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Chris Martin - December 8th '01- 2:00 Eastern Standard Time

3...2...1 Let's Jam.

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Fan Cheshires
In the PC:
MS Works
Finals week. 'nuff said.
In the Dreamcast:
...which is no fun.
Assorted Nonsense

I like flutes.

They sound pretty...

and you can hit people with them.

Quite handy!


I always thought a giant run-down space station would be the perfect place for an RPG. A party of PCs trying to fix things, small groups of survivors strewn here and there to provide information and supplies. Not to mention evil aliens, berserk robots, and mutant rats waiting around every dark corridor and behind every jammed door. Not to mention that "repair the oxygen filters before we all suffocate" quests are a lot more important to the PCs than "get me this item from a cave" quests.

As for PC powers, the ability to cast fire spells and refresh MP just by sleeping would be useful. Think steam power generators...

-Mike Lemmer
"Commie mutant scum!" *zap zap zap*

Cheshire Catalyst:
Cool idea. If limited to that locale, you could make a really good game. Short, but sweet.
And hell, I'd like the whole "sleep cures EVERYTHING." ability that characters seem to have. Blinded, poisoned, maimed, paralyzed, and confused? Take a nap at the inn! Cures everything! (Except death. For that, go see the bald cleric down the street who says "Warrior.... return to LIFE!". They may not have fancy cars or lasers in FF1, but they've discovered a cure for death. That's pretty nice.


Hello Chesh,

Mediators do seem useless at times, but if you give them a chance, Threaten can be very useful. Enemies can't clobber you when they've all become little chickens, right?

And to Galvatron, the guy who was talking about his GS-hacked FF Tactics party: Try Celia or Lede. They are SOOOO useful! Shadow Stitch is one of the best abilities ever put in a game. Not that I'm dissing Wiegraf or anything. My preferred party-hack is Izlude, Lede, Wiegraf, Alma, and Kletian.

And about the NPCs, I think Thousand Arms has one of the best NPC lines ever: After you talk to this kid, he says something and then says "And if you talk to me again, I'll say the exact same thing." And he does.

~Slightly Crazed Izlude Fan

Cheshire Catalyst:
I suppose they are comewhat useful. (Invitation CAN be useful too, if you REALLY need it.) I just like making fun of them because of their dorky powers. FFT taught me that when math nerds and dancers get together, no force in the galaxy is safe! What if Stephen Hawking married a harem of dancing girls? The power.... THE POWER....

Also, there's a guy in Anachronox who screams about how he and everyone else can only say "The few words we've been given in this life." Check out ZVGQ for the screenshots.


Hello Cheshire Catalyst,

This is just a quick question. I'm having trouble in FFIV! What strategy should I use to defeat the four elements when they all fight you at the same time? It seems for some reason like it takes forever for Fusoya's turn to come up so I keep getting annihilated!

~A crazed Final Fantasy Fan

If you're getting spanked THAT badly, some leveling might not be a bad idea. Just remember how the elements interact. Ice on fire. Fire on earth (Yes, Milon is undead.) and air, I think. Bolt on Water. Have Edge use his magic too. (Same with Rydia.) Rosa keeps healing, and Cecil stabs everything he can. Keep Rubicant's cape ability in mind when you fight him. (ie: Don't attack while he has his cape up to his face.)

That's really all I can tell you.

Greetings (carolers sing) CHESH-IRE CAT-YL-YST

Googleshng has been kidnapped by ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to rescue Googleshng?

Imperial Mog

I'm more than bad enough. However, Googleshng's Internet Provider finally up and died. (@home, specifically.) Goog shall return. (But not before I eat ALL of the fruit snacks in the house.)

I'd probably have Time Magic powers, cuz they're practical. Sure, summoning Shiva could be cool, but then again, stopping time to do a report would be better.


You know what I'd like? I'd like for the world to act like it does in RPGs. The plot doesn't advance UNTIL you do something. Essentially, the world revolves around you and your friends. When does class start? When I show up! When will I go? Maybe after building a few levels in the library....

Infocom released a Hitchhiker's game around 1980. Written, and, i believe, mostly, if not entirely, programmed by Adams. It was a text adventure, and a damn good one. Shame on you for not knowing that!


Alas, I knew it not. Good news, though. Happy trails on ebay for those of you looking for a copy!

The Last Laugh:

Not bad. Better than I'd expected. Finals week is here, and thanks to Professors John Domini and Christine Froula, there is less time to wax sarcastic about video games. If you want a prize, go knock on their doors and say "Chris deserves an 'A'. Give it to him or I'll do everything in my power to have your cable providers shut off BBC."

Trust me, they'll be putty in your hands.

What else? Watched a few episodes of Utena at anime club. All I can say is DAMN. We always knew Nanami was a self-serving neurotic prima donna with a serious brother complex. But hell, after seeing the fate of the pet that got between them... DAMN.

Eh, for tomorrow, what would be the best RPG couple? And not only CAN you pick characters from different games, I'd even suggest it.

cheshWho is kidding and loves his professors very much and would never be mean and knows that they would be outstandingly flattered to be included in such an austere column as
Get me some TP, my nose is all brown.

Old Issues
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  • FFIX I guess.
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