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Chris Martin - April 13th '02- 2:00 Eastern Standard Time

Here's a blurb of old news that you may not have heard before we get started. White Wolf, the RPG company responsible for many exercises in angst, has purchased the rights to produce an Everquest RPG in book format using the D20 system. (Compatible with the rest of Swords&Sorcery, and as such, D&D.)

I can't wait. I wanna be a multi-class level 3 drow necormancer - c4/\/\p1ng f4g0rt!!!11 I hope the boys at White Wolf spend a little extra time working on the rules for screaming "SoW me!" and "L1 Fighter looking to group!" at the NPCs too.

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Dogs smell funny.

Zelda is a jewish name, I think. Oy vey!

how do I beat the seventh dungeon on oracle of ages?

Cheshire Catalyst:
A nice, brief question. If you played Zelda: Ocarina of Time, and recall the Water Sage dungeon, then yeah... this one's something like that. I could type five pages of explanation, but in style of any savvy young columnist, I'll let someone else do my work for me. Here is a handy-dandy FAQ for the game provided by the fantastic Shdwrlm3 (who should take his parents to civil court for naming him that) and AstroBlue, who's best known for frequently getting the power up and winning the game.

Just scroll down until you see "Level 7 -- Inside the Jabu-Jabu's belly."

or Madam?

Dear Sir or Madam,

I noticed that had just recently put up some screen shots, etc., about an online RPG, Tirnanog 3. I am very interested in this game, and while I'm certain that this is a bit early to be asking this, since the game hasn't been released in Japan yet, but is it coming to the U.S.? I realize that you may not have a lot of information right now about it, but when you do, could you please tell me when (if ever), it will be released in the U.S.? Thank you very much. You don't have to post this, by the way. You can just reply. Thanks!


Linnie =P

Cheshire Catalyst:
Information on Tir-nan-óg 3 is sketchy right now. We have an established release date in Japan for April 12th....(which would be yesterday, I suppose), but no news on an American release. Depending on how well it does in the land of the rising sun, we'll see if it gets the port.

Don't crush that dwarf! Hand me the pliers!

1. Is Arc the Lad getting good reviews?
2.How does Damage Reduction work in D&D 3rd ed.?
3. My friend said Paladins are do-goody sissies. Is he right?
4. I have no question 4!!

Cheshire Catalyst:
1. Arc the Lad is getting average-to-good reviews all around. For we RPG folks, it's probably a good investment.
2. Damage reduction is written in a monsters stats as something like this -> 9/+1
This means that when you attack this monster, you subtract fifteen from the total amount of damage done. Say you swing your bitchin' bastard sword at your foe. (Base damage, 1d10) You have a strength-damage bonus of +2. Roll a d10 and add 2. Let's say you get lucky and roll a perfect 10. Normally, you would do 12 points of damage to the target creature. But thanks to it's damage prevention (which usually represents tough hides or magical healing), we subtract 9 from your damage roll for a measly 3 points of damage. Rolling a seven or less in this case would result in a big, fat 0 for damage.
How is this overcome? That's where the "+1" comes in. If you attack this creature with a +1 weapon or better, then damage prevention is ignored. Magic always ignores damage prevention.
Sometimes, it might gave a material instead of a number. (aka 9/silver) Some monsters, like Werewolves, are weak against a certain material. The same rules apply. Because a +# weapon ranks higher than any weapon merely made of silver, mithril, etc., an Axe of +2 would ignore the damage prevention the same way a silver weapon would.

3. Your friend needs to be taught a JUSTICE! Use your "Smite" power to punch him in the face. After that, go beat the stuffing out of some Vampires or something. Paladins: "My code to never kill doens't extend to stuff that's already dead."

4. Then, I have no answer!


I feel really weird for knowing the answer to the quote of the day, but it's the catchphrase from the independant comic "Battle Pope". It's offensive and fun!

Now, are there any other indie comics that you enjoy? Love and Rockets? Knights of the Dinner Table?

Peter Svensson


Some of the best stuff is a little offensive. For those of you who don't have access to a decent comic-book shop, Battle Pope is an independent humor comic about a post-apocalyptic world inhabited by both humans and demons. Who's job is it to keep everything safe? The pope, of course! After getting some super-power from God (and a sidekick in the form of Jesus Christ) Pope (Oswald, to his friends) fights a never ending battle to tear evil a new one and get laid. The whole this is soaked in funny dialouge, and clever one-liners, and is really a must read.

Knights of the Dinner Table has that "all to true" angle on tabletop games, and PvP is... well, it's PvP. There are a few others I've been meaning to check out like "Theives and Kings". But one of my favorite one-shot stories has to be "Hey, Wait..." by Norweigan artist/writer JASON. It's very, very good, and very, very sad. Worth it.

I have a question about the broadband connection for FFXI, but more specifically, the PS2. Do you have to connect through a phone line, or could one connect through a cable modem or what? I really have no idea. Also, is FFXI scheduled for PC at any time?

-Ryan Grattoni

Broadband will hit the US in August. Apparently, all you need is an ISP and a PS2 Network Adaptor and you're all set. I doubt FFXI will have a direct PC port at all, let alone one that will let you play with other FFXI players on their PS2s.

Chesh -

Just to warn you, you'll probably be getting rather a lot of screaming letters from import nuts saying that Xenosaga is not on the same timeline as Xenogears.

- Shale, hoping for a quickie slot

Fortunatly, I only recieved a few polite notices about my little flub up regarding the ret-conned Xeno-timeline. You geta quickie slot because you asked.

I am on a quest to conquer all you pathetic humans! I challenge you, Googleshng! Lets see if you can take me out without taking any damage! Mwahahaha!!!!


I'm tired of getting all of the threats made on Google's life forwarded to my inbox. Just because I have less senority, I have to worry about getting some virus or e-anthrax in my mailbox. I have enough problems just dealing with the zombies.

As in rapier mache?

Shiromori D'gern

If what you're asking me about pronunciation, then yes. That's how the word is pronounced.
Otherwise, please only have consensual sex with the atmosphere in the future.

Hey, could you print this? While in the process of upgraded to win2k, I lost the contents of my themes inbox, I know I had at least one submission, but... I don't have it anymore. So if anybody has submitted a theme since the last update, I don't have it anymore and I need you to send it back in.

Ed Walker
Theme Central

Send your stuff in to Ed, or he's gonna start crying and drinking and beating me again.
...i don't like it when Ed drinks. It makes me feel scared inside.

The Last Laugh:

That'll do ér for tonight. Tomorrow, I'm heading out to Mitsuwa, the Japanese market here in Chicago. I'm not intending on buying anything, so that means by tomorrow night I'll have blown a wad of cash on bleeping, whirring merchandise.


Chris "A tip would be nice!" Martin

Get a haircut, you'll get laid more often.

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