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  Ask Cheshire Catalyst  

   No Need for Presents!  
Chris Martin - December 18, 2000- 12:00 Eastern Standard Time

Surprise! More letters!

There's always more Christmas shopping to do. I have to buy gifts for my older, female relatives, and you know what that means. That means I actually have to enter a "Bath and Body Works." Unlike many fans of video games and Japanese Animation, I quite approve of baths and the taking of one. Showers too. Any activity that amounts to a daily dousing of water is good. Sadly, Bath and Body works perverts baths. They include something people like to call "aroma-therapy." Those of us who aren't insane, just call it, "What the ^%$# is that smell?!" Chicks dig this stuff.

Meanwhile, I'll be waiting. Waiting for Lunar 2. Like one of the three magi, I'll be staring at the star in the sky that is working designs. When will it come? Despair no longer, brothers. For one day, I shall arrive in Electronic Boutique and floating above it shall be a multitude of Otaku singing, "Glory to God! Lunar 2 has come at last."

And all shall be happy.... that is until King Herod commands, "Go out and burn every RPG released in the last 2 years!" But that's another story...

Stinky?
Ask Googleshng
then take a bath.

Recent Q&A's


12-17-00
12-16-00
12-15-00
12-14-00
12-13-00

If I've said it once...
FAQ
Old Crap
The Archives
Draw Google!
Fan Googles
English with Paws
Listen
In the PlayStation:
Final Fantasy IX
Brahne = Butterbeast.
In the Old PC:
X-Com
Aliens Terrorize London!
A reader asks an insane amount of questions

What? No prize for the EVA quote? Meanie =P

Anyway, I have a few... *ahem* QUESTIONS for you, my friend.

1.) What anime would you most like to see made into an RPG?
2.) What RPG would you most like to see made into an anime?
3.) What anime would you not want to see made into an RPG?
4.) What RPG would you NOT want made into an anime?

Now, for the FUN ones..

5.) What US Sitcom would you most want made into an RPG?
6.) Which RPG would you want made into a US sitcom?
7.) Which anime... into a US Sitcom?
8.) Which sitcom into an anime?
9.) Which US Sitcom would you not want made into an RPG?
10.) Which RPG... not into a US sitcom?
11.) Which anime... not into a sitcom?
12.) Which sitcom... not into an anime?

13.) Finally, what would the overall most terrible combination of game based off a movie based off a game based off an anime based of a sitcom based off a comic book based off an RPG be? ^_^ Be creative.

By the way, what was the deal with those aliens in Lain? They're freaky... And why the hell is every older male some sort of pedophile? Damn you all... Lain's 13!

Rabuuri chaami na kataki yaku,

~wonkycyber

Chris Martin:
That wasn't an Eva quote... ;)

1.) I'd like a good Gundam tactical RPG. I think this was done a while ago with a game called "Z Gundam: The New Way", but it never made it to America. Still, I think this would be cool. It would have to be more than fighting though. The designers would have to incorporate modes of production, rescource management, pilot education/training, R&D into new technologies (For 10,000 skill points, you can purchase: "New Type" or "Zero System"). Most importantly, you would have to include a diplomacy factor. People like Gundam because it's not mindless "big robot shoot shoot BOOM!" TV. "Press Circle to send Lady Une to the colonies, press square to have her blow them up"
2.) If they made a Lunar Anime, I'd buy it.
3.) Sailor Moon. AHHH! Too late! Ok... then my answer would have to be.... "Grave of The Fireflies". I can see the strategy guide now. "Chapter 2. "Letting your aunt throw you out to starve." Press X to let your aunt throw you out.
4.) Tough one. I'd have to say, "Sailor Moon: Another Story." Ahhhhhhh! Too late for that too!
5.) "Will and Grace." As the producer, you'd have to work hard at trying to trick people into thinking you weren't stereotyping gays, when, in reality, you depict them as sex-craved lunatics.
6.) "Xenogears" Call it, "Everybody loves Fei" Fei: "Citan! I can't believe you expect Grahf to believe that robot clone is me!" Citan: "It worked for.....Al Gore!" Canned Laughter Track: "Hahahaha!"
7.) Ranma 1/2 is enough like a U.S. sitcom already. Think Friends + Bigomy + Nudity + Cross Dressing.
8.) Screw that. I want, "Touched by an Angel Vs. Evangelion" That would be fun. Go Shinji! Tess is attacking Tokyo-3!
9.) "7th Heaven." Do you even need to ask?
10.) "Planescape: Torment". "The nameless one in the middle" doesn't make for a good, wholesmome show.
11.) The really shoudn't use the guy from "Fist of the North Star" for the new role in Seinfeld. Look out Neumann!
12.) Likewise, Seinfeld. Ever notice how when someone punches me, white numbers pop up? Why is that?
13.) ... I guess... "Antique Roadshow starring Spawn" or something. Jeez.
....that was a long letter. Pedophiles are nothing new in anime though. Isn't that right, Tuxedo Kamen-sama?

