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   The War of Heroes  
Chris Martin - February 17th '02- 2:00 Eastern Standard Time

A pixie sold me a pair of magic pants today. They're all gold and sparkly. When I put them on, I gain the ability to dance like nothing else. No one outdances Fantastic Pants Martin. Surely, I will use my new dance powers for good. (Saving captive children and monkeys, defeating terrorism, ensuring every woman in america the right to become amazingly aroused at the sight of my gyrating hips...)

Oh yeah. Let's freak this column good.

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I just picked up a comic called "Hey, wait..." by Norweigan comic artist Jason.

It's easily one of the saddest, most beautiful comics I've ever read in my life. Go pick it up.

First, a well researched answer to question three.

Some minor Lord of the Rings spoilers contained.

Having read both 'The Once and Future King', 'The Book of Merlyn', and 'The Lord of the Rings' it is quite an obvious fact that Gandalf would win simply by brute force.

While Merlyn is fantastically wise and crafty, his magic (at least what we have seen of it) is little more than changing things into other things, while Gandalf, in truth an Istari from the West, the land of the Valar, has power which is of unspeakable power. The only time we see the power of Gandalf is in the fight with the Balrog, and the Balrog only "won" because he knocked him off in a cheap shot. But then Gandalf kicked his butt and destroyed him later.

Also, it was Gandalf who moved the whole of Middle-Earth, through patience and reason, to fight once more against Morgoth's servant, Sauron. He it was who discovered the Ring, rescued Theoden, escaped from Isengard, defeated a Balrog, challenged the Lord of the Nazgul, and brought Aragorn into his own. Merlyn, on the other hand, simply educated the Wart and restored him to his throne.

Now, if you had asked the question "Who is wiser, Merlyn or Gandalf?" I would say Merlyn. But since we are talking only about fighting...


Cheshire Catalyst:
Pardon me while I set down my snifter of brandy and adjust my monacle so that I may adequatly applaud you. Bravo!
The responses were about 43-3 favoring Gandalf in the power department. (Fair notice, some stories depict Merlin as half God or half demon and, as such, incredibly powerful. Even so, I have to give it to Gandalf. One thing we CAN all agree on is that they both can kick the crap out of that poseur Dumbledore.

I feel SO old...

Ooo fun questions. Here I go!

1) I would have to pick Vyse from Skies of Arcadia for the movie question. Not many games have such a combination of swashbuckling, girly friends, and even a semi-cool nemisis. And flying around on a floating pirate ship sounds just plain fun. "Ready the moonstone cannon!"

2) My favorite non-rpg is probably Red Alert 2, even though I haven't played it in quite some time. Being thoroughly addicted to EverQuest kinda doesn't leave any room for non-rpg's. On the up side, I got my 47 de sk on VZ to go on a Naggy raid in Sol B but lighties came and griefed us causing xp-loss and training. Some were 60 but others white-conned, and after everyone screamed "LnS!" and "x-teamer!" we ended up scrapping it and ported back to Nek. Maybe PoG, PoH or PoF is next, or Vox. Now if I could just get some pp, maybe I should go do HGs.

3) Gandalf would win because Merlin is just a figment of Arthur's imagination. Ever see "A Beautiful Mind?" It's the same thing, Merlin is all in Arthur's head. And if Merlin is sipmly Arthur's split personality, Gandalf soooooo could waste him before you said "hobbit au grautin." Ok, maybe not, but I liked how that figment idea sounded when I first heard it ;).

Oh, oh and I have a question, too.

What RPG not-major character do you most want to know the backstory to? For instance, Gades from Lufia, the Jackal from Illusion of Gaia (currently finishing a fanfic on that one,) Lucretia from FF7, that Sword Princess girl from Wild Arms, Navi from Zelda: Ocarina of Time, Banon or General Leo from FF6, etc etc etc.


Cheshire Catalyst:
Excellent selections, both, for one and three.
For question two, it's like I'm pretty sure the language you're speaking is English, but it all just went way over my head. I can tell one thing though. I don't care how much pp you want, keep your sexual desires to yourself. This is a family* webite.
Personally, I'd like to know more about the Turks than we were told in FF7. Elite search and destroy squads for evil mega-corporations are a hobby of mine.

Specifically, the Manson family website.

I'll take "Games named after British documents" for $100, Alex.

Hey Chesh... long time, no questions

Anyhow, last night my friend showed me some really cool videos with a really pretty song from a computer game "Magna Carta". A beautiful main guy with characters that have some of the coolest outfits ever created, a beautiful song, a cool looking story... I got so anxious to hear when it was going to be released in the US. I wanted to scream when she told me that it is a Korean game and might remain as just that. Does anyone know anything about this "Magna Carta", and if it might possibly be released in the US? I'm, like, dying to play it... it would be a shame if hte company didn't try it out here. I'm not quite sure of the company name, but she told me that they made War of Genesis III.

