Ask Cheshire Catalyst  

   Infantile Dependance, Adult Dependancy  
Chris Martin - September 23 '01- 2:00 Eastern Standard Time

Many many folks responded to the big five questions. There's even some other stuff too, believe it or not.

One day, I shall build a time-machine. Then I shall use it to go back in time and murder the man who invented SPAM. (The e-mail torture, not the meat.) I guess it's just like junk mail, however I've never opened my mailbox and had several dozen advertisements for pornography offering poorly doctored pics of Brittney Spears and Alicia Keys. Do people actually explore these links that come with the SPAM? What ape sits at his computer thinking, "Gee, where can I find some porn? I've looked all over the internet, and I haven't found any! Maybe one of these twenty unsolicited emails will help." And why so many different porn sites? What could you POSSIBLY offer different? Do the women on your web-site have twelve boobs or something?

Enough ranting. It's pitiful and sad.

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Many of these are just responses to the "Big 5" Get ready for nonsense titles!

Hey (steals IM's gimmick) Chesh,

You're asking questions? But we're supposed to ask questions. I'm so conflicted. I'll give it a shot anyway.
1. I'd steal... borrow the graphical style of SaGa Frontier 2. And then I would put it in a game that... get this: DOESN'T SUCK. Sorry, needed to vent. I'd also use an experience system like Grandia's, where you improve your skills by using them. The combat would be like Chrono Trigger, where you fight enemies right on the map. And I would definitely find a way to include a cow breeding mini-game.
2. Best sidekick? Ruby. She was basically a Nall clone, but was less annoying, mainly because her feminine voice was justified. Plus, she actually attacks in battle.
3. Well, since spiders are the unholy spawn of the underworld, and butterflies are nature's greatest miracle, then yes, it is ok to kill the spiders to save the butterflies.
4. Pass.
5. Wow. That's a good question. Do I pick Pokemon, for Ash's headache inducing voice? Beast Machines, for not living up to my expectations after Beast Wars? Voltron 3-D, for it's general suckiness? No, I'll pick that Hercules cartoon that I vaguely remember from my youth. Remember that? It had a cheesy theme song, and there was this annoying little goat legged guy with a flute, and Hercules fought this wizard in every episode? Yep, that was pretty awful... ... ... ... I wish that was still on...

Conor Edmiston wishes he was one of Leonardo da Vinci's Fightin' Genius Time Commandoes

Cheshire Catalyst:
Butterflies are nature's greatest miracle? I'm pretty sure that title belongs to pears and the fact that the sky is just my favorite shade of blue on a clear day.
I also remember that cartoon. Vaguely. He had a ring or something and his sidekick would shout "Hey Herk! Hey Herk!" a lot.

Hacker trolls, assassin elves, and diplomat orcs. Ahh... Shadowrun.

In my humble opinion an excelent table top game to bring to the console(again) would be Shadowrun. Something like the Genisis version, where making money and character class actualy factored in. On todays systems, however, one could play as some of the more obscure classes like rigger, adept, covert ops, and weapon expert, and the different races. An excelent way to present it would be with a story mode(for those in need of a goal) and a mode where you just go out and work and character build. Possible even make characters interchangable between the two. Like Muggy the troll samuri who made a happy life working as a hired killer one day finds his brother was killed by the people he's working for. Have multiplayer options where you and your buddies can hook up to take out that Yakuza boss. Maybe even have it playable online where people can play Mr. Johnsons, or even Star Agents and hunt down Shadowrunners. Okay, I guess that's enough of my wet dream. Gotta admit, it would be super cool.


Cheshire Catalyst:
I like Shadowrun. For those of you not in the loop, think all of the "Lord of the Rings" RPG cliches and all of the "Do Androids dream of electric sheep/Bladerunner" cliches mooshed together. The main setting is Seattle. A free city still part of United Canadian-American States. It lies on the border of the NAN. (Native American Nations) and Tir Tangire (A paranoid elven nation. Formerly, Oregon) I'd at least like to see a new game made along the lines of a Baldur's Gate style game. Even a MMORPG wouldn't be too bad.

Grass Mullet

hey Cheshter, I've got some A's followed by some Q's

1. You're designing an RPG. What elements from other games would you employ? Battle systems? Overworld qualities? Mini-games? Tactical combat, turn-based, or real-time? definitely a valkyrie profile-esque battle system

2. This has been asked before. Tough. Who's your favorite sidekick from a game? Nall? Morte? Shadow? Who's the most awesome? not really an RPG but the talking helmet guy from the journeyman project was pretty cool

3. Is it ok to kill the spiders to save the butterflies? YES! damn spiders! I hate them all. mash 'em into a paste

4. Any table-top RPG's you'd like to see remade for the console or PC? uhh, sure, the one with the umm, table

5. What's the worst cartoon/anime ever made? Be honest. captain planet, the guy had a mullet for glayvin out loud

now for the questions, I'm playing chrono trigger, what level should I be at before taking on lavos and who should I use in the fight(I've been using chrono marle and frog for most of the game)

thanks for the help

Cheshire Catalyst:
God, you're right. Cap'n Planet DID have a Mullet. The man here to save us all from the villains whose wicked plots centered around making a mess has a mullet. A stupid hero for stupid villains I guess. "Planeteers! Get in the Geocruiser right now! Dr. Blight is taking a dump on a park bench!

