands of RPGamer?

As stated before, mostly Asheron's Call, but recently, Fallout, Baldur's Gate, FF9, and some other stuff. Not a whole lot.

2. I'm attempting a Clive-replay of Suikoden II, and am wondering if I'll have any chance to get all 108 while under the strict time duress this subplot is putting me through. Do I stand a chance?

The Clive thing AND 108 characters? Ermm.. I doubt it. It is possible, perhaps.. but I'd say you're going to do one or the other. I tried doing the Clive thing on my 2nd time through... I was WAY off.

3. Why is Clive the just-plain-COOLest character in either Suikoden? (If the answer is a spoiler from his sub-plot, you shouldn't answer this, of course.)

"It's the car, right? Chicks dig the car." -- No. It's the frickin' bazooka. KA-FRICKIN' BOOM. (Well, it's a rifle in Suikoden 2.. but still.)

4. Why must people constantly mock Beyond the Beyond? It has an atmosphere (and graphic style) quite similar to the old "Shining" games (Shining in the Darkness and the Shining Forces) back on the Genesis. I liked SitD, too.

Heh, when I got my PSX, Beyond the Beyond was the only RPG out there... I played it. It wasn't THAT bad, really.. it just sucks compared to the RPGs that came after it. But if you look back, FF1 sucks too, by the same standard. :P

5. Last but not least, how's Heather?

Let's just say that if I went into the bedroom and asked her, I might not come back in one piece. :P It's 1am here! Other than how she's doing right NOW, she's very busy trying to finish off her Bachelor's Degree in Computer Science. She's a big-time student now.. with big time homework.

-Kenneth Whitten, aspiring Magic Emperor

The Pimp-mobile!

Hey Brad! It's just so very nice to get to see you again, if only for a short period of time. I'm wondering, do you still ride around in that dark blue 97 civic that snatched all your cash and kept you away from all those RPGs from last summer? Oh yeah, I remember ^^.


It's actually a '97 Civic. I am still paying for that blasted engine that I had to replace. Ouch. That, roommate moving out (and getting married), and lots of other stuff has kept me on the unhappy side of the money battle for a while now. I just gotta get through school. That's my mantra nowadays. :P

YYYYYYYYYY Title! YYYYYYYYYY okay just kidding :P

Hey Brad

Just out of sheer curiosity, what's with the "YYYYYTITLE6YYYYY" titles? Is there some sort of inside joke I'm missing, or is it just bad html?

That's just him forgetting to title a comment out of his template. He should write a perl script to do it for him!

And another thing; when did old school RPGs get so smurfing hard!? I remember playing ff9 and saying, "Ha. easy." Then i played some Lunar 2 and thought, "ooh. challenging" THEN i played some Phantasy Star 2 and went "whew. that was one HARD dungeon. what's next? WHAT!?!? ANOTHER DUNGEON?!?!" AAAAAAA!!!"

Back before minute-long summon monsters and FMVs, they had to have SOMETHING to keep your attention. Oddly enough, that was called 'challenge factor'. But now RPGs are for everyone! ... riiight. ;)

Did game companies once upon a time think that people really didn't want to WIN games, or did enough people complain to them so they would ease up a little? I think this all happened when the SNES came out. Chrono Trigger, FF4 and FF6 weren't very difficult, but FF1 and Dragon warrior were freakishly hard. Did they just make games more difficult to make up for weak systems?

Chainsaw "ok. rant over." Repairman

I'm staying OUT of this argument. :)

Goog is too biased against the PS2.

heres a list of games coming out for the system:

  • Atelier Lilie
  • Angel's Present: Marl Kingdom Story
  • Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance
  • Beelzebub and I
  • Dark Cloud
  • Ephemeral Fantasia
  • Evergrace 2
  • Final Fantasy VII (Remake)
  • Final Fantasy VIII (Remake)
  • Final Fantasy IX (Remake)
  • Final Fantasy X
  • Final Fantasy XI
  • Final Fantasy XII
  • Global Folktale
  • Grandia II
  • Growlanser II
  • Harvest Moon III
  • Jade Cocoon II
  • King's Field IV
  • Legion: Legend of Excalibur
  • Lunatic Dawn Tempest
  • Popolocrois III
  • Sagashi Ni Ikouyo
  • Seven - Moralus's Cavalry Troop
  • Shadow Hearts
  • Shin Megami Tensei III
  • Spirit Machine Rayblade 2
  • Suikoden III
  • Symphony of Light
  • Tsugunai
  • Wild Arms 3
  • Racdym's Wizardry
  • X-Men
  • Xenosaga
better than the entire dc library. SoA was just a boringer grandia 1.

I'm not even gettin' into this. But it's information, and that's my job. Feast, and enjoy.

Monkeypants Quickies



My question: During your final column you mentioned that you had registered a domanin and would start updating it. What ever happened to your site?


You wouldn't rightly believe how many people asked me this. Well you might if you actually read all of today's column. See Sunday's column for an answer.. (if I remember by the time I get there, hee hee).

In the past few columns, I've seen things. It may just be the floaters in my eyes, but I SWEAR I saw BlinkeyBrad!

I don't know what you're talking about. (blinkblink). :)


- Kuroneko-sama

And I reiterate: 'buhhhhhhh'.

Just curious- do you like Princess Garnet with long hair or short hair?

I like her hair short, personally.

thanks for listening,

I'm going to be what my co-worker Laura calls a 'typical male' and go with the long hair. I think she only says that because she has short hair. :)

The Last Laugh:

Wow, that was .. interesting. Good to be back in the fun-seat for a few more days.. we'll see what tomorrow's like. Just to wrap a few people's repetative questions up, so that they're all in one place:
  • I'm doing okay. Still going to school, still working full time, still paying more bills than I wish I had to. :)
  • I've been playing Asheron's Call mostly, but a few other things, including a nice run through FF9 recently.
  • Yes, I'm still seeing Heather. She says "Hi."
  • No, I will not have your love child. I am not the correct hardware configuration for properly gestating it, and I'm not of a particular mind to try anyway :P
  • How can you stay in contact after this weekend: See Sunday's Column. Suspense! Excitement! Action! ... ad.. ad--.... adverbs!

Brad ".. here is my handle.. and here is the flux field flowing through me ... OH NO! I'm a Gaussian surface!" .html" Lohr

Left Old Issues Haiku
  • Some times in our lives
  • Things appear where they should not
  • Penguins are like that.
   Send Brad hawt picz. (or ?s)  
Right New Issues Haiku
  • My bro on the left
  • Is funny, talking 'bout birds.
  • Me? I'm a cheese guy.

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