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Chris Martin - October 6th '01- 2:00 Eastern Standard Time

Today I took one step in the direction of attaining the American dream. "How can I make money with as little effort as possible? I will sacrifice as much dignity as possible to achieve my goal!" I signed up to audition for Hollywood Squares: College edition

For those of you who don't watch TV, Hollywood squares is a show that somehow manages to combine two of the most nauseating television genres (Game Show, and Celebrities on Parade) and moosh them into one. They were giving away money, so I decided to audition. The audition was run by three horrifyingly perky individuals. They'd ask us to stand and give your name. After that, (I took a peek at the brittle woman's clipboard) she'd write down insightful notes next to that person's name. "Cute!" "Loud!" and "Funny odor!" were among her adjective selections. Then they gave us a quiz, which I promptly failed. None of the mindless trivia was videogame/cartoon related, so I was up kuso creek without a paddle. I suppose it's all for the best. I doubt they would have approved of my strategy. (I'll take Whoopi Goldberg to go over and punch Bruce Vilanche in the face for the win.)

On to the questions. We've got general questions mixed in with a few more people who wanted to answer the big five.

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Back by popular demand...

Hello CC!

I read the column from time to time, but I never really have anything to say. But I always have time to answer pointless questions. ^_^

1. I'd definitely try to incorporate something like Star Ocean 2's battle system, or maybe Valkyrie Profile's. I'm not sure whether or not I would use use random battles in the game. They're annoying to a certain extent, but I like being able to run around in circles on the world map and level up. I might set that up like the Seraphic Gate in VP, where you can see your enemies, and they disappear after you defeat them, but they come back once you leave the screen. There'd have to be some limit on this, because it'd suck to get lost. *shrugs* I'm not sure what kind of mini-games I'd put in. They'd be there, but it all depends on the RPG itself.

2. Err.... *Thinks* Maybe Ruby or that Pooey thing from Grandia. I never paid attention to sidekicks.

3. Maybe. Just free the butterfly and let the spider eat something else. But if it's poisonous, kill the sucker.

4. I haven't played many table-top RPGs... I don't have anyone to play them with.

5. Cartoon? Scooby Doo. Stupidest thing I've ever seen in my life. And they play it to death. Spare my poor soul! Anime? I haven't seen all that much, but the Final Fantasy anime bored me to death and shamed one of my favorite games from the series. And DBZ has no real plot. That drives me crazy.

And so my letter has some sort of substance, I'll ask a question. Out of FF4, Chrono Trigger, FFT, and Xenogears, which one should I pick up next? I've played a little bit through all of them, and like some more than others, but I'm not really sure which to go for. Thanks!

The Sapphire Goddess

Professor Cranium:

Mr. Martin asks pointless questions because he has a wang for a brain. Ha! Do you like that? "Wang!" I've spent the summer reading up on your references to anime, web comics, and old movies. Now no one can stand in my way!

I also hated Scooby-Doo. Once, I dressed up like a giant lizard to scare children out of my secret base (cleverly disguised as a T.G.I.Fridays) The next thing I know, a guy, two chicks, a stoner, and a talking canine chase me down and tear off my lizard mask. Not satisfied, they also tore off my science hat! (seen above) Then, Fred and Daphne played keep-away with it. I was so angry and humiliated, that I stabbed them all to death with a broken beaker....

You should get Chrono Trigger. Lucca is like a goddess to me.

Back despite popular demand...

Hi, Cheese La Gato El Espaniol The Third.

Anyway, here's a few Q's.

1.Where CAN I find Xenogears?
2.FF7- Am I the only one who LIKED it, but not LOVED it?
3. "No... Not the evil-super-duper-galactic-chicken-lord-of-all-that-is-slightly-watermelon-shaped!"
4.Ug. Sleep. 3rd day without sleep... Last night I spent playing old SEGA Genesis games... Yeah, I DO have one. Had to do a quick roach-removal job, though.
5. Worst anime ever?

Well, G2G.

Xuelian, Lord of most unpublished emails to RPGamer. "This bud's for you... And you... And you...

