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Chris Martin - January 13th '02- 2:00 Eastern Standard Time

As far back as I can remember, I've always wanted to be a villain. As a kid, I watched all the classic cartoons, but always rooted for the villains. Shredder, Cobra Commander, Dr. Claw, etc. I think you imagine just how self-defeating that was. What it all added up to was a little boy screaming at his television, "No, you idiot! It's the girl! Ignore the comical inspector, it's the girl with the book!"

One day, when I'm old and useless to my family, I will start an evil organization and terrorize whatever town/city/asylum I happen to love in. But then, when the precocious little kids and teenagers in spandex arrive to stop me, I'll know how to win! Nothing can stop me!

But enough of my hopes and dreams, we have a column to do. Oh, and since a few of you asked, yes. I did like the new episode of Home Movies. Best line of the show:

Melissa: "You read to much! Now you have to wear glasses and the kids will call you 'four-eyes' and 'idiot'."
Jason: "Then... I won't read anymore!"
Melissa: "Then they'll just call you 'idiot.'"

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More Hoshigami Help

Dear Kitty ^.^

Woo! Now that someone's shared some info on the spirtual system of Hoshigami, I think I've figured out what some of the best coin SEAL combos are. It's pretty simple really.


Basically, if you have a red coin, use a nice level Green and Brown seal when dual engraving, etc, etc...

Some combos, which escape me at the moment, have some sweet results (+12 to AOE!!!). Others raise MCP, CPC, and POT (also nice combo because there are rarely any negative effects).

As for the extra spirits to worship, Mastering the Light and Dark is severally sweet for anyone (not just melee or mages), but be warned, it's crazy hard!


Cheshire Catalyst:
That's nice and handy. Hoshigami is a really hard game, and if you don't take the time to level up and master the battle controls, you'll be as weak and powerless as a liberal on the Fox News network.

Short & Sweet

Hey Chesh,

1.Lulu is freakin hot
2.Will playing blitzball help me at all? (Getting secret items, weaopns, etc.)
3.I hate the trial puzzles too.

-no more questions

Cheshire Catalyst:
1. Indeed.
2. Yes, it will. Gets you some nice stuff.
3. Amen, brother!

GTA3 IS TOO an RPG! It has HP measured with a number and everything!

Minor Hoshigami Spoilers -- You may wanna read if you're having trouble

Just wanted to let you know that I JUST got through dying in the GTA3 mission your column was titled after. It took me quite a while to even find that stupid bridge . . .

This really isn't RPGamer related, just a sort of an off-the-wall question: how do you hire the hookers in GTA3? You're the second person I heard say you can do that, but nobody even will approach my car, save for the police, mobsters, triad hooligans, ect, ect. I ask you, because I don't want anything spoiled by going to GameFAQS.

Help a brother out, ya?

-Red Raven

Cheshire Catalyst:
Staunton Island (not a typo) is a real pain to find your way around. Anyway, here's how to hire a hooker.

Get yourself a car. Nothing too "hot" like a taxi-cab, bus, police car, ambulance, or fire truck, otherwise she won't come near. Get a normal car that has a roof. Pull up next to a hooker. Sit for a bit, and she'll come over and talk into your window. After a while, she'll climb on in. Once she does that, you'll lose one dollar every second. (Her fee.) Drive to a secluded alley (your hideout is an excellent choice) and park. After a while, your car will start to squeak and bounce up and down. After a while, the squeaking will get really fast... then stop. The hooker will then get out and walk away.

So why do it? Well, for one thing, it restores your health and can even take it all the way up to 125. (Unlike REAL prostitutes, who usually make you LESS healthy.)

Worried about the money? Hey, no problem! Just beat her to death when she gets out of her car and take the money. Being a sick, evil, bastard was never so much fun!


Since Monolith is releasing Xenosaga annually, and since Xenogears is the 5th in the series, will they release it again?

Jelly Mon

It's possible, but doubtful. A remake WOULD be nice though. If they could fix the second disc and re-work the translation, I'd be a happy cat.


Goog asked how I had Hoshigami a month ago, since it wasn't out in stores. I got an advanced copy of sorts, just like the people at IGN do I hear ;P


That's usually how "official" review organizations work. Companies send copies of their stuff (games, movies, music, tv shows) for review. That's why you're able to get a review the day something is released.

The Last Laugh:

That's it! Goodnight, sweet readers, parting is such sweet sorrow.

cheshNo quote today!
Fresh out today!

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