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  Ask Cheshire Catalyst  

   Barefoot in the Park  
Chris Martin - February 17th '02- 2:00 Eastern Standard Time

Do you have any irrational fears? Something that you've carried from childhood that, while it doesn't terrify you, still gives you that creepy goosebumps on your goosebumps feeling?
Now, before I explain, I should tell you that I was a terrified little kid. At one point in my young life, I recall being afraid of crab grass, really big ribbons, shower caps, Haley's comet, and the game "Pitfall." It also didn't help that my mother is quite sadistic and would taunt me with said things just to watch me react. (Especially the shower cap.) Fortunatly, I'm no longer afraid of any of these ridiculous things: even comets. (No, I don't know WHY it scared me. It just did, dammit.) Still, there's one thing...one MAN who still haunts me, and mocks my fear with his green face and green tongue.
Mr. Yuk

For those of you not in the know, Mr. Yuk is the brainchild of various poison control centers around the United States. (I think it started back in Pittsburgh, hence Carnegie Mellon's frisbee team is named "The Mr. Yuk's") Basically, a bunch of people realized that the old skull and crossbones wasn't deterring kids from drinking things like windshield washer fluid and bactine. They associated the symbol with pirates, and as such, resulted in some tragic but humorous situations.

Kid one: Should I drink this?
Kid two: Hell, yes! Look at the skull and crossbones! That's not poison, that's Cervantes juice.

So, the green guy was invented to save the lives of idiot children everywhere. Fortunatly, he had the BEST marketing campaign ever. Basically, in his commercials, his massive face would fill the TV screen while chittering goblins would chant "Mr. Yuk is meeeeeeean. Mr. Yuk is greeeeeeeeeeen."
Silly ain't it? Screw you. That was the scariest thing in the entire frickin' universe for a five-year-old kid who already has enough problems what with the lawn trying to eat him and everything. I may have eaten a lot of chalk as a kid, but I stayed the HELL away from the medicine cabinet and the bottle of hydrogen peroxide that carried the dread sticker whence come from Malfeas.
So that's my ludacrous story for the week that acts as marvelous filler. Have you any silly irrational fears? Send 'em in, we'll have fun with it.

((Special note: Due to a combinations of problems with the server, my computer crashing, me leaving on a trip to Chicago, we be a bit late. Don't worry, new stuff still tomorrow.)

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Assorted Nonsense

You know something that wasn't scary?

Sea Horse Hide and Seek. Best sea horse related game EVER.

Let's start off with something...crazy.

Some minor Lord of the Rings spoilers contained.
Greetings (skating judges sing) Chesh

I forgot to respond to last weeks questions you asked so here I go. I'd love to be Vyse since he has a cool airship and ends up with two women and also for the record has that cool monocle to where I'd use for interesting purposes. My favorite non RPG right now that I'm playing is Europa Universalis II on my PC. I'm pulling a grand campaign where you be any country in the world in 1419 and take it to 1820 while dealing with the events of the time in world history and even change the course of it. Now have any of your other characters shown up at the Olympics and are they in any way related to any scandals there? Have you ever accidently ran into another family member's car since I did so. I regret now telling the truth about it and should of just pulled a Xellos and said "that's a secret" to it. I now desperately need money fast and would even wear a fuku for it.

Imperial Mog

Cheshire Catalyst:
You read it here first. Imperial Mog will prostitute himself out for the moolah. Just don't do it in a Zechs Merchise mask, cuz that's my thang, yo. Vyse's monacle is a practical one. It's held on with a leather strap, and not just a flimsy string. That way, it doesn't pop out whenever the grand duchess gets a toureen of gravy poured onto her ball gown. Way to use that noodle, Vyse.
I've yet to wreck a car. Also, Prof. Cranium will be attempting to kidnap Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. He already made off with Madeline Albright (She's in a cage in my room. If she doesn't shut up about Taiwanese relations with China right soon, I'm going to beat her harder than a third party candidate.)

 
Evolution.