 
Do you have any openings?

Hey CC,

I used to think that Xenogears had the best opening of any RPG. But I just got Lunar 2: EBR (PSX), and now I'm convinced that Lunar 2's opening beats all. What game do you think has the best RPG opening?

And doesn't Lunar 2 just rock?

P.S. What was with the relatively quiet opening of Breath of Fire 4? I mean, right prior to its US release, most people didn't even seem to be aware the game really existed, let alone almost out.

Chris Martin:

I thought FFIX had a really enjoyable opening, and despite my complaints yesterday, Chrono Cross's opening is really good too. Sadly, I have yet to see Lunar 2's. The one I really disliked in recent memory is Grandia's. Way too long.

 
Complaint Department

Greetings starter of chemical reactions.
CC: I hated freshmen chemistry, and you reminded me of it. See? Now I can't like you.

This isn't entirely a question, as you will soon see, but it is RPGamer related. What's with the polls man? The options that are being presented are things way too difficult to choose between, and we don't get an "all of the above"!

Anyway, now that that's done I have a question. Due to the delay in the shipping of Lunar 2, I decided to play FFT again while I'm waiting. It's been so long since I beat it, I can't remeber who's worthwhile (although don't suggest Cid, He's not fair.). What I'd like to know is who I should have with me. 2 Indespensable people a Beowulf and Mustadio. I think I could beat the game with just those 2 and Ramza, but just to have a little leeway, who else should I have with me?

-Loki "Raining Fire and Brimstone is one of the most exhausting activities one can participate in, next to soccer."

Chris Martin:
I'm a big fan of Lady Agrias myself. Those Holy Knight powers are damn handy. Cid has them but, as we all know, using Cid = cheating.
And polls are generally a consentual effort at the RPGamer offices. Sometimes were more retarded than others. What can I say? ;)

 
Quickies

Your column today was entitled "Brain Scratch". Cowboy Bebop fan, or just coincidence?

-Folken

"Brain Scratch" is an awesome episode. CB does in that one episode what Lain did in 13. Sorta. The most fun in that episode was the oppertunity to watch "TV of the future!"
"And that is why our station has the strictist programming controls, prohibiting programs such as the one you're watching!"

If you're a little braver then most, anyone can be a soldier. If you have a kind heart for others, anyone can be a messiah.

From Sailormoon S! I haven't been this ... EXCITED since I saw that girl playing with the Sailormoon doll at McDonalds!

-mistake

Dan reminds me of how disturbed he made me last night, ladies and gentlemen. Someone's made one too many Usagi-chan shrines, methinks.

You felt bad about saying "vagina"? I would've been more concerned about "blowjob". =P

Thanks for pointing that out. I'll go flay myself before the puritan leaders of the community now.

Yans are cute. Until they kick your ass. Then you realize that they're just grumpy sheep.

-Christoph, wondering if Vivi cleans his toilet with Comet

Do not ask how many Yans I had to kill in Arcanium with the warrior-princess. I made a tent out of one.

The Last Laugh:

And so, another weekend draws to a close. No fan comics today. :( So sad.

I'm starving, and I need to get to sleep. But first! I'll be taking Spanish next quarter. Therefore, to study, I'll be watching Neon Gensis Evangelion dubbed in Spanish. (Shinji says "Padre!" a lot.)

I'll see you later, guys. Write many letters to Google tomorrow.


chesh"Lain has no mail..."@rpgamer.com
Super hard quote today!!!

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