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Chris Martin - June 7th '02- 2:00 Eastern Standard Time

Many apologies for the vanishing act last weekend. While working on the column last weekend, my ramen noodles decided that they did not enjoy resting in the plastic container that I had so generously provided for them. They took a brief journey onto my keyboard. Suddenly, the letter "h" starts appearing whenever I hit the backspace key. (A key that, I assure you, is used quite often)
The excess of "h"s made my column sound like it had a debilitating speech impediment. This was not the tone I wanted. In the interests of journalistic integrity, I was forced to abandon the column. I also spent some time cleaning out my keyboard and using very vernacular diction. I don't know if this keyboard has a mother. But if it does, she is probably quite offended about the relationship I implied during my tirade.

That said, this column will be part new letters and part old letters that didn't quite get printed because of my little crisis. Onward!

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UN forces to airlift badly needed video games into Canada.

Konnichi wa Neko!

Genki desu ka? Watashi wa genki desu. Ok, I'll quit it with the little Japanese I know, and cut straight to the point.

I thought I'd answer Xeros89's question about why you can't find TO:KL (Tactics Orge: Knight of Lodis) anywhere.

What I heard from a Microplay employee (This may just apply to said Microplay stores and not all of the retailers) but as far as I've heard, the big company who supplies retailers up here and Atlus seem to be having a big tiff for some reason. No one's quite sure as to why they are having one.

Because the two are having the tiff (the video suppliers and Atlus), we won't be seeing TO:KL anytime soon... Unless your local gaming store does what my local Microplay did and subverts the system and gets a small company to get the game here. Even then it's not a guarentee cause I haven't been able to buy myself a copy of the game yet... Still waiting. I can at least experience it cause I can rent the only copy at Microplay.

Now, I'll warn again that this could just be the Microplay stores here in Canada and not all retailers. Yet, considering all major video rental stores-such as Blockbuster and Roger's-in Canada go through the same company to get their movies/games, it's a safe bet that retailers also go through a single company if not the very same company. I won't say that it's a sure thing, since I'm only sure about the rental stores.

I know that's not a reliable answer, but it's the best I can give.

As for my own questions:

1) What's your impression of Breath of Fire V, Wild Arms 3, and Legend of Zelda (GC)? I know that's a lot to ask of a guy in a single session, but I thought that since they are all cel-shading, that they'd go nicely together. As for myself, while I like cel-shading and it seems like it will give each game a unquie look, I'm just a little worried that companies may think it's the be all, end all.

2) What game RPG or otherwise, look like it could be the next big thing at E3? This could be your own experience, what you heard, or someone else's. (Geez, I'm starting to sound like a questionare)

3) With all the problems FFXI is having, do you think that they will have all the bugs out by this Christmas? Yes, I know that Squaresoft said FFXI would be released in March of next year. But didn't they say the EXACT same thing about FFX?

That's all from me. I'll catch you on the flip side of things.


Cheshire Catalyst:
1. Cel shading is a a nice and pretty way to color the characters in the video games that we play. I love Jet Grind Radio, and it loves me. The breath of fire games have been roughly above-average games, and Wild Arms 2 was loads more fun than its original.
While I may not like the new look of the new Link, I'll defend his right to be cel shaded to the death.... or something.
2. .hack might just breakout as a popular RPG. If it's a game about the entire sub-culture of gamers, cool. If it just gives me the chance to beat the crap out of the people who yell "OMG Train! need SoW PLZ!"
3. Ideally, game companies like to get their stuff out the door in time for the holiday rush. I think most of us would rather Square produce a better game a few months later, than do nothing at all. Maybe they will, maybe they won't.

Anime cliché line #7231-b: "You father!! I shall avenge him!"

You Chesh whats up?

Its me again, the nefarious Ragnar! (Don't forget the "!" [its a LOUD name]) People keep blathering about FFX side quests... I agree with you, Lulu would be intersting, yet I fear that would inlove some weird S&M stuff. I mean, just look at that "leather belt" dress she wears!

Also, concerning Anime... I think they're cool and all, but some times they upset me (It seems everything does doesn't it?) They're all like: "I'll get you Saraton" (Or something like that) "Demon lightning hammer! Ahhhh (*Shwwwww* background scrolls as character model doesn't move) *Pshwing*" (arm falls of in slow motion). Anime is alright, as long as I'm not forced to watch reruns of Pokemon.

Now to close.... To keep up with my reputation of asking really dumb questions...."Why do they put brail on the letters of drive-up ATMs?"

have a terrific day!


Cheshire Catalyst:
We all love Ms. Lulu. Chappu must have been the bravest guy in the world to go out with her, though. Black leather and black magic. Damn.
You would claim Animé often has cliché? Your dishonor smells like tuna! Have at my fist of death, you crazy funster! ACHOOOOOO!
Are you IMPUNING that blind people should not have access to money, and as such should be forced to live in the tenaments? You can kiss the election for cheese admiral goodbye, sir!

I come off as twice as superficial as normal in this letter.

Greetings (moogles sing) CHESH

Now isn't TRC and LordBrian not rivals according to fanfic rules. If that did carry over in real life this would make current events really disturbing with rivals really lovers. Now isn't Googleshng really going to the Middle East and South Asia in the RPGamer peace delagation. When you mentioned tonics and such. If you have magical healing items like that, why are there still doctors? That and where do monsters carry items and money and why do they do so? Who would be the strangest RPG character? I think having Ozzy Osbourne as an RPG character would be odd. He'd have an ability that's odd even by RPG standards where he bites the head off of a monster and he could possibly outcurse Cid VII.

