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Chris Martin - June 2nd '01- 4:00 Eastern Standard Time

Papers are hard. Especially ones for classes where the professor tries his hardest to remain as cryptic as possible about the actual assignment. Then, he gets to feign surprise when our papers don't cover "exactly what he hoped they would."
But I'm not bitter. One more week is all I have to put up with and then it'll be summer for me. A summer of working as a teller, but a summer nonetheless. In the meantime, here's a column.

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Hey Cheshie,

About the letter Dan Tao sent I believe every Game Boy has always been compatible with games from any country. Hell, even the N64 can play Japanese games if you break off a little piece of plastic.

Dane "What's that smell" Jensen

Cheshire Catalyst:
You're correct, as are the eight bazillion others who corrected me on this. But all is well now.

Cliché anyone?


I was just wondering, which of the following standard console RPG aspects annoy you the most?

A) Random battles with long transitions (I'm looking at you, Legend of Dragoon!)
B) Cute fuzzy thing/little girl comic relief that just isn't funny.
C) Saving the world, again.
D) None of the above, you simple minded fool!

Please use a number 883 scantron and a number 2 pencil.

Moogle Child

Cheshire Catalyst:
Don't say that word to me ever again. "Scantron." It conjures up horrible memories of tests I've taken and visions of tests I will take. You wouldn't sneak up behind a Vietnam vet and scream "Charlie's in the trees! Charlie's in the trees!" Would you? It's just not nice.

Long transitions are a pain, but such is the fate of CD-based RPGs. Remember the days of cartriges? Battles would begin and end just like that. Made leveling up a much easier experience. Yeah, cute fuzzy things like that are also annoying, and not funny at all. Not to say all sidekicks of this sort are bad. Nall, Ruby, and Morte are all very cool because (get this!) they're actually funny! Imagine that!
Saving the world in and of itself isn't so cliché, rather it's the contrived reason why the world is in danger. Oooh! The evil empire (Remember kids, Kingdoms are good while Empires are evil.) is planning to activate a power that they think will allow them to control the world but will really just wind up destroying the planet. (While choosing a light-haired viscious sword wielding maniac as it's avatar or something) It's getting really old. Why save the whole world? Why not a game where a guy just has to save his OWN ass?

Seven Emeralds, Fifty Rings, jump, press "A"... Super Sonic!

Hey there! Question time,

1 - You said you played Sonic Adventure, right? Umm, where do you find the silver statue in Knuckles's quest? It's in the deep part of the mystic ruins forest. SA's sorta like an RPG.
2 - When's Shenmue 2 coming out! I can't wait! Not another second!
3 - Remember the old Sonic cartoon?
4 - Ack! I beat Zophar in LUnar 2, but I only have 7 bromides! How many did I miss? Aren't there, 22?
5 - What do you think about Cardcaptors coming to Toonami? What else should Toonami get?

- That's all!
Goddess of Wings

Cheshire Catalyst:

Let's tackle this one at a time.

1. It's deep in the forest. Check on the far left. It'll be in a small alcove that's off the path.
2. Sometime this year. (We hope)
3. I remember a couple old Sonic Cartoons. One was an action show filled with anthropromorphic animals fighting as rebels against bad ol' Dr. Robotnik. The other was a "funny" (quotes because it wasn't) cartoon where Sonic and Tails went against the bad doctor and his two bumbling droids, "Scratch" and "Grounder". If you liked the latter, 'Archie Comics' (a division of Marvel Comics, I think) is doing a Sonic comic book. (Though I hear it's pretty sucky)
4. Zero! There are only Seven bromides on the first two discs of Lunar Deux.
5. Cardcaptors is going to Toonami because CN is now part of the whole AOL/Time Warner alliance of darkness. (It's also why Toonami was shortened to two hours - so it wouldn't compete with Kids' WB) Everyone seems to posess a strong hatred of Cardcaptors (Especially fans of Card Captor Sakura), so I doubt it'll do that well. Expect to find Sakura's body on Ted Turner's lawn with a note reading, "There's only room for ONE magical girl around here, beeyotch!"

I'm seein' this girl and she just might be out of her mind...

Hey kitty kitty,

My PSX is acting up, and its making me very very mad. i have no idea how old it is, i think my older brother bought it a while after it came out. i have to have it upside down or on it's side in order to make it work.

Anyway, one day i was happily playing FF9, minding my own business, and all of a sudden it froze up when a movie started. After restarting it, it froze at the same place. This happened many times, so i decided to put FF9 away for a while.

Then, just today, as was playing Chrono Cross, the same thing happened.

I really need your help on what to do, because FF9 and Chrono Cross are the only games I have that I haven't beaten. I don't expect to get any new games soon, either. I am just a girl who lives in a small Alaska fishing town whose mom won't let her use the credit card to order stuff anymore. *...sigh...* Sorry if i'm not making much sense, today i learned that certain things just _don't_ mix...

Long live Kurt Cobain,
Prof. C: A little late for that perhaps, young lady?


Professor Cranium:

My brain is massive. I know the meaning of life. I do complex calculus in my sleep, and I can play "Who wants to be a millionare" without using any lifelines. (Sadly, I have no friends to phone)
But still, even with my infinite knowledge, even I do not understand the PSX. I know what everyone knows. It breaks, and quite often too. It's one, large design flaw. My suggestion? Try anything. People come up with the wierdest solutions to these problems. Standing it on its side is one of many odd solutions. Perhaps the monkeys


o my god,

i can't believe my damn near blind eyes. Is it just me or does xenosaga look like crap. Don't get me wrong, i LOVED xeno1. It's my all-time fav game (except mayB CT), but look at Xeno2: the robots look like reject gundams, nothing like the first. The characters look way too anima for their own good. The textures make the game look glazed and somewhat fake, and they have gotten rid of the fantasy aspect. I no that the game hasn't come out yet, and this is just a glimpse of what's to come, but i was expecting nothing less than an epic.... and sadly, this isn't it.

Where did the quality go?

- GuruMagus

Dude, give it some time. It's seriously WAY too early to pass judgement on this game. The only thing that has me pissed is the fact that one day, in the FAR future, I'll have to buy a PS2. Yech!

I'm a pretty laid back guy. Hell, I even run a humor-related web site, but am I the only one who finds the term "Engrish" to be offensive? What do you think about it?


For those not in the know, "Engrish" refers to the messed up English we get when Japanese text is translated into English by Japanese translators who have a limited knowledge of the English language. "All your base..." is a prime example.
I don't find it THAT offensive, but I may be the wrond person to ask. Any Japanese out there with any input? It's not so much an ethnic slur, but rather a joke about a poor job done translating.

The Last Laugh:

No time to laugh. Sleep for 4 hours, then back to work.

chesh"It's so heavy because it's so full of mercy."
I always knew you were not a normal human, but I had no idea that you were... a cat.

Google: CC seems to have forgotten to mention that tomorrow JD will be cashing his rain check for last month, and answering your questions.

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