Ask Cheshire Catalyst  

   While Rome Burned...  
Chris Martin- February 10th '01- 12:00 Eastern Standard Time

It's weekend time, once again. The hectic hustle and bustle of multiple guest-hosts upon guest hosts has tired you. Fear not, I have returned! I will restore decency and integrity to the office of Q&A monkey. (Or maybe I'll just make more boob jokes. Haha. "Boob.")

The gaming beast is a foul one indeed. Like an angry god from days gone by, it demands sacrifices. I honestly wish it was that easy though. Stabbing a lamb or setting a virgin on fire would require less effort and money than going to the mall to buy something. I've used my artistic abilites to recreate this image of the etheral fiend. (Apologies to anyone with 'artistic ability'. I've just cheapened the term.)

You people are SO lucky I can't draw. Otherwise, I probably would be embarrasing myself with a grossly unoriginal webcomic by now. (And yes, it would have been about gaming. Aren't you lucky?) Anyway, the beast demanded that I buy a Dreamcast, Shenmue, and SoA. What the little prick GOT was a used copy of Vanguard Bandits for $14 bucks. The beast is soothed.

Pickings are slim today. So sad.

When I die...
Ask Cheshire Catalyst
My last words better not be "Calgon, take me away!"
Recent Q&A's


Old stuff
Como se díce?
In the PC:
Not an RPG, but if you pretend that the Queen of Spades wants to enslave the earth, you can make do.
In the PlayStation:
Vanguard Bandits
Big robots. Again.
Assorted Nonsense

The Roof

The Roof

The Roof is on fire!
Six Questions for The Cat.
FF9 spoiler. Ahoy!

How ya doin? This is kind of a multiparter (though only part of it has to do with games).

1. Which anime would you recommend, Trigun or Vision of Escaflowne? Keep in mind I'm talking original series, not a butchered by Fox translation.

2. Why is it that if a member of your party betrays you he becomes like 500 times stronger, ie Leon from Tales of Destiny? Also on the reverse of that coin, why is it that when an enemy joins your party they become 500 times weaker, ie Beatrix in FF9.

3. What does ie stand for?

4. I actually laughed at that gigolo joke. It was the monk/habit one that made me groanin.

5. Was I the only one that hated the BradyGames strategy guide for FF9 that is ENHANCED by playonline? I mean come on, I buy a strategy guide so I dont have to look crap up on the internet. Before you ridicule me for buying it, however, know that I didnt, I got it for my birthday.

6. Lastly, how do you find all the chocographs? Are they all in that one forest? Can you have more than one unfound chocograph at a time, or does it wait until you find that one before you can get another.

Well, that does it. Later.

Cheshire Catalyst:
1.) Shame on you for making me choose. Trigun is a member of the small "futuristic cowboy" genre. It's only two compatriots are Outlaw Star and Cowboy Bebop. It's a small genre, but that's a good thing. No one's made a sucky futuristic cowboy show yet, have they? Trigun starts out mostly comedy, but them shifts into a more serious (though not MUCH more) tone in the second half. Escaflowne, on the other hand, is a lot harder to pigeonhole. Its a mecha story set in a world of wonder and mysticism. Some downright chilling moral delemmas show up too. The plot has that same humanistic touch as Evangelion. Teenage girls will like this show. Physchoanalysts will dig it too. In short, it's a hard call to make. Two excellent shows, two different genres. One nice unifying factor though. Both have awesome music thanks to Yoko Kanno and her guitarist Tsueno Imahori.
2.) Don't forget Golbez. I guess to keep balance in the game. Sucks though.
3.) Most likely, Internet Explorer. See also: Interesting Endoskeleton, Impefect Eidolon, Intrinsic Egg, Internal Evolution, and I'm Ed.
4.) Me too. Feel good.... joke of the year.
5.) The strategy guide did verily suck. Though it is nice to have an online resource for the game that isn't in the form of a huge text file. Oh, and don't think your little excuses work on me. Everyone here gets ridiculed the same, loser.
6.) Not all of the Chocographs are in the Chocobo Forest. After playing that acursed Hot and Cold game for a while, Mene says that you can't find anymore there. By then, hopefully your Chocobo's transformed into a pale blue Chocobo. You can now access the Chocobo's lagoon. It's on the southwestern portion of the map. Find more there.

Is it just me, or does anyone else think the princess would taste good on some grilled cheese?
FF9 spoiler again! Yes, again!

Greeting Chesh. I have an FF9 question for you.It's at the point in the game where Garnet is trying to get back into Alexandria and Steiner is smuglling her past some guards in a bag of Gisahl pickles. What I am curious about is, why does no one seem to note that she smells like Gisahl pickles? From what everyone seems to say on the game they smell pretty strong. So why does she not smell like them?