It's not nice to call someone an 'Old Hag', Rei...

I got your five questions right here...

1. Actually in what I might consider my spare time, I am designing an RPG (as well as a multigenre platformer and a tournament fighter). So I have considered these very aspects. Battle system will probably favor Tales of Destiny, overworld will favor Final Fantasy 1-6, and yes, there will be many many mini-games, of many styles - some of which will be necessary to finish the game.

2. My favorite sidekick? Interceptor. Definitely.

3. The spiders must die, regardless of the butterflies.

4. Tabletop RPGs? No, but I do know a couple of book series that I'd like to see made into games, foremost among them Piers Anthony's fantasy series The Magic of Xanth. That would be the ultimate MMORPG, I would say.

5. Worst cartoon ever - Beast Machines Transformers.

--Jax Mandrake, offering his opinions to the small world

Cheshire Catalyst:
I've heard good things regarding the Xanth series. Might be good.

Bonus points for using the word "Trietary"

Hello Chesh, the person-I've-never-met-but-write-to-as-though-you-were-my-personal-friend

Dragon kisses the moon! HEEYAH!
Ok, that's enough text martial arts.

1. You're designing an RPG. What elements from other games would you employ? Battle systems? Overworld qualities? Mini-games? Tactical combat, turn-based, or real-time? Hmm, well, this is much harder to do without a scantron slip and no. 2 pencil, but I'll try. My battle system would be pseudo time based. Each character would have action points (a la Fallout) to move or attack with. There wouldn't be any class system, chosen or ascribed, so the player would be able to assign points to stats every level, and make any character to fill any task. One overworld quality I would impliment is the sheer size of the world. Towns would be huge, filled with houses inhabited by ordinary people, and the space between towns would be immense. Later in the game, when that much travel gets annoying and loses it's novelty, I'd allow the player to use horses (fantasy) or aero-mobiles (sci-fi) to shorten the time.

2. This has been asked before. Tough. Who's your favorite sidekick from a game? Nall? Morte? Shadow? Who's the most awesome? Oh, this goes without question. Guizon from Shenmue. He's got a fro, he's got a pinstripe suit, and he's got awesome chinese 80s style butt-kicking skills.

3. Is it ok to kill the spiders to save the butterflies? Why not just give the spiders cutsie wings and be done with it?

4. Any table-top RPG's you'd like to see remade for the console or PC? Well, I would say the Star Wars RPG, but then I'd sound like an idiot. So, instead, I'll say Warhammer 40k! Oh, wait...

5. What's the worst cartoon/anime ever made? Be honest.

A little diddy I rented from the local Blockbuster called M.D. Giest. Bad art, bad translation, bad plot, bad beginning, bad ending. Heck, the plastic that comprised the VHS tape was even of sub-par quality. Allow me to dramatically re-create the ending.

Trietary Main Character: I'm betraying you all! HAHAHA!
Secondary Main Character: Go to hell! *shoots him*. Now, I'm betraying the rest of you!
Main Character: Oh yeah? Well I'm betraying the guy who betrayed the other guy! *kills everyone* HAHAHA! *presses doomsday button*
Woman who shows her breasts: NOOOOOO!

And that's it.
"I am an evil giraffe." *munch* *munch* "I will eat ALL the leaves on this tree!" *munch* *munch* "I will eat more leaves than I should." *munch* *munch* "Then other giraffes may die!" *munch* "Bwaa haa haa."


Cheshire Catalyst:
Big overworlds are nice. Unfortunatly, the more vast and detailed, the more disk space it consumes and the bigger pain it becomes to program. I do like the whole idea of never actually transferring from a "overworld" screen to a "town" screen. That might work...


Why, oh why, are they waiting until AFTER the big Thanksgiving movie rush to release the Father Of All RPGs into the movies? It's not like they'd have to worry about competition. I will be furniture in the theatre on Dec 19th. Must...control...fist...of...death... Please don't tell me to read the books again, I just read all 3, and the Hobbit, in the past week. That just made me even MORE impatient!

"One Franchise to Rule Them All"


Read the Simarillon, I guess. Or Harry Potter. If I could make movies come out when I wanted, UHF Part 7, End of Evangelion, and "Jennifer Lopez has sex with me" would all have come to a theatre near you long before now.

DBZ is terrible. Worst thing on TV next to survivor.

So you know, DBZ came out as the clear winner in the "worst show ever" category. I was surprised. Who would have thought that endless filler bewteen repetitive "battles" where the heroes grunt a lot would get old. Amazing.

The Last Laugh:

That's gonna have to be all for today. I've gotta be up early tomorrow so I can work on classwork. The whole point of the exercise was just to give all ya'll something new to think about aside from "ooh! WHat new shineys are out next week?" We'll talk more next week. Good night, and be good to Aegis.

G'day, mates. I have two things I want you to write in about. First, if you could have one aspect changed about your favorite RPG, what would it be? Of course, please be specific and give the reasoning behind your opinion.

And secondly, I want you to suggest some topics for future columns. You guys are the ones writing in, so I might as well let you have some say as far as topics go. Give me some good ones, and I guarantee I'll use a few of them in the weeks to come.

chesh "Three girls summoned by Princess Esmeraude to save Cephiro..."
Water Dragon! Mizu no Diu!

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