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Chris Martin - November 25th '01- 2:00 Eastern Standard Time

Today was laundry day -- the best day of the week. I think I'm a cartoon character. My load of dirty clothes consisted of about ten gray t-shirts, eight pairs of Champion brand gray boxers, a few pairs of identical blue jeans, and various button down shirts that are always worn untucked and open. Who knew God was such a lazy animator? I bet He even uses the same stock animation whenever I fall down the stairs.

Here are the answers to yesterday's questions. Methinks 5 was a bit too many to ask. Letter titles brought to you be the insane ramblings of the DDR/SC5 announcers.

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Ah, hey Chesh.
I adore you but I never write in because I suffer from... not-writing-in-everness... but your questions today intrigue me and I need a break from my Baroque term paper.

1) Sephiroth would be a drag on a date. I imagine he'd have a horrible Norman Bates complex and have to leave the dinner table every few minutes to phone his mom. Alucard could be unpleasant. Unless he transforms into mist in bed. Mmm... damp.

2) I hate Xenogears. The story isn't necessarily GOOD, it's just complicated and long. There's nothing particularly original about it. The battle system is painful. It lacks art direction. The second disc would be a joke if it was funny. Yes! Crucify me, Xenogears zealots! Stick me with a euphemistic spear while you're at it.

3. I want Mystique's transformation powers. Isn't it odd though that of all the forms her natural body could take, she always opts for the blue-skinned, yellow-eyed tacky body?

4. Herman Melville. Moby-Dick all the way. Though I do love the Harry Potter books. I saw the movie twice! And I'm 21! The movie theatre was packed both times with more adults that kiddies. Why is it that British authors write better kids books than American ones? Narnia Chronicles, Roald Dahl books, Harry Potter, etc. Maybe because Britain doesn't shelter its kids so much from the darker aspects of life; they let things like death and mysticism slip into their childrens literature. Of course, they did give us Teletubbies...

5. Never played either game... but everyone in the world should play SoulReaver2. Sorry, had to slip that in :)

Keep up your sexy column, kitty.

Cheshire Catalyst:
1. Shortly after dinner, you find out just what Sephiroth is compensating for with that twelve-foot katana. Then, he puts on a dress, runs you through, and screams "Oh Mother! What have you done!?"
2. The second disc of Xenogears was more disapointing/horrifying than finding a can of Cruex in your girlfriend's purse.
3. Being a shapeshifter would be too cool. If I ever got those powers, I'd spend the first month in the form of various ex-presidents/prime ministers/popes, lie down nude on a public sidewalk, and throw bavarian creme donuts at bikers.
4. I think that goes for all of Europe. Read the original Grimm fairy tales sometimes. Definetly designed to scare the hell (quite literally) out of their kids. I suppose the American prudishness stems from the fact that our ancestors were a bunch of puritans.
5. I got a lot of answers like this for question five.

Girl, that ain't just good, that's PERFECT!

Greetings, Chesh.

I stop by RPGamer at least once a day, mainly for this section, but I've never written in until today when you're five questions happened to pique my interest. So, without further ado(What exactly is ado anyway? It sounds like something nasty that people would step in...).

1. Definitely Selphie. She was just way too bubbly and enthusiastic. She reminded me too much of a cheerleader.

2. Chrono Trigger. Yes, you read right, I dislike Chrono Trigger(incidentally, all hate mail should be directed to me,, and not chesh or any of the other Q&A hosts). I can't really pinpoint an exact reason as to why either. I guess part of the reason is that I've never been much of a fan of anything involving time travel. Please tell me I'm not the only one out there who didn't like it? Please...?

3. Hmm... That's a tough one... For me, it's a toss-up between Shadowcat and Professor X. Being able to become intangible would be a lot of fun. You could go anywhere you wanted to. Being able to read people's minds and control their thoughts would great too. With powers like that, a person could become the most influential and charismatic person in the world. Of course, using the powers for that would probably be considered misuse, but then again, who would be able to stop you? Besides the cows anyway(They're slowly taking over the world whilst everybody is unaware of their shady dealings...).

4. I'm going to have to cheat again and pick two, Neil Gaiman and Joel Rosenberg. Sadly enough, it seems that too few people have ever even heard of Rosenberg. His Guardians of the Flame series is my favorite series of books. Gaiman's American Gods is my favorite book of all time. I don't suppose, by chance, you've read anything by either of them, have you?

5. Having had no experience with either, I can't really answer the question. Did I mention that cats are my favorite animals? Heh... Cleverly dodged that question...

And now, an official questions for you... If you could interview any RPG character, who would you choose? I'd choose Cloud, if only for just one question...

Me: "Cloud, what was going through your mind while you were wearing that dress?"

Cloud: "Well, I think there's a lot to be said for a tough-guy hero who isn't afraid to show his femininity. Plus, I thought Don Corneo was kind of cute anyway...

