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Chris Martin - April 29 '01- 2:00 Eastern Standard Time

I retract yesterday's statement where I wondered why Sonic didn't want to hook up with Amy Rose. After playing a few levels with her, I discovered why. She sucks. Oooh! She has a hammer and a bird! Well, hell, that certainly makes up for not being able to run or fly. If I was Sonic, I wouldn't be caught dead with that airhead for a girlfriend either. I'll see about introducing Sonic to a Ms. Peach Toadstool sometime in the future. She's way hotter, and Sonic is probably a lot sexier than an overweight plumber who likes to eat "flowers" and "mushrooms". (Yes, kids, Uncle Chris has cracked the code. Nintendo has been trying to make us all drug addicts. I've e-mailed Nancy Reagan and she's pissed) I hear that Princess Toadstool also digs "Furry Porn" so Sonic might be the man for her, but I think that's just a nasty rumor started by that slut Samus Aran.

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Ladies first.

Yo Chesh!

Well said on the real social life vs. sim social life issue. It's fun to play a dating/social sim once in a while, but don't get it mixed up for your real life! Anyway, I am in need of a new RPG after a sort of gaming drought. I already have Azure Dreams, Brave Fencer Musashi, Chrono Trigger, Chrono Cross, Breath of Fire III-IV, Final Fantasy VII-IX, Kartia, Suikoden I-II, Star Ocean 2, Parasite Eve, Xenogears, Harvest Moon, Shenmue, and I have already set Legend of Dragoon aflame long ago. I own a Dreamcast and a Playstation. I would kind of prefer a PSX RPG, as I prefer to play RPGs on it and there don't seem to be any ground-breaking RPGs on the Dreamcast at the moment. Being a semi-artist, maybe I could try drawing you a nice likeness if I get time. Would you prefer anime or realism? Well, toodles.

-Rinoa the Resistance Fighter

Cheshire Catalyst:
Final Fantasy Tactics, Vanguard Bandits and Front Mission 3 are serious TRPG goodness. Wild Arms 2 (which I've yet to finish) is pretty fun. Skies of Arcadia is pretty sweet. If you're in the mood for a PC RPG, grab Baldur's Gate 2, Diablo 2, or Deus Ex. (Yes, it IS an RPG. A first person shooter RPG, but an RPG none the less, Mr./Ms. Picky)

On the picture, I leave it up to whatever the artist feels reflects his or her best talent. If you're good at anime characters, go for it. Something like "blinky-Brad" or "not-blinky-Thor" will do just fine.

Calculators. Win battles AND play tetris with them.

Two things...

1) Please explain to me, in detail, how the Calculator of Final Fantasy Tactics works, lest I sic the Pillsbury Doughboy on your fanny.
2) Yeah, Sonic is neato... You were referring to the Dreamcast one, right? Isn't Gamma COOL!? 'Course, zoomin around with Sonic is fun too... And I think Knuckles could've had more levels as well.

Sabin "That's all... No, really" XIII

Cheshire Catalyst:
1. Calculators rule. They can spank the entire enemy in one turn. And you thought those nerds on the "mathelete" teams were pushovers. Hell, no. They've got the power to smite you any time they want. They're just...saving it up or something. I'd give you a long and helpful FAQ, but it looks like Leviatan has already composed one that kicks rocks. Point, click, learn.

2. More levels period would be nice.


Hey Chris,

I haven't looked at porn once--NOT EVEN ONCE--since my mom busted me two weeks ago. I'm so proud of myself!


Poor, poor you. With "Vixens of Lust Part XVII" just coming out and all...

Hello it's me again. Who is me? Shrug I write in a lot so just call me Malzra.

In the Re-release (I hate saying that) of Chrono Trigger will the anime movies be drawn by Akira Toriyama? The master of all, creator of Dragonball, drawer of the Chrono Trigger characters, the man who's child I would give birth to and I don't find him the least bit attractive!! Well that got really wierd really fast. Heh heh... I'll shut up now.

Thank you,

Malzra Reply
PS: I got Krelian as my #1 on Crusader's test! YAY!

In a word, yes. He did. Check out our archives, we have the videos. I hear Toriyama's really naughty in bed. Before lovemaking, he stands in place and flexes while screaming really loud. (Pretend to be overwhelmed by his "power-level". Makes him feel good) He also has been known to scream, "you may be strong, but you have yet to see my penis take it's Ultimate Transformation!!!".

Yeah, he's a real freak. All the anime-groupie girls say to stay away.

Somebody else has played Longest Journey? Cool.

Kicks ass, doesn't it?

Sure does.

Hey there.

I don't THINK this has been replyed to, but in Friday's column Card Captor-Jun asked why there were no dating sims for girls. Well, there IS one coming out for GBC soon, methinks. It's called "Mein Liebe" (German for "My Love") and even though it's supposed to be modern, the guys all look like somethin' outta the 18th century or earlier... weird... Well, cya.


Sounds like a sweet one for the ladies.

On the FF6 selector I got Kefka and Gestahl for #1 and #2 and Relm was the third. What the hell?

~Johrdan, Norse God of Pastiness

So you're an insane dictator who likes to paint. Like my elementary-school art teacher, methinks.

The Last Laugh:

Blech. Unbearably short column. I have a Spanish mid-term tomorrow, though. Yes, me passing Spanish os more important than supplying you with free funny buisness. I don't love you. Write into Googleshnarf. She'll answer anything you need to know.

chesh "Ser or Estar?"

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