Imperial Mog

Cheshire Catalyst:
You're treading on thin ice there, buster. Giving me a mental picture of those two is an executable offense in Oregon. (So stay the hell out of Oregon).
I'd like an RPG based on TV's "The View." The main character would be Barbra Walters. She would travel the world looking for magic treasure, and magical fetishes to keep the other women in lines. Barbra would have Millenia's Rage ability from Grandia 2 (I'm thinking, "No... DANISHES?! Where the hell are my DANISHES!") Star Jones' power would be a dead ringer for Quina's devour ability.
I wish I was sorry for making that joke. I really do. Hopefully, this game will have a sad ending, except for Lisa Ling. She's hot. Anyone else remember her from Channel One? Too much sexy for 7th grade homeroom, for me anyway. Anyone else remember Channel One? Did anyone else go to/still go to a school where that seven minute show is aired every morning?

Big, thick manuals.

FFX Spoilers In response to the guy in yesterday's column who was dismayed at the double CD cas containing only one CD...I believe the reason this happens so much with RPGs (Wild ARMs, Suikoden, Tales of Destiny...) is because of the typically large size of RPG manuals.

Robust Stu

Cheshire Catalyst:
Oh yeah. It's not oversized, our PACKAGES are just to big for your puny one-Cd cases. Our thick MANuals are just a little TOO BIG for that tiny-ass case. That might be a decent size for Dress Up Barbie or whatever Olsen twin you might want to buy, but our big, studly RPGs are just a little too large for it.

Worst penile complex since Cloud and Sephiroth in FF7, huh? They were compensating. (Note! This is not a request for your Cloud/Sephiroth fanart to prove me wrong! This is merely another juvenile penis joke! Please continue.)


What's Space Ghost?


The first of many 60's Hanna Barbera cartoon characters revived by Cartoon Network's unholy animation frankenstein revival thing. Funny show, though. (Not always funny, but has some good quotes.) "Natural Gas! It'll give you some ideas." and "Life gets easier once your brain begins to die."

Hey, what's up man? What's this about outtakes? I have the entire Rurouni Kenshin season 1 & 2 box sets. Do either of these have outtakes on them? If they do I can't find them. I also have Orphen and Orphen's Revenge, but I can't seem to find those outtakes either. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

I noticed in your New Issues portion at the end of the column that you have Read or Die! That show was awesome. I just have one question. What was that one guy on the teams "power"? It just looked like he had a gun to me. And how about those great names? "The Paper", "Ms. Deep", and "Joker".

Thanks a lot,
Blade Storm

The Orphen Outtakes are on DVDs 3 and 4. The Kenshin ones should be in the extras menu. Lots of funny there. Shishio's "I've hired a TV agent, and that's more evil than any secret sword technique. See you in Hell." Saito's "It's all about the Bling-Bling." and Sanosuke's "Two Hit Combo! With a super size fries!" are among the funny. The Kenshin English dub is pretty good. David Lucas does an excellent Shishio. (The man does many of my favorite characters. Shishio, Spike, Onizuka, Gillmon...) Still, the show just does better in Japanese. It takes place in mid-nineteenth century Japan. It just feels appropriate.

Read or Die is sweet too. Super powered librarian girl. I'm in love!

Hello O Cat of the Catalyst. Late at night,an idea struck me with a ballpeen hammer. How's this sound:Grand Theft Auto Junior! You could do missions for bullies and have weapons like water balloons or whiffle ball bats,and instead of stealing cars,you'd steal bikes or go-karts. I guess I should throw in something RPG related,huh? What's the point of the egg in Breath of Fire 3? I always wondered that...

The Masked Mystere
"Can you feel the groove?!"

How about a GTA set during the American Revolution? Grand Theft Carriage? Carjack some filthy Redcoat and go whoring with Ben Franklin.

Hey, that guy with the "nahnahnahnah... leader!" thing... That's from an episode of the Simpsons when Homer joins that cult. Kudos to Castomel for keeping people on their toes! Oh, that CatMan guy was quoteing Lunar and Jess's (I think) words when using one of her Litany's.... CatMan is a knock off of Batman, and the Leader song is a knockoff of the Batman song....... Now, who can find the link to Kevin Bacon?


Hooray! Oh, and much to the shame of DC Comics, CatMan is quite real.
Here is the funny.

Dude, you read DC comics right? Is it true that Batman said he was an athiest in the latest JLA? I could go out and look at the book, but i feel like pestering you with an off-topic question. Any idea how many letters DC is gonna get for this?


Ah yes. This is a bit of net gossip being passed around like a ...thing that gets passed around quickly. (Not a potato. That's stupid)
Batman was being sarcastic when he said that. Religion is something DC likes to distance from it's main characters usually. However, considering that Batman spent time on the JLA with Wonder Woman (who got her powers from the greek gods), Orion, (who's a bit of a self-proclaimed god), and Zauriel (an actual angel), it makes not-believing in divine entities a bit difficult. That's your lil' comic anecdote for the day.

I'd just like to help out Oriana, who asked about obtaining a copy of Suikoden on the Q&A. The absolute best place to go searching for a copy is none other than eBay. I got my copy off of eBay brand new about a year ago for $5, and with shipping, I paid a total of $8, which was great, seeing as Suikoden is now one of my favorite games ever. Just avoid any auctions that exclaim !EXTREMELY RARE! and ask more than $20. Trust me, it's not that rare, and you can find another auction asking less. Hope I was of some help.

Ebay! Yum Yum!

You deserve a ~ (tilde) for the MUD comment..



Everquest is bad, bad crack.

The Last Laugh:

That'll be it for tonight, kiddos. Thar be work for class that needs doin'.

Chris "We're fighting again!? What's up with that!?" Martin

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