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Chris Martin - July 19th '02- 2:00 Eastern Standard Time

The ninjas just won't leave me the hell alone. If it weren't for their evil, busty commander, I wouldn't even allow myself to get caught.
It's question time. No, I haven't played Warcraft III yet. Yes, I want to. Until a copy magically appears under my pillow, I have to be satisfied with playing through Vampire:Redemption and Baldur's Gate 2 again. Poor poor me.

I just got back from seeing Reign of Fire. Honestly, it's about as good as a movie about Dragons versus Helicopters can be.

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Xenogears: Your mileage may vary

Hey, I was just wondering...should I get Xenogears? Its not up for rental anywhere, and its the only Square game I've not played (well, besides THE BOUNCER, but we won't go there). I heard it was really good, but will it be something worth buying (aka something I will want to play again, like FF3 which I play all the time)?

Jihad_Joe (a real fundamentalist hero)

Cheshire Catalyst:
Xenogears is one of Squaresoft's more infamous games. Due to the game's sheer length, you'll probably only play it through completly once. Gameplay wise, it's a pretty neat little game. Kung-Fu character fighting mixed with giant robot fighting. If the game has a weakness, it's in the plot. Xenogears plays like four different people were asked to write the plot. The director took all four scripts, threw in some rather pointless religious symbolism (Ooooh! The Gebler call themselves the "Abel" while they refer to normal people as "lambs".), and mooshed them all together. Interesting Plot lines start up that never resolve. (Rico anyone?)
I hate to beat this dead horse, (Beat beat beat...) but religious sybolism has become a bit of a sticking point with me. It's especially dull when it's added to give a dull plot a false sense of depth. Example: BEFORE PLOT --
Hiro is a young farm boy who lives peacefully with his family in their agricultural geimenschaft community until the evil empire of Maldark burns it to cinders. Fortunatly, Hiro's great grandfather was a powerful wizard, and Hiro has inherited soe of his latent power. Hiro embarks on a journey that starts out as simple revenge, but blossoms into an earnest desire to save the planet from the empire's iron fist. (Which, in case you've somehow forgotten, is only possible in RPGs) He teams up with Lita, a sweet cleric girl; Krag, a gigantic taciturn warrior; Poit, a sarcastic but affable ninja; and Zu, a mysterious girl with powers she DOESN'T UNDERSTAND.
Meanwhile, in the empire of Maldark, trouble is brewing! Mad emperor Kurd is wielding his amazing power with great zeal and many long soliloquies that end with, "No one can stop me! Mwha ha ha!". The secret to the empire's power is due to the energy they're getting from the magic of an ancient race. That is somehow related to Hiro and Zu, but for no really good reason. The emperor has a variety of underlings ranging from loyal but good hearted, airheaded and sexy, batshit insane, and one bishounen underling who everyone except the amish can predict is going to kill the emperor.

What a bland plot! What could possibly make it any better? Basically, change "ancient wizards" to "angels". A clandestine organization given a random bible name, "The Solomon Project" will do. Be sure to change the contrived character names to the same biblical names. Should these names have anything to do with their biblical counterparts? Not nescessarily. Give one of the character's a weapon called "The Lance of Mary Magdeline." They won't know the difference. Finally, instead of an empire, make the evil organization a church. Church is long and boring, so the average gamer will immediatly associate Church with Evil Empire. Besides, if you use a biblical source, there's a chance that you might OFFEND SOMEBODY! The holy grail of the pretentious writer!

It would be intellectually dishonest of me not to recommend Xenogears. It's tons of fun sometimes. Just don't let the thing trick you into thinking the game's plot is any "deeper" because they crucify giant robots.

Zidane's platitudes. But will they run on Linux.


Just a quickie question...

Is Final Fantasy IX intended for release on the PC? I have read that Square was planning on it.


Cheshire Catalyst:
Doubtful. Square may have planned the thing at one point, but that idea has most likely been abandoned for new projects. It looks like Square's sticking with consoles.

Bill Gates ate my children.

Dear Chesh,

This is a reply to Google, but with a question attached you may be able to answer.

Yesterday, Google stated that the Xbox does not have any exclusive high quality titles. On the contrary, it does have a few, the most notable being the wonderful FPS game "Halo" and it currently is developing more exclusive games that are sure to pull even more people into the Xbox family (Brute Force and the RPG Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic). Plus my friends who own the system buy every multi-platform title that comes out on their Xbox because of the quicker load times and better graphics. I don't know that the Xbox will die. I certainly hope not as I think the console battles net us lower prices and better games.

My question is this: Do you think Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic will be worth forking out $200 for the Xbox? Are you planning to do so? (or do you already own an Xbox?)


Cheshire Catalyst:
I don't have an X-box, nor do I have any plans to go get one. One console per generation is my limit, thanks. The X-Box is still a decent platform though. I realize it's not fashionable to like the X-box because it's made by Microsoft. The 'Box has some satisfying gaming there. Is the Star Wars game worth it? I really canb't say. If you're a total Star Wars fan, and you gotta have it, then get down to Babbage's and shell out your cash.


This is a two part so bear with me,

1) Is there currently a Record Of Lodoss War video game that is translated or can be translated?

2) Do you prefer subtitled or dubbed anime and why? (As for me, I own many of both but I find that most subtitled animes have characters that sound a bit to squeaky voiced for my taste.)

Cheshire Catalyst:
1. Yep. There's a Record of Lodoss War game for the PSX with diablo-style gameplay. There was an SNES game ade as well, but it was never translated.
I'm watching more and more stuff dubbed. Neia Under Seven, Great Teacher Onizuka, and Excel Saga. I do enjoy Now and Then, Here and There a little more in Japanese though. It varies from show to show.

One of my rare plugs.

Greetings (monks sing) CHESH

Since the monks are out you know it's a special occasion. Well I announce the creation of my own website, it's at
More stuff will be added over time, especilly that silly idea of fanfic that crosses two things that never should be mixed, Bill Clinton and a Shoujo series in "Sailor Monica".

Imperial Mog

Cheshire Catalyst:
Dude, you gotta stay current (Sayeth the guy who just wrote a page long rant about a five year old game). Change the jokes to keep up with the current administration. Where's the pic of Condie Rice in a sailor suit? Where's Gary Condit the tentacle demon? What about Vampire Hunter Donald Rumsfeld? At least give us a yaoi forbidden love tale between Tom Daschle and Colin Powell? (The sheer amount of fun to be had with Secretary Powell's first name is boundless)

The Last Laugh:

See you next time, boys and girls.

Chris "The whole world is spinning!" Martin

That's lucky for us Nancy! If it were flat, all the Chinese would fall off!

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