Cheshire Catalyst:
It really isn't polite to tell a woman that she smells.
Zidane: "Sweet Mother of Jehosaphat, Garnet, you smell like ass. I mean, really. What did you do? Bathe in a goddamn sewer? (Behind him, you can hear the noise of Bahamut hacking up a killer atomic loogie.)

When I was your age, we didn't have "Space Cowboy" genre. We had "Magical Girl" and we damn jolly well liked it.
Hey Chim, CC: a-HEM!
Not truly a question,
Just wanted to launch in on a couple of the questions that I saw recently.

One of them was on was on the entire issue of whether square is going to be authorized to make games for the new Nintendo systems.

From what I've been reading Square said they were going to put out games with Nintendo way before the big guys at N authorized or heard anything about it. Plus, from a number of things I saw over at a site called Video Senki, which is pretty cool by the way if you want Japanese news, Nintendo is not at all pleased with the way Square's marketing strategy. The idea of having exclusive liscenses is not something they have given up as one letter implied, they are still amazingly gung-ho for them and are willing to strong arm powerful companies just to maintain this.

I want to talk about the ff8 thing, but I'll write an essay or something.

Last thing though is a plug for Planescape:Torment. If you like RPG's where you have to talk and have engrossing conversations with litterally everyone and don't have a PC, buy one just to get this game. Seriously, its nearly that good. Whoever the people are at Black Isle who wrote the dialogue for this game they did an awesome job. Even the nobody NPCs have personality. Plus, you can talk to demons, monsters, and a big talking suit of armor who rules.

Araes "I am Vhailor" Domandred

Cheshire Catalyst:
Nintendo is one of the oldest big game companies around. And you know what happens when people get old, right? They get "set in their ways." You may have heard this phrase before. It's the excuse your mom gives you everytime your grandfather hits you with his cane, calls you a "hussy", and recounts chillingly graphic war-stories. Nintendo's getting like that now. Square, play nice with the old folks. And go mow Nintendo's lawn. I'm sure they'll pay you and give you some candy.
And yes, Plansescape:Torment doth verily rock the house. It's nice to play an Interplay/Black Isle rpg and meet NPC's who's entire existance doesn't revolve around walking around the city hall proclaiming to every passerby, "The Cathedral of Darkess is scary! It is to the north. Buy much items before go out!"

Lookout, folks. I'm giving more advice.

What would you say are the best two rpgs currently available for the dreamcast? I finally gave up on the PS2 and need to know what's going to be replacing FF's.

Cheshire Catalyst:
Shenmue and Skies of Arcadia. I hear Grandia Deux isn't that good.

o/ Fighting the same spawned monster over and over for EXP by moonlight. Winning items only to be stolen by greasy fanboys by daylight. o/
How can Sailer Mercury's IQ be 300? I thought the record was 280 with good ol' Hawking. I knew Amy was smart, but if she's THAT smart, why is Serena in charge? Yeah, thought so.
If Amy's IQ's is 300, then what is Michelle's?

Ok, considering I pretend to know a lot more about anime than I really do, I think I owe you a question. Do you think a Legend of Zelda MMORPG would be kewl? I mean, you could choose to be one of the six races (or maybe a Deku Scrub as well), and you could walk around and talk to people. Considering how complex the dungeons are in the N64 Zelda games, imagine how nifty a Zelda dungeon would be if it required a bunch of people doing different things all over the place, just to end up all meeting together in one room to face the boss? Ocarina of Time was like, what, 32 megs? Imagine how large a world could be in that 1.5 gig disk that the Gamecube has. Really nifty is what I say. Nintendo could call it "The Legend of Zelda: Our Attempt to Capitalize on Yet Another Facet of the Industry". Sounds promising, doesn't it? Still, I'm sure FFXI will be great as well. (Turns on Mind-Control Device)

Kids, Final Fantasy Eleven will be the bomb! Don't listen to what any diseased slimes have to say!

(Turns off Mind-Control Device)

BL "The odds of CC posting this is about the odds of me getting a super-model girlfriend" Alien

Cheshire Catalyst:
First off, you're trying to apply logic to anime. Shoujo anime, nonetheless. If her IQ was 300, she wouldn't need to study as much. And when it gets right down to it, she's just as stupid as the rest of them. Second, for your sake, call her Michiru. You'll incur the wraith of "Moonies." I was attacked by moonies once. I survived by putting on sunglasses. Once I did that, they had no way to deduce my secret identity.
MMORPG's are iffy. If you're willing to forego plot, quests with great significance, and meaningful Role-Playing, go for it. It could be good though. MMORPG's are popular with some folks.
Will FFXI be cool, or will we all suffer? Don't ask me, I'll be getting an X-box.

Crash! Bang!
FF9 spoilers. Look out, Billy!

Well, you've done it. You printed the only thing I've ever sent in, lending me the false impression that my thoughts are valid and my meaningless life has some purpose.

