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Chris Martin - May 24th '02- 2:00 Eastern Standard Time

As I write, Steve and I are watching one of the funniest movies ever made: "Airplane." This column will be filled with quotations of such. Just warning you ahead of time.
Another year, another E3, and I'm stuck here in school. So while other members of the staff are frolicking in an electronic wonderland of video games, bored models, and Dance Dance Revolution machines. Granted the trip's not all peaches and cream. The hotel rooms are small. Don't expect to get any sleep with Paws' "night terrors." And while they're supposed to be just rumors, I've heard stories of new staff members waking upin the middle of the night with Stom leaning over them -- holding a Ginsu knife in one hand and a half-empty jar of Cheez Whiz in the other.


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It's a large building with patients, but that isn't important right now.

Excuse me, stewardess. I speak jive.

On the issue of the old claims of video-games helping to develop hand-eye coordination, I read an article recently in one of the medical/science journals that are aimed at a slightly more generalized audience that, in a way, dealt with this issue. This article claimed that, far beyond simple improving hand-eye coordiantion, children who have grown up with video games (and all of the other little buttoned wonders we deal with on a day to day basis) have actually mutated on the physical level. Our thumbs are much more adroit than those of our parents and grandparents. In applications where they would most likely use an index finger -- say, dialing a phone or something of the sort -- we use our thumbs. This doesn't constitute a genetic change, of course, simply one of situational adeptation.

Thought this might be of some interest,

Cheshire Catalyst:
An interesting study. Video games shall propell mankind unto new heights of evolutionary progress. In ten thousand years, your descendants will have quadruple-jointed thumbs. This will allow them to perform stunning feats of manual dexterity, cure cancer, and possibly, someday, beat that stupid lightning game on the Thunder Plains in FFX.
A similar study, recently completed here at Northwestern, shows that games like Resident Evil, Hunter, and Maximo can spark unfounded prejudices within a person against the undead.

Excuse me, "Alternativly-unliving".

I guess I picked the wrong day to stop doing cocaine.

Hey Chesh,

A. I don't know, but personally I am really REALLY curious about how FFXI is going to play. What do you think? Another camp-festing wait-a-thon ala EQ, or something better (or worse?). Got any clue?

B. Did you have any trouble beating the lightning dodging game in FFX? That thing PI$$E$ me off sooooooo badly! ARGH!

C. What's up with the mail daemons these days, anyway? Seems like mine is always on the fritz as well.


Cheshire Catalyst:
1. Everyone assumed that FFX was going to be a total crapfest because it had the same designer as FFVIII and that the series' quality seemed to be steadily dropping. Fortunatly, the moaning internet hordes were once again incorrect. While I've never had a good experience with a MMORPG, we'd better just wait and see. Crow has this stringy, gamey taste.
2. I doesn't piss me off because I'm not even really trying. I've already sent Yuna through Lulu's sphere path. She also has a magic score of 120. At that point, "Holy" just becomes an abbreviation for what you scream when you see how much damage it does.
3. Gremlins, Leprechauns, and Nyads.

Joey, do you ever.. hang around the gymnasium?

FFT spoilers

Hey Chesh:

The ending of Final Fantasy Tactics has got me kind of confused. Basically, I originally thought I knew for sure what happened but now (for various reasons) I'm not sure.

1. Ramza, Alma and company: do they die or not? The scene where Olan sees them riding chocobos seems to be symbolic, at least to me anyway.

2. Does Ovelia stab Delita and then Delita stabs her in defence or does Delita just stab her? I don't think Delita dies because the manual says Delita has "a long and prosperous rule".

I would appreciate your thoughts on these.

--Rahlious "I'm Burnerman and I'm gonna destroy you!"

Cheshire Catalyst:
1. Yeah. They die. There was no way for them to escape Morund. Olan sees them riding off into the distance. They're free now, and stuff. Very touching.
2. Delita survives. He becomes king through political maneuvering, double-crossing, and betrayal. He followed the philosophy of "If the world's dirty, then you have no choice but to get dirty too." Ramza was a lot more idealistic. That idealism, while noble, cost him his life. That's what Delita is asking at the end of the game. "Ramza, what did you get?" He wants to know what Ramza's idealism brought him as opposed to Delita's treachery. Delita is prosperous, but he knows that he's pretty much sold his soul to get where he is.
Delita kills Ovelia in one last act of dirty politics(redundant, I know). That protects and certifies his position as Ivalice's ruler.

I take my coffee black. Like my men.

Yo Chesh,

If you are still up to par on your Shadowrun, you should know the latest book, Shadows of North America, is out now. I'm still playin gthrough Year of the Comet, so it will be a while until we use some of the new stuff. On to questions! ^_^

1: Any idea when Suikoden III is set for North America release?

2: Why must fun things cost money? (Lament of mine, getting a summer job)

3: Is RPGamer going to be giving you a little taste of what's at E3 this week?

4: Lastly, not a question, but Conan O'Brien is a late night GOD!!!

-- SuperTom

Cheshire Catalyst:
1. No word on an official port of Suikoden 3 just yet. Keep your eyes on the news section, and your hands jammed firmly underneath your buttocks.
2. Because some people make a living making fun things. I do not want to see Nobuo Uematsu and Warren Spector on the street, so i pay the money for their goodness. Get a job, and help the economy.
3. You can count on it, SuperTom. We'll be selling video tapes of the staff's trip. "RPGamer: E3 2002" for $19.95 and the uncensored "Gamers Gone WILD!" for $29.95. Contains seXXXy footage of Roberta Williams mud-wrestling with John Romero, and footage of 18-25 pasty, acne-covered, bespectacled, greasy, young H4RD C0R3 G4M3RZ doing things YOU WON'T BELIEVE!
4. He's a funny man. A man capable ofmaking jokes that don't trigger the vomit reflex (unlike yours truly).


So does this mean the daemons don't like slimes, but like cats instead?

-Sean Hale

Mailer daemons? Yes. Tentacle Daemons? I'd rather not talk about that.

Yo Chesh,

So PSO for X-Box has head sets? Does this mean you can just talk normally and the other three will hear it? This could be a blessing or a curse depending on how annoying your fellow players are. Anyway that really all I wanted to ask.


While leads to the question, "How does one pronounce 'OMFG! H4R|> C0r3! Squirtl17 just Ninja'd some l3wt fr0/\/\ m3! F4G!


"You'll be happy. You'll receive eternity, and the prince shall live with the princess happily forever and ever." That wouldn't happen to have been from Utena would it?


~! Bling Bling! You are riding in big pimp style!

If the Chocobo minigame is a side quest, why not skip it?

While only a side-quest, the prize is too nice too pass up. It's a sword! swords.

The Last Laugh:

This weekend is Northwestern's Dillo Day, a day complete with concerts, beer, vomiting freshmen, and enough Marijuana smoke in the air to disrupt air traffic.
See you maņana!

Chris "Whoa there, Gumshoe! I don't recall "hunting down reawakening God of Evil" as being part of my job description." Martin

Mmmm. Gumshoe.

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