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   and Zach one last time  
Googleshng - September 21 '01- 2:00 Eastern Standard Time

Someone got me into a discussion about my taste in music. This person stopped talking to me. Ah, the joys of having unpopular tastes.

Zach: Boy, it used to be that I'd get thinner after every column. Now I'm gaining weight instead. Ack! My routine must be getting old. I have received word that a copy of Xenogears will soon be claiming residence in my house. This is all well and nice. I will be leaving my loyal readers though. Take care, dudes! Before I leave though, the letters!

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Greetings to Goog *bows*,

A quote for your time. "Never knock on Death's door; ring the bell and run, Death hates that."

Questions that should be quick as well.

1. Xenogears takes place near the year 9500 or so, on that planet's timeline. Xenosaga seems to take place sometime in the 21st century. Exactly when does the Xenogears planet timeline start compared to out own, or is that information known yet?

I don't know. My copy of Xenogears is in the mail right now.

I seem to recall it was a couple hundred/thousand years hence, but I don't have a copy of Perfect Works to double check with.

2. Does Squaresoft have any current plans for out-of-the-blue games (ie. Xenogears, Theads of Fate) anytime soon? Just because it has the big and bold "FINAL FANTASY" on the cover, doesn't mean that other games wont sell... does it?

Nope. Square can get away with selling anything as long as it is pretty revolutionary. I haven't heard of anything in the works with the exception of Kingdom Hearts.

This year Square decided that they really need the FF name to sell games, so that's what they're focusing on. Plus most of their other teams have left the company.

3. Lets say you have a plan... as in a plan for an RPG, like a novel or something of the sort... *smirks* Is there anyone specific that coudl be talked to that would be able to make this... novel of yours, into the next big thing on the gaming world? Or are you going to have to go and get a resume for a company? :)

No, not really. Otherwise I'd already be rich. And the Legend of Thor Gets Some would have been published umpteen times over in various wacky guises.

If it helps, look at the hard work that you're pouring into your passion as level-building.

RPG development houses pretty much never take outside ideas, and scenerio writer is no where near an entry level position. You honestly have to start out solo/with a few friends and get something playable (though not nessessarily good) to get into the industry.

4. Who closes the door when the bus driver gets off?

*blinks* Caffeen rush is giving out, must leave to sleep. Thanks for time. Adios,


The bus driver gets off?!

I'm pretty sure the door just stays open.

Square and Nintendo

Dear Googinheim.....wait, dear Gooberonioskilitonio...NAH! Google, there we go!

I accidently sent this letter to Catalyst so if he didn't get it to you I will. Lately I've been having dreams about Squaresoft and Nintendo resolving childhood pranks and kickin like old times. It would be great if FFXI spread onto GC being that it's online. But the thing I wish for most is Ports or renditions of old Final Fantasy Titles on GBA. If Square can pull of such masterpieces on Wonderswan, I can only dream of the possibilities on GBA.

~Shirtosku or....Jubei or....Zalex OR!.....ummm thats it really.~

Yeah, that would be nice. With all the preening and posing that's done in the upper levels on the gaming buisiness though, such a move would come as a surprise. And not just to those who are surprised by everything. Like me.

It would also be cool if Bill and Ted made another movie.

IF Square were to get back into making games for Nintendo systems, it'd be a safe bet that the first things you'd see would be FF11 and GBA remakes of FF4-6, although I find it odd that this is becoming a hot topic again. Oh, and Zach, that would indeed be cool. What's left though? Parallel dimensions? *Pictures Keanu Reeves turning into a giant bobcat*

In the winter we could build a... big castle mech thing

The guy who asked "what materia do you get in the snow" in FFVII is talking about the Alexander summon materia, which you find while wandering in that living hell glacier maze near the North Crater. You have to put your hands in the hot springs, then find a cave with an old woman in it who is really an ice monster that isn't happy your hands are covered with warm water and attacks you. After the battle you received Alexander.

I'm not sure why I was spurred on to write a letter in just to answer that. Oh well.
- andrew

Thanks. You're hardcore!

That's one possibility amoung many, probably correct though, so thanks.

Guest hosting letter #1

Um... Not much of a letter to post, oh mightily slimy one, but am I the only person who thinks that bribing you with games so that they can guest host is an abuse of status?