So, of course, midnight rolls around, I'm bored, what do I do? Not sleep, for that would demonstrate proof of good judgment, perhaps even burgeoning intelligence. No, I go seeking solace in the validation of my thoughts and opinions. And so a lengthy, pointless letter is born.

I'd best get some sort of question out of the way first, so as to give you a real reason to print this.
In Final Fantasy 9, Is it worthwhile to do the mognet quest? I've heard it isn't, but I'm looking for some real confirmation here. There we go. Now that I have the actual "point" of my letter out of the way, I'm free to babble. I am also free to reinforce my point at any time by stating my babbling in the form of a question. Hah.

1. Kuja looks like a girl. It cannot be ignored. I think too many people refuse to address this, assuming that he is bishonen and so it would be uncouth to mention his femininity. Too freakin bad. I don't give a crap how uncouth I'm being. I seriously did not realize he was male for a number of seconds after his first appearance.

2. I really need to finish this game. I like it a lot, but I just don't have the energy. That and RPGmaker is consuming my life.

3. Could you tell me what people dislike so much about FF8? I don't know, I liked it. Did you hate it? I've seen a number of people saying how it "made them sick" and such, and I just can't understand them.

4. You have a friend named Rich? Wow! that is such a huge coincidence! I know no one named Rich at all, anywhere! Sure is a small world.

OK, this letter is way too long, I think I have about a snowball's chance in Hell of being printed again, less now thanks to the Hell remark. Still, why not try.

- Crymsun "There are three things I hate: rugrats, beasts, and tomboys." Wyrmz

p.s. I defy you to actually print this monstrosity!
CC: Muha ha. Now I own your soul.

Cheshire Catalyst:
If I can make a difference in just one person's life, then all of this will be worth it.
Acting as the postal service for Moogles basically allows you to read a bunch of interesting letters. Oddly, real postal workers aren't allowed to do this. Must be what makes 'em so disgruntled. The prize for completing the Mognet subquest is a Protect Ring. It's a handy little ring that reduces all elemental damage by 50%. It also teaches some handy skills like "Long Reach", "Mag Elem Null", and "Half MP". Pretty handy. You can get this ring in other places though. Never hurts to have extra ones.
1.) Yes, Kuja looks like a woman. Especially later in the game. Kefka looked like a woman, Sephiroth had what looked like breasts, and Ultimecia was... well an actual woman. Cast "Scan" on her! Then you can rotate her and look up her dress. Ain't nothing wrong with pointing out bishounen either. Last year, a friend of mine and I would watch Gundam W every afternoon. We'd make about 40 jokes per episode. 70% involved what a wuss Quatre was. (Also %8 involved our mutual hatred of Relena, and %3 were about how hot I thought Lady Une was.)
2.) The big, furry beaver of unfinished games gnaws at your soul as if it was the last tree in the forest.
3.) Some people didn't like how the concepts of Armor, Accessories, MP, and other classic elements were removed from the game. The same people criticize FF9 for being so derivative and wonder why Square never tries anything fresh. These people must be shot from a cannon.
4.) I know several Rich's. I don't really know the Rich in question anymore. We have no problem with "Hell". At least, I don't. You want censorship, check out CAPalert or PSO.

Hey Science Cat,got a question fer ya

Can I be a regular in the Q&A section like,oh say,Imperial Mog? Please?
::kneels down so he can be dubbed "the second regular"::

The Masked Mystere

It ain't hard to become a regular. Just send in letters. More letters means better columns. Oh, and ask some questions and or try to be funny. We like funny.
I like waffles :)

Do you?

Not as much as I like you.

Should I be depressed over the fact that I liked Secret of Evermore?

No. But if you find yourself waiting week after week to watch 7th Heaven, then please go hide in a closet.
bada boom big boom
leeloo dallas moolteepass
nat de gamat, dot.

God do i love that movie!!!

BTW... they should have some gay hero's in games. We are very under represented.. and we would always have the best wardrobes and hair.. and not a single villian would ever get away without a thorough beating, emotionally and physically.

Wil "Princess Poly-Cotton" Pendragon

Interesting side-note. Edward from FFIV (Aka Gilbert) was slated to be a gay character during the design process. In the end though, censorship won out. I can't think of any other gay characters though. (Unless you count Cloud, and I do.)

Just a reminder that the closing date for the editorials contest is the 15th February (Which is just before the eds update is due) , where you can star and basically get tormen... er, get your fifteen minutes of fame with CC right there!

Oh, and Imperial Mog, stop corrupting all those monks. *thwap*

Just a thought
Mistress Nightshadow

Send in your editorials! You can also win a free game! You gonna take that crap from her, Mog?

Some People Call Me Maurice!

The Last Laugh:

Show's over folks, nothing to see here.


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