-Xenochick, *the Xenogears Goddess*

Cheshire Catalyst:
The game does indeed look really good. For those of you not in the know, the game is being produced for the PC. No word yet on wether or not we'll see a stateside release. If the game sells enough copies, perhaps the company will export it to our shores.

I need more hair gel.

Hey-o Chesh-san...

First, in response to the questions you asked:

1. If I were a guy, I'd probably want to play the role of Meis Triumph from Thousand Arms, because he's so NOT the typical RPG hero that you gotta love him. Spends the whole game chasing girls... But more realisticly, I think it'd be fun to play Algus Sadalfas from Final Fantasy Tactics, although I am not a guy. He's such a'd be fun to insult people and NOT get in trouble for it for once.

2. My favorite non-RPG game right now is probably Gauntlet. The old arcade one (which I'm playing on an emulator). Elf needs food! But to go with something newer, Sonic Advance is pretty cool too.

3. Gandalf kicks Merlin's butt.

And here's a question that has been haunting me for ages now, a question I must learn the answer to or risk looking like an idiot when I dress up for an anime con and pronounce my own name wrong.

How in the heck is "Meliadoul" supposed to be pronounced? Is there a way of saying it that DOESN'T sound really dumb, or is poor Mel just cursed to have an awful name for all eternity or what?

~Slightly Crazed Izlude Fan

Cheshire Catalyst:
1. Playing a villain is one of the great subtle joys of life. In fact, in most of the plays I've been in, I was always cast as a villain. It's fun, being hateful/selfish/mean for a while...
2. Chesh needs food badly...
3. Sí.
My guess is that the first 'e' is short, while the 'i' is long. "Mehl-ee-ah-dool" If that doesn't work, just try making fart sounds instead. Call it, creative pronuciation.

The searchfor good imports goes on...

I ordered my copy of Shenmue II from Special Reserve (, paid approximately $50 for the game and shipping (sweet deal, considering how inflated the prices are at some places), and got my copy about a week after the game's release. They have plenty of other Dreamcast games for sale there that never made it to the US either, so anyone interested should check it out. Great service, and good selection. The only restraint is that first time buyers are forced to buy an issue of the SR magazine when ordering, but it's not a bad magazine, and only costs 1 British pound.

Now, since I'm sure that helped about twelve of you out, I'll request a plug for my own RPG, at The demo that's currently available for download is not nearly as good as the next one that will be uploaded, though. In the version currently online. difficulty is still too unbalanced for some people, and the wall graphics are ugly in many early locations. Still, anyone who wants a free RPG to check out can take a look at it. I expect to be done with the next release by the end of the month.

--The Surlaw--

Cheshire Catalyst:
Sounds like a good place to start.


I'd want to be Garland in a FF1 movie.... Why? Because I've been dying to scream "I, Garland, will knock you all down!" at the Light Warriors. =)


PS: Bah! Merlin clobbers all!

Ah yes, the days of the NES. When villains weren't very diabolic... just somewhat rude.

By the way, I am SO calling dibs on Zemus/Zeromus. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR-BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Yo, chesh.

A friend of mine's offered to sell me Secret of Mana for 25 bucks. You think that's a good price? Ja ne.


Eh, it's not too bad of a price. If you don't have a local Funcoland or don't want to hassle with eBay, (and you haven't surrendered to the seductive darkness of ROMs) then it sounds like a decent venture.

I heard about the first successful cloning of a kitty named CC at

did they name her after you??

you might want to check into this w/your lawyers-- I smell a lawsuit.

bye again,

The cat is actually named "CopyCat". I for one am glad scientists have made this important discovery. Do you realize our world is down to its last eighty billion cats?
I'm just waiting for the cat to grow to the size of a building, roast the entire state of Iowa alive with its laser eye vision, and start snacking on armed platoons of U.S. Rangers. We're gonna need a LOT of catnip.

The Last Laugh:

That's gonna be it for tonight. Due to my questions three, no one answered the quote correctly! (It's from Vampire The Masquerade: Redemption. Duh.) For tomorrow, type up some love on an email, and send it Aegis's way. Be sure to notice his fabulous new hairstyle. If you don't say anything, he'll just get pissed and mopey.

See you next time!

chesh "If he can cope with his pain, he'll become the mightiest warrior alive."
Another vague quote from a classic game.

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