The Mean Ol' Queen:

These are my answers. Behold their vast wisdom!
You could probably find Xenogears on ebay. When people aren't cowering in my wake, I pass the time playing Xenogears. Die! Die, you stupid May Fly, DIE!
Many people only "liked" FFVII. Roach removal, eh? Roaches are tasty... as for the worst anime ever? Hmmm...

My queen! I have a truly marvelous plan this time! We'll release our own RPG into the market. After filling the web and print media with hype, thousands of greasy little otakus will buy the game and play it. Unbeknownst to them, the game will slowly drain away their life force thereby allowing us to RULE THE WORLD!

...I'm pretty sure Sony already does that.

oh... OK, how about this? We build this giant marmoset out of wood...

That's it. Tonight, I start my heroin addiction.

Kneel, mortals! Mario is your God now!

Hey Chesh, what's up?

I still am relativaly new at this and I don't know if you know but...

Concerning final fantasy tactics are the current faqs/walkthroughs at Rpgamer trustworthy (proven by an Rpgamer employee) second, not really a rpg question but with all of the hype concerning Sega and Nintendo's "friendship" doesn't it look like Nintendo is over hyping it? I recently recieved the recent Nintendo Power. It had an interview with the Sonic creator. Only a few words were uttered about the former rivalry between Mario and Sonic. This made it seem like Nintendo was a God again. Sure people talk about it as an "evil empire" but It was tought a lesson with playstation. At the time, that lesson seems like it could be, Don't treat your third-party developers like crap and things will make money. Look at Squaresoft. They went from a known entity to a incredibly popular mechanism that is unstoppable. All games that are 3-D and are rpg's are reviewed under the impression that it could be as good as FF7. Honestly, It could have been better, but I degress. With Sega and Nintendo working on the same systems it seems like the impossible could happen. Two former rivals come together to battle a common enemy. Mario bopping Dr. Robotnic and Sonic spin dashing Bowser; it almost like a cross over is possible.

ladune-"All of life is a Journey from inn to inn, and death is the Journey's end"

PS if you disagree with anything on this than I am sorry for wasting your time on my opinion.

Cheshire Catalyst:
Maybe Nintendo's bragging a bit. Remember how Sega used to release those bitchy little commercials where they'd insinuate that Nintendo was a wussy little girl company, while Sega was a totally cool, radical to the MAX company that used "blast-processing" (remember THAT ad? How ironic that they chose to make fun of Mario Kart, one of the best damn games on the SNES, huh?) Now, Nintendo has assimilated Sega into their collective. If they're really cool, they'll make some kind of Mario/Sonic crossover game. At least, they should include Sonic in the next "Mario" game. "Mario Bowling? Mario Cricket?"


Great RPG : Xenogears :: Terrible RPG : ???

I can't think of any terrible ones right now. I can think of a lot of mediocre ones. Legend of Dragoon, Wild Arms, Grandia, and Beyond the Beyond

Huh? Bu...but...why? How could you say that that show is boring and repetitive? How could ANYONE...dislike...DBZ? I mean, the dubbed version...OK...but still...*sniff* *sniffle*

-Person who has an insane fetish with the animals (beautiful animals), known as llamas

Ok ok, don't cry. :( I like DBZ the same way I occasionally like Jerry Bruckheimer movies. I'm not in it for the plot, characters, dialouge, tone, setting, or messages. I'm just there to watch people punch each other through mountains. Award winning? Nope. But still, one of my guilty pleasures.

Yeah! Trigun rules! Vash is my hero too.

Did you know that my Japanese voice actor also did the voice of Vash the Stampede?

I don't see how that makes you less of a pussy, Jadeite.

A suggestion:
I think its about time we found out which of you question guys is the most eligible bachelor.


My guess would be Brad. He's got good birthing hips.

The Last Laugh:

There is no laughing today. Just confusion.

Send in more letters! By the way, I've finally created a special area where I'll permanently post any pictures of me you guys make. Check the right sidebar for the link. Right now there are only two. We can do better, kiddos!

chesh "hoping the moonies don't come and kill me"
Galaxia was cool...

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