-The Snoremaster of Trafalagamore

As far as I know, the Everslime doesn't get games out of this. They go to the guest-hosters like me who have already passed a game along. It's like a trading minigame, of sorts.

Me:I wish that I had (Icon for Xenogears). I heard that it's supposed to be swell. Unrelatedly, what do I do with this stack of (Icon for Breath of Fire 4).
A Kind Reader: Oh! I have (Icon for Xenogears). Me: That (Icon for Xenogears)! Give it to me! You can have my (Icon for Guest Host Hat), and a kind person will send you a fun new game in two or three weeks.
A Kind Reader: Hooray! It's a deal.

Then they all went out to eat pancakes and were happy again - The End!

Right. Many many people are under the false impression that I get something out of the whole games for guest hosting bit. Really, I just coordinate the big long chain of Person 1 getting a game person 2 doesn't care about, then person 2 getting a game person 3 doesn't care about, while letting the active person have the fun of guest hosting this column. I think I'm up to like person 18 or so too, and not a single game of any sort has appeared in my mailbox since uh... well, Diablo 2, but that's just because I ordered it online. So in other words, all participants win, I get squat. 8)


Hi Google. I was wondering what qualifications you need to guest host a column. Neither I nor anyone I know has ever done something like this. Do I need programming skills or anything? I really don't know anything about programming, so it would be very helpful if you could tell me what I would need to know to guest host someday.
Mark Lundin

Rali-ho, I can handle this question! To be a guest host you must first fight sevel duels - friendship, choice, reason, love, adoration, conviction and self. They will test your moral strength and tear at every fibre of your being. If you triumph, you must cut down the tallest tree in the forest with a... herring!


Nevermind. Truth be told, the only two qualifications you need are the ability to offer the current guest host a game that they're looking for, and the belief (no matter how misguided as my case was) that you can write an entertaining piece of column. Even on slow days the whole gig is more demanding than you'd think, but there's always the majestic glow of pride that consumes you in the end. The horde of adoring swashbuckling catgirl fans ain't bad either.

Hooray for Utena references! Seriously speaking though, the only things you need to guest host are an e-mail client, the time to respond to 6 letters, and ideally, the knowledge to answer questions. You can usually squeak by without the last one though if need be.


Hey Google and Zach,

Since Zach seems to be the only other person in the world beside me who has played Rhapsody, I figured maybe he would know something I don't about it.

1. Do you know where I can get mp3s of the Japanese Rhapsody songs?
2. Is my copy of Rhapsody the only one out there that has the credits song in Japanese when I set my options to Japanese songs? It seems that from a few reviews I read, the only ending song available is the English version in the American Rhapsody.

And one final question:

I played Lunar and stopped. Why should I continue?

Thanks in advance,


I'm rewriting this on a sleep-addled memory. First draft got deleted. Ick.

I haven't been able to track down any Japanese tracks of Rhapsody songs other than the two that were posted on Atlus and RPGamer back when the game was released. All other searches have come up empty.

Without my copy of Rhapsody at hand, I cannot check the ending. I am almost certain that there was Japanese music at the end though.

Lunar... Pick it up for Nash! For Kyle! For Ghaleon! For Jessica! They worked hard to make it a fun game, filled with character and punnery. Play it to validate Ramus's reason for living! Also, I liked the ending.

Lunar seems really unappealing when you first pick it up, but it really is a nice solid game. Challengng, great plot, anime cutscenes all over the place, and a WD translation. Besides, if you don't win, you don't get to hear the outtakes!

Time sucker


I read that the Ancient Cave in Lufia TLR is 200 levels long!!! it took at least two hundred hours going in and out of the first Ancient Cave, 'till my characters were all fully equipped with blue chest equipment, so that i could finish get all the way to the end, and that isn't counting the hours i wasted on failed attempts!

is it really that big? is it way easier or what? has anyone actually played the game yet?

P.S: i too am getting Advance Wars, tomorrow in fact! yay!



200 levels? Now that is a real gamer's dungeon! It's the kind of place that you could plunk down a five story tall pyramid topped with an ancient red dragon, an underground forest populated by banshee, a port that hordes of pirates and beholder-kin can safely call home, and still not make a dent.

I am intruiged by this so-called Ancient Cave, and wish to learn more. I wonder if our resident RPGuru could shed a little light on the subject...

