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   The Empire Has Taken Over  

Rob Hamilton - August 30 '02- 3:04 Eastern Standard Time

My Inbox seems to have a surprising lack of mail today. I've seen low turnout, but I think this is the first time I've ever actually had less than enough to make a regular-sized column. Might be because last week Google had Friday, and most readers aren't sure who to expect. Could be because Google referred to me as 'Chimmy Changa' in the link to my address last column, and while I don't object being compared to Mexican cuisine (I had a kickass quesadilla earlier today!), some people might not even realize that's supposed to mean me. Or something. Honestly, I'm not sure just how to account for it, maybe it's as simple as being back to school for the first week, as I am, or being distracted by Mario Sunshine, as I am not. I need a GameCube. Anyway, on with the letters!

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Spamburger Hamburger!

Hello, my name is Kelly, I am an 18 year old swimming instructor from Longbeach. I am intelligent, sexy and discreet. I love to laugh and have fun. Like most young girls, i like to go out with my friends and dance all night. When I'm home and have nothing to do, I love to chat and be naughty n naked on my webcam.

Get a chance to catch me "LIVE" on my webcam. I'm waiting for you....

http://*omitted* <---click and access me instantly hunnie;)

later baby,
mmwa!

Chimerasame:
So, let me get this straight. You dance all night, and you have a job as a swimming instructor. Assuming you sleep and eat, that leaves about two or three hours out of the day for this chatting naked business. And I'm supposed to access you instantly? Obviously this must be some new definition of instant I'm not familiar with.

On second look, "LIVE" is in quotes, so if the insinuation is that it's not really live, then it suddenly gets much less inconsistent. Of course, there's still the issue that you claim to be discreet, and yet hang out on a webcam. And there's the fact that your spelling of 'hunnie' reminds me of Winnie the Pooh more than it piques my interest in your "naughty n naked" form.

Is 'mmwa' supposed to be a kiss? That really puts some confusion into every text representation of a villian laughing by saying "MWAHAHA!" I suppose they're affectionately and gleefully taking over the world.

Sadly, this was one of the better-written email advertisements I've seen.

 
Making the wild and most-likely-inaccurate assumption that this is real

Believe it! You have a secret admirer!

Just click to http://*omitted* to find out who!

Email address: chime@rpgamer.com
Secret code: *omitted* (Note: This is NOT your password!)

See you soon!

Best wishes,

The *omitted* Matchmaker

Chimerasame:
I look for a lot of different things in a woman. My tastes are complex, and indeed quite varied; however, one thing does stand out. Some people might find this odd, or perhaps antithetical to their way of life, but the best thing for me to do is come out with it, and admit this facet of my persuasion publicly before it's bottled up any longer...

Compared to the other option, I find it immensely attractive when I know who someone is.

It's a strange and radical idea, I know, but I can't deny my nature. I hope the world will accept me... all of me, with this deviant fetish included.

 
And now, the real one!

Greetings (Goog sings) Chimerasame
I'm curious if the sages will appear in the future? Also I got the second DVD of Excel Saga for $18 at Best Buy. Do you know what those skills mean in Hoshigami where it says that a certain deity gives divine protection? If somebody knows answer me.
Imperial Mog

Chimerasame:
I suppose it's expectable that in a column with only one real letter, it's from Imperial Mog. With your answer today is one of said sages, by his own request: Pipps, also known as burnt-toast and beer-chan.

Pipps:
Let's do these in no particular order! </lies>
Firstly, the sages have not been around for a while, largely due to conflicting interests (the fact that we do not get paid conflicts with our interests). In addition, management concerns (the "management" is "concerned" that we may be plotting against them) prevent the sages from hosting simul... sim... uh... at the same time, or even at all. Plus, you know, we aren't technically staff or anything. Guess the best way to put it: short answer 'no', with a 'maybe'; long answer 'yes', with a 'but'.

Secondly, good for you! Excel Saga rules; however, you do not deserve the goodness that is Excel Saga. Furthermore, I would request that you send the DVD to me, as you do not deserve it as I have previously stated.

Thirdly, I haven't played Hoshigami myself, but after a quick lookover of an FAQ, my best guess would be that you get protected from other deities that X deity is strong against. For example, Amu might protect from skills aligned to Zeneth and Ema. Also, and this is a total shot in the dark, it might be possible that said protection might make the targets weak against other deities; going back to Amu, for example, the targets may also be weak agaist skills aligned to Gote and Kashis. Of course this is all guesswork on my part.

For no reason at all, here's Mai!

Chimerasame:
If anybody has better firsthand information on the Hoshigami issue, feel free to drop me a line!




Chiming out:

Well, the first day of that anime class I mentioned last week makes it seem interesting. It won't be a total walk in the park, looks like, but I didn't really expect it to. We'll spend a lot of time watching anime, but we'll also be doing plenty of critical thinking, write a few papers, and give an oral presentation. It will be a lot of fun, though. Those of you who have told me I suck: I don't blame you for it.

See you folks tomorrow. Hopefully more than one of ya, anyway!

chime "mail GET!" @rpgamer.com

pere and ches ran a good column, the day after that sages one. i should go back and link the archive to it.

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