Me: "Ack... That's really more than I wanted to know..."

Anyway, I'll leave you with that disturbing thought...


Cheshire Catalyst:
1. I know several people in real life who ARE Selphie. I give FF8 credit for creating some good characters.
2. Wow. Quite bold. I'll grant that almost everything involviong time travel sucks. CT was ok, though. So was Quantum Leap and "The Time Machine."
3. If you're Professor X, you get a really hot empress for a girlfriend. You also get to say things like, "Do I know if Scott borrowed the car? Do I look like a MIND-READER?!" Then laugh. When one of your students doesn't laugh at your stupid joke, immediately assume that he/she is Mystique in disguise and force him/her to mentally experience what it's like to see Omega Red naked. Cruel? Yes, but that's what they deserve for not laughing.
4. American Gods looks good, and would be on my list if I didn't have loads of required reading to do.
5. Cats are nice. I'd like to interview Crono, just to hear what he sounds like. (If he can't talk, then I'm moving onto Ultimecia.)

Everybody is Cheering!!!

Hiya, cat,

1. Female: Anna Navarre from Deus Ex...just too...robotic and cold Male: Ghaleon from Lunar 1...would be too preoccupied with evil laughter.

2. Eh, I find it kinda hard to dislike any game, but I'll go with Terranigma...just couldn't get into it.

3. Hmm...well, if you count the Kid's WB X-men, then Shadowcat's powers would be nice...passing through walls could be really fun. Out of the old X-men...any psychic/telekinetic powers. Out of the Justice League? The lasso of truth would be great to have, if that counts.

4. Orson Scott Card, hands down. Know if he's got any new books out?

5. Haven't played SC5, so I"ll have to go with "YOU ARE A DANCE MACHINE!" "GIVE IT YOUR BEST SHOT!" "THIS TIME WE'VE SELECTED A HOT SONG! HERE WE GO!", guy.

I'm curious: Are you going to see Lord of the Rings? I want to, but the way it's being "Harry Potter'd" now, I'm not so sure...

Cheshire Catalyst:
With my unhealthy desire for evil women being what it is, a date with Anna might not be the worst thing ever. Unless of course the movie you two were planning to see happens to contain her killphrase. "Flatlander Woman IV!" An exploding cyborg tends to disrupt a full theatre.
I've been told by several folks that Terra gets a lot better once you're done reviving everything.
I still want to be Green Lantern. My sick imagination combined with that ring? Ph34r!
It's been out for a while, but he wrote a really good book about writing Science Fiction and Fantasy. Worth a read.
Of course I'm going to see Lord of the Rings. Are you daft, man? In the land of Mordor, where the shadows lie...

What are you DO-ing?

Hallo, Chesh!

Some good questions...hmm...I'll have to think about these...

1. I'd say Fujin from FF8, for obvious reasons.

Waiter: What would you like?


2. I can't say I really care for Breath of Fire (game, not series), the main reason being I couldn't get past that castle at the very beginning. It was just too hard! >:( Because of that "bad experience," I haven't tried any other games in the series.

3. I would have to say Nightcrawler, even though he's ugly as sin and leaves a bad odor behind when he teleports. If not him, it'd be cool to have Shadowcat's powers.

4. Honestly, I don't read much. About the only authors I read much of are J. R. R. Tolkien, Brian Jacques, and Douglas Adams.

5. I've never played either of those...sorry. ^^;

Oh, and about Terranigma: it gets *much* better after you revive everything.


Cheshire Catalyst:
1. So you wanna go do something afterwards?
2. I had trouble there too. Then, I found the weapon shop and bought something better than my sharpened stick to poke things with. That helped.
3. Two votes for Shadowcat. Most chose either Wolverine or Superman.
4. Hey, those choices work out just fine.
5. Well, poo on you. :P



You cannon deny the ultimate superpower that is the DDR announcer!

"I can see a dream in your dance! I can see tomorrow in your dance! We can call it.... our hope!"

Of course, that super sexy Solo 2K announcer, that's a different story...


That is THE most insane thing he says. It's right up there with, "Many dancers are here for this event! You have good taste in music!" Thanks, insane DDR guy. "Everyboy has bad days, don't worry! Keep practicing, you can do it!"

His sole job is to keep up your self esteem while you convulse like a moron in front of everyone else in the arcade. I don't think he goes nearly far enough, considering what an ass DDR can have you look like. His role needs to be recast as a woman who just yells things like "The way you dance pleasures me like nothing else!" and "Your genitals are so large they frighten small animals!"

I wouldn't want to date Luca Blight.

Maybe he's secretly gay and could date Kefka. Talk about your matches made in heaven.

The Last Laugh:

Thanks to nasty external cirtcumstances, the column is shorter than I would have liked. Lo siento. Send Aegis your love.

chesh "he who thinks Hitomi Kanzaki should have stayed in Gaea"
Damn you Evil Issac Newton!

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