You know, I STILL haven't finished Lufia 2 thanks to the addictiveness of the Ancient Cave. In the new Lufia though, it just doesn't have the same appeal. The reason for this is that in Lufia 2, you had a world full of puzzle filled dungeons that required a lot of thought to get through, then you had a nice, long, challenging, random cave to plow through when bored that amounted to Diablo as a mini-game. In Lufia: The Legend Returns however, ALL dungeons are randomly generated, so the Ancient Cave is just a minor varient on the rest of the game. As for how it's possible with twice as many floors, well, in Lufia 2, you have 4 and a half characters to use at once. In the new one, you have NINE. Granted, only 3 can act each round, but STILL. That's a lot of HP and MP all together.

Coming soon, new Arpy Gamer for dogs!

Hi, I was reading the Q & A section and I thought it might be fun to write. I read rpgamer's news and info often and would like to say that you guys do a very good job on keeping up to date.

Yeah, the folk at RPGamer are great! All you out in Reader-Land, hug a RPGamer staff member. They deserve it.

Thanks for the compliments.

O.k first off I would like to know what the people who play games and give them ratings, descriptions and so on are called. I've always wondered a lot about that so I figured it would be a good idea to ask someone who knows a little more about these kind of things.

A game reviewer?

There's a big page of all of RPGamer's official staff reviewers right here, complete with mailto links for all of them. The first person on that page is notorious for never getting back to any e-mails, thanks to some bizarre mail routing, but everyone else tends to respond to feedback pretty quickly.

Also, what rpg do you like the most,mine is Xenogears cuz of th intense story line and characters.

My number one favorite? Wow... As my opinions change like a handful of sand thrown into a high-speed fan, I'd have to say that Chrono Trigger is in the lead right now. That may just be the nostalgia talking though.... And knowing is half the battle!

At the moment, I would probably have to say Skies of Arcadia. Really hard to pick one favorite out of so many many games though.


Please answer out the following questions:
1.Are you alone?

Pretty much.

2.Do you feel like you are being watched?


3.Have you found any cameras by your computer?


4.If so, how many?


5.Have you found any cameras by your Playstation?


6.If so, how many?


7.Do all of them work?


8.When was the last time you played a Final Fantasy game?

Uh... a month ago?

9.Have you noticed the subliminal messages during the Final Fantasy cutscenes?

None besides "Destroy All Humans" no.

10.If so, have you begun to act on them?

Not yet, maybe tomorrow.

11.When was the last time you took the black pills?


12.When was the last time you took the red pills?

A fortnight ago.

13.Have you climbed up to your roof naked, screaming "I AM THE DRAGON WARRIOR!!!" yet?

Again, maybe tomorrow.

14.If not, why?

Don't have a ladder.

15.Do you trust the Computer?


16.Is the Computer your best friend?


17.If not, do you know how upset the Computer will be? It just wants a little love..

Don't even want to think about it!

18.Do you still have your Laser Pistol and Reflec Armor?


19.Can you take another red pill right now?

No problem!

20.Can you guess what old tabletop RPG game this form was inspired by?

Sure can.

21.If so, what is your guess?

Paranoia, by Steve Jackson Games, and this is a darn good simulation of the character creation system.

22.Have you taken another red pill yet?


23.If not, why?

-This form brought to you by Mike-O-LEM-4
"Happiness is Mandatory."


I have no idea what possessed me to print that letter, but it might have to do with that piece of paper someone just handed the GM.


Hey Goog,
One quick note: if you like Front Mission 3, you'll probably love Advance Wars. Its pretty much 2/3 FM3 and 1/3 Starcraft.
Just so you know.
- Chris

Zach: I've heard nice things about it as well. If only I had a GBA... A chance to play with toy soldiers without the Army Men license. Woo!
Google: I'd guess it's also 3/3 Strategy, the oldest computer Turn Based Strategy Game I know of.

The Last Laugh:

Zach: Always remember to recycle - to the extreme! Secret Ninja Zach, over and out.

Google: Next week, you'll have a new guest host to torture, I'll be even more stressed out and exhausted from my day job, and hopefully I'll actually get a pay check. That is of course unless the crackpot rumor of terrorists attacking coastal nuclear power plants turns out to be true, in which case I'll be pretty quite dead. Either way, it's the weekend, so enjoy CC.

Googleshng "Glory glory hail Compuuuuuuuter!"
Did you ever have one of those days where everyone around you turned into a horrible flesh eating monster?

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