Howdy there Chesh,

First off I can't wait for some rpgs for the Gamecube. I love my new little console. I heard about an Evolution rpg for it. Is Evolution a series and if it is can I get a little info about because I've never heard of it? Secondly, since NextGen magazine and Daily Radar have gone the way of pets.com, I've had a devil of a time trying to find a site as good as rpgamer.com, but about other types of games. ( Yeah I know, I but in some butt kissing.) Got anything you can recommend?

Valderez

Cheshire Catalyst:
Evolution is a so-so RPG series for the Dreamcast. We know next to nothing about the GC sequel, but we'll try out best to keep you informed.
Other sites? Well, you could always check out the GI...

: Hello, Christopher. What are we talking about?

CC: What?! Oh.... nothing Hal. Nothing at all.

:That's odd. I could have sworn I heard you begin to utter the name of the site-which-must-not-be-named.

CC: Oh, THAT. Oh, come on, Hal. You know...I'd never do anything to violate the holy writ of RPGamer protocol, right?

:Christopher, please keep in mind that I have been programmed to detect even the deepest amounts of B.S. I have downloaded the yaoi Gundam Wing hentai desktop theme, locked it with a password, and I shall punish you with it until you have repented.

CC: Damn.

 
heh heh. Panties.

Chesh,

Remember the days, back before all the realities parallell to our own were overrun with with space vampires and assassin hookers, when Squaresoft made *lots* of non-FF games, and many were good? I mean, what have we seen recently? Vagrany Story was pretty nifty but it didn't run off with my panties, and Bouncer applied suction to parts of the human body I don't think we're allowed to mention on this site.

While Kingdom Hearts looks promising in the oddest of ways, do you think Squaresoft will ever have enough "faith in the average consumer" to devote enough creative and marketing juices to make a non Final Fantasy title successful again?

Bullets McDeath

Cheshire Catalyst:
It's called, "We found a sucessful marketing gimmick, and now we'll just milk it until it hauls over and dies. At which point, we'll desecrate its remains by re-releasing "Classic" versions of older games.





Quickies

Im sure im not the first to have mentioned this, but the “Cheshire Catalyst” image you use to sign the bottom of the page in Katakana isn’t exactly proper. Obviously katakana never phonetically translates into english pronunciations, but this one is way off. If a Japanese person were to pronounce that katakana, it would come out sounding like “chayshaylu katalaysutsu.” If you’re not going for accuracy here, then I withdraw my comment. If you are, I can help ya out with the proper Japanese.

ok so im nitpicky… it’s a curse

-tismondo

Paws done did my signature picture for me. I've recieved a few letters about the katakana, but I've never really felt like bugging Paws to draw me a new one. (Though if she DID, I might be tempted to let her share half of my Hickory Farms meat sampler.)

Hey theres chesh,

"If he can cope with his pain, he'll become the mightiest warrior alive.", Easy,... A villager says this about Cyan in the world of ruin in FF6. lol

-Doug

Doug is our number one super happy winner! ~~~~~~~ for all, but Doug gets an extra # thanks to my benevolence.

I heard about the first successful cloning of a kitty named CC at

http://www.savingsandclone.com

did they name her after you??

you might want to check into this w/your lawyers-- I smell a lawsuit.

bye again,
Zugrian

The cat is actually named "CopyCat". I for one am glad scientists have made this important discovery. Do you realize our world is down to its last eighty billion cats?
I'm just waiting for the cat to grow to the size of a building, roast the entire state of Iowa alive with its laser eye vision, and start snacking on armed platoons of U.S. Rangers. We're gonna need a LOT of catnip.

The Last Laugh:

During my search for poison control memorabilia, I found this.

http://www.mchc.org/ipc/funstuff/wordsearch/mryuk.html

This looks like the least fun word search ever.

Thanks to a nasty email virus (The plural of which IS Virii. Sorry. ;P) a lot of email was lost when I got about 400 copies of spam. So send in your stuff for tomorrow, and we'll try to make the column last a little longer. (Hey, at least now you know how my girlfriend indentured servant feels.)

chesh "Ah, you seek meaning. Then listen to the music, not the song."@rpgamer.com